The Loft

THESE WINDOWS make me SO HAPPY!

I thought an update was due since most of you know that four months ago, I made the decision to sell my house.  It was a huge decision, one that I got a lot of support for and also one that sent a lot of snide, judgmental comments my way because I was doing something, well I guess, not normal. I am settled and into a routine since the kids are back in school, so I have finally found time to post some pictures.  I have not posted the boys' room because it is messy and I am not completely finished with it, and the two bathrooms because frankly, that would just be odd and unnecessary. I am posting pictures to illustrate what I did to maximize our family time, in case someone else feels the same way I did when I was in my house.

For those of you who don’t know, I had very specific reasons for selling the house.  Yes, the market was great, but I also began to take a personal inventory and decided that I was not living the way I wanted to, nor raising my children the way I wanted to. I work a lot, which I can't really get out of because we can't just starve to death.  And because I am not at home with them all day and our weekends were crammed with playing catch up, there was very little down time no matter what I seemed to do.  The kids' childhoods weren't looking anything like what I wanted for them at all.  I was disturbed when I thought about what kind of adults they would become by having this type of childhood, one filled with walls and technology and privacy and alone time.  I pictured uncultured zombies who have no critical thinking skills, who don’t go outside, who are detached from society, who are egotistical and insecure online.  We have no idea what the effects of all of this technology will be on these kids, but I think it's safe to say that if adults have become this way already, adults who have had limited exposure, our kids are in trouble.  Anyway, I feared what was happening, but I couldn’t find the time as a tired, stressed single mom to correct it.  The to-do list that I could not catch up with no matter how hard I tried, in fact, I fell more and more behind with all the time, was making me resentful.  I worked all day to provide them with things that I hated and I had to fight more and more for family time because I was competing with these mindless machines (the technology, not my children.)  I was beginning to hate paying and arranging lawn maintenance for a yard the kids wouldn’t play in.  I hated having to drive everywhere (we live in Atlanta, everyone does) and listen to them fight while I was trying to just do something nice together.  I hated that I was the only person in the house who couldn’t work any of the electronics and therefore, I couldn't control any of it.  I was just done, but when we were together, the last thing I wanted to do was fight and discipline.  I was like a hamster on a wheel.  So I sold the wheel.  Add to the fact that I woke up in a fire in that house, even though it was rebuilt beautifully, I still could not sleep without having horrible anxiety and it wasn’t improving. It was simply not where we were supposed to be. I prayed. A lot. And I decided to leave. 

Those who were judgmental, their opinions never mattered to me because the questions they asked were predictable.  I started to ask people when they would press me “Why do we need all of this stuff? Does it make you happy? Do you die with it?  Why do kids need their own damn suites to grow up in?  What’s worse, why do we think they do?”  Look at kids around the globe.  We are not the norm. I downsized and it’s been amazing.  To each his own, but it’s not for me.  And I may buy again one day. Or I may not. I have no clue because I keep surprising myself and the one thing I have learned about myself is that I covet the freedom and time to grow as a person and I know I can’t do that when I am drowning in mundane details and upkeep and bullshit responsibilities that I don’t really need to have. The more you have, the more maintenance.  Simple as that.   

Life is more manageable now.  My commute is shorter. I order my groceries on Instacart, which saves time and helps me plan and not buy things that end up going to waste.  I once ordered a heating pad and it was there in an hour!  I don't have to worry about fixing anything when it breaks.  I kicked the HOA to the curb because they SUCK.  I don't have to feel bad that I suck at growing flowers because I don't have a yard.  The bug man comes and I don't have to call him.  It's WONDERFUL!  I could really go on and on.  But really, the best part is that my kids are right there next to me in the living space because I set it up to be the heart and the bedrooms are just the limbs.  I SEE them more closely.  I can SEE how they are relating and responding to each other and I have been able to correct them in a more patient and loving way.  I have made it easier for them to choose wisely about how they are spending their time, rather than rotting in front of some device.  I have less errands, less cleaning, etc., and that's freeing up tons of time with them and now I am maximizing the time that I have when I have it. 

Here are the main things I did to change our environment and it’s ending up suitable for us:

We have ONE TELEVISION and absolutely no technology in the bedrooms. Bedrooms are for sleeping. 

Those little violins are the first I played as a child

We used to have 6 televisions/blu-ray players/every game system.  Why? Probably because I work all the time and I felt guilty and wanted to make them happy at Christmas.  I sold all but one when we moved.   The kids have their Wii and Playstation but they aren’t allowed to play on Sunday and they have to earn their time every other day.  They also have to play together or take turns, which forces them to socialize and work it out.  If we are watching something on TV, we pretty much all have to decide together, and if someone doesn't want to, they can read a book or play with a toy. 

I made jars and got coin rolls.  Each coin represents the minutes they earn to play.  For example, if they get ready for school and don’t give me grief, they get a quarter.  This has actually worked for them, and the amazing thing is that they think about when they want to use it. Carson likes to save his coins for the weekend and therefore, he reads with me at night.  (If we have time.  I didn’t say I have loads of time.  I work in Buckhead and still get home late.)

Music

They are learning about music.  First of all, I won’t be buying crap, so they will be exposed to musicians who ACTUALLY PLAY INSTRUMENTS.  Also, I am hoping that they will take time to learn about the process of playing music before it was digital, look at the artwork, bond with the artist, develop nostalgia…as opposed to hearing some shitty song, pressing download, and having no appreciation for who they are supporting as an “artist.” Carson asked for me to put on a record last night and we danced for 20 minutes. He learned how to spin and dip me.  It was awesome.

Their Violins are out and easily accessible 

Speaking of music, they started violin and the reason is because, I won’t lie, I played violin and it’s good for their brains.  I can also practice with them.  They can play whatever they want one day; I am just trying to expose them to playing and creating music.  Anyway, I hung hooks for their violins so they would be more inclined to practice, rather than sayyyyy, playing Playstation.

One of my favorite things about my walls is my art, however, I hung all of these and then
set up the table and now have to recenter all of it. RRRRR. 

There is plenty of room to play in the living area with toys

Their room is plenty big, but they never play in it.  They bring their toys out and play where I am, which I like. 

Reading Areas

There are two places in the loft dedicated to reading and sitting quietly.  One has twinkle lights, which they love.  This is Lindsey’s favorite area. 

And just a little reading chair and table under the loft.

Lindsey’s Crib

Lindsey was the biggest variable in whether I did all of this, so I talked to her first.  The boys are small and young and they are happy no matter what right now.  Luckily, she loved the idea of having a bedroom up in the ceiling.  She loved the idea of climbing a ladder to get to her bed and since I made it clear that our new rule was that our bedrooms were only for sleeping and reading, she was on board.  I explained to her that I was trying to be more connected to them and change our direction.  Originally when I looked at the loft, we were going to build her room up over the kitchen, but there wasn’t an access point, so I improvised.  I knew I needed a lot of bookcases, so I designed this and had a carpenter build it.  My teenage daughter used to lock herself in her bedroom, she was on some kind of technology all night and even when I would take everything away, it seemed she would find some other device to mess with.  She also does not have walls…so I guess she won’t have a boyfriend until college. I totally didn’t mean to do that!

The Books

They can't say there is nothing to read.  Neither can I. 

My Room

My room is like a cave.  No windows.  No television.  Just a bed and the stuff I need to get ready.  It’s amazing, and dangerous.  I have to have an alarm clock or I could sleep all day. 

When I first told them we weren't having televisions in the bedrooms, Lindsey freaked out.  But then I told her that I was following the same philosophy and rules. I told them that we would all sleep better if we removed the technology.  It’s true.  We do.  

Never can have enough Alice pictures on your walls. 

Work Area

Lindsey sat here for 4 hours doing homework last Saturday. Poor thing.

The Kitchen

The kitchen is smaller and the kids eat on barstools; this is much more my style.  At my old house, I sat the kids at the table and I stood standing next to the kitchen sink shoveling chicken into my mouth as quickly as I could just in case I didn’t have time to eat before they finished. This habit started after my first set of twins.  I didn’t dare sit while the twins were eating because I was constantly preparing myself for a nuclear disaster-spaghetti flying everywhere, someone choking, etc. 

We have a family dinner once a week on the square; they take turns choosing the restaurant.  We walked to church for the first time this past Sunday, which is just awesome.  Dylan’s favorite store is an antique store on the corner. There are theaters, playgrounds, ice-cream shops, toy stores, and candy shops—they really like it.  The farmer's market is there every Saturday and Sunday, which is nice.  My favorite thing to do is have brunch because brunch is the best.  Plus, they have a cappuccino the size of my head. 

When Lindsey is in a bad mood, I tell her to take a walk or go to the rooftop deck, which is right above us.  The train that we are practically living on top of must be soothing because she comes back another person.  HA!  Speaking of the train, I used to wake up when I heard a tiny creak in the floor and now I sleep through a train (and it’s seriously LOUD) and sirens.  We are next to a hospital, the police station and the fire station and for me, this is comfort crack.  If something does happen, they are right there!

We also have a pool and a gym, which is very nice.  

Anyway, that's it!  If you are thinking about refocusing anything in your life, I assure you that it is worth taking the leap.  This was really scary, but I am SO much happier and so are my children! Someone came by when I was first moving in and he said "You felt closed in in the house, didn't you?" And I sort of dropped my jaw and said "Yes. How did you know?" And he said "You just seem like the type of person who needs room to breathe." It was so poignant, I wondered if he knew just how much.  This place is smaller and yet I can breathe better.  Go figure.  

Oh Look! Another Alice picture!  They are everywhere, I tell you! 

The only thing I wish here is that the door were magnetic. That would be sweet.