I am posting this link again because a few people have asked for it again. If you haven't taken it, take it because you will be shocked how accurate it is....
For those of you who have, these are totally me and really funny....although I like to think I am a bit more logical than this. I struggle to balance though.
Because I refuse to give up and accept my own logic....
Because I would totally say this because it's totally true.
Because there are moments when "I don't know" are legit.
We are, in my opinion, a generation of borderline commitment phobes and I say borderline because we aren't sure if we are afraid of commitment or if it's something else that's wrong with us...we can't commit to what the issue is. We are a generation who watched at least half of all marriages end in divorce in the 80's and 90's and maybe by now, we have even been through our own. Add to that, now we are older and we have discovered that we actually kind of like our freedom, our routine, and not having to be around anyone when we are moody....but that doesn't make us afraid of commitment if we are unwilling to give it up, right? Could it be something else?
I have a guy friend who said he's just going to stop dating because nothing ever happens to end it and it's too confusing. He said it isn't like when you're in high school and you say "will you be my girlfriend" and you can easily define the relationship. He said "The conversation about your relationship usually happens 30 minutes before you go out on a Friday night with your friends and one of you clarifies with the other person that you don't want them to hook up with anyone else or vice versa" and this is true. Unless you have that conversation, your life can slowly seem to become a meaningless strand of pointless clusters of text conversations that did nothing but waste your time and amounted to nothing. They just kind of fizzle out and you don't know what happened with this thing that you kind of had going for a minute and what's worse is that you really don't know if you care or not. Were you ever really going to skip the gym to see the person? Were you ever going to actually carve out time to see the person? Probably not. And then you realize something....you weren't going to because you're either afraid of commitment, or they weren't the one.
So again, which is it?
Sure, I would LOVE to believe that love is like When Harry Met Sally and two people who originally don't like each other can fall in love after years of friendship. Harry shows up and says to Sally after like 12 years of friendship and says "I've been doing a lot of thinking and here's the thing, I love you. When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want that to start as soon as possible." Are there actually people who are in love and don't know it? And how can they not commit if they love someone? What if true commitment phobes are afraid of the right ones?
Is your head spinning yet?
I know something about myself and I can't imagine that anyone else is very different. You have all of these hard limits about yourself and what you want. For example, I have been known to say (and they are totally legit; they are not lies) that I am busy. I am scared. I have been hurt. I don't really know if I want a boyfriend right now. I just want to have fun. I am focusing on myself. I am focusing on my kids. I like my routine. I like my life the way it is. But do those all go out the window when it's someone I really like? Yeah, it's been that way for me. What happens when you fall in love? You are thrown off balance, you ignore everything, and you will do anything to be with that person or see the person. Period. All of a sudden, you aren't focusing on yourself, you're late to work because you want to cuddle, and you are willing to watch stupid shows that you wouldn't have watched before. You simply won't do this with someone you aren't into. And why would you?
So then you decide that you don't have a fear of commitment...it's because they aren't the one.
George Clooney should teach you to question the idea of commitment-phobia and here's why...George Clooney probably used every excuse in the book when it came to not committing to his girlfriends. I am sure he said it wasn't the right time, he was focused on work, he was hurt from the girl before, he didn't believe in marriage...I'll bet he said it all and probably meant what he was saying. I also imagine that he didn't have to say much for it to be okay with the girls because come on, he's George Clooney. You take what you can get. But anyway, my point is this....George Clooney was an eternal bachelor. This girl came along and bam. After like 3 months or something crazy like that, he put a ring on it. He didn't grow up. He didn't "realize" he wanted to be married. He threw every rule out the window when he couldn't help himself. So what George Clooney teaches us is not to hold out hope that he will commit, but that he did commit. To someone else.
But then I stop right there. Has it really worked this way for me in the past? To throw "everything out the window" and "lose balance" isn't exactly a good thing. I have been presented with guys who would be a very good decision and my mind starts racing. All of a sudden, I am thinking about how I won't have freedom to do what I want anymore. I think about my space and how I don't like things being messy. Would I be ok with someone's clothes on the floor other than my children's? And what about globs of toothpaste in the sink. That is extremely gross. And I hate little whiskers all over the sink from shaving. I don't know if I really want to share my personal space with someone. And is this going to be the last person I have sex with? I have also been burned before. I have been given promises and been told I am loved and it took a really really long time for me to feel steady by myself. And do I really want to carry someone else's baggage? Lord knows I have my own, but am I ready to be compared to some bitch before me? What if it doesn't end up 50/50 but I end up carrying the relationship? And what about my free time? Are they going to infringe on that? I don't want to really give that up. Can I trust a guy? And if he pressures me, so help me....
Today marks 4 years since my friend, Katie, lost her mother to cancer and since Linda was like my second mom, I have decided to write a little something for her today. It's hard for me to think about Katie and her brothers going through life without their mom. It's also hard knowing that we lost one of the funniest, strongest, most amazing women in existence because it isn't fair. But as soon as I start to think that, I remember that that's not what Linda would have said. She would have celebrated the memories she had with the person and appreciated the moments she was given.
Linda was a fighter and she went through life with a joyful attitude. She fought cancer from the time Katie and I were about 12 until 4 years ago. You would never have known she was sick because she was happy. She smiled, she laughed, she went through her days with a positive attitude and MEANT it. She did it on purpose. You could feel her in a room. She went through life with a fury, that's the thing I remember most about her. I wrote her a letter right before she passed away because I couldn't fly up to Milwaukee. I told her that I loved the way she "sucked the marrow out of life", which Katie has never forgotten. She loved that sentence because it was SO her mom. So today, I will do just that in my own life and everyone who knew her should do the same. This is who Linda was.
My favorite memories of Linda....speeding through Whitefish Bay, driving a stick shift while dancing and singing to Crocodile Rock. Laughing at me when I was 19 years old as I squirmed and squealed when I touched meat for the first time. She taught me how to make pork chops. Dancing with her at Katie's wedding. I remember her laughing when someone once said something mean. THAT I took with me. I was still rather young and thought "Omg, why isn't she mad? She laughed! That's awesome." I remember her laugh. My gosh, HER LAUGH. I would do something stupid right now just to hear that again.
As far as her kids go, they are awesome and she did a great job. Her son Nick, was my first crush when I was 10. He's grown up to be a wonderful dad and husband. Her son, Tony, who told me he was going to rip my tongue out of my mouth if I stuck it out at him again (ha ha ha ha, did I actually do that?) grew up to be a dad and a husband and one of the coolest guys you'll meet. Tony, I am totally sticking out my tongue at you next time I see you. And Katie, not only does she look just like her mother, but I see so much of her mom in her beliefs and attitudes. She laughs, she shrugs her shoulders and says "Ah well" when things don't work out, and she has pushed me to fight. When I have told her I can't do it, she tells me to get back up. Katie watched her mom do it over and over and it's shaped her to be a fighter too.
Now go suck the marrow out of life. That's what Linda would have done.
Last week the trailer for 50 Shades of Grey was released and women freaked out, which was no surprise. It's been highly anticipated for two years. Of course, there were those who spoke out against it. Take Matt Walsh, for example. I will first note that I really do like some of the things he says and I do read his blogs because he pretty much tells it as he sees it and I respect that. Sometimes I agree with him, however, I have an opposing opinion when it comes to the whole 50 Shades of Grey matter....and that's that I don't care if people see it.
Before I go any further, I should admit that I read the first 50 Shades book and got bored. I should also admit that I thought the writing was terrible and I couldn't see through that, so I quit. Even so, I read enough to know that there is more of a storyline in the series than just sex and I can see what the appeal was. I can also see why it took off the way it did and that's that women are interested in sex. They don't want just the missionary position. They don't want some passive male who is going to shake when they touch them. That's what I got from the hype, didn't you? I mean, I don't think that this series has turned us all into hookers on the side of the road giving hand jobs to strangers and smoking crack, did it? Unless I missed something? Are all of my friends worshiping the devil and turning tricks because they read these books? Not that I am aware of. Plus, I thought that mainly suburban house wives were reading it. Right? So why does that affect me again? Oh yeah. It doesn't.
I think that if you haven't read a book, seen a movie, watched a
television show, met someone personally, or have carnal knowledge about someone, you
should probably keep your mouth shut. I have no doubt that some people would tell me that I am not a Christian because of what I am about to say...but of course, right? I believe that you are to love thy neighbor and don't judge others. That's all. I really don't care what you do unless you're hurting someone else because you're a grown adult and in the end, you're the one answering to God. I especially don't care when it's about what you're reading and what you're doing in your bedroom. As long as you don't have an STD and you're not injecting me with it, I really don't have an opinion about you using handcuffs with your husband. You can use toys, not use toys...I don't care. If we are talking about two consenting adults, why WOULD I care? In fact, I thank God on a daily basis that it isn't my job to tell people what to read, what to do, how to vote, how to have sex, when to have sex, etc. It really drives me crazy that people waste so much time trying to manage other people in the name of God. Jesus walked up to the woman at the well as a patient and kind man. He befriended the prostitute. He didn't shame her for being a hooker and act like he was above her and he WAS perfect. No one here is perfect, so zip it. You're a sinner too even when you are appalled that a woman wants to see this movie. When did it become acceptable to throw stones at another person? You don't like the movie, don't see it. I am pretty sure the women reading the books and seeing the movie are perfectly aware of what they're in for.
I realize that Matt Walsh says he doesn't differentiate between a man's porn and 50 Shades and so he's being fair.
Ok. I get that. Thanks for being gender neutral when you're judging
what I am reading and how I am having sex I guess? Here's where I
differ again....I also don't care that the man down the hall is looking
at huge boobs on his computer screen. I am not going to go in there and
tell him it's wrong. He knows porn is frowned upon. That's his wife's business.
Didn't we learn on 9/11 that there were bigger issues than Clinton's sex life in the 90's? In the grand scheme of things, there are children starving, people dying, and there's probably a comet headed toward us one day. I am more worried about the sun burning out and freezing to death than what my best friend did in bed last night. Have I made my point yet? I have better things to worry about than what's at the box office and who you're sleeping with. There is a rating system for a reason. I'm not taking my 5-year-olds to see 50 Shades of Grey...end of story. What two consenting adults do behind closed doors is their business, have I said that already? What a mother of 3 who wants to spice up her sex life with her husband reads is also none
of your damn business. There are bigger issues in the world than what
positions your neighbors are having sex in. I may take a Libertarian
view on most things and that's because I am more concerned with things
that actually matter. There are a LOT of people who need help and
attention. Your neighbor going to see this movie should be none of your concern. Mind your business.
I always had a crush on the "slacker" in movies growing up. I know that this is probably due to the fact that the writer of the script meant for me to root for the slacker, but whatever. I always loved the smart ass who maybe by society's terms was considered a screw-up, but only because they didn't buy into a bunch of bull crap that society wanted them to buy into or they didn't have the best circumstances growing up. I always loved the best friend, the troublemaker, the smart ass, the guy who couldn't always show the girl exactly how he felt....they are so cute. Here are my favorite slackers who got the girl who was out of their league....
Troy Dyer, Reality Bites
I would climb Tory Dyer like a tree. For those of you who haven't seen it, watch it. Troy is Lelaina's best friend. They haven't hooked up because they know that it will complicate things, but they are totally in love with each other. Lelaina starts dating a very nice (but irritating) yuppie named Michael. Troy says that Michael is "the reason CliffsNotes were invented" and starts getting jealous, but he can't do anything about it because he's afraid of commitment. He's totally adorable in a really unconventional way.
Why would I climb him like a tree? Because he says stuff like this: Michael Grates: Have I stepped over some line in the sands of coolness with you?
Because excuse me if somebody doesn't know the secret handshake with
you. Troy Dyer: There's no secret handshake. There's an IQ prerequisite, but there's no secret handshake.
Brodie, Mallrats
Thank God I grew out of the Brodies, but I would still pick him over Ben Affleck, the man who works at Fashionable Male....and I am 33.
Brodie: Haven't I made it clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know sh**?
John Bender, The Breakfast Club
I totally would have fallen for Bender and everyone would have been mad about it. It's not his fault thoughhhh! Bender: If he gets up, we'll all get up!..It'll be anarchy!
Will Hunting, Good Will Hunting
I want to cuddle him forever and watch him do equations and eat caramels.
Skylar: Maybe we could go out for coffee sometime? Will: Great, or maybe we could just go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels. Skylar: What? Will: Well when you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee.
Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything
Duh.He's standing outside of her bedroom window
after she breaks up with him playing
"In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel,
which is the song that played when they first had sex. Of course he's on this
list.He may not have had his life
together exactly, but he landed the gorgeous valedictorian and went with her to
London.
Diane
Court: Nobody thinks it will work, do they?
Lloyd
Dobler: No. You just described every great success story.
Brian Flanagan, Cocktail
This movie is so cute. He was a cute bartender, she was a rich girl....and they have twins at the end.
Brian: Days get shorter, nights longer and longer, before you know it, your life is just one long night with a few comatose daylight hours.
A.J., Empire Records
A.J.
wasn't really a slacker, but he was in love with his best friend and
couldn't tell her because she was in love with some douche bag. He
decides to tell her at 1:37 in the afternoon.
AJ: You know, I got to tell her that I, uh, well, you know, that I uh... Joe: You love her. AJ: Yeah, now how do I do that? Joe: You say I love you. What do you want, written instructions?
The reason I am having a hard time writing this is that I don't think you should "vent" to men and this is what men kind of assume we are doing when we have a bad day and want to talk. The term "vent" had to be invented to describe a woman's need to communicate things she shouldn't say in church, she doesn't really mean, can't take back, or say to someone's face. Venting is part of a girl's Prison Prevention Program and the reason that we don't have to pay for therapy. Venting is how we sort out our emotions in order to visualize a more logical framework. Venting is the initial stage in determining whether we are going to move forward and act on whatever it is we are feeling. Men simply don't understand that we would kill them without "venting" to our girlfriends and that we do dump most of this energy on our girlfriends because we know men don't understand the need to vent.
So why do men not understand that if we come to them, that's not what we are doing? We need three things from you and that's to feel:
Loved
Acknowledged and listened to
Secure
If I am moody, I usually go to yoga, take a shower, listen to music,
write, and pretty much want to be left alone. Sometimes I want to talk
and sometimes I don't, but I will talk to someone if I want to.
Normally if I screw up and act like an ass, it's because I feel like
someone is making me talk and I said I didn't want to. However a woman deals with it, I think this is how a man should respond...
Give her a hug and a kiss. For most of us, this disarms us and makes us feel comforted.
Ask her if she wants to talk about it. And hide the fact that you're thinking "Please say no. Please say no." Ha ha. No, really, be concerned. Try to be helpful and show us that you care about us.
Don't assume that she is just going to be a flapping mouth with no pointand all emotions. Go into it with the intent of understanding the message, even if we move too quickly sometimes.
Then Shut up and Listen.
Then shut up.
Then shut up.
Then shut up.
Then agree with her. Acknowledge the atrocities of the situation for now. She is still talking.
Wait for her to appear finished before offering any solutions or asking any questions. In fact, don't offer any solutions or ask questions until step10.
Ask if she wants advice or if she's got it under control. This is where you can ask questions to clarify, in case she wants advice. Some of us do actually want help. I really don't want a man to just agree with me all the time and the fact that I am talking about it with you means that I need your opinion, and if I don't want your opinion, I will tell you that I don't. I wouldn't be here if I didn't need help or a hug or to be snuggled. I would be better off venting to a tree than a man. I would get the same response, but the tree wouldn't be offended. Just ask her what she wants from you. Those of us who aren't a pain in the ass will tell you and we won't make you grovel and beg to help us.
Ask if there is anything else you can do for her. And then do that.
Make her laugh. Ok, so obviously don't laugh AT us, but lighten the mood. There is nothing better than a man I can't stay mad at. There is nothing better than a man who makes me smile after feeling crappy.
ONE LAST THING.......For the love of God, if she is mad at you and you are her problem, LISTEN!!!! She isn't venting. You're not listening. There is nothing more irritating than being an emotionally mature and intelligent person and being treated as if you are on the rag and crazy. Don't assume it will blow over. There's nothing more irritating than a man thinking you're "bitching" and nagging when you aren't. Men who lose their wives never have any idea why they left and all women claim to have talked and talked and begged and pleaded for years and years....so go figure. LISTEN.
I posted something I shouldn't have on Facebook a couple of days ago. I shouldn't have because it was sexist...but it was also true, so oh well. I said "I
wish I had the luxury of putting on a calendar when a man will be in a
bad mood like men can do with women. We're at a serious disadvantage
here. Man moods never make any sense to me. Just come out of nowhere!!!" Well, they don't come out of nowhere because when a man is in a bad mood, it's because he too has feelings and there are external forces affecting him. However, from a girl's perspective, the worst part about a man mood is that he doesn't like to admit that he is in fact, in a bad mood. Then once he finally admits that he is, when you ask him why, he says "Nothing" or "I don't want to talk about it". Ok. So how do you deal with a man mood? Here's a list of things to remember, and please tell me if I am wrong, men......
Be there but don't hover.I don't know about you but I don't want someone poking at me and being angry because I am quiet or snippy. If he says he doesn't want to talk about it, respect that. Say "Ok, well I am here if you change your mind." I think it's ok to check in on him, but pretty much go do something else until he is ready to talk about it or move on.
Be empathic. How do you feel when you are in a bad mood? Try to be understanding. We're all grouchy sometimes. It sucks.
Make him food. I make men sound like cavemen, but I have never seen anything like when a man is hungry.Sometimes it's just their blood pressure. They also feel loved when you make them something to eat. It sounds so stupid, but it's true. Maybe while he's cooling off and you are not hovering, go make him something and then come back and say "Hey, I made this _____ for you. If you want it, it's there, if not that's ok."
Do something helpful. I know that when I am in a bad mood, it's usually due to the fact that I am simply overwhelmed. Do something for him that will take a load off.
Be sweet. Now is really not the time to call him a dickhead or an ass, even if he is totally being one. All that will happen is that you will get into a bigger fight about something you know is already true....he's being a dickhead and he's being an ass. Just say "Ok, well, let me know if you want to talk" and go do something else. You don't have to add anything like "Sorry for asking, asshole" or anything that will make them feel bad for turning your sweetness down. It's just a mood, not the end of the world. Being huffy when a man is in a bad mood is pretty much the worst thing you can do. You may as well shoot yourself. Think about when you are stressed out and you ask your kid to go make her bed and she scowls and huffs. It's infuriating. You may as well tell a man that he is never allowed to have feelings and that you would prefer him to be perfect all the time....no pressure at all!!
Sex. I think that this depends on the guy. I would usually say something funny and assume that all sexual acts will help all men because men think with their penises, but some men get so stressed out that you're going to have to do some other things to even get him to sleep with you. Some guys are the opposite. They have sex in order to relieve stress. It depends on the guy.
Give him a back rub. Duh.
Don't be judgmental, listen, and execute. Men have feelings too, but here's where women miss the mark...men already know they have feelings and they know what they are. They don't want to talk about their feelings. Think about what happens when you talk to a man about how you feel or a problem you're facing....what does he do? He listens and automatically tries to fix it for you. Sometimes you get mad because you feel like he is judging you and your actions and you say that you just want to vent and you don't need him to fix it. Men are so confused about this because they naturally need the exact opposite. It just doesn't compute. They only talk about things once they realize that they need help. So if he deems you as a capable and intelligent mate and feels like you may have some insight into solving his issue, he will ask you. If you just want to talk about his feelings, you may as well go bake some cookies.
I think when dealing with men, it's important to respect them for their differences and to understand that we really are wired differently. If we can learn that there are some things that just simply aren't going to change, then we're probably closer to finding a solution in our relationships.
Tomorrow I will write about what to do when a girl is in a bad mood.
Today is my 1,000th post. That's 1,000 times I have felt inspired and been curious. 1,000 times I have made myself vulnerable on the Internet. 1,000 times have let people in and opened up a window to my soul. (Sort of.) One of my readers, Priestess Raven (I have never met her), commented last week on my creeper post. She said something so true. She said "Blogs are so funny, we expose so much of our inner selves but we still remain closed off." It's so true. You hit the nail on the head, Priestess Raven. I am SO OPEN when I write, but then someone will ask me a question in person and I'm sometimes like "Dahhhhhh, I don't know". Can I have a hug, Brittany? "Gahhhh no. You're scaring me. Why don't you read this blog post about everything there is to know about me instead." My soul remains screened-in, in a way.
What's in the Name? So when I named this blog, I named it Haphazard Daily because I had no idea what it was going to be about. I knew that it was my personality to be all over the place, so I picked the name in five minutes.
I knew my moods and my interests and the way my curiosity works...I knew that one
day I was going to be like really into which political system is closest
to a Utopian society and then the next day I would just be really
excited that I ate an Oreo. I knew that I didn't want to write about
JUST motherhood or JUST relationships or JUST what I am doing at any
given time because I was already aware that I am never just one thing
with one label (none of us are) and I wanted to be free to go wherever
the wind blew me. I didn't even realize that by picking something so
free to be whatever it wants, I was actually describing pretty much
exactly who I am, so my blog did have a direction without having a
direction. Doing something haphazardly
is doing it in a way that is unorganized, by chance, totally random, without order or direction...kind of like my life. Maybe all of my crazy experiences and my
thoughts and my quirks and opinions and interests will lead me exactly
where I am supposed to be and maybe all of this randomness in my life will make up one big masterpiece at the end. I mean, I hope so.
What Haphazard Daily Has Taught Me... This blog has taught me so much about myself and about other people. It's taught me that I don't need someone to make me do anything because it's really quite simple...if I want to do it, I will do it. I have written on my own with no one holding my hand, and I do it simply because I like it. It's
also taught me that I am not going to do anything that I don't want to
do or that I am not 100% into. I hate being controlled and I would rather give someone the moon on my own than being pushed and squeezed into giving a blade of grass. I am opinionated, strong-willed, and I am passionate about what I care about...it's all here in my writing. It's shown me what my ghosts and fears and my faults are; it's shown me my strengths and what I care about. By writing every day, I have discovered that I really am a free spirit with a strong desire to make others happy and to be happy; I don't like feeling caged and that feeling this way will make me panic. I am always growing, changing, and trying to be a better person. It's also shown me that I am a smart ass and that I fail a lot, unfortunately. This blog has taught me that a lot of people want to voice their opinions and thoughts and simply never have the words to get them out. It's made me appreciate my love for words. I have gotten messages saying "Yes!!! That's how I feel! I wish I had the words to say that!" And that's the best part about writing this....I have developed a relationship with my readers. They know me by reading and I get to know them by writing. I love you guys! What I Never Expected...
I don't intentionally use this blog as a weapon, but it kind of goes with the territory that it's going to stab people once in a while and that's been really hard for me to get over. I try to be honest about my feelings and at the same time, I try not to hurt people who may be involved with the way I feel. It's tricky. I don't even have to say anything specifically, but sometimes there is a tone to the blog that may or may not have anything to do with someone...sometimes they're right and sometimes they have been wrong and it isn't even about what they think it is. What I didn't expect is that if I come right out and say something, I am damned. If I censor myself, I am also damned because then it opens me up to assumptions that aren't correct. For the most part, I don't deal with that and honestly, I have learned to let it roll off my back when it does happen, but people WILL use your words to hurt you and that's something I had to get used to. That's what you open yourself up to and I accept that.
If anyone has ever been hurt by what I have written, I will tell you that as much as this blog heals me as I write, it's in some ways a weapon that stabs me as well. How does it stab me? Well, I have written some pretty painful pieces. I have written them without censoring myself. It's hard being that open and knowing that the person who hurt you is reading it. It's hard having trust issues and still being open because there's always the fear that someone may hurt you again after knowing where you're weak....talk about being at a disadvantage emotionally. I never expected my blog to take me to so many scary places where I would have to dig at my own soul and allow people to see it gnawed on. To be honest, I
never expected so many people to read it and it's shocked me that the things I have to say would actually be something worth coming back to. It's just me on here. That's it. Just me. 1,000 posts later, I have been married, divorced, heartbroken, lost, sad, ecstatic, in love....it's all here.
If You Are In This Blog....
If I haven't told you to your face that you have been in my blog, you probably have not been. (Unless you are one of the specific MIA Douchebags because I couldn't find you to tell you, oh wait no-you're dead, the Close Dancer in Zumba who I called a single-celled amoeba walking on two uncoordinated legs, or any random person.....I didn't know your name.) I have had muses. They know who they are. To those who I have written about....you have twisted my soul and that's why I write. You have made me curious and happy and sad and you've tugged at my heart and made the wheels in my brain start turning. I thank you and appreciate you! Thank you for reading!
I don't watch TV, like, pretty much at all. I try to get into shows, but I forget to watch them for a few weeks and then I get so far behind that I get overwhelmed and stop watching them. I have assumed for a while that my ADD is just bad and that's why I don't watch TV, but lately I wonder if it's because every time I turn the TV on, I find nothing but commercials and crappy shows. Have you seen this "Dating Naked" show on VH1? Are you kidding me? Could there be a better indicator of how incredibly shallow and stupid we are becoming? It's already hard for guys to pay attention to us without staring at our boobs and imagining what our ass would feel like in their hands....what are we trying to do here? See just how stupid they can become and how quickly they can lie? What a stupid show. Is that where we're headed? Here's an idea! Let's just go completely backwards! Let's just cut to the chase and reject each other immediately based on absolutely nothing of substance and choose someone based on penis and breast size. Finding out what someone looks like naked is something that you would THINK would be part of the fun of dating and first kisses and the first time you're together...
VH1 says the show isn't about being naked, but it's about “the art of romance
free of preconceived notions, stereotypes.” The idea is that no one has anything from the modern world protecting them and hiding who they really are. (Like clothes and money and status.)
Right. I'm not buying it.
Stripping someone of their clothes doesn't make them open up. People are naked and sleeping around every day...it doesn't mean that they ever have to show who they really are. What do clothes have to do with it?
Saturday: I am thankful that I was so happy and relaxed that one of my friends said I looked like I was on something. Can't beat that. I smiled and giggled and chilled all day. Sunday: I am thankful for the creeper in hot yoga who meditated on my ass for an hour and fifteen minutes. He made me practice blocking out the world and focusing even harder. Thanks, man. You inadvertently made me a happier person. Monday: I am thankful for my shower because I had a headache and the two showerheads make me feel a little better. I could marry my shower. Tuesday: I am thankful for the movie, Reality Bites. I have seen that movie a million times in the last 20 years and it was just as enjoyable on Tuesday. I realized that I still prefer Troy to Michael. Thank God I didn't grow up to be a sellout. Wednesday: I had breakfast with my friend, Kasie, I got a letter from my grandpa, and a visit from one of my girlfriends from high school from Florida, Luciana. Luciana reminded me to lay off of my teenage daughter a little for being a pig because I was a gigantic SLOB when I was a teenager. I was like "What? No I wasn't!" Her jaw dropped and she said in shock "Brittany!!!!" She said everyone had to step over piles in my bedroom. She reminded me that my dad was constantly yelling at me and I would yell back "It's only like that because we were all trying on clothes! It only just got messy!" I totally forgot that I was so messy. Thanks, Lu. Thursday: I am thankful for my readers. I made a comment on Facebook that I knew what I wrote wouldn't be as interesting as when I write about sex....everyone surprised me. It got just as many hits, and more people had something to say about it. That is really comforting because there is a lot more to me than just my thoughts on sex and relationships. That's not to say that I knock anyone for being interested....I wouldn't write about it if I weren't. But there's a lot more to my brain and I am interested in a lot of different things. It's nice when they matter. Friday: Friday night I slept for 9 hours. Here I am, Saturday morning, writing about what made me happy this week. Sleep makes me happy.
I got a letter from my grandpa (Papaw) yesterday. It was 6 pages long and beautifully written. As I read it, I thought to myself Communicating is genetic for me. Putting my thoughts to paper is most definitely inherited. He told me he's proud of me, he listed the reasons why, and he quoted Corinthians. He told me how happy he is that I am a grateful and positive person and that he is encouraged for me. He wrote "Britter Critter, work with all the stars above. Read your bible and pray and you will be ok." Can you really ask for more from a grandparent? I am so lucky to be 33 and to have a grandpa with not only a sound mind, but an amazing mind.
I have been blessed in the grandparent department. My other grandpa and I were close too, but he died when I was 17. He was a diabetic and he went in one morning for what seemed like a routine surgery and made it out ok. I will always be thankful for what happened the day he died. I was a junior in high school and I was about to leave. I walked over to my grandpa's guest house that was attached to our house. I hugged him and told him good luck with his surgery and that I loved him. I went to my friend's house after school and I called him at the hospital. He said "Brittany, I just want to tell you, I feel so loved! You came to see me this morning and that meant so much to me." He told me he loved me and he sounded so happy. I told him I loved him and that I would see him later. He died in the middle of the night from a heart attack, but he died knowing people loved him. There isn't anything else I wish I could have done because he knew that. This isn't to say that I was a perfect granddaughter because I wasn't. I was a selfish, spoiled teenager. Thank God I wasn't though that day.
And that's the thing you have to think about every day. What are you doing each day? Is it going to be that day that counts? And if it isn't, well then you will have a long life of wonderful, meaningful days filled with moments that made a difference in someone's life....
I know that this is a horrible thing to say and hopefully I am wrong, but I have always felt like I am going to die young, ever since I was a kid. I don't know if it's from fear that I will or because I seem to have dodged bullets, but I have always felt like I will. I don't live my life feeling doomed and filled with anxiety for the most part, but I really do acknowledge that it could happen at any time and I would hate my last day on earth to suck badly, so I try to live each day to the fullest. I want people to know that I love them, that I have a thirst to live my life well, and that I have no regrets. When I was 17, I lost control of a car and spun in circles crossing the street, hitting a fence and rolling four or five times, finally landing upside down. It was this moment that I believe I changed the first time. I remember thinking "My parents are going to have to bury me. I always wondered how I was going to die and when and this is it. Oh my God, I am about to die. I am dying at 17. This is it. That's the only life I got and it's over." I heard the metal and the glass breaking and I somehow still had time to think about how I was still a virgin, but we won't get into that. I remember all of that like it was yesterday. Once I realized that I could die and that I wasn't invincible, I really think I appreciated the fact that life is precious. After the fire last year, I already knew that I could die any day, and although I have dealt with some panic over the last year, I mainly just felt like I needed to figure out exactly what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I have figured it out.....
These are my goals for my life and they aren't things like getting remarried and jumping out of an airplane and climbing Mount Everest, but they are a blueprint for every day, no matter what I am doing: I want my children to know that they filled my life completely and that I loved them every single moment that I have breathed since they were born. I want my friends and family to know that I loved them intensely and to know how many times they made me laugh and smile and they didn't even know it. I have FUNNY friends. Seriously. They make me laugh every single day. Sometimes I am driving down the road thinking about something one of them said and I smile and giggle. I want to be remembered as a person who really tried to be good, who loved with everything she had, who tried to be giving and forgiving and loving. I want to be remembered for when I was patient but also for those moments where I was just a completely inconsiderate ass, because I wasn't perfect. I want to be remembered for admitting when I am wrong and for trying to correct my behavior and for apologizing. I want to be remembered as silly and happy and smiling. I want to be remembered for being loyal. I want to be remembered as someone who was genuine and trustworthy and honest. I want God to know I did my best and even when I screwed up, He was in my heart and that I love Jesus. These are the only things that matter to me and these are the things I am trying to accomplish here on earth. If I die tomorrow, I hope I have succeeded. I don't care about all of the other crap....you take nothing with you and the only thing you leave that matters are the memories and the way you made people feel.
You never know when your last day here will be, and you never know when the last time you'll see someone will be. Don't go to bed angry, and say goodbye like it's the last time you'll see someone. Love like crazy, play, forgive over and over even if only to find peace for yourself, and decide what you want and go for it. Don't be afraid. Be brave, be bold and dream. Love your life, even when it sucks because it's a gift. Don't just float, but push and go through it with fury. I KNOW I am a handful and I know I am all over the place sometimes, but that's because there is SO much to do in this life. I am so lucky to have so many awesome people to ride through life with. I think my Papaw said it best....work with all the stars above.
I watched about 20 minutes of this documentary on Netflix and I had to stop. I couldn't handle it. It was too horrible for me to watch. I felt SO bad for this guy. This poor man proposed to his girlfriend at a baseball game and she said no. I guess I was busy having a life, so I missed it on You Tube when it happened. She told him she wouldn't marry him because his penis was too small. Ok, well the reason I think the girl sucks is because she was dating him. Why the hell are you not going to say anything about it and date a guy for years and then turn him down and tell him that his penis is too small when he proposes? He didn't hear you complaining when you were naked the night before! Why waste his time at all? Man up! What a bitch.
The truth is, I don't blame a guy or girl for having preferences at all and honestly, we all do, but I think we should be honest with ourselves about what we can handle and not handle and what we like and don't like. What may work for one girl might not for another, and I would have to assume that the same goes for guys. And some girls are tiny! Guys can be too big, but I never see guys obsessing about that. If you love someone, there's a lot that goes into sex and I think it's stupid to focus on one thing. What if a guy is hung and can't kiss to save his life? Anyway, I couldn't even finish watching this because I felt so sorry for him. Maybe you can.....
I know that it might be a little confusing to some guys out there that I can write so openly on the Internet and yet I do not want to be solicited to for sexual banter, a relationship, or even a weird conversation, but I am taking a moment to tell all the crazy douche bags out there who are sending me random messages that it's absolutely creepy to send me messages like the one above just because you saw my face somewhere and read something that I wrote. I will block you. I also don't take drinks with date rape drugs and open the door for complete strangers with chainsaws, in case you were wondering. I know that I sound like a total bitch and that's because you have tapped into the part that is in fact, a total bitch, and I do not appreciate your courage to talk to me in the least. No girl appreciates your angle, so stop it.
I will say to all of the normal people out there that I realize I open myself up to a lot by writing this blog and being so honest (especially when it comes to relationships and sex), but it's worth it. I have made the decision that I am a stubborn ass and I would rather not censor myself and I guess it just comes with a territory. Thank you for reading every day. I am sorry I just had to be a bitch.
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