1,000 Posts Later

 

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Today is my 1,000th post.  That's 1,000 times I have felt inspired and been curious.  1,000 times I have made myself vulnerable on the Internet.  1,000 times have let people in and opened up a window to my soul.  (Sort of.)  One of my readers, Priestess Raven (I have never met her), commented last week on my creeper post.  She said something so true.  She said  "Blogs are so funny, we expose so much of our inner selves but we still remain closed off." It's so true.  You hit the nail on the head, Priestess Raven. I am SO OPEN when I write, but then someone will ask me a question in person and I'm sometimes like "Dahhhhhh, I don't know".  Can I have a hug, Brittany?  "Gahhhh no.  You're scaring me.  Why don't you read this blog post about everything there is to know about me instead."  My soul remains screened-in, in a way. 

What's in the Name? 

So when I named this blog, I named it Haphazard Daily because I had no idea what it was going to be about. I knew that it was my personality to be all over the place, so I picked the name in five minutes.   I knew my moods and my interests and the way my curiosity works...I knew that one day I was going to be like really into which political system is closest to a Utopian society and then the next day I would just be really excited that I ate an Oreo.  I knew that I didn't want to write about JUST motherhood or JUST relationships or JUST what I am doing at any given time because I was already aware that I am never just one thing with one label (none of us are) and I wanted to be free to go wherever the wind blew me.  I didn't even realize that by picking something so free to be whatever it wants, I was actually describing pretty much exactly who I am, so my blog did have a direction without having a direction.  Doing something haphazardly is doing it in a way that is unorganized, by chance, totally random, without order or direction...kind of like my life.   Maybe all of my crazy experiences and my thoughts and my quirks and opinions and interests will lead me exactly where I am supposed to be and maybe all of this randomness in my life will make up one big masterpiece at the end.  I mean, I hope so.

What Haphazard Daily Has Taught Me...

This blog has taught me so much about myself and about other people.  It's taught me that I don't need someone to make me do anything because it's really quite simple...if I want to do it, I will do it. I have written on my own with no one holding my hand, and I do it simply because I like it.  It's also taught me that I am not going to do anything that I don't want to do or that I am not 100% into.  I hate being controlled and I would rather give someone the moon on my own than being pushed and squeezed into giving a blade of grass.  I am opinionated, strong-willed, and I am passionate about what I care about...it's all here in my writing.  It's shown me what my ghosts and fears and my faults are; it's shown me my strengths and what I care about.  By writing every day, I have discovered that I really am a free spirit with a strong desire to make others happy and to be happy; I don't like feeling caged and that feeling this way will make me panic.  I am always growing, changing, and trying to be a better person. It's also shown me that I am a smart ass and that I fail a lot, unfortunately.  This blog has taught me that a lot of people want to voice their opinions and thoughts and simply never have the words to get them out.  It's made me appreciate my love for words.  I have gotten messages saying "Yes!!! That's how I feel!  I wish I had the words to say that!"  And that's the best part about writing this....I have developed a relationship with my readers.  They know me by reading and I get to know them by writing. I love you guys!

What I Never Expected...

I don't intentionally use this blog as a weapon, but it kind of goes with the territory that it's going to stab people once in a while and that's been really hard for me to get over.  I try to be honest about my feelings and at the same time, I try not to hurt people who may be involved with the way I feel.  It's tricky.  I don't even have to say anything specifically, but sometimes there is a tone to the blog that may or may not have anything to do with someone...sometimes they're right and sometimes they have been wrong and it isn't even about what they think it is. What I didn't expect is that if I come right out and say something, I am damned.  If I censor myself, I am also damned because then it opens me up to assumptions that aren't correct.  For the most part, I don't deal with that and honestly, I have learned to let it roll off my back when it does happen, but people WILL use your words to hurt you and that's something I had to get used to.   That's what you open yourself up to and I accept that. 

If anyone has ever been hurt by what I have written, I will tell you that as much as this blog heals me as I write, it's in some ways a weapon that stabs me as well.  How does it stab me?  Well, I have written some pretty painful pieces.  I have written them without censoring myself.  It's hard being that open and knowing that the person who hurt you is reading it. It's hard having trust issues and still being open because there's always the fear that someone may hurt you again after knowing where you're weak....talk about being at a disadvantage emotionally.  I never expected my blog to take me to so many scary places where I would have to dig at my own soul and allow people to see it gnawed on.  To be honest, I never expected so many people to read it and it's shocked me that the things I have to say would actually be something worth coming back to.  It's just me on here.  That's it.  Just me.  1,000 posts later, I have been married, divorced, heartbroken, lost, sad, ecstatic, in love....it's all here.

If You Are In This Blog....

If I haven't told you to your face that you have been in my blog, you probably have not been.  (Unless you are one of the specific MIA Douchebags because I couldn't find you to tell you, oh wait no-you're dead, the Close Dancer in Zumba who I called a single-celled amoeba walking on two uncoordinated legs, or any random person.....I didn't know your name.)

I have had muses.  They know who they are.  To those who I have written about....you have twisted my soul and that's why I write.  You have made me curious and happy and sad and you've tugged at my heart and made the wheels in my brain start turning. I thank you and appreciate you!

Thank you for reading!