Happy Easter!

I have always loved Easter.  It should be a reminder for me and everyone else that we'll never be perfect, God doesn't expect us to be, and that we are always saved and can ask for forgiveness when we mess up and are sorry.  We should also remember to love each other as we are loved by God, and even though that’s totally impossible because we never will, Easter reminds us that we should at least strive to love each other unconditionally.  The fact that we are loved more by God than we will ever love anyone on the planet is hard for me to imagine when I think about how much I love my children and some others in my life. How is this possible that God loves me that much when he knows every bad thing about me?  Pretty amazing.  I really do believe that we can all be good, if that’s what God believes….how can we not think so?  He says we’re good. 

What I always think of when I think about Jesus is “he was so sweet.”  I know that sounds so juvenile and retarded—of COURSE “Jesus was sweet”.  He was perfect.  But when I think about a sweet, pure heart like that, it just chokes me up. How could they kill such a sweet person?  No matter how many times I watch “Passion of the Christ”, I can never get through it without bawling.  I want to scream at everyone hurting him.  And it’s a movie. 

I have always thought that this is interesting.... I am technically Catholic and grew up with the beautiful cross hanging before me with Jesus’ body.  I noticed in my 20's that most other churches only have the cross hanging up, without the body.  Does this represent a difference in theology?  Do Catholics focus more on the death and Protestants focus more on the resurrection?  Interesting.  I would have to do more research.  Obviously, the death and resurrection are just as important as the other, but I will admit, I tend to focus more on the death and what he went through for us.

I thought about getting the boys a real bunny for Easter, but then I realized that our cat, Chipper would eat it.  Plus, I thought about how I already have to deal with enough messes.  Between the kids having accidents and the cat getting angry and peeing all over our stuff, I can’t handle one more living thing in this house.  That cat is about to find a new home, by the way.  He's the coolest cat when he isn’t peeing, but I am allergic to him and his fur gets all over me when I pet him.  He's pissed at me for ignoring him and his mounds of fur.

Anyway, Happy Easter!  I hope that you have a great Sunday and remember that the holiday is so much more important than the chocolate bunnies and colored eggs. 

By the way, I get to eat Sour Patch Kids now.  I gave them up for Lent.  Yes.  I love them that much.




Easter 2009.  Carson and Dylan were born right before
Easter, so I put them in a basket with grass and
colored eggs.  I wanted them to look like little jelly beans
in those outfits.

This was the next year, Easter, 2010.  I made them sit
in the same basket because I wanted to show how much
they had grown in just one year. 

Oh, Bobby, You are SO Smart.

I love Bob Marley.  He was so wise.  I have come across some quotes over the last few months and have saved them; thought I would share. 

Ahhhh, this is the best!  All of his stuff is great, but this is one of my favorite songs of all time, by anyone. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4kpqDF9j6Q

Flashback Friday-Granddad Waggoner

It's been 15 years ago this April since my granddad died.  That's a long time, seeing as how it's about half of my life.  I was looking through my scrapbook this week and ran across some pictures of him and realized that I have never written about him.  That's sad, considering that he loved me so much.  He was only 68 when he died.

1981

My granddad didn't have any daughters; he only had my dad.  My dad ended up with one boy and four girls (poor thing) and I was the first granddaughter.  Actually, I was the first granddaughter on both my mom and dad's sides.  Needless to say, I was spoiled and everyone thought that everything I did was adorable....until my brother and sister (the twins) were born and ruined my life!  Haha, just kidding, Ash and Ty.  But in all seriousness, in every picture of me from 2 to 3, I am sporting a sad, frowny face.  My mom says that everyone would freak out about the twins in public and I would put my head down and get sad because I was immediately invisible.  My mom felt bad and taught me to speak up and demand to be seen.  I would get in the way of their stroller and say "I AM THEIR BIG SISTER, BRITTANY!"  But I've now gotten off the subject.  Anyway, my granddad spoiled me to death and loved me very much, even after the twins were born.  My mom says that when I came along, his heart immediately softened and he was a different person. 

Taking a nap together....looks like he was the one sleeping

A few things about him.....he used to watch Shirley Temple movies with me and watch me sing and dance on the coffee table.  He let me do crazy things to his hair; he always ended up with about 20 pony tails.  He used to take me to the store and buy me Fruit Roll-ups when I was a toddler and I always told him that my mom let me get two boxes, which wasn't true.  I wasn't allowed ANY boxes.  He knew I was fibbing, but he bought them anyway.  My granddad was sweet, but he wasn't so to my grandma.  He always said "Dammit, Betty," which is what I called my grandma for a while because I thought that that was her name.  He never did take that as a clue to stop.  He liked the word "Dammit" a lot. When I was 3 and in the car with him I said "Grandad, put your seatbelt on, dammit!"  Of course, he thought it was cute...or so I hear. 

I loved Shirley Temple, probably because of my granddad.
I am on the right in the tutu, the enormous doll is in the middle,
and my sister, Ashli, is on the left.

He used to pay me for artwork until I was around 10 years old.  I stopped drawing them because I thought he was getting ripped off.  My pictures sucked, but he would give me a dollar or two per picture.  I starting to do the Picasso thing, or something you would call abstract, but if I were being honest, I would call it what it really was...a lazy scribble....I couldn't draw with a clear conscience at that point.  When I quit drawing pictures for cash, he would give me dollar bills just for visiting him.  I would get up to leave (even as a teenager) and he would say "Wait!"  He'd reach into his billfold and pull out some cash.  He always had my grandma get 5's and 1's so he could give us each some money.

When I was little, he would take me to basketball games where the cheerleaders would fuss over my pig tails and chubby cheeks.  He loved that, or so I hear he did.  I don't remember.  When I got older, I was a cheerleader.  Anything about our football team that was in the paper, he cut out and gave to me.  I was in the paper a few times and he made sure to put those in "Brittany's folder" too.  When he died, I got a fat file folder and discovered that he had saved every picture I had made for him along with every article about any school I ever went to.  He saved everything. 

He wrote me letters when I was living up north with my mom.  This
one is so cute because he is all excited that he can write me; I am "the only
grandchild who can read!"

I don't remember my granddad ever walking. I only remember him being in a wheelchair because he had diabetes, very bad diabetes.  I remember watching him give himself insulin shots.  I sat and watched, mesmerized, until it was so normal that I didn't realize how very sick he was.  I took his life for granted because he was sick the entire time I was alive.  One time he went into shock and I was the only one there.  I found him, collapsed and passed out on the floor.  I remember thinking he was dead as I panicked and called 911. My grandma was a diabetic too (they weren't healthy at all) and she went into shock and was passed out on the floor when I was around 2 or 3.  I remember that too; I was alone with her.  I think about it now and realize what a terrible disease it is; I really didn't realize how sick they were.

My granddad had to have part of his foot amputated because diabetics lose circulation in their feet, and I guess he got an infection and it turned gangrene.  He had tried to hide it, but I remember seeing it and getting very upset.  The morning of his surgery, I was 17, and I came over to see him.  I told him I loved him and that I would see him later.  I hugged him and acted as if I would see him again, because I thought that I would.  He'd had surgeries before and I didn't see how a foot amputation would be serious.  I was a dumb kid.

I went to school and at the end of the day; I went home with my friend, Jamie.  I remember sitting in her living room and I popped up and said "I need to call my granddad.  He is in the hospital and I need to check on him."  I called him and he seemed fine.  I remember telling him how my day was and telling him I loved him.  He said "Brittany, that meant so much that you came to see me this morning.  I realize how loved I am!  You're such a special girl and you mean so much to me!  You've always been such a sweet girl!  Granddad loves you very much."  He sounded so happy and proud of me, and honestly, I didn't think it was that big of a deal that I went to see him.  Why wouldn't I?  He was my granddad.  He was the happiest I had ever heard him.  I said goodbye and that I loved him and told him I would come to see him soon.

That night I stayed at Jamie's and got a phone call at 3 in the morning.  My granddad had a heart attack from the medication and he died.  I had an extra hard time with it because I hadn't been prepared for it.  I didn't understand how he had made it through the surgery and then died later.  Also, losing him came at a really bad time.  From December to April, I had totaled a car by flipping it 4 times and landing upside down; it was a miracle that we hadn't been killed.  My sister has a scar down her back, which I still feel guilty about, and she had a friend in the car who could have been killed....all three of us were very lucky, but still cut up from climbing out of the car onto the glass that had been all of the windows, and all because I didn't know how to control a car when hitting water.  I felt so much remorse.  I lost about 10 or 15 pounds from anxiety and had nightmares for months about car accidents.  I couldn't drive anymore because I too scared.  My grades went down the tubes because I felt bad and couldn't sleep, which led me to get kicked out of Anchor and  kept me from cheering my senior year.  On top of that, my dad and step-mom were getting divorced and I was separated from my sisters....along with my other sister and brother, who lived with my mom.  That year sucked.  Losing Granddad was the worst, and I didn't deal with it at all.  The day of the funeral, I went to Disney World with my boyfriend.  It was his idea, but I went, and it was weird.  I refused to cry or get upset about anything, but that summer, I cried a lot and finally dealt with everything. 

I think that when my granddad died, it was almost the hardest to watch my dad.  My dad and his dad were so close.  I almost feel like my dad didn't make a move without talking to him first.  Now he had lost his best friend.  It was really hard for him, as it always is when someone dies. 

I may not think about him a lot, but I have always been so thankful that I went to see him that morning and that I called him after school.  I don't think that there could have been better words exchanged for the last time I was going to talk to him.   I know he loved me.  I wish he could see my kids, but I feel like he probably does.

Here are some more old pictures:

My Granddad owned some land and he gave it to the city, but the condition
was that the trails in the park were to be named after his grandchildren.  My trail is spelled wrong.
Here are my cousins and brother and sister posing with my sign. Don't have a clue where I was. 

My mom and my dad with me at Sea World

Nice mustache, dad!  HA! This is at my grandparents' house and
this is my very first memory.  I have written about this before.  I was
15 months old.  I remember getting whiskers painted on my face.

This is me before my brother and sister were born.

And then they ruined my life and cried all of the time. ;)

One last thing....have you ever seen a prissier child?  I only wore dresses. They are ridiculous!  No wonder I never played soccer or anything that required getting dirty!

My dresses all had bells in them so when I swished, I jingled.

What's My Age Again?

Dylan has woken up every day this week and said "Am I still 4, Mama?"  It cracks me up.  He's so adorable; I could squish him and chew on him.

Speaking of age, I feel like I am 92 years old today.  I have been so busy today on top of exhausted.  I am not sleeping (it's even worse than usual) and it's hitting me hard.  I sit at red lights and think about taking a nap; then I remember that this would be a very bad idea.  I have been cranking the air because I am afraid to get warm and comfy in the car.  We were going to take the kids to Chuck E. Cheese on Monday night to celebrate their birthday, but I was about to fall asleep at traffic lights, so we postponed it until last night.  I was again, exhausted.  I thought about how nice it would be to curl up into a ball in one of the booths and go to sleep, but I walked around and played games instead.  Carson found a ride that had an inclined seat; I was all about that one.  I was like "Carson!  Let's do that one again!  That was fun!"  Ha ha.

The strange thing is that even when I can sleep, I don't.  I was at my friend's house in Florida this past weekend and there were no interruptions and still woke up early and got about 5 hours of sleep.  This seems to be the cap.  I have tried drinking wine this week, but that hasn't worked.  I tried Melatonin a while back and it stopped working after a few days.  I don't know.  I don't get it.  I have still continued to go to the gym every day, which you would think would wear me out....nope.  That's been the only time that I am NOT tired this week.

I am so thankful that I am usually able to function and move all day without a lot of sleep, but that's not how it's been this week.  I feel tired. 

I won't consider Ambien because I don't want to be one of those people who eats donuts and has sex without recollection. If I am going to eat a donut, I want to remember it.  I never eat donuts! My friend's husband likes to take Ambien and throw clean laundry all over the floor and send people emails from her Outlook and then delete the evidence.  I prefer not to rob any banks or text people bizarre things. 

Well for those of you who actually sleep, sweet dreams.  I'll be watching the ceiling fan, most likely.

Top 10-Worst Clichés

We all speak in clichés sometimes; and that's because sometimes they are true, but some really irritate me.  I dislike the ones below because they are either stupid or completely false.  Some clichés only exist to make ourselves feel better.

1.      An oldie but a goodie-This just gets under my skin.  It's just beyond cheesy.  I want to throw a drink in the face of the person who first said it.

2.      All's fair in love and war-Who the hell said this?  It's ridiculous.  I'm sure it wasn't a woman who said it.  It was more than likely a man who thought this up 400 years ago and it stuck because people want to be able to say something in an argument that supports their bad behavior.  "Sorry.  I love you, but it's fair because all's fair in love and war.  Now I'm going to bomb some innocent people."  What???  That makes zero sense.  What about breaking someone's heart or killing innocent children is fair? I guess what it is also saying is that you can do whatever you have to do to capture that person or country, regardless of what's right or wrong.

3.      Blood is thicker than water-This can be true, but I have experienced on numerous occasions that it isn't.  I would gladly take the right side for a friend than the wrong one for blood.

4.      Don't bite the hand that feeds you-Unless you are eating out of an a-hole's hand.  Bite him, and bite him hard.  You can find food somewhere else. You don't need his table scraps.

5.      Absence makes the heart grow fonder-I also hear "outta sight, outta mind", so which is it?  Is it both? It's just something people tell you when you miss somebody and it sucks.

6.      Drunk as a skunk-Skunks don't drink alcohol; they don't even act drunk or have a funny walk.  They don't reek of alcohol either. 

7.      Time heals all wounds-This just isn't true because you're always covered in scars.  It's just something people tell you to make you feel better about the pain. 

8.       Good things come to those who wait-I don't always agree with this.  There are a lot reasons why.
9.      Opposites Attract-No they don't.  They might for a little while, but you're going to end up hating the person one day for not having the same traits or personality as you.  I would probably say "Well!  You know what they say!  Opposites attract!" to Katy Perry if she introduced me to her ex-weirdo-Englishman or Carmen Electra back when she was with Dennis Rodman.

10.  It is what it is-This expression makes it sound like you don't care when you really do, or you wouldn't be talking about "it" to begin with. 

Bucket List

I haven't been doing many things on my bucket list because I am distracted by important things, like, you know, getting a JOB, but I pulled it out again for some reason today.  Actually, I know why I pulled it out.  I was begging my mom to vent about a family member who sucks, but she won't let me, so I pulled up my list instead.  THANKS, MOM!!!  Ha ha.

My Bucket List has 103 things on it.  It needs to be tweaked.  Some things I had to take off because I already failed.  One was to "stay married".  I also have like 5 languages to learn and want to visit pretty much every country on Planet Earth; which is kind of setting myself up to feel like a failure when I turn 95.  Right?  I have actually accomplished some of the things and just haven't marked them off, which was nice to see.  I was looking through all of the ones I can do right now and here's what I have:

1. Learn how to play tennis-My neighbor is starting to teach me.  We tried a couple of weeks ago but we didn't end up playing because the kids were there and were running on the court. 
2. Learn how to cook Asian food-This is easy; I will buy a book.  This is one thing that Lindsey will actually eat, so I need to do this anyway.
3. Take a dance class (this is supposed to be like ballroom or salsa, with a guy)-The hardest part about this will be finding a guy who wants to go and isn't afraid of looking stupid. 
4. Spread a rumor about a celebrity and see if it comes back to me-This is mean.  I am not doing it.  It's coming off the list.  Plus, it wouldn't work and that's what's wrong with the media nowadays anyhow.  There's too much crap out there as it is.  This was more of me being curious in 1988.
5. Plant a tree in my backyard with the kids-This should be easy.
6. Dance in a fountain-I will find one.  And I will probably be drinking because it's going to be really weird.  I may even get arrested.
7. Ride in a car going over 100 MPH-Do I have any takers?  I am not going that fast.....I said I want to BE IN A CAR going that fast, not DRIVE a car going that fast.
8. Have my siblings all in the same place-This will take some planning, but if I don't ever plan it, it won't happen.  I don't even remember the last time that I was in the same room as Ashli, Tyson, Lacey and Lauren.  Maybe high school?  I don't know.  It's sad though.  My sister, Lacey, has three little kids and lives in New Orleans.  I have 4.  Ty has 2 and lives in Michigan, and Ash has 1 and lives in Wisconsin.  Lauren now lives in Alaska, so I don't know how in the world I am going to pull this off.  We'd also need a huge place to stay because we would have 10 kids, I think.  This may be less likely than learning 5 foreign languages. 
9. Go rock climbing again-I went when I was 9.  I remember them driving the stake into the ground, so it was legit.  It really was rock climbing.  I don't know if I care about climbing a real mountain anymore.  I think I would be fine with the fake walls.  I found the picture in the scrapbook my mom made me:

Third Grade



I wrote about it.  I said it was 800 feet.  I climbed the mountain, the
spine and the fallstop.  What am I even talking about?? 
I went with my friend, Sarah Rowe, and her mom, Jan.


10. Shout a profanity in a public, quiet place-I'll let you know how this one goes. 
11. Learn how to pole dance-This is not what it sounds like.  I don't want to be a stripper. I want to learn how to do the Cirque de Soleil tricks.  On a pole.
12. Hike to the top of a mountain-Ok, so I didn't say it has to be big.  Kennesaw Mountain will do just fine. 

As I cross them off, I will write about them. 

Have a great day!

Happy 4th Birthday to My Baby Boys!

I really can't believe that 4 years have passed since I had Carson and Dylan. My boys are so precious and they've brought me so much happiness. Moments like when Dylan checked out the Pre-K playground and said "OH! This IS BERRY nice" like an excited 65 year old man. And Carson saying "I miss you, Mama" when I'm sitting right there with him...the sweetest pangs in my chest. I don't know what I'd do without them.  I'm a really lucky girl and I love being their mom.

I love you, Carson and Dylan! (If you read this one day.)

Love,

Mama

Flashback Friday-Drop Dead Fred

Today's blog was requested by my sister, Ashli.  We loved this movie when we were kids.  It was pretty inappropriate and misleading.  It seemed like a kid's movie, but it really wasn't.  I wanted an imaginary friend after I saw this movie.  I remember trying to picture one and talking to it, but nothing ever appeared.  I was totally bummed.

If you missed out as a child, it's about a little girl who has an imaginary friend (Fred) who always gets her into trouble.  Her evil mother takes him away from her by locking him in a Jack-in-the-Box.  Years later, when the girl is grown up, she is having issues.  Her husband has left her, so Fred comes back.  She ends up dealing with her problems, which are that she lets people run all over her because she is afraid of being alone, and eventually, she lets Fred go forever.

I still crack up when he says "Be gone, eviiiiiiil one!"  And "Cobwebs."   HAHA!

http://youtu.be/mpIi34fCu1w

Oh, and while I was looking around online for a picture, I read that they are remaking it.  I don't know if it's true or not, but why do they keep doing this?  Can't they come up with new ideas?  I don't get it.  There are so many writers out there. Look at their scripts, Universal!!!!!!

And Then There's Color

Top 10-Without Color

I wish the world were black and white sometimes.

















Passion

"There is no passion to be found playing small-in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."-Nelson Mandela

My mom posted a sweet little note on my wall a few days ago thanking me for her birthday wishes and she said "Do you remember when I didn't want you to leave because I would miss my passion?  Hasn't changed.  I love your passion and joy and they light up my life."  She called me her "Little Ball of Passion" all my life.  She said that if I didn't care about something it got no attention from me, but if I loved something or if I was interested in something, it got all of me and I poured my heart and soul into it.  I never half-ass something or someone that I love.  In one of my favorite movies, one of the characters said that the Greeks didn't write obituaries when someone died.  He said they asked one question: "Did he have passion?"  Passion gets you somewhere, unless you're like me and you sometimes either put it into the wrong things, too many things, or the wrong people.  (At least that's the way I sometimes feel.)

Church was really great this past weekend.  It was about everyone's treasure chest of wisdom, talents, and how to pass those things on rather than hoard them and die with them.  It left me thinking about how I really don't know what God wants me to do and what his plan is for me.  I don't ever want to get knocked down and not try again, and I don't want to be fearful of things that could bring me somewhere unimaginably wonderful.  But to be honest, I don't know what I am supposed to be doing right now. 

I guess I should just put my passion into God and he'll guide me. 

One of my favorite Coldplay songs goes like this:

Lord I don't know which way I am going
Which way the river's going to flow
It just seems that upstream I keep rowing
Still got such a long way to go
Still got such a long way to go

And that light hits your eyes
I know I swear we'll find somewhere
The streets are paved with gold

Bullets fly split the sky
But that's alright sometimes sunlight comes streaming through the holes

Hot Yoga & My Weekend

My very good friend, Tara, from high school is now a drama teacher in St. Petersburg.  Tara and I were in drama together (until I quit), TV, we were cheerleaders together, we were Spice Girls in the talent show (She was Baby and I was Ginger thanks to the red marker I colored my hair with).  She is part of most of my high school memories.  She messaged me on Facebook and told me that she had a very talented student that needed a place to stay in Atlanta because she had an audition for a drama program for college.  Her name is Allesondra and I can honestly say that I have never met a more mature kid.  I was so impressed with this girl.  She is poised, beautiful, ridiculously talented, funny, sweet and intelligent.  We got along instantly and the kids loved her.  We went downtown Saturday morning for the audition and came back and hung out. 

Saturday the hot yoga place downtown, Embers, had an open house and I tried it.  Ok, so I have one thing to say.....I AM ADDICTED.  I really didn't think I would like it, but I have to say that it was amazing.  It's 105 degrees.  You sweat like you wouldn't believe.  My face and hair was unacceptable, but when I left I was so relaxed, I didn't care what I looked like.  I never understood the concept of practicing yoga in what is basically a sauna, but your muscles are already warm, so it makes more sense to practice yoga in the heat rather than a room with air conditioning.  The only muscles that I ever feel are a little tight are my hamstrings, but I felt absolutely nothing in hot yoga.  I was like a rubber band.  A sweaty one.  The only thing I found difficult or annoying is that I would grab a part of my body and stretch it out and hold, but I was so slippery, I would lose my grip!  Your body is seriously like a slip 'n slide!  I'm not going to say it's easy, it is not.  You have to be very careful and listen to your body because you could easily pass out if you aren't paying attention to how you feel.  Finally, at the end, when you lay down, they place a cold rag that smells like lavender on your forehead and start cooling the room off.  It's the most wonderful feeling ever.  I left so happy and refreshed.  They have a boutique with organic drinks, yoga clothes, books.....I love it.  Did I mention that I slept all night?

Saturday night we watched "Footloose" and yesterday morning we went to church, lunch, and took the babies to the zoo.  I say babies, but they'll be 4 in a week. 

So, I got a flat tire IN THE PARKING LOT of the zoo.  Brand new tire, popped like a balloon.  I was riding around trying to find a parking place, but anyone who has been there knows that it takes 30 minutes to park at Zoo Atlanta.  I could hear my car riding on the wheel, so I finally got out and asked a guy in front of me if I could pretty please have his space and explained the situation.  I begged him, nicely.  He said "NO!  I have been waiting!  Sorry about your luck".  What an ass.  If karma exists, I will soon be running into him on the side of 75 with all 4 tires blown AND in the rain.  Jerk.  Anyway, I finally found a security guard and told him I couldn't park.  Long story short, he was sweet and allowed us to park up front, basically illegally.  Roadside assistance came, we looked at the animals while we waited, and then we left with the spare.  I took Allesondra to the airport and today I have to get a new tire. 

I have a lot to do, so I am wrapping this up.  Good weekend.  I'll bet a lot of people don't remember it.  Happy St. Patrick's Day!  Ha ha. 

She is Ariel in "Footloose" at school, so we thought she should
take this picture. :)

It was the sharpest curb ever.

They're in love.

Dylan was goofy in all of the other pictures, so I was happy to get this one.