I'm so IMPERFECT!

Last night I decided to do the very thing that I’ve needed to do……let Dylan cry.  For months now I have been getting up in the middle of the night and tucking him back in with his bear and paci.  This happens sometimes 10 times a night, and I have continued to do it in hopes that he'll just decide to sleep one day.  Last night around 2 am I let him stand at the gate and cry for about an hour, or a little more.  Finally, I got up, gave him his paci and bear and tucked him back in and told him that I wasn’t doing it again.  He slept the rest of the night.  It could be a fluke or he may have worn himself out.  I couldn’t go back to sleep until 5 and then I woke up again at 5:30 because Lindsey’s alarm was going off.  (She and Don have plans to run together in the morning.)  I couldn’t get the thing to turn off, so I unplugged it out of frustration.  Then it went off again, with the help of batteries.  I finally stuffed it under a thousand pillows in case it went off again.  Lindsey never even squirmed, so I went back to bed for another hour or so and then woke her up around 7:15. 

I was really tired this morning and knew that I had to have coffee or I wasn’t going to make it.   I went to make some coffee and realized that Logan broke my coffee pot yesterday and didn’t tell me.  The reason I know that he did it is because I asked him to take the trash out, and he hadn’t done it after I'd asked 3 or 4 times.  I said “What are you doing in there?”  He said “Oh, I just poured out your coffee.”  Hmmmmmm.  So I had to get the boys ready to go this morning to buy a new coffee pot so I won’t get a headache later.

I had a couple of blonde moments this morning too.  First, I asked Don why it wasn’t easier to get up because it should be lighter since the time changed, but in fact, it turns out I’m retarded and it’s just the opposite.  (Sorry, I don’t really mean retarded.  Not PC, I know.)  I guess one can get practically straight A’s in college and yet never truly understand the Earth’s rotation, alignment, time zones, and time changes.  Ah well, you can’t win ‘em all. 

My second blonde moment……I caught my coffee pot on fire.  I was desperate for a cup, so I went ahead and poured the water in, put the coffee in, and turned the thing on with just a mug underneath the spout.  It was brewing, but nothing came out.  I poked the spout and it started to drip, but then it smelled like fire and smoke was billowing out of the top.  I put out the fire with water and learned that a coffee pot is not only for looks….it actually serves a purpose. 

I remember the time that I started a fire in my apartment in Milwaukee.  I lit some candles to relax in my room and made some tea.  I put a mug in the microwave, but I didn’t know that it had a teeny bit of metal on the handle.  I smelled smoke and ran to the microwave.  I saw flames and smoke.  I had actually started a fire by boiling water!  I ran down the hall to get the fire extinguisher and the hammer was stuck on the inside of the glass.  I panicked and started banging on a neighbor’s door—I’m always panicking—and the bad-ass girl that she was broke the glass and ran to my kitchen like Rambo with an UZI.  (Is that what Rambo used?)   She put out the fire and I thanked her over and over again.  Then I tried to get the white powder up with water……for weeks.  Don’t ever wet it!  It turns to a powdery dust that never goes away.  I think I moved out with white stuff all over the counters and floors.  Are you shaking your heads in shame yet?

Now on to my next subject…….the mysteries of the Universe.  I often wonder things like why people from New Jersey are so different than we are, why Pear Trees smell like dead fish, and why God made some monkeys bare-assed.  Was he being funny, or is there a purpose?  I wonder these things and never bother getting a true answer because none of them have a bearing on my life.  But the next mystery of the Universe is this, and it is one that affects my life:  How is it possible to clean with 2 two-year-old boys? 

I set out to clean the kitchen while they sat at the table and had their lunch.  I had to do the dishes, clean the counters, you know, normal stuff.  We’re starting to stick to the floors, and that is just not acceptable, and I have to mop the floors when they are sleeping.  There isn't enough time to clean the whole thing while they are taking a nap.  So here’s how that went down…..um, they pushed the buttons on the dishwasher and ran it occasionally, they were trying to dig in the garbage can, and they were running around banging their wooden spoons on the windows and walls and I had to take them away.  I gave them spoons to bang on pots and pans, but they didn’t stay there for too long.  I can’t allow them to color because it winds up on the walls without supervision, and Barney just wasn’t very interesting to them today.  Carson finally ends up doing this thing with his head when he wants my attention and isn’t getting it; he sticks his head between my legs and pushes until I almost fall back.  Then he grabs my pants and yanks them down.  I don’t allow that, so I pretty much call it a day once they’re at that point.  Dylan was crying “Mama,” and hanging on my legs as well, so it was a good thing that I had tied my sweatpants very tightly. 

Basically, I have these days where I feel like I am about to go nuts, and I have to remember that that’s what people are assuming it’s like for me when I say that I have two sets of twins. So when I brush them off and say “Awww, yeah, it’s all good.  No worries,” It’s really not true.  There are days where I feel like I am not accomplishing anything, even though I am trying so hard to do so.  And I wanted to write this while I am feeling in that state….human....and not trying to hold it together like everything is a piece of cake for me, because there are times where it isn’t. 

I did figure out how to clean the kitchen.  I let the boys help.  Here’s Carson “cleaning” the crayon off the wall, or "Dylan’s mural". 

Maybe the floors will get so sticky that the boys will stay there long enough for me to clean a toilet or two!

Here’s your Word of the Day, and it's something that I hope I am not: 

pusillanimous \pyoo-suh-LAN-uh-muhs\, adjective:
Lacking in courage and resolution; contemptibly fearful; cowardly.