Birthday Weekend

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DON!

Don is 34 today!  We had a great “birthday weekend” and like most other men, he shows no signs of hating the fact that he’s getting older.  If you’re reading, Don, I love you and I hope that you have a great day! 

Friday evening I dropped the kids off at Don’s parents’ house because we knew that we were leaving at 5:30 in the morning.  Don and I had dinner and watched a movie that we had gotten from Netflix.  We watched about 20 or 30 minutes of it and decided to turn it off because it was just TOO bizarre.  Has anyone ever seen “Barbarella?”  First of all, she’s completely naked for the first five or so minutes and it came out in 1968!  I thought that anything before 1969 was like “Leave it to Beaver”.  Apparently not!  Secondly, Jane Fonda was hot!  Wow!  She was so pretty!  I guess I didn’t realize that she is as old as she is, or that she was as hot as she was!  The movie was so stupid though.  She accidentally crashes on another planet and this gang of identical twins kidnaps her and takes her into a cave with 60’s looking fur all over the walls.  They are laughing while these psychotic dolls with no eyes and sharp teeth attack her, ripping her pantyhose in the process.   Then these men come in and save her.  One of them wants to have sex with her and she thinks that it means by placing their wrists together, but he says “no, the real way” and she says that humans don’t do that primitive, disgusting thing anymore but “Ok, if you must.”  Keep in mind that they have known each other for a total of 2 minutes.  They end up having sex (which is does not show) and she lies there in a zombie-like state, singing and smiling afterward.  I think that we turned it off at that point.

Friday night I felt like my right eyeball was sore, which is sort of weird.  I left it alone and by morning my eye was very swollen.  We put some eye drops in it and it burned, but the swelling went down.  Yesterday morning the same thing happened and throughout the day I felt like there was a lump in it.  I think that I remember scratching it about a week ago, but I’m not sure.   As long as it isn’t an eye infection, I’m cool with it!  Pink eye is common with kids and I was very afraid that that’s what it was, but luckily I don’t think so.  Pink eye is so gross!!!

So, here’s the fun stuff…..the drag race.  I was really surprised that I liked it, considering that it’s loud, smelly, and there were more fashion faux pas than I have ever seen in one place.  (There were also people dressed well too, just for the record.)  I saw one lady wearing a pink shirt that said “Lick Breasts”…..not sure what that even meant.  I saw guys wearing shirts that said classy things like “Tell your boobs to stop staring at my face” and “Don’t give a (picture of rat with a leash dragging a donkey)” and “Beer, it’s what’s for breakfast”.  And if I ever doubted that America has a weight problem, I no longer do.  (Not that I ever did.)    I have to say, I like these fans SO much more than Nascar fans.  Nascar fans are the most obnoxious individuals in the entire universe because they are loud, swear a lot, and are usually drunk by noon.  I have hated every experience that I have ever had with Nascar.  Of course, I don’t mean ALL of them.  I am making a lot of enemies right now, but I’m making a generalization….a fair one.  Back to the drag race…..the fans were not drunk and obnoxious, and they were very nice.   The people in front of us were so excited that it was my first time at a race; they turned around and checked to see how I was doing.  You see, ladies, these cars are so stinkin’ fast that your entire body shakes.  Your eyeballs are shaking out of their sockets and you feel like you’re having a heart attack…a cool one, and it’s loud even with earplugs.  I was really scared at first because Don SO prepared me for the feeling, but it was cool.  And the first time that the car took off my jaw dropped.  Remember that part of “Black Sheep” where David Spade and Chris Farley get high on the Nitrous from the boosters?  Roooo-ads!  Rowids!  Limit.  Limit.  Remember that?  Anyway, remember the boosters that made them go really fast?  Well, these cars use Nitrous and if you get too close it smells and burns your eyes.  I actually hated that part. But I guess that’s one reason that they go so fast.  Here's a little info that I got from Don, so you girls can understand:

 

Normal car = 200 horsepower

Sports car = 300 to 500 HP

NASCAR = 750 HP

Supercar (Ferrari, Lambo, etc.) 1200 HP

Top Fuel Dragster = 8000 HP (What we saw)

I married into a family of engineers and over time I have started to appreciate the engineering of various things.  I am telling you, girls, this is amazing.  These cars go from 0 to 330 mph in under 6 or 7 seconds!  You can’t imagine how cool it is.   Here’s some video:

My favorite part of the race was the very first round.  There were all of these suped-up old cars that went like 200 mph in just a few seconds.  Now I want one!  I like the early 50’s Fords and 60’s hot-rods.  These cars were so fun to look at.  I think cars nowadays suck.  Why can’t they make cars like they used to?  Actually, I know why, because I asked Don.  They’ve been engineered for safety and stuff, so they look different.  They are also made of different material.  The old cars were made of really heavy metal. 

We were at the race all day and got back around 11.  I was happy to see my kids and I missed them, but it was nice to have some fun with Don.  (His dad and brother went too, and it was fun hanging out with them too.) 

Yesterday we went to Birmingham to see Peyton.  We had lunch and saw a movie.  It was the boys’ first movie ever!  They loved it, but they fell asleep after about 30 or 45 minutes.  We saw “Rio”.  It was really cute.  I couldn’t believe how much Peyton has grown.  His calf is longer than my thigh and he wears a size 10 shoe!  His voice is a lot deeper than it was the last time we saw him and he looks like a teenager now.  It’s weird.  I’m 5’3, he’s 5’5 and he’s only 13!  So crazy. 

Here’s the Word of the Day.  Have a good one!

nonplus \non-PLUHS\, transitive verb:

To cause to be at a loss as to what to think, say, or do; to confound; to perplex; to bewilder.