12 Moves That Make You a Bad-Ass Mother

• Keep your cool. I was in Barnes & Noble on Sunday when Carson threw a toddler-style temper tantrum right in the middle of the store.  It was out of nowhere because he's 5 and honestly, I thought we were over behavior like that.  Actually, Carson and Dylan have never been the temper tantrum types, so it was even more strange that he was doing it....tantrums were their older brother and sister's territory.  Nevertheless, Carson was angry because I wouldn't buy him a $50 Lego toy and I would only buy him the $10 toy.  (Keep in mind, he just had a birthday.)  He was being a brat, so I said "Fine, nothing.  You get nothing."  And there he went.  If temper tantrums could be thrown in the Olympics, Carson would have received the Gold.  He was screaming SO loudly that as I carried him out of the store in one arm (while he was kicking and screaming), I announced to everyone with a smile that I wasn't kidnapping him.  "He's mine, I swear!" I yelled.  I got a few laughs and sympathetic smiles.  As I forced him into the straps of his car seat, I realized that I was extremely calm. I thought "I handled that like a pro."  Then there are the times that you don't, and that's OK too.  Parenting can make the calmest person flustered. 

• Play like you're a kid. My kids eat it up when I am childlike.   (Except my daughter; she hates it.)  When you play with your kids, they always remember it and they always smile.   
• Stay Consistent. This is by far the hardest thing for me because I often forget what I said the rules are once they are in trouble.  I will actually think "Wait, didn't I ground her?  Why is she watching TV?"  Because I forgot...Ooops, and she knows that about me.  I am almost too chill for my own good (or theirs).  I also get really busy and don't ride them enough because honestly, I really don't like to nag and hear my own voice say the same things over and over. My children know I have ADD and they completely take advantage of it.   Being consistent is probably the most important thing you can ever do as far as discipline goes and often, I suck at it. The main reason that this is difficult for us as parents is because we already have a hard time staying consistent with our own routines and habits.  Add four other people to it, like I have, and it's sort of a lot to juggle.  Then, after you remember to be consistent, you have to fight these little people who don't want to do what you say. *Note....I am referring to my older two.  They are the strong-willed ones and they will do ANYTHING to do exactly the opposite of what you say.  My little ones are super easy. 

• Take care of yourself. My mom always explains to my kids that I am like a battery.  If they waste my energy on fighting and shenanigans, then I will not have energy to do anything fun with them.  However, let's be honest....it isn't just our kids draining us. It's traffic, work, friends, errands, phone calls, bills....often, our kids get the very last of the energy because everyone else sucks it out first.  It isn't fair to give them the end of my patience and whatever scraps are left, so I try to take care of myself as much as possible.  If I am feeling good, I have more patience and energy for everyone.  I exercise, eat well, and I try to be organized so I can relax.

• Find out who your child is. My kids are not little replicas of me.  They are all very unique.  They all have a different way of coping with pain, showing happiness, and they have different interests and ways of learning and behaving....it's my job to find out who they are as human beings and try to help them navigate the world by being themselves, and not only that, but the best versions they can be.  I don't parent them the same, discipline or otherwise, and I don't believe that this is unfair.  What works for one child may crush another, etc. God gave them all a purpose and gifts and attributes and my job is to help them become who God wants them to be. Sounds easy.  It isn't. 

• Treat your child like a person because children are people.  They have feelings, thoughts, and amazing little souls.  They are not as developed as you are, but they can think and feel and examine just like you do, so take the time to make them feel important.

• Don't Argue. Ok, so Logan and Lindsey are the ones I do this with and always have.  I will find myself arguing with them rather than saying "End of discussion".  They know how to push my buttons, but the older I have gotten, I have learned BETTER how to say "because I said so" and ignoring them.  I'll tell you what though, they are relentless. Carson and Dylan and I have a different dynamic because I was older when I had them.  I can snap my fingers and they know that I am serious.  On top of that, they are just chill kids. My older two are opinionated and their will is strong; always has been.

• Throw out the agenda sometimes. I have a lot on my plate and the only way I can PROPERLY make it all work is if I am rigid about what we are doing, pretty much all of the time.  I hate this and it really isn't my natural state, but more like a necessity, or how I should be.  However, sometimes I realize that what the kids need is me and in my most relaxed version, so when I see this, I will throw out the to-do list and spend time with them.  They don't know that I pay for it later, but they will remember me being there.  Kids don't want to spend time with you for very many years, so remember that.  You have a few precious years before they start putting people and things in front of you....cherish it. 

• Show an interest in what your child is interested in.  I didn't want to see Twilight, but I have marathons with Lindsey because she loves them.  I don't really want to watch Megamind every night while my friends are watching adult shows like "Breaking Bad", but I do.  Sometimes I really don't understand anything my older kids are saying and I have to refrain from telling them how silly their problem is. I want to tell them that none of this will matter one day....but I don't because the stupid things mattered to me too when I was their age.  It belittles them when you aren't interested in them.

• Be Affectionate. This is what I am best at, hands down.  I have snuggled my kids nonstop and there is ABSOLUTELY no way that they don't know I love them.  I tell them I love them constantly and hug on them all the time.  This is the thing I am best at.  I love to snuggle my kids.

• Teach them right from wrong. This one is so obvious, but sometimes kids like to hear WHY something is right or wrong, and I don't think there's anything more valuable than taking the time to tell them why their behavior has an impact on others rather than just telling them to do what you say. Empathy is probably the most important thing to have in life.  I am at a very weird place....I am on the eve of raising teenagers and honestly, I feel like I have already been doing it for a couple of years now and it already sucks.  I have already had some conversations I hadn't planned on having with them, and what I have said for the most part is "Be honest with me and communicate and we will get along a lot better".  I just want to get them to 20 years old in one piece and limit the amount of counseling that they will probably need, and I say that because we all need a little no matter where we come from.  I know they are going to make mistakes, but I want them alive, healthy, and to be good people who respect others and contribute positively to society.

• Forgive yourself and move on. We are all messing up and probably somewhere, every day.  Parenting is the hardest and most important thing you will ever do and there is an overload of opinions and information about the subject.  I am not trying to contribute to that, but I firmly believe that if you love your children and try to teach them what God is trying to teach you, all will be okay.  When you mess up with your kids, all you can do is start over and do it better the next day.  The parents who think they do everything right are the ones who suck the most, so cut yourself some slack for caring and just try again. I apologize to my kids when I mess up with them, not so they will disrespect me for being a screw-up, but so they can respect me for being a human being who admits to having imperfections. They will be more likely to admit being human if they know that I find it acceptable.