Wednesday, April 30, 2014

How Do You Ask Your Significant Other To Lose Weight?

I was originally going to write about how to ask your wife to lose weight, but then it dawned on me that while women are typically more sensitive emotionally and men are typically more visually stimulated, men are not soulless creatures and women are not blind.   A man’s feelings and ego could be bruised just as badly as a female’s if asked to lose weight, and it’s ludicrous to keep up this fairy tale that women don’t care about looks, bringing me to the conclusion that this should not be a gender specific angle but more about loving the person you are with and treating each other with respect in regards to their health and weight.

First, let’s just be real, admit one thing, and then move on…..While sex is not PURELY physical because it is also a means for emotional and mental connectivity, it is about as physical an act as you can imagine.  Are you ever closer to someone or more vulnerable than when you are having sex?  No.  It is primitive and you are stripped down in every sense of the word, so why act like it shouldn’t have to do anything at all with appearance and attraction?  It is completely ridiculous to say that appearances don’t matter at all during sex, even though I would admit that they aren’t everything.  Sure, you can love someone and still want to be with them, but you live in La La Land with unicorns and leprechauns if you adopt the attitude that your appearance doesn’t and shouldn’t matter at all.  Is that what you said on your first date, or in that job interview?  No.  So it’s a slap in your significant others’ face to say “Screw you, you should love me anyway” just like it is for the other person to not get real about why they are sleeping on the couch or sleeping with someone else.  If you shut someone down for trying to be honest about how they feel, you are at fault just as much as someone who attacks their spouse for being fat.  Both people have to be open, willing, sweet, and honest with each other or what the hell are you doing together?  What’s the point of being with someone if you can’t be honest? 

Before I go any further down this rabbit hole, a note to the women…..I have a lot of guy friends and they are pretty open with me.  I know one thing….they want the one they are committed to.  They want to have sex with you.  Sex is the means in which men show love...or it isn't if they sleep with a stranger, but it is with their wives and girlfriends.  But you have to understand some things about men and these things, you will never change....they are visual creatures.  However, remember that they are NOT AS HARD ON US AS WE ARE ON OURSELVES.   Did you get that?  That is important.  They don’t need perfection.  They are also built differently than we are.  Physically, they get wound up and grouchy if they aren’t having sex….they can’t help it, so it's stupid to put sex at the bottom of your priorities.  Lastly, take it as a compliment when he feels comfortable coming to you with problems or concerns.  If you shut him down, you are only doing three things: telling him you don’t care about how he feels, telling him to go elsewhere, and telling him that he’s on his own to solve the issue.  Is that fair?  No.  A note to the men….don’t assume we are different.  I’m most certainly not.  Or I am a dude.  I don't know. 

Ok….so most arguments happen because someone is defensive, so your goal should always be “How can I approach this person without making them defensive?”  If you do this correctly, then it is entirely on the other person to meet you halfway.  Also, this goes without saying, but hopefully you are either practicing what you preach or willing to.  What I mean is, if you are overweight and unhealthy, you'd better be talking to yourself too.  I will NOT write something to serve as argument support for ANY jerk without a brain to attack their spouse.  If you are not an idiot, keep reading.....

I think there are three things you should ask yourself before approaching your significant other about his/her weight.  
  1.  Why does it bother me? 
  2. What are my expectations?
  3.  Am I willing to be positive and encouraging if he/she is open to losing weight?

What are some reasons (other than physical appearance) that it should bother you?  

  •   Their weight and lack of concern for it makes you feel like they have checked out of your relationship.  If they don’t care how they look, or about their health, that can feel like they don’t care about you anymore.  No one wants to feel like “Well, we are married.  Guess they got me and I am stuck.”  That’s a viscous way to trap someone and tie their wrists behind their back.  Don't call them shallow just because you can.  They may have legitimate concerns.  It is good to feel comfortable in your relationship, but not too comfortable and it’s not ok to be lazy.  Your spouse isn’t your mother.  He/She is your spouse.  You have a physical relationship.  Notice the difference? If anyone wants to think something negative right now, I will take a bullet because I have felt this way before and I am not shallow.  I have always put a lot of effort into my body and my health and if a guy doesn’t, it’s frustrating because I wonder why I am not worth the effort
  • It’s Unhealthy.  If you choose a spouse and then they die of a heart attack three years later, I mean, that is most definitely your business.  I’ll use myself as an example here….Because I am so active, I will never consider dating someone who doesn’t work out or take care of himself.  Not because I am a snob, but because I am into fitness and health.  I know for a fact that you feel better and have more energy when you are healthy, and this is true for EVERYONE.  It would bother me and has bothered me in the past when I have been with someone who lounges around and doesn’t take care of himself.  I don’t want to be a widow, and I don’t have a good time with someone who isn’t active.
  • Your sex drive is higher when you are fit. (Which means that it’s lower when you aren’t.)  When you feel better about yourself, you are more open to having sex and being naked.  Also, your PHYSICAL DRIVE is higher.   When a woman works out, she actually has better blood flow down there and ladies, not sure if you know this, but this means more orgasms.  Also, the more sex you have, the more sex you want.  So I mean, sex it up.  Right? I can’t see this being a bad thing.  Who regrets an orgasm? No one says “I wish I didn’t just have that.  That sucked."
  • You are a better parent and have more energy. 
  •  Similar lifestyles promote bonding.   How does it work for one person to be active and the other a couch potato?  It doesn’t, because you are always doing something different which raises the chances of growing apart.  Food choices, attitude about health, energy level….why pretend that this doesn’t affect your daily life and your relationship?  It does.  Not to mention, your sex life.  Did I say that already? Oh. I did.
  • Rejection. No one likes to be told no all the time and this really could happen on either side.  If I am not feeling attractive, I might turn the guy down.  If I am on the flip side and not attracted to the guy, then he is getting rejected.  Rejection is really really bad for a relationship.  It’s best to avoid this at all costs and just be honest. You could avoid a very large marriage counseling bill and divorce if you just face the issue.

What are your expectations?  


Make sure they are realistic, but don’t settle for the crap our parents told us about getting old and fat.  We all go through changes and we all need to recognize this. However, I will not be the girl who says that you should just give up and agree to be old and fat.  That isn’t true and if you buy into it, you are missing out on a better body.  Men, you don’t have to have a beer belly just because you are in your 30’s and girls, you don’t have to have that extra baby weight.  You may never be the size you were pre-baby, but that's okay.  He really doesn't expect that, unless he's an idiot, but he stopped reading back when I told him to.  Haha.  My point is, you don’t have to look like crap and feel like garbage.  You can be the best version of yourself.  Push yourself and see where that is!  Women, I think as long as a man sees you trying, he’s going to appreciate it.  Men, we are fixers.  We LOVE to help.  Promise.  We will help you if you are willing.  If anyone, man or woman throws up a white flag, that’s pretty depressing.  And I am also going to be that “bitch” who says this: There is time to work out.  I have two sets of twins, I am single, I work full time.  Sorry….you can do it.   Make it a priority for yourself AND your marriage.  The kind of relationship I want has nothing to do with two recliners, Diabetes and grandchildren that I am too sick to pick up….

Be encouraging. 

I would hope that anyone, man or woman, would first of all consider how it would feel to be attacked, belittled or ridiculed.  A relationship is a team, so be encouraging and positive.  I think the FIRST thing you say when having this discussion is “I only want you. I don’t want anyone else”.  I think if the person hears that, they are automatically going to be more open to you because you aren’t trying to leave them. 

So here we go, what we have all waited for….how do you actually do it?  

Meet Brittany. 

Brittany is in a relationship with Dude.  Brittany, who at one point could not get enough of Dude, is going to sleep early, pretending to have migraines, and has pretty much stopped shaving her legs.  She has been in denial about the way she feels about Dude but finally acknowledges that his 50 extra pounds is really bothering her.  She finally decides that she will grow a pair and approach Dude.  “But how?”  She thinks.  “I really don’t want to hurt him and make him insecure.  I really do love him.”  

Brittany sits down with Dude and holds his hand in her lap and looks him in the eyes. She says:
“Baby, I love you so much, but lately I have really been worried about your health.  If I lost you, I don’t know what I would do. I worry about your diet and lack of exercise because it will eventually kill you. Also, I am feeling really disconnected from you.  We aren’t hanging out enough and not having enough sex.  (I would probably insert some comments about how much I love him and miss having sex with him.) I don’t want anyone else.  Lately though, I have been thinking that we both need to be healthier.  I just feel like we would be so much closer if we did this together.”
Brittany then LISTENS to his response. 

Now assuming you have done this correctly, your significant other shouldn’t freak out, but crazier things have happened.  If he or she freaks out, say “I don’t think you heard what I said.  Why don’t we regroup later” and save it for when he or she isn’t emotional.  If you can't ever regroup, then you have a problem, and it isn’t you.  I would probably seek some professional help if you can’t get through when you are no doubt, being positive and sweet.  If you get a positive response, AWESOME!  Listen to his or her reaction and go from there.  

Dude listens to Brittany and therefore, she lays out a list of ideas, which let's be real....is the easy part.  Once you get this far, you're pretty much in the clear.....


  • She suggests that they both set a goal.
  • She suggests that they join a gym, or choose some kind of means to weight loss.  (Maybe you buy bikes and ride trails together?  Maybe you get a trainer?)
  • She suggests that they cook together and plan healthy meals.  Maybe take some cooking classes?

Then Brittany eats well and works out with him, encouraging him the whole way.  She understands that change doesn't happen overnight and she commits to it just as she is asking him to.  She shows him that he isn’t alone, but with her. She also encourages good behavior with positive attention and when he fails, tries to be even more encouraging. 

I think that the most important thing to state is this: It takes two people to make a relationship work and you are in the end, only able to control yourself.   To the person on the receiving end of any discussion, know this: It is a gift for someone to give their life, body, heart and time to you.  It is not a right.  Marriage and its promises are all-encompassing; you don’t just exclude what you want.   You don’t get to get married, give up, and blame the other person when they are wandering around feeling alone and vulnerable with plenty of other single people who would appreciate them.  You also don't get to just demand a perfect body from someone.  Sex is important, health is important, relationships shouldn't be a lonely death sentence.  Find a healthy balance that works for you both.  And although I said that sex is as PHYSICAL of an act as you can engage in, there is a lot more to it.  It's how a couple emotionally, spiritually and mentally connects.  If you aren't connecting and spending time together, you will grow apart. It's as simple as that.  

Respect your relationship by respecting your body and respect your partner's feelings on this sensitive matter. 


 


Signs She's Not In Love With You Anymore

  1. She says "I am starting to check out of this relationship." Let me give all the men out there a heads up.....when a woman is brave enough to say this, she just realized she's been checking out for a while and she's scared.  The fact that she says "I'm starting to" doesn't mean she is starting to.  It means you'd better get your ass in gear ASAP because she's about 3 miles ahead of you. 
  2. She no longer does thoughtful things for you.  Example- Woman in love: She is at the grocery store.  She picks up your favorite thing and surprises you.  She also calls you to see what you want on your Publix sub.  She isn't in love: She gets herself a sub and forgets that you like to eat food too.
  3. She doesn't care at all what you do. There is a difference between being cool and being completely complacent. I don't really care what my hypothetical guy does because I am a trusting person who doesn't want someone in my face all the time, so why would I be like that to him?  But I have known girls who have said "I wish he would just cheat on me so I could be done with it" and I guarantee she doesn't care what that person does.
  4. You aren't funny anymore. You used to tease her and she laughed.  Now, it's not funny.
  5. She shows no signs of jealousy.  I have an issue with jealousy because I believe it to be the result of insecurity, but everyone in love can feel a little jealousy because that's just the way passion goes.  When someone tries to make you jealous and you sit there completely feeling nothing, you aren't in love. 
  6. You can't get a rise out of her.  She is extremely calm and states "I'm not happy" like she would order a sandwich.  You can yell at her, cry, whatever....she is like a robot.
  7. She finds a new hobby, group of friends, and explores her world.  She starts to realize that life doesn't have to suck.
  8. Everything you do seems to irritate her, even the stuff that she used to think was cute. 
  9. She doesn't want you touching her.
  10. She seems happy everywhere else. This is when you discover it's not her, it's you. 




Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Analyzing About Analyzing

I was eating sushi with Michelle and Kellie on Saturday and we were talking about Critical Thinking classes in college. I said I loved them.  Michelle said "That's because you're so logical, Brittany."  I laughed and said WHAT???  I reacted like this because I often feel impulsive, scattered, and silly....I am doing things like speeding and forgetting things and leaving the gas pump in the car and driving off.  Then she  said "You analyze everything.  You pay attention to things I wouldn't even see".  I analyzed that for a moment and realized that just because my logic seems illogical in my head, it doesn't mean I am not logical.  I am in fact, logical.  I do analyze everything,  I even analyze my feelings until they are clear and cut.  In fact, the only time I am seriously uncomfortable is when I don't know what I am feeling.  If I know the emotion, I can deal with that and most of the time, I have to analyze the situation to get to the root of my feelings.  The reason I leave my coffee on my car and drive off is because I am analyzing something important.  Or not important.  It could be like, the color of the leaves in a tree above me or whether or not I should eat carbs that day.  Most of the time though, it's something important.

Sometimes I wonder if I would have ever made any decisions at all when I was younger if it weren't for two things: fate intervening first and being naive.  The most defining moments in my life didn't have to do with how much I analyzed a situation, they had to do with feelings and not knowing much about the world.  I was like a feather, blowing and landing and not even knowing it.  I think this happens in your 20's.  You react, and then later, you learn and clean up your messes.

Then you turn 30.  You try to make every move deliberate based on what you've learned before.  This is liberating because you feel like you have more control and yet, it's very scary to me right now.  Why?  Because I feel like without fate, I wouldn't have moved. So what if I just analyze and sit here, never making a decision?  Maybe I will sit and analyze about whether to analyze or not.  Should I analyze or just let things happen?  Because I don't think that's wise just to let things happen, but then again, the best things happened to me when I didn't think about them.  I feel like I am on the eve of making decisions that will forever have an effect on my life.  Right now I am floating, doing my thing, rolling with it, and inside I am tumbling around knowing that it is just a temporary road to more permanence.  I feel like the next decisions I make will be huge ones. It's a lot scarier when you analyze and take your time to make a decision rather than react to something that just happens to you.  Why? You have no one to blame but yourself if you're wrong. 

I think the issue is that I'm really not sure what I want yet.  I am analyzing it. Or should I analyze it? 

My brain is completely exhausting.







Monday, April 28, 2014

Tampa Pictures

It is a very rare thing to find people who love you unconditionally and to love them back the same way and when you have it, it's just something you don't take for granted.  My friendships with Brea, Kel and Michelle are effortless even when making effort and I have always felt blessed to have them in my life.  We coordinate a weekend when we can and the drives, the plane rides, the preparation is always worth it.  We have such a great time together. 

I love you guys!  Thanks for being there for the past 17 years.  I can't wait until the next time we get Russian Crazy.  Yes, I said it.  Get. Russian. Crazy. In the hizzouse.  




Never fails that I steal a hat.








We Meet Again!



Friday, April 25, 2014

Amelie is 6!

Six years ago today, a delightful, spunky little girl graced us with her presence.  Amelie is smart, beautiful and one of the most unique children I have ever known.  Matt and Ash, you're doing such a  great job with her! Happy 6th Birthday to my beautiful niece, Amelie!  I love you sooooo much, pretty girl!  Auntie Brinty will see you as soon as she can!!!  I miss you all the time! 

Amelie Ella




Summer 2012
Amelie and Carson, Summer 2012
Auntie Brinty and Amelie.

Ash and Amelie



Have a great Friday and weekend!   I will be in Tampa for Girls' Weekend.  There's talk of drunken music videos.  It's going to be one of those weekends.  Brea, Kellie and Michelle, I can't WAIT to see you!!!!!!!!!
 

Me, Brea, Kellie and Michelle, 9/2012-These girls are my soul mates!  






Thursday, April 24, 2014

Last Night....




Last night I had a dream that I ate imitation crab.  It was absolutely terrifying. That's it.  That was my dream, or should I say nightmare?  





Wednesday, April 23, 2014

12 Things You Discover When You Have a Baby



One of my most loyal readers is currently lying in a hospital bed, asking me to post my blog already.  She just had a beautiful baby yesterday.  This one is for you, Dawn, you sweet, funny girl!  Congratulations!  I hope you savor every moment with Pacey.


  1. Life is a miracle, love is not describable, and God must exist. How miraculous is it that we can first conceive, then carry it for 9 months the way we do?  I mean, it's really amazing.  So many things go into the development of a child. 
  2. There is nothing cuter than a baby's tiny toenail and pinky finger. There just isn't.  Especially when it's YOUR baby.
  3. You've loved that tiny stranger from the time he was conceived, you just hadn't met yet.  It's really amazing to realize this.  The anxiety about being a mother melts when you realize that you are already bonded.  Then when you realize that your baby knows you too....I can't even talk about it.  It's so sweet.
  4. There was a space in your heart that you didn't know existed.  No one has ever been to this place in your heart and no one ever will.  Parents always say they can't describe it because you really can't.  Everything that seemed important shifts and you have a totally different purpose in your life.  You can't imagine ever failing or hurting your child because you know you will try your damnedest not to. 
  5. Your boobs really do get huge.  They weren't kidding about this. Holy crap. You feel like you're trapped in another body.  And what disappointed me, especially trying to nurse twins, is that they aren't filled with milk.  They are just HUGE for absolutely no reason, so it seemed to me. 
  6. Nursing hurts like hell and don't let anyone tell you different.  I remember practically scraping the paint off the walls when they latched on.  I kept waiting for it not to hurt, but it always hurt me.  Everyone was wrong.  Nursing twins hurts like hell.  Getting through 4 years of school with a job and two other kids was easier than nursing twins.  Hardest thing I ever did.  Period. I get that it doesn't hurt some people, but don't go into it thinking you'll be one of these people with iron clad nips.  You may not be.  You may be a little whiny bitch like me.
  7. You cry and cry and cry because you're so happy and you love this little being so much. Half of this is because you're happy, half is because your hormones are absolutely off the Richter scale. I remember staring at my babies crying and thinking "Why am I crying right now? They're so cuuuuute!"
  8. You can be more tired then any time you've claimed to be tired in your entire life.  In fact, when you are in the hospital, you are shocked that you haven't died yet, you're that tired.
  9. After a C-Section, every little noise sounds like a nuclear bomb.  I had two scheduled c-sections and I just remember everything being SO loud.  I have never understood this. Maybe it was just me.
  10. You attach to your nurses and don't want to leave. You bond with them.  It's weird.  Your time in the hospital is really precious.  No one told me it would be that way. 
  11. Motherhood really is 90% instinct.You realize that you worried for no reason. 
  12. Babies make strangers smile. They are infectious.  They are little rays of sunshine and they don't even know it.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Facebook Official

The last time I was single was 2003.  That was when texting and phone bills had the ability to get out of control; I know this because my ex ended up with a phone bill that was around 3 or 4 grand from talking to me.  It's hard now to understand how that could happen, but it did back then.  Anyway, things may be different now, but there are some things that remain the same and that is that people want to feel secure in their relationships.  Now what I am about to say may come off like I have an issue with people changing their statuses in general.  I don't.  In fact the whole point of having a status is to update it, so that would be a stupid thing to say.  Everyone on Facebook has a relationship status....I do.  It's single.  You have to have a relationship status because it forces you.  If they gave the option "None of your damn business", I would have chosen that one, but they don't, so I had to go with single.   Here's the point of this blog...I just don't get why it's such a big deal in a new relationship to be Facebook Official, and I don't get how some people act about it.  Let me clarify this even more...

Facebook Official in Urban Dictionary is defined as being how TEENS and COLLEGE students talk about relationships.



So I guess I am wondering why it's so important to grown-ass adults too. Some of my guy friends have told me that this is a really big deal when dating now and I just laugh.  They sound like they are in third grade dating a child and they usually agree, otherwise, they wouldn't be telling me about it. 

I haven't had to have the discussion about Facebook with a boyfriend because I do not have a boyfriend in which to have the discussion with, so I really hope no one takes offense to this, but really, who the hell cares if you're "Facebook Official"? What's the big freaking deal? Grown women are like "We are Facebook Official!"  and I uncomfortably say "Ohhhhhh!".  Must be love.  I have known people to break up because one person won't make it Facebook Official, and I honestly cringe thinking about that.  I'll just say right now, for the record.....there isn't a guy out there who will be making it  "Facebook Official" with me unless there's a ring on it. I don't need that assurance and neither should he.  It's stupid.  I mean the fact that you have to send a request like you're passing a note in 8th grade is just mortifying to me.  Then talking about it like "Ok, hunny, I am about to send you a request!  OHHHH you just accepted it!  It's official!  Sh** just got real!"  UGH.  I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a fork!  I'm going to date a guy who isn't on Facebook just to be an extra pain-in-the-ass.  

Here's why it's stupid to make such a huge deal about it:

  1.  You don't have to change your status for people to assume you're together.  Everyone assumes that one of my best guy friends and I are together and we laugh behind everyone's backs about it because we think it's funny.  People assume if you hang out together, stand near each other in a picture, or get tagged in the same status, that you are either sleeping together or dating.  Not true.  So ladies, if you are worried about it, just get about 50 pictures (just you and him) posted and everyone will think you're together anyway.  You can avoid the uncomfortable "Facebook Status" convo.  And if people disregard your Single status due to pictures, then what does that tell you?  It means absolutely nothing. 
  2. Why are you in such a hurry to alert all bitches that your man's taken by you?  So she can immediately stalk you and inbox him to be a bitch? You don't need to slap your name on him to know he's yours, and if you do, well then that should tell you something.
  3. Privacy is sexy to me.  It isn't really important what others think.  You and him know what's up, and if you don't, then again, that's the real problem.  Facebook shouldn't be the end-all be-all sign of where the relationship is headed.
  4. Most social norms and rules are the killers of relationships to begin with; Facebook just added itself to the list.  If you don't know what I mean, well, I'll explain.  I have been married.  Just because you are married, have a title, you had the wedding, you got this and you got that....it doesn't mean you're safe and secure.  The relationship itself and the respect and understanding you have with each other is what is important and sacred...not the title or what everyone thinks or knows about the two of you.  Everything but you and him is just fluff in the end.
  5. Unless I just got married, I really don't feel the need to announce my relationship status on Facebook because it's no one's business but mine.  If it doesn't work out, well then I'll have to change my status back to single and there will be a million questions about my life.  I am not really up for a press conference about why I don't like a guy anymore or why he doesn't like me. We are all adults here, keep movin'.  Nothing to see here.
  6.  Mark Zuckerberg knows enough about us.  He doesn't also need to know who we're sleeping with.



Monday, April 21, 2014

Why We Should Thank J.Lo & Sir Mix-a-Lot



Disclosure: I should say first, this is geared toward women who have ever thought they are fat.  I do realize that there are women who can't put on weight or hate being too thin and this is not meant to offend the other side, or the girls who WANT a butt.  What this post is about is all of us being healthy, happy, and supportive. :)

I have only punched one person in my entire life.  Ok, twice.  Once, my drunk guy friend asked me to punch him in the face to judge the strength of my muscles, which I did, but this doesn’t count because he asked me to.  The other time, somewhere around 1997, my sister screamed at me “At least I don’t have a big butt” as I was walking away from her.  She was following me, so I turned around, having heard that insult for THE LAST time, and I clocked her right in the eye.  The funny thing about when I am truly upset is that no one sees it coming.   I am calm and don’t say a word.  That’s when I punched her.  Anyway, this resulted in a war.  She put purple hair dye in my shampoo and conditioner, and because I wasn’t an idiot and noticed that it wasn’t clear anymore, I told on her.  She then got into trouble for wasting my shampoo and conditioner, and, well, I would say I won that war. 

It’s amazing how things change due to time and social influences because if someone told me I have a big butt now, I would say “Yeah, I know, thanks” and then probably quote LMFAO and sing “I work out” instead of punching them.  My sister saying I had a big butt invoked so much anger and hurt, it physically came out, and that is so unusual for my demeanor.   Growing up, my two sisters and I called this "genetic curse" The Waggoner Butt.  We despised and bitched about it as much as humanly possible.  Now we don’t.  So when did things change?

The 90’s….a mixture of everything it seems, from music to clothes to body type.  You can look at an old 2 Live Crew album and see that the only ones who were clueless about a man’s obsession with the ass were white girls.  The heroin chic look was too extreme for us, but it still laid the ground work for some pretty ridiculous body expectations and in my experience, it hurt us.  I was one of the girls who fed into it.  Somewhere in the midst of this skinny monstrosity, white girls failed to realize that Sir Mix-a-Lot really wasn’t lying.  He really did like big butts, and thank God he didn’t deny it because one day we started to pay attention.  So enter J.Lo about 7 years later…..I remember being shocked about how guys were swooning over this humongous ass.  I certainly didn’t get it.  I had been despising my butt since the onset of puberty and all of a sudden, guys couldn’t stop talking about hers, which was even bigger than mine.  Then there were rumors about how she had insured it, which I totally didn't understand. It probably took another 5 years for me to finally stop hating my body and listen to what men were saying.  What were they saying? WE ARE NOT JUDGING YOU LIKE YOU JUDGE YOURSELVES and also, we like butts and we cannot lie.  What is it about the butt?  I don’t know.  I really don’t get why guys like asses so much, but I want to thank them because it makes my life easier.      

When I was younger, I used to eat nothing but Nutri-Grain bars and cereal and yogurt.  I really didn’t care about food, which made it easy to starve myself.  I counted calories, poked at every little piece of skin on my body, always thought I was fat, which I wasn’t, and dissected my body all the time.  It got worse when I couldn’t control anything in my life…I just didn’t eat.  It became a game, just to see how small I could get.  I stared at my butt and as my ribs would poke out, my stupid ass would still be there.  It pissed me off.  After going to the doctor and being notified that my blood pressure was 70/50, I started to realize deep down that I had some issues with myself and my body and some things in my life.  I started to deal with it, although I still wasn’t normal, even in my early twenties.  When I was in college, I called myself “accidentally anorexic” because although I had finally dealt with some of my issues, I would forget to eat out of habit and because I was busy, and although it wasn’t intentional, I was still having the same awful effects.  When you are used to not eating, you don't recognize blood sugar dives and you don't even get hunger pains anymore.  I had headaches constantly and I never had energy.  Because of this, when I graduated from college, I was about 103 pounds, white as a ghost, and NOT healthy at all.  I got pregnant with the boys that summer, and from that moment on, I have been healthy.  I eat all the time, I eat well, and if I want a cookie, I eat a damn cookie.  I haven’t ever felt better in my life. I have put on 15 pounds since weightlifting and I stay there.  I never move up or down because my body knows where it's happy.  Everyone has a healthy spot and I am there.

Women are starting to realize that strong is hot, skinny means nothing as far as health goes, and although none of us seem to want to bulk up, you eventually realize as a weightlifter that it is nearly impossible for a girl get bulky.  Developing muscles takes a lot of effort.  We know that we want to live longer, look better longer, and feel good…..we no longer think it is OK to starve ourselves and count calories.  We know that the dress size and the number on the scale aren’t what matter, because every single body is different and everyone has a healthy spot.  

What I really hope is that women will start to be kinder to each other.  I don’t expect anyone to look like me, I don’t expect to look like anyone else, and I am a cheerleader for anyone who wants to be healthy and feel good.  You will never hear be belittle a woman for her weight, and you will always hear me compliment a nice body.  Women are not jealous, but they are encouraging.  Women are not hateful, they inspire.  Little girls rip each other down….women don't.  I also hope that our daughters will be healthier and happier than we were growing up and that the examples we are setting will have a positive effect on them.   It seems that women are starting to love their curves, rather than trying to scrape every piece of flesh from their bones, and I think it’s awesome. Somewhere, at some point, there was a slight shift in the media and although we probably have a ways to go, I think we should all thank J.Lo and Baby Got Back




Sunday, April 20, 2014

Happy Easter!

 
"I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying." Nelson Mandela

Easter is my favorite religious holiday because every year, I am overwhelmed by its lesson and the love that was shown to us.  Easter encapsulates what Jesus was preaching his entire life.  Love each other.  Love each other ruthlessly.  Sacrifice yourself for another.  Love God with your heart and soul and trust that our devotion and our actions will protect us in the end.  Finally, on the cross, we were given grace.  We did nothing to deserve this and we need it.  We need grace every day because no matter how good we try to be, we are going to mess up.  It's ok, he loves us regardless. 
 
One thing I don't understand about the "religious" who judge others, is that while they are busy judging everyone else for what they are doing, they are missing THE most important lesson: Unconditional love.  That's it.  Everything else falls into place when you love.  I feel sorry for people who look at the cross and don't understand grace and what he was trying to teach us about forgiveness and sacrifice.  Those who are busy calling someone a whore don't seem to remember that Jesus befriended that girl.  Those who are persecuting someone for being divorced don't seem to understand that Jesus walked up to the woman at the well and showed her love despite her mistakes.  I am overwhelmed by the beauty of Jesus' life, death and resurrection. 
 
 
 


Saturday, April 19, 2014

Emotional Cutter

I love Coldplay, but listening to them can be like emotional cutting.  I always understand and relate to their lyrics.  Most of the time they write about love, which makes me sad.....and yet I can't stay away from them.  I found some new razor blades.  The last one I posted is my favorite.  It's so beautiful. 



Call it magic, call it true
I call it magic when I'm with you
And I just got broken, broken into two
Still I call it magic, when I'm next to you
And I don't,
Want anybody else but you

 


And then I looked up at the sun
And I could see
Oh the way that gravity pulls on you and me
And then I looked up at the sky
And saw the sun
And the way that gravity pushes on everyone

Baby when your wheels stop turning
And you feel let down
And it seems like troubles
Have come all around
I can hear your heart beating
I can hear that sound
But I can't help thinking
And I won't look now
 
 
I think of you
I haven't slept
I think I do
But I don't forget
My body moves
Goes where I will
But though I try my heart stays still
It never moves
Just won't be left
So my mouth waters, to be fed
And you're always in my head
You're always in my head
You're always in my head
You're always in my head
You're always in my head
Always in my...
You're always in my...
This, I guess, is to tell you you're chosen out from the rest.


 
 
I think of you
I haven't slept
I think I do
But I don't forget
My body moves
Goes where I will
But though I try my heart stays still
It never moves
Just won't be left
So my mouth waters to be a fate
And you're always in my head
You're always in my head
You're always in my head
You're always in my head

You're always in my head
Always in my...
You're always in my...

This I guess is to tell you you're choosing out of the rest

Source: http://www.directlyrics.com/coldplay-always-in-my-head-lyrics.html
 
 
I think of you
I haven't slept
I think I do
But I don't forget
My body moves
Goes where I will
But though I try my heart stays still
It never moves
Just won't be left
So my mouth waters to be a fate
And you're always in my head
You're always in my head
You're always in my head
You're always in my head

You're always in my head
Always in my...
You're always in my...

This I guess is to tell you you're choosing out of the rest

Source: http://www.directlyrics.com/coldplay-always-in-my-head-lyrics.html
 
 
I think of you
I haven't slept
I think I do
But I don't forget
My body moves
Goes where I will
But though I try my heart stays still
It never moves
Just won't be left
So my mouth waters to be a fate
And you're always in my head
You're always in my head
You're always in my head
You're always in my head

You're always in my head
Always in my...
You're always in my...

This I guess is to tell you you're choosing out of the rest

Source: http://www.directlyrics.com/coldplay-always-in-my-head-lyrics.html