Seriously, I Just Came to Dance

Ok, so I left off on Saturday and that leads me right into Saturday night.

I took Ash out to dinner Saturday night, a place called Tess.  It was delicious!  We then decided to head to a bar that we used to go to, it used to be called Mantra and now it's The Library.  We used to go there to dance when we were like 21, 22-ish.  Now the place looks like a library, with a bar, and paintings of Will Ferrell, Steve Urkel,  Burt Reynolds, and Magnum PI.  As soon as we walked up to the door, a guy was hitting on me and his friend apologized for his doucheyness.  The guy said "Here's what we're gonna do.  We're gonna go in, have some shots, and have some fun.  How much have you had to drink tonight?"  I said "nothing" and he said "Ok, so we're starting from scratch.  Ok."  I was like "Um, how about you let me get through the door first!" As soon as we walked through the door, Ash and I darted off and left him on the other side of the building.  I mean, REALLY???  NO shame.  He was basically wondering how much he had to spend to get me wasted to the point that he could...I am done talking about it now.

We left because that place sucked big time.  Every time we've gone, I have wondered if it was Band Camp Night and we just missed the memo.  Anyway, we went to Suite downtown.  This was a pretty cool bar, but it was so packed, you couldn't even move.  It was like a mosh pit!  Ash and I were dancing, but barely, because it was so packed.  All of a sudden, we started getting squashed by a circle of scary guys!  Do you remember that SNL skit, the "What is Love" guys?  OMG! 

Watch this, so you'll get the idea if you don't know what I am talking about.  Poor Molly Shannon. 

http://vimeo.com/11703016

It was like that, except there were like 8 of them and they were all laughing!  The more I reacted, the more they did!  It was so bizarre!  Ash escaped from the circle and was pulling my arm, but I couldn't get out!  It was like a dancefloor gangbang!  I was freaking out, it was so bizarre.  Did I say that it was bizarre?

All of a sudden, this person taps me and says "I'm sober.  Come with me!"  I figure it's better than what's happening, so he pulls Ash behind him and pushes me through the pit of perverts.  He has my hand in the air and is telling me to push everyone out of the way.  We finally got somewhere safe by the bar and we thanked him.  He said "I don't drink, I am a professional dancer, and I hate when I see that.  It happens all the time."  We told him that we weren't drinking either, we just like to dance.  He was very nice and we were thankful. 

So basically, things seem to have gotten out of hand at dance clubs, so I think I'll stick to Zumba where I can dance and not be harassed.  I'm too old for that crap.

Flying to Tampa tonight for a girls weekend with Kellie, Michelle and Brea.  WOOHOOO!  I'll post about the rest of my trip tomorrow.  STILL not finished!  HAHA

Here are some pictures:

Me and my baby doll

At Tess

I think this was at Suite

You're my BOY, BLUE!

The Antique Store Prune

I still can't talk about the whole weekend.....like NO time! 

Well, it was like 45 degrees and I was cold, which made me sleepy.  We ran errands and my sister looked for some furniture.  We were at an antique shop and I was watching my niece, Amelie.  She was such a good girl.  She never touched anything or acted obnoxious.  As it got closer to lunch time, we were walking around and I was showing her things and trying to keep busy.  We saw some antique dolls and I told her that I would buy one.  She picked one and I put it on the counter to pay for it.  I walked a few feet in the other direction because I had remembered seeing some more dolls somewhere else.  That's when I heard it....Amelie is the most talkative, friendly little girl, and she very innocently said to the lady behind the counter "I am very hungry!"  She wasn't asking for anything, she was just making conversation.  The lady snapped at her and said "We aren't McDonald's! We don't have any food!"  Amelie said "Well, you have candy in that candy bowl," still, Amelie is saying it sweetly.  She was making conversation. The lady yelled at her and said "That's for the adults!"

I walked over and grabbed the doll and put it back.  I said "There is no reason for you to talk to her that way.  She was being friendly, and she is four years old!  I was buying this doll, but I won't participate in growing your business because you are so rude!  She has been an angel and you are being mean to her!"  I said "Come on, Amie," and we went outside because I was so angry.  A lady came outside and gave Amelie a pack of crackers and told me that no one liked how she talked to her.  I thanked her, so did Amelie.

I went back inside and in front of the lady, told my sister that she shouldn't spend $600 at a place where such a bitch would work.  The lady said "I understand that you aren't happy right now, but I was trying to help her mother."  I said "By being rude to her kid?  Whatever.  You're rude."  I started breathing deeply and holding it in.  Ash did complete the transaction, but she grabbed a gigantic handful of candy on the way out and said "Since it's for the adults!"  I did the same, and looked at the lady.  I said "I'll never come back here, ever again!"

And I won't, because I live in Georgia.  But she doesn't need to know that!

Tomorrow I'll write about the rest of my trip, and then I have to get BACK on an airplane.  Going to Tampa to see Brea, Kellie and Michelle.  What what???  WOOOHOOO!

My Trip-Friday

NOTE....my trip is going to be broken into installments because I am busy, and I don't want to make one entry that is just way too long.  Today I will write about last Friday, tomorrow I will write about Saturday and Sunday, maybe Monday.  I am going out of town AGAIN on Friday, so I will definitely write about last week's trip first.

I know I have not written since last Friday, but I went to Milwaukee for a few days and came back late Monday night.  I couldn't talk about my trip beforehand because no one in my family was supposed to know.  It was my sister, Ashli's, 30th birthday.  Her ex-boyfriend, who is an amazing person, flew me in for a surprise.  He picked me up on Friday evening and we hung out until she called to say that she was home with Amelie (his story was that he wanted to come by to see her before he had to work).  When we got the call from her, we hid the car on the side street and walked up to the front door.  He told her to close her eyes and hold out her hands, which she did.  I came over and put my fingers (which were freezing) into her hands.  Matt said "Ok, open them."  She did, and it didn't register at first.  Once she realized that I was really standing in front of her, she started to cry and hug me.  I was laughing.  She then hugged Matt, and cried some more.  It was really sweet; she felt loved, I felt loved, and even Amelie got to enjoy the present.  She was squeezing my leg and saying "Auntie Brinty!  You're HERE!" 

We decided that that surprise was too good not to share, and since my mom didn't know that I was in town, we decided to mess with her.  Ash called her and said "Get over here now!  Please, hurry!"  After Ash completely freaked my mom out, I hid in the bedroom and waited for her arrival.  Ash was going to say that there was a mouse in her room, but I thought she should go with a bat, because  they are scarier. 

My mom comes in and Amie and Ash are screaming about the bat that's trapped in her room.  My mom is screaming "NO! Don't open the door!  They have rabies!"  My sister said that she would get a pot (which reminded me of Chris Farley saying "You can't catch a bat with a pot, Richard" and then I had to hold in my laughs).  My mom said "Not a pot!  How about a broom?"  Ash said that she couldn't find it, so she handed her a Swiffer.  Ash finally got my mom to open the door, Swiffer in hand, and saw me.  I said "I'm the bat."  She didn't say anything for like 10 seconds and then screamed "Brittany! What are you doing here?" And we all started laughing hysterically.  We almost made my mom pee her pants. 

I ended up helping Katie at Rare Chair Affair that night, and then I went back to Ash's and we ate candy at like 2 am and watched "Back to the Future II".  I'll tell you how tired I was....I didn't even hear him say "Roads?  Where we're going we don't need roads."  I know.  It's like the 5th line of the movie.  I really wanted to see the part when Biff says "Make like a tree and get outta here" and OLD Biff says "Stop saying that!  It's make like a tree and LEAF!  You sound like a damn fool!"  I didn't quite make it that far....

Ok, tomorrow I will tell you about bitching out the pruny, crotchety antique store lady for being mean to my niece, and about our experience at Suite....OMG. I still can't believe that people behave this way. 

Flashback Friday-The Jimmy John's Guy

I remember a game of Truth or Dare that I played with a couple of friends (both named Jason) and my sister, Ashli.  We were on the roof, above the garage.  (Which was flat and safe, by the way.)  We had ordered Jimmy John's at 2 AM and in the midst of this game, Ash and I were dared to dance with the Jimmy John's guy when he walked up to deliver the sandwiches.  So this guy walks up with our food, just like he always did with any order, and two chicks walk up to him and start dancing up on him.  We weren't allowed to laugh either, so we looked even crazier.  The funniest part is that there was no music and he started throwin' his hands up and dancing back!  It was hilarious.  I wonder if that delivery guy went back and said "Dude, I was delivering their order and..." Haha.

I was also dared to do a headstand and since I had been drinking, I did it.....and I also fell flat on my back. I was bruised and it took a couple of days to remember why I was so sore.

Gotta love Truth or Dare in your 20's.  You are even dumber than when you were 12.

Good One....

I'm still getting used to my work schedule and I may be neglecting my writing a bit for now.  Bear with me!  I have like two seconds to write. I am making myself take a break so my brain doesn't fry.

I am jammin' in my office this afternoon because I ate too much and I need something to keep me energized.  I have Beastie Boys radio on Pandora right now, which is awesome.  I miss the 90's. 

Here's a good one.  Remember this?  A Tribe Called Quest, Can I Kick It?

http://youtu.be/KADNrR4YepI

50 Shades of Shame

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about finding creative places to hide my "50 Shades of Grey" book at the pool.  Behind my knee, folding the book, using my purse as a shield, etc.   HAHA.

Last night I talked to Brea (beautiful mother of two) and she told me that she was reading that post and screaming "That's why we are best friends!"  The girls at her office asked why and she answered "Because we are always doing the same thing, even if we haven't talked in a while!"  We both agree that the Kindle is a perfect conduit for Grey "information".....you can't see the cover and be judged for being freaky. 

She said that she was on an airplane a couple of weeks ago and sitting next to an older lady.  Brea's husband, Josh, took the Kindle, so she borrowed her friend's book.  She said she was sitting there with a glass of wine and her dirty book and was thinking the whole time "This lady is sitting here judging me!!!"  The lady was spying on the pages!!!  She was trying to read over her shoulder!

She should have told the lady to have enough gumption to get her own Grey!

Have a great day! 

Love you, Brea.  Your adorable little self gives me the giggles. 

The Yogurt Aisle

I love yogurt, but I hate some types because it sticks to the dangling thing in the back of my throat and I feel like I am going to throw up after half a container.  To add to that, I am lactose intolerant and prefer more nutrients in what I am eating, so I only eat Greek yogurt these days.  Greek yogurt doesn't gag me.  Still, even though I know which type to buy, there are like 700 brands of Greek yogurt!  Then you have your vibrant-colored yogurts, sprinkled yogurts, some of them have chocolate chips and fatty granola....hopefully someone would know that this is not a healthy choice, but you never know.  It's overwhelming!

I thought that this article was helpful and it turns out that yogurt has been around for a VERY long time.  Read more!  Have a great day! 

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_articles.asp?id=1280

Mama's Working

So, I haven't written about this yet because it all happened so quickly, but I started a new job today.  I love it!  The first day of juggling the kids, my job, the gym, cooking dinner, and bedtime, went very well. It is 9:15 and the boys are out cold.  This never happens.  With that said, I really don't want to write right now.  Haha.  I am getting used to everything and really want to read a book and go to sleep.  I will, however, keep this blog up....somehow.

If you are interested in what I am doing, I am a personal assistant to Chef Henry at Henry's Louisiana Grill in Acworth.  I will keep him organized, make the office more cohesive, get to work with the marketing firm and even write a bit.  I LOVE organizing, so there's something relaxing about this position to me.  Organizing makes the world prettier and happier and it brings me a calm feeling.  Last week I organized my closet for fun.  No, seriously.  Anyway, this is a new position because they have combined three old positions into one, basically.  I am excited about the marketing aspect, and helping come up with ways to expand.  It went smoothly today and I really like everyone and felt very comfortable.  I have a nice office, and ummmm, we have AWESOME lunches.  I had the best salmon salad ever today.  It's pretty much going to be an awesome job and I feel like I am going to love it.

Hours are 9-5, Monday through Friday.  Occasionally there will be an event that I will need to be present for with Henry, but I will know in advance since I will be handling the schedule.  Anyone who knows me knows that I will be down with this....anything extra and fun.  I'll love it.

The kids were fine without me and if I weren't ready to work, I am sure that this would make me sad.  It doesn't make me sad though because I know that they love their mama so much.  I think that they will probably enjoy the time away from me a bit and it doesn't mean that they don't adore me, as I adore them.  I do.  I adore those boys.  I will say that I am relieved and even thankful in a way that they were so difficult this past week.  (OMG, they were nuts.)  I felt like pulling my hair out all week because they were being absolutely crazy....this led to a tear-free morning when I dropped them off today.  I have not worked since they were born and it's clear that I waited until we could all three handle it.

Ok, I am going to crash.  Have a great night!

If you have a second to check out who I am working for, watch this.  He's a cool dude.  Henry won the People's Platelist Award on ABC News.  Did I mention that the food is freaking awesome?


http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/peoples-platelist-winner-11781768

Good Deal

I made a deal with Lindsey today that has turned out to be awesome.  I told her that if she helped me clean the house, we would take breaks and watch all of the Twilight movies.  So far, the only thing left to do is vacuum and we are about to watch Eclipse.   It's kept us focused and she's been happy to help me out. We are going to the grocery store in a little bit too and I may have to buy her a treat for being such a sweetheart.

I hope that everyone is enjoying their Sunday!

Too Hectic for a Saturday

Sometimes you just have days where nothing goes smoothly and today is one of them for me.  I just want to put my head under a pillow, block out the noise, and go sleep because I am so exhausted and irritated.

I remember a period with Logan and Lindsey when it was a struggle just to get them to the car and buckled. Toddlers like to look at everything, touch everything, ask questions.  Bless their little, innocent hearts for being this way, but honestly, sometimes it is exhausting and it completely throws off everyone's schedule.  (This drives me nuts.)  We are at the worst part of this stage right now with Carson and Dylan, or I should say I HOPE it's peaking right now.  It took me 25 minutes to get from the gym childcare to the car yesterday.  I'm not kidding.  They are masters at the art of time suckage right now and there have been many times lately when I have scooped them both up and carried them somewhere, one in each arm, kicking and screaming.  Whoever said Terrible Two's was being incredibly optimistic.

So today went like this:  we slept in a bit (first mistake, but that's because no one went to bed when they should have, including myself) and then I got up and made breakfast for everyone.  I made eggs for Carson and myself, but I melted the spatula while stirring them like a moron and so I had to rush to make something else.  We went to the gym for an hour and then we came back home for another hour so I could get ready to go to the kids' game.  The game started at 3:00, but they had to be there at 2:00 and it was a 30 minute drive.  We left at 1:15, but of course, because I was running late, I had to get gas, go to the ATM and I was getting a headache because I didn't have time before the gym to drink the coffee I had made.  (This was because I burned the spatula.)  The line at the ATM was too long, so I left.  The line at Dunkin' Donuts was ridiculous, for 1:30 in the afternoon, and so I was 10 minutes late dropping the kids off.  I got my coffee though, so that's what's most important!  HAHA.  Just kidding.  Anyway, I dropped the kids off to meet with the other kids and I left with the boys to find an ATM to get cash to get into the game.

The boys were excellent little fans the entire time, even though they were at this point completely exhausted.  Logan and Lindsey asked me to take them to Canyon's for dinner and against my better judgment, I took them.  I knew that Carson and Dylan were too tired and would behave badly, but I crossed my fingers and parked the car.  We walked to the restaurant, Carson's pants falling down the entire time (forgot to mention that), and Logan and Lindsey are fighting about something.  We get to the restaurant and I let the older kids order.  After they order, I try ordering and I am tell Logan and Lindsey to keep an eye on their crazy brothers so I can order my food.  (Which they do not.)  We sit down and I tell them that if they expect me to take them places with two cranky kids (because we were at THEIR game all day), they could help me.  Lindsey says "Oh.  So it's all about them?"  And I went off on her.  I told her that for their entire lives, Carson and Dylan have never had a nap time.  They have been shuffled around all day, every day, they have sat at dance and cheerleading and football games and recitals for hours of their little lives.  Whenever I did get them to take a nap, they were always woken prematurely because Logan and Lindsey refused to be courteous while they slept.  I was SOOOOO ANGRY with her.  It was such a bratty thing to say.

Of course, I got sass for the rest of this joyous dinner because she knew she was wrong.  Pile on that....Carson and Dylan are climbing all over everything and everyone, getting on the floor...you get the idea.

Last but not least, Lindsey was irritating Logan so he lied to her and told her that he paid her Homecoming date $10 to ask her out.  She started crying and I then chewed him out.

A nice car ride home led to me sitting here, banging on the keyboard and wanting to smash my head with my pillow.

Oh, and since I have been writing, Lindsey said "So now what are we doing?"  I said "Please leave me alone for 20 minutes.  I want some time alone and I don't want to do anything with anyone right now.  I need to write.  I am not happy, and I am exhausted from this day.  You still haven't apologized for being rude to me."

"Fine," she screams and storms off.

UGHHHHH.

Hope everyone is enjoying their day of football.  I now have to get onto Lindsey for teasing Dylan with a bag of candy.  She is acting like she's giving him some and running away and slamming her door.

Flashback Friday-Shirley Temple

My favorite movies when I was a little girl were "The Wizard of Oz", "Annie", and any that starred Shirley Temple.  Shirley Temple was my absolute favorite.

For a while, I thought that Shirley Temple was a little girl like I was.  I had no idea that she was an old lady and married with the name "Shirley Temple-Black".  I remember the moment when I realized that she was not my age.  It was traumatic.  My mom took me to the library one day and I had a stack of books about Shirley Temple.  I was, I don't know, around 4 years old maybe?  I was definitely under 5 because my parents were still married.  Anyway, I told the librarian that I was going to write Shirley Temple a letter and invite her to come over to play with me.  The librarian said "Oh, but she's an old lady now!"  I started crying and my mom says she glared at her and said "Thanks a lot!  Why did you feel the need to tell her that?"  Telling me this was like someone telling a child that Santa isn't real.  I remember that moment so vividly.  I hated Shirley Temple's married name and I was so sad that she wasn't a little girl.  I guess at 4 or 5 years old, the whole black and white movie thing doesn't tip you off right away.....or not for a little Brittany.

I have a Shirley Temple doll collection, by the way.  I am slowly giving them to Lindsey.

Have a great Friday!

Style Icons

I finally finished reading September's Vanity Fair, the 7th Annual Style Edition.  There was an article that named the 25 Most Fashionable Films, which I loved.  It turns out that there are some movies that I haven't seen. You can trust that I will get on that.  But I really enjoyed this issue because of all of the old Hollywood pictures.  Women were so feminine back then....I know, I talk about this a lot.  Remember a while back I talked about the "death of pretty"?   Everyone is out to be hot, when I think that pretty and feminine is so much better.  You don't have to let all of your body parts fall out to be attractive, but then again, maybe some people do?  I just don't get it.  Pull your pants up ladies, your whale tail is not pretty.  None of the ladies below would ever think about letting that happen.

I have made a list of my favorite 5 ladies below.   I don't like anyone that you haven't heard of, and they are pretty much who everyone else likes.  Sorry to disappoint you.  However, you will notice that Marilyn Monroe is not on my list.  That is because I don't like her.  I don't really get what all the fuss was.  I actually prefer Grace Kelly's look to Marilyn Monroe's.  Anyway, here is my list:

Grace Kelly

This is so pretty.  

I would wear this.  She looks so cute.

Vivien Leigh

Talk about being typecast.....this is Scarlett forever.  

Audrey Hepburn

Brigitte Bardot-she's the most sex-kittenish, but I love her.  I think she's so cute.  Should we just call her Claudia Schiffer?  MY GOSH, they look alike.  

Elizabeth Taylor-Anyone with purple eyes has to make the list.  She might have been bat s*** crazy, but man, she was beautiful.

Beautiful Day

I needed a little yoga this morning, so the first thing the kids and I did was go to the gym.  I promised them last night that I would take them to get a smiley face pancake, so we did that after my class.  After we stuffed ourselves to the brim, I took a pair of pants to an alteration place because they were literally 4 or 5 inches too long and I have never been able to wear them.  (Did you think I was going to say I ate so much that I had to get my pants altered?  Haha.)  These pants are so cute, or they will be, once you can see my feet below the hemline.  We just got back from the playground and I feel so happy.  Nice weather is great for your mood....and the boys' mood.  They're exceptionally sweet today!

Have a great day and hopefully you'll enjoy a little time outside like we did.

Enya

Before I write about how much Enya rocks, I want to mention that it is September 11th.  Let's say a prayer today for the families who lost loved ones and take a moment to remember the innocent people who lost their lives because of those horrible, crazy bastards.  It's been 11 years and for some of us that's a long time and the wounds have healed, but some are still living without their children and parents.  That day has influenced every day they've lived and I think it's important to pray for them.

Now about Enya.....

What is it about Enya that makes me so happy?  Enya is the reason that I am sleeping lately and she is the person who knocks my kids out.  They can be squirming, talking, fighting sleep, and as soon as her voice fills the room, they are motionless and quickly pass out.

I have learned to play Enya on Pandora not only because it plays a nice mixture of music, but it also turns off automatically.  I usually wake several times throughout the night, but when I play her I seem to sleep the whole night through.

Caribbean Blue is one of my favorites because Lindsey danced to it a couple of years ago for a recital.

http://youtu.be/Y1L8uRApYeQ

Wild Child is great too.

http://youtu.be/Wkk0puI6NfA

Boadicea is so cool, but I could see it being a little creepy too.  Even P. Diddy and that other guy liked this one though.

http://youtu.be/JKQwgpaLR6o

Ok, so I had to Google "that other guy" and Mario Winans is who I was talking about.  Look at this link I found. HAHA!  Someone stuck a bag over their head with a sad face drawn on.  I love the quirkiness of others.....

I Don't Wanna Know

http://youtu.be/9g-0yGh5EYQ


Ok, so my main message of this blog today (as I happily bang away on the keyboard at 6:21 am) if you suffer from insomnia, ENYA ENYA ENYA!  Forget Ambien.  Ambien will make you do strange things like buy donuts in the middle of the night and sleep with people without recollection.  (That's the word on the street anyway.)  Play Enya on Pandora!


-Brit

New Addition

I have a new niece!  This morning at 8:03 am, Adaryn Sofia Joelle Wyant was born.  She was 8 pounds, 10 ounces.

Congratulations, Tyson, Torie and Xander!  I can't wait to meet my beautiful new niece!  I wish I could be there to see your happy faces.  I know that you guys are so excited to have a daughter!

XOXO, Adaryn!

Love, Auntie Brinty

Flashback Friday-Once Upon a Time

Jay McShann 
January 12, 1916 – December 7, 2006 

*First of all, I had to go back and edit brainless moments in my writing yesterday.  I think the lack of sleep is beginning to catch up with me.  SO, if you saw my stupid mistakes, please, pray for me to start sleeping. I pulled up my blog and was like "Goodness, Britt!"  Ugh.  I slept for 6 hours last night, so I was able to catch "pallet" versus "palate".  Smacking my head.

The song I am talking about today may in fact be the saddest song ever to have been recorded, but it's very pretty and nice.  I heard it years ago in "Hanging Up".  I was recently talking about it with a friend, which prompted me to share the link today.  The beautiful tune is called "Once Upon a Time" by Jay McShann..  McShann was an important figure in swing/jazz history.

http://youtu.be/rjNo8y5PwtE

Here are the lyrics:

Once upon a time 
a girl with moonlight in her eyes 
Put her hand in mine 
she said she loved me so 
that was once upon a time 
very long ago 

Once upon a hill 
we sat beneath a willow tree 
Counting all the stars 
and waiting for the dawn 
so once upon a time, 
now the tree is gone 

How the breeze rustled through her hair 
How we always laughed as though tomorrow was there 
We were young 
didn't have a care 
So where, oh where did it go? 

Once upon a time 
the world was sweeter than we knew 
and everything was ours, 
how happy we were then 
So once upon a time 
never comes again 

How the breeze rustled through her hair 
How we always laughed as though tomorrow wasn't there 
We were young
didn't have a care 
So where did it go? 

Once upon a time 
the world was sweeter than we knew 
Everything was ours, 
how happy we were then 
So once upon a time 
never comes again

Yes, I Cook

Before I write anything, I have to say Happy Birthday to a friend.  I won't call you out, but you know who you are.  :)  Hope you have a great day!

Ok, so I actually do cook.  This is shocking to people and I don't know why.  I guess because I didn't touch raw meat until I was like 20 years old.  When I say that I can cook, I mean that I can follow a recipe.  Sometimes I have ADD and make silly mistakes and end up botching dinner, but for the most part, my food is good because I follow someone else's palate.  I also have a really cute apron (present from Katie), which I wear with heels because it looks cuter.  Seriously.  It feels weird wearing it with no shoes or flats, so I will actually dress my apron up.  (Psycho)  I made soup the other night and it was delicious.  It was the first thing that I have ever made without a recipe.  I found myself throwing all kinds of stuff into the pot without fear, and it actually ended up being really good.  The kids loved it AND it had vegetables in it.

I have always been interested in Asian cooking because I love fish.  They were really healthy people until Western civilization so rudely brought them McDonald's.  This website looks good and I thought I would share the link.

http://steamykitchen.com/

Before You Dine Out.....

I watched Dr. Oz on Monday and I learned something new.  Some restaurant menus are as dirty as toilets, if not worse, because they are never washed.

Dr. Oz tested menus and found fecal matter and other disgusting germs.  They said "Aim high so you won't die."  That means grab the menu at the very top, not the middle or bottom where everyone else does.  Of course, if we all aim high after hearing that then we'll all touch the same part again and it won't work.  I have an idea.  Wear latex gloves or use tweezers to turn the pages since we're not sure whether or not this will catch on.  You could also wash your hands after you touch them or  look off of a friend's menu.  HAHA!

Can This Wedding Be Saved-Vanity Fair

I read a great article in the September issue of Vanity Fair and intended to write about it, but didn't.  I remember that I had just pulled the magazine out of the mailbox, I was flipping through it and it caught my attention.  I was standing up in the kitchen, smacking the counter and cackling when I read something hilarious.  My mom sent me the link to the article a few days ago with a message that said "Great descriptions, Britt!"  The article I am referring to is "Can this Wedding Be Saved" by A.A. Gill, and now I must share with you its contents.  

I have summarized this article to my liking, but I really left most of the article in tact.  It is too funny to paraphrase.  I have also added a few thoughts of my own.  I will post the link to Vanity Fair at the end, in case you want to read it in its entirety.  

Wedding Facts, thanks to Gill:

A wedding and divorce could end up costing a couple a total of $50,000.  The average wedding costs $27,000 and the average household pulls in $50,000 a year.  It is the most money that most will spend in one day, and this isn't including the money that the guests spend (airline tickets, gifts, hen weekends, etc).  Ok, so already ridiculous, right?  Especially when 50% of first marriages end in divorce.  The average divorce is likely to cost $25,000 and according to a recent study, it costs our country $112 billion a year.  Gill calls the wedding day a "kitsch style crash of appalling taste, snotty tissues, lip gloss, dads dancing, and hypoglycemia," adding that they are like porn in that it promises way more than it ever delivers, except that we witness the scene with our grandparents and kids.  

Gill on Wedding Attire:

On what men wear: "Men get a version of tails or tux, or a morning suit with a gaudy comedy tie or a ready-made ascot, apparently artfully knotted by an elephant. An ascot is supposed to be classy and old-world yet is an item of neckwear that was just as ridiculous then as it is now. Perhaps there will be the addition of a waistcoat that looks like it’s been made from the same fabric as a cushion in a Chinese restaurant. Then there are the trousers; no man has ever gotten married in trousers that fit and one wonders where it’s written that the groom’s trousers must always resemble a giraffe’s foreskin."

On the bride:  "The first bride to popularize white wedding dresses was Queen Victoria. She was a tiny, round, plain girl with a nose like a claw hammer and less chin than a terrapin. Charitably, the best thing you could say for her on her wedding day was that she looked like an ornamental toilet-tissue cover. Before Victoria, brides wore what suited them. Red was a popular color; so was black. It’s universally said that all brides look beautiful. Every bride is told repeatedly that she is breathtaking, but white is an unforgiving un-color unless you’re a baby or a corpse. White is particularly bad on pale, pinkish people, but not quite as bad as on sprayed-orange people. The only girls who manage to look decent in wedding dresses are those who look great for a living and would look good in a trash bag or traction. Wedding dresses are a collective blind spot, an aesthetic dead zone. We are brainwashed to believe that a wedding dress is magic, that it has the ability to transform everyone into a raging, shaggable piece of hot, virginal, must-have, never-been-had gorgeousness. But, like all fairy spells, it only works for one day. In any other context, a wedding dress makes you look like a transvestite, which is presumably why the groom isn’t allowed to see it before it’s too late to change his mind.

Ok, sprayed-orange people and transvestites?  A.A. Gill, you are the shiznit.  I wonder what the groom thinks as his lace-covered Oompa Loompa approaches him......

Gill on the LIES we tell at weddings:

" How wonderful the bride looks in her dress isn’t the only lie told at weddings. The happy couple is wafted up the aisle in a fog, a cacophony of lies. There are lies about the in-laws, about gaining sons and daughters, and about not having slept with any of the bridesmaids. We fib when we say we’ll obey, we are mendacious about “sickness and health,” and we’ve got our fingers crossed in the “for richer or poorer” bit. We lie that we like the cake, we lie that the best man’s speech was funny, and we lie that this was the best wedding ever. Perhaps the only thing that isn’t a lie is that, underneath all the confetti and the balloons and the sugared almonds, there are two people who’d really like to be married and start a family."

We could call the author cynical, but come on.  You know it's true.  If you aren't cynical, you've seen "Pretty Woman" too many times.  I reference "Pretty Woman" because it's the most far-fetched chick flick ever to have been made.  Many of us will never get Richard Gere to climb up our fire escapes, so the chances of this happening to a hooker are even lower.    

Gays do it Better

"Weddings are theater produced by straight amateurs using their own money. The resulting spectacle is what a dog show would be like if it were organized by the dogs. When gays remake weddings, the lighting will be the first thing to improve. Secondly, no one’s going to think that a fatless steak fryer is a suitable pres­ent, and the flowers won’t look ordered for a clown’s funeral. The music will also be classier; you won’t have to walk down the aisle to Meatloaf singing, “I would do anything for love / But I won’t do that.”

This is so true.  Why on earth do the flowers have to look like they were ordered for a clown's funeral?  That description made me come close to peeing my pants because it's totally true.  He says that wherever queer culture goes, heterosexual women follow.  That's because they're fabulous.  I wish I had a gay man in my pocket.  I could pull him out whenever I am cooking, throwing a party, or shopping for jeans and that would be awesome.  And so would every other heterosexual female.  

History on the wedding cake

"The original wedding cake was a biscuit broken over the bride’s head to represent what was about to happen to her hymen."  Say what?   "Today the happy couple jointly hold a very phallic knife and together force it through the virginal white icing into the soft, moist sweetness, and in America, for those who are slow at symbolism, they then push cake into each other’s face as a sort of cakealingus."

Gill's take on the institution

"I understand that the bureaucratic holdup in allowing gays to have weddings like the rest of us is a problem with the exclusivity rules of the club. I thought that marriage was supposed to be a basic building block of society, that marriages come together to give the nation-state its tensile strength. Marriages make families, and families marry one another, creating a web of security and morality. Surely the right thing, the conservative thing, would be to get as many people into marriages as possible. The really radical-right, hair-shirt-and-burning-torches thing would be to insist that gays get married because, without wanting to be indelicate, all the stuff that gets the religiously intense so book-thumpingly incandescent about homosexuality is all the stuff that goes on before you’re married. If you want to stop them having fun up against walls and behind sofas, just let them get married. They’ll soon learn there’s precious little cake in the face after the wedding.

There is a misconception that marriage is particularly Christian and a misconception that there is only one way to be married—neither of these is strictly or even loosely true. The whole heathen world has found ways to be married, often with multiple partners, usually polygamy, sometimes polyandry. Christian marriages have not always been a single man and woman over the age of consent. The age of consent itself is a movable social whim. It’s 16, 17, or 18 in America and as young as 12 in some countries. Plenty of Christians have been married as children. Marriages between blacks and whites have been universally legal in America only since 1967. The truth is that marriage is a temporal institution, set down by the state, overseen by civil servants, and sometimes sanctioned by the Church. I hesitate to speak for God, but I doubt that he cares whether or not you spent $27,000 and wore a hideous white dress to get his attention. Vicars certainly don’t encourage it. For most of the 2,000 years of Christianity, marriages were matters of connubial fact, entered into without fuss or fashion, or indeed a church. Weddings were largely for the rich. They were contracts for those with property and dowry and titles.

Priests today will often pointedly draw your attention in their homilies to the truth that a wedding is the public admission of a private fact. Marriage is an oath made by a couple before God; it doesn’t need a piece of paper or a stamp, a license or a government, to make it more binding or blessed. Gays have always been able to marry before God. The problem has never been God; the problem is the rest of us, and that simply comes down to equality. You can’t be a little bit equal. Equality is an all-or-nothing deal. An equal right to be married before the law must be both equal and a right, without favor. It must be color-blind, and it must be gender-neutral. A lack of heterosexuality can’t disqualify a civil right, just as a lack of hair or not understanding the rules of baseball do not.

But I understand that the religious right find all this very vexing, very upsetting. So, I suggest we give them something in return to make them feel better. This may seem radical, but just consider it for a moment. What if we swapped them gay marriage for divorce? After all, that’s the greatest threat to the cornerstone of marriage. We will ban divorce. You get married and you stay married. If it doesn’t work out, you might just go and marry someone else. There are Christian precedents for this. You will be responsible for your children and accountable to all your spouses. It’s the divorce that is the desperate cancer of community life. That’s money that goes out of the family, out of health care, out of education, and out of the kitty for your daughter’s wedding. Fifty percent of first-time marriages fail. The wedding and the divorce together could set the couple and their family back more than $50,000—better to cut the misery and the recriminations, the affidavits and the poverty, the guilt and the tears, and just enlarge the family. You could use the money to go on holiday, to build an annex for visiting spouses, or to buy a decent wedding pres­ent for your gay uncles.

Gill makes a lot of good points, regardless of what you believe.  I always appreciate someone who says what the rest of us are thinking, and even better, says it with wit.  Thank you, A.A. Gill and Vanity Fair for always producing great content!  Hope you enjoyed this article as much as I did.  


http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2012/09/can-marriage-be-saved

Happy Labor Day!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful and relaxing three-day weekend!

-Brit

Another Trip to the Zoo

I was planning on going to church, but since you can watch on the computer, I think I will be watching from the comfort of my own home today.  I have five children to get ready (because Lindsey has a friend staying for the weekend) and I am thinking that it might be easier to watch from home this week.

We are meeting up with my friend and her little boy after church and we are heading to the zoo.  We go to the zoo a lot. We bought a yearly membership for the boys for their 3rd birthday.  They love the zoo, and we are able to take friends, so the experience is always different for them. We do go every month or two, which is definitely a lot.  Dylan always asks people "Do you like polar bears?"  (He says it in his baby voice "baby pola beyas?")  People usually say yes and he says "I love pola beyas and baby pannas (pandas)."  He then goes on to say that "Carson likes konkeys."

I tried to give Dylan a banana with his breakfast a few mornings ago and he said "No, Mama!  I not a KONKEY!  Carson's a konkey! I a Beyaaa!  We eat honey!"

My kids may believe that they are actually animals.

Try....to put it down

I slept for two hours last night....thanks go out to Insomnia again.  Insomnia is such a bitch.  I hate her more than anything right now.  I am really getting sick of not sleeping at night and I am trying everything except sleep aides and counting sheep at this point.  Oh, and the two hours that I got were in 15 or 20 minute increments, so yeah.  Awesome, huh?  I got up at 6:45 and got myself and the kids ready for Logan and Lindsey's game.  It was at 9:00, but we had to be there at 8:45.  After our team got slaughtered I left the game and rushed to Zumba, which was at 11:00.

I tried to rest a little once we got home from the gym and I took a shower.  We were all pretty exhausted, so we hung around the house a little while, which was nice.  We grabbed dinner and ate at the pool when we were feeling up to it.  I only took the big kids swimming, so I was able to read some filth without being bothered.  Of course, I am referring to the 2nd installment of "50 Shades of Grey".  I have been reading these books very slowly. Many would think that I am savoring the material, but really....no.  I'm just too busy to read lately.  Anyway, I was reading this book at the pool around a bunch of kids and parents (who know what's up), so I was finding clever ways of disguising the cover.  These books are perfect Kindle material.  These books are filthy, but try to put them down.....

There is a part in the book when Christian makes Ana a "mixed tape" on her iPad (which, of course, he purchased for her).  I have always loved one of the songs on the list and until recently, I had completely forgotten about it.  Such a good song.

The link to Try, Nelly Furtado, is below. (She is so hot, by the way.)  I posted the lyrics below.  It's a sad song, really.  Being jaded sucks because you will never be able to fully give to someone else if you are that way.

By the way, I am so tired.  If my writing sucks today, sorry.  Blame that bitch, Insomnia.

http://youtu.be/3--1Kw2UHDQ

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love