Naked Squats.....the ultimate sacrifice.

Last night I had said that I wanted to write a lot, but I couldn’t because I was putting the boys to bed.  I just put them down for a nap, so we’ll see if they stay there!

Yesterday I had the best conversations with a couple of people and I will not give a lot of details because I want to protect them, but let’s just say that what these women were discussing made me seriously reflect on my own life.  Don’t you just love those people?  The people who hold mirrors up to your face and make you take a look at yourself when you aren’t expecting to do so?  I think that sometimes the people who aren’t the closest to us have the best insight into our lives and are able to tell us things that people who love us the most can’t.  I will say this—I was at a hair salon when these conversations took place.  Big shocker, since everyone knows that that's what girls do while we’re getting our hair done!  Man, guys really miss out on a lot of life lessons simply from not having enough hair!

One of the women made me laugh so much that my mascara was running.  She has an auto-immune disease and you would never know that she is sick because she’s like a little ball of energy.  She came in from changing into her robe (yes, men, we wear robes to get our hair cut) and said “If something happens to me make sure you put this shirt on me before the paramedics get here.  I don’t want them to see me in just my Spanx and jeans!”  Right there, I knew that I would love this woman for the next couple of hours because that is so a thought I would have.  This woman is a walking book of isms, and actually, I learned that someone close to her wrote a book full of these isms.  For example, she said that she believes that shorts are the devil and that women over 25 really shouldn’t wear them unless they have stick legs.  True.  She also added that everyone should check out there backside before leaving the house—so true—because we may look absolutely awesome from the front, but the back is just a different story.  Another, she said that the police don’t look for ugly people when they go missing, which is why Laci Petersen got so much attention.  She says that dry-humping is like window shopping— it is utterly pointless. I didn’t say it; she did, so forgive me Mom and Libbie!  And the best I have saved for last……when she needs to punish herself, brace yourself, she does squats naked in front of a mirror.  Is that not the craziest, funniest thing that you have ever heard?  I couldn’t catch my breath.  This woman is awesome; I loved her.  I didn’t find out that she was sick until before I left and she definitely got me thinking about how we can control how we handle situations, even if we can’t control the situation.  She has such a vibrant personality and loves her life, and she doesn’t let the sickness get the best of her.  I could just eat her up, she was so cute.

The other woman that I am talking about, I have known her for a long time now, is going through a very stressful situation that has caused her to be very angry and let me tell you, this is not an angry person. Everyone loves this girl and I can’t imagine anyone trying to hurt her because she is such a happy, giving, energetic, sweet person.  Throughout this horrible situation she has had everyone’s support and everyone’s had her back.  She is definitely being wronged by someone who was supposed to care about her and everyone has stuck up for her and been there for her, but that wasn’t enough for her to get back to her old self.  She needed something else and didn’t realize it until recently.  She said that she had a little breakdown and it was the best thing for her because it made her wake up and look at the situation in a different light.  She prays and reads her Bible every day, but she hadn’t realized that she was praying in a selfish way and not for what she truly needed….peace and what God had planned for her.  She had been praying that the situation would work out for her and that the other person would stop hurting her and that they would feel bad for what they were doing—pretty typical, if you ask me.  We all do that.  She said that she has been so angry that she hasn’t been able to listen to what God really wants for her, and now she is.  I am not about to go into any of the personal details, but what really touched me is how open she is to what God wants for her life now that she’s really listening.  Things are clearer and she has let go of the hate and anger that she has been carrying around and she is herself again.  Not only are things working out now, but they are even better than she could have predicted.  She is controlling how she’s handling the situation, not the situation.  I am beginning to think that the only thing that ends up mattering in life is the ablilty to do this-to handle each situation with strength, a sense of humor, happiness, grace, and faith.  Life is the journey, not the destination.  People don’t remember what we do, but how we make them feel, etc etc etc.  It’s all cliché, but it’s all true. 

Before I get too far off the subject, a couple of weeks ago I heard David Arquette (of all people) say something wise.  He said that his yoga instructor told him that being angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  I love that.  It's so true, and paints such a vivid picture of what hate and anger really is.   I know that I will think of that from now on. 

I realize that I go through times in my life where I feel really in tune with what God is saying to me, and other times I feel like I am just going through the motions and I'm so busy that I stop hearing Him.  In other words, God is there, I know He is and I try to be a good person and all of that—but I am not praying enough and I am not open.  I realize that I am also selfish because I am always closest to God when I am going through rough times and no matter how many times I have promised not to let that happen, it does.  Don’t get me wrong, I wake up every single day and thank God for what I have and for the blessings in my life.  I try to be obedient, but am I trying enough?  No.  But I am going to starting today.

Three nights ago I woke up out of the blue (the babies didn’t wake me) and I heard something.  It was so clear and I was so ashamed of myself in this delirious state.  Let me back up and say that lately I have been feeling defeated.  I feel like the boys are never going to sleep though the night and that they are going to want to get into bed with me until the day I die.  I have tried everything, and basically, I lose the battle every time.  I get so tired from making them stay in their beds, they always win in the long run and it’s usually around 4 in the morning after I have tucked them back in 10 times.  Trust me, I have tried.  I have wound up sleeping on the floor for nights in a row, I have let them scream for an hour, I have let them sleep with me hoping that they’ll grow out of it…..none of it has worked and I feel all alone.  It’s me that has to fix it, and I am so upset by this that I just don’t know what to do but to accept the fact that I will continue to be tired for a couple of more years.  Anyway, three nights ago I woke up and heard “Why haven’t you prayed about it, dummy?”  And I am so embarrassed to say that I really have not been.  I pray for everyone I love, I pray for the most obvious things, but this issue in my life I haven’t depended on God to help me and I don’t know why.  I am seriously tired and struggling at night, and I haven’t even handed it over to God?  I haven’t asked for help?  What a dummy I am!  And because I still haven’t really prayed about it and still don’t know what the solution is, I can’t tell you, but what I do know is that I have not been listening to God.  I am trying to control everything too much and it just doesn’t work that way.  What a fool I am.  I can't control my age, I can't control what happens, I can't control others' actions or attitudes, and that is just the way that it is.  I think that learning to let go of control is a very hard lesson for women to learn, and even more so for mothers.  Women worry like they're getting paid for it, and it's really just a slap in God's face.  I don't want to slap God in the face!  Talk about blasphemy!  I need to listen, be kind, and be obedient.  That's my job on this planet.  If only it were easier. 

I know that I was longwinded today, but I just felt so much yesterday and I really wanted to share the fact that I was so touched by these two women.  I don’t know what I would do without people in my life because I learn so much every day from others. 

Here’s the Word of the Day:

puckish \PUHK-ish\, adjective:

Whimsical; mischievous; impish.