Why I Suck At Road Trips

1. I have to have Starbucks.  This is really annoying, even to me.  I am a coffee snob.  I will not drink coffee from anywhere but an actual coffee shop and I will wait for hours until I find one.  I don't like those gas station coffees because they taste bad and the cups suck.  The drinking holes are huge and the cups burn your hands because they are so thin. 
2. I have to pee more often than a grandpa. I seriously had to stop more than my children this past week on the way to and from Ohio. 
3. I always wind up stopping in places that look very Deliverance or The Hills Have Eyes.  When you won't drink anything but Starbucks and you won't eat any fast food at all, you wind up being just as snobby about where you'll pee.  Well, once I have pain in my kidneys from waiting for so long, eventually I have no choice but to pull over and pee in the one place where I am most likely to be kidnapped. It never fails.  I stop at the scariest most rural place possible. 
4. The longer I am in the car, the more I begin to sound like Alicia Keys.  I think this is amazing!!!  The more bored I get, the more I belt it out and to my delusional ears, my voice sounds like an angel.  I know you wanna hear it, but you never will.  Sorry. 
5. I hate talking.  I really don't like to talk when I am driving.  I like to think and ponder and analyze.  I like to blare my music and think about all of the things I have ignored in my head when I was not in the car.  I am not a very good companion if what you need is a communicator on the road.  I actually show my irritation too, which is not very good, I admit.