Conversations with a Cannibal

Yesterday I received a text message from a random 404 number.  I did a factory reset on my phone a while back, so I thought at first that it could be someone I knew and that they were messing with me.  Here is the conversation, verbatim:

404: Yum Yum

ME: Who is this?

404: Who do you think?

ME: Yum yum? Uh...I have no idea.  Do you know who I am?

404:  Of course.

ME: Yum yum....little creepy actually.

404: Nooo

ME:  Are you like gonna eat me? Who is this?

ME: Hannibal Lector?

404: It's Chris.

ME: Chris aka Hannibal Lector?

404: No.  _______ (last name)

ME: Yea....I don't know you.  Who are you looking for?

404: You Sara

ME:  No.  lol

ME: Are you going to eat her?  Poor Sara.

404: Ha ha no wrong number

ME: K.


I am a little worried about Sara.  I am also wondering how many texts I will now receive that start the conversation "Yum yum!"

Have a great Monday! 

It's Hot! Where's My Scarf?

Last night I went to a party with my friend, Kerri.  I am not going to give many details because I am about to talk some smack about someone, but it was a nice party and we had a good time. 

I should mention something before I tell this story, and that is that it was very warm outside last night.  I was in a strapless dress and completely comfortable.  Ok, so there was a guy there who Kerri knows (long story that I won’t explain, but he hits women and has no idea that we know this) who was wearing a blazer, a pair of tailored jeans, a pair of sunglasses (at night),  I wear my sunglasses at night……sing it, and a white, fluffy scarf. He was the biggest douche I have ever met, and he is mean to girls, so I was having a hard time even being polite.  Every time he would come near us, we would start staring at the floor or ceiling, or I would pick at a hangnail.  He eventually came and sat by us and Kerri and I tried not to laugh because I was being such a beotch.  The problem is that no one ever knows that I am being a beotch unless they know me, because I just come off shy.  If I am not talkative, a stranger doesn’t have a clue that it’s because I don’t like them.  Anyway, he was asking me all sorts of questions and I kept giving him basically, one-word answers hoping he’d become bored.  At one point, he said “Man, it’s hot in there.  Those lights in there will getcha!” And I wanted to tell him that maybe he’d cool off if he’d take off the winter scarf.  I mean, dude, you are not Ralph Lauren, and you are not about to go yachting…..lose the scarf.  He asked me if I wanted a drink, I said no, he got up and got me one anyway.  I didn’t drink it.  Like I am going to risk getting Roofied by a douche bag in a scarf???  I never leave my drink or take drinks from anyone.  I am totally paranoid.  Anyway, finally, this girl came over and said to him “It was nice meeting you, ______!  Is this your date?” She looked at me.  I waited for him to tell her that I wasn't, but he just sat there.  I said “No!!! I am not his date!  I think she is.” I pointed to an older lady sitting next to him.  She was like 75.  He was like “Yea, I wanted to see how you’d handle that.”  HUH???  What kind of joker is this guy???  Did he think I would say yes?  I think his scarf was cutting off his air supply.

What is going on with guys right now?  What’s wrong with a shirt, jeans, and a hat? I realize that all week, people have irritated me and I have made fun of them, but it is one of those weeks. 

Flashback Friday on Saturday-I'm Concussed

Apparently I don't even know what day it is anymore, since I forgot to do Flashback Friday yesterday.  Since I really don't have a lot going on today other than running Lindsey around for dance,  I thought I would tell a story that not a lot of people know about. 

I once got a concussion from getting kicked in the head.  Go ahead and laugh, but I am being totally and completely serious.  I was in 4th grade and I was at recess.  I was jumping back and forth over a jumprope, which was on the ground,when the hugest girl in 4th grade decided to do a cartwheel too close to me.  This girl, Margie, towered over me (and most of the guys), and when her gigantic foot pinwheeled through the air and hit my face, I heard a thump and my nose and eye started bleeding.  It was like getting kicked by a horse!  Her foot hit me so hard, I was knocked to the ground and walked to the nurse.  I must have been acting peculiar because I was taken to the hospital to find out that I had a mild concussion.  My mom had to wake me up every hour that night, to keep me from slipping into a coma.  (I'm sure that wouldn't have happened.)  You know, now that I think about it, I got straight A's until 5th grade.  That's my excuse.  I am concussed.  Thanks to Margie and her enormous foot, I was the biggest airhead in my grade in high school. 

I wonder if Margie hates her feet. 

Brea, Kellie and Michelle.....remember Mr. Mueller throwing my bag out of the classroom?  And then me???  Ohhhh, that man hated me.  And then I caught the tablecloth on fire at that drama thing.  Remember that??? 

Have a great weekend!  I am headed to the gym, and then I have a party to go to tonight with my friend, Kerri. 

Who Rocks at the Gym

Before I talk about the person who rocks at the gym, OMGGGGGGG!!!!  I am freaking out right now!  Ok.  So, Logan told me a few days ago that the "hottest girl in school" asked him out and he said no because he said it was stupid to have a girlfriend at this age.  I was like "what's her name" and he said "Brittany _____".  Ok, so today he was talking about going to a movie with his friend, and I said "Yea, we will see.  Get the info."  He borrowed my phone a little while ago and sent a text to his friend.  It said "Hey, it's me, Logan.  I was just wondering if Brittany decided what movie she was gonna see."  I thought he was acting a little weird earlier while he was texting, but I thought I was just being paranoid.  I just looked at him and said "Oh, so a girl is going to the movies?  You didn't mention that part.  So, Brittany is going?"  I was smiling, so he smiled.  He was like "Yea, I wasn't going to say anything."  WHAT???  He is 10!!!!!  This is just like a year ago when I found him with a Victoria's Secret magazine under his covers with a little McDonald's flashlight.  He's a baby! 

Since I believe in balance in life, I thought that I would say something positive today about someone at the gym since I talked about all of the people who suck in yesterday's post.  Who rocks at the gym?  He is a man who is about 75 years of age and goes to Zumba every week.  I don't know his name and I have never talked to him, but I think it's awesome that he is there.  Now, I am not going to lie and say that this man can move, or that he doesn't look like he is going to break his hip while shaking it, but I have to give props to people who go out on a limb and decide to live life to its fullest.  It's awesome.  Good for you, Referee!  Shake what your mama gave ya!  He reminds me that I am still young, and that even when you are old, you are still alive.  It's a beautiful thing if you don't spend your old age in a recliner watching infomercials and ordering crap you don't need from QVC.  I am pretty sure that my granddad left me some money when he died and I never saw a penny because my grandma was addicted to buying useless gadgets on that channel.  Thanks a lot, QVC.  My grandma was unhealthy and sad at the end of her life and when I see people enjoying their old age, it makes me happy. 


I heard a great quote about age, and although I have probably already repeated it 1200 times on this blog, I am going to say it again. 

"How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?"

The Close Dancer

You know how Seinfeld talked about “the close talker”?  You know, the people who are like one inch away from your face when they are talking to you?  You can inch away, begging for personal space while trying not to be being rude, but they end up following you as you back up because they don’t take social cues.  Well, I would like to talk about the The Close Dancer.   

The Close Dancer is a woman who shows up late to Zumba class, ignores the fact that there are empty spaces available in the room, and decides to be all up in your PERSONAL DANCE SPACE just because she is inconsiderate and socially retarded.  The Close Dancer is essentially just a lobotomized brain walking around on a pair of uncoordinated legs.  She is usually wearing some retarded outfit to class, like jeans (seriously), and has no idea that when the teacher goes left, that means her too.  You step on The Close Dancer and slap her in the face and instead of laughing, you feel like taking her by the jean’s pocket and flinging her across the room. 

Last night I got to class ten minutes early; in fact, I usually do arrive early to grab a spot, no matter which class I am in.  Class started, we’re all warmed up and in our spaces, when this single-celled amoeba walks in and starts flapping her arms while standing less than a foot away from me.  There are tons of spaces and she is like RIGHT THERE!  I thought “Are you kidding me, lady?  Seriously?  We aren’t doing the Macarena for an hour.  BACK OFF!”  I was already close to the back and to the wall, the reason being that it’s everyone’s least favorite place to be because you can’t see the instructor as well.  It doesn’t bother me, so I go to the back where I can have some room.  Anyway, after almost stepping on this lady while doing a grapevine to the right, I got irritated and scooted back, ALL THE WAY TO THE GLASS!  It irritated me that I had to do that, so I jumped in front of her and demanded my space back.  It is so irritating!  I just don’t get it!  The leech probably didn’t even notice. 

I know that the world is overpopulated, but come on, man!  There is more space on the planet and in the gym; you don’t have to climb on my shoulders in order to take a Zumba class.    The planet is filled with molecules and atoms and cells, and guess what else…..SPACE! 

You know, it isn’t just in Zumba where you find Space Hoggers.  There are people that will come into a yoga or Pilates class and your mat is the only one on the ground.  They will nuzzle it up RIGHT NEXT TO YOURS like they want to spoon with you.  I just don’t get it!  I used to ignore it, but now I make a point to move my mat because I am hoping that they will feel stupid….because it is stupid.  These same people are the ones who observe an open parking lot and they choose the one spot next to your car.  They park over the line while they are at it. 

People at the gym really irritate me.  We have to Close Dancers, the Mat Smotherers, the Rubber Neckers on the machines (these are the people who spy to see your weight and how hard you’re pushing it.  Get a life.)  We have the dirty old men who compliment you on your stretching skills, we have the people who sweat all over the machines and don’t wash them off, and then we have the douche bags who don’t know how to clear their weights or are too rushed to clear them....they have to get to the tanning bed.  If you are going to put 200 pounds on a barbell, do you think that you could like actually put the weights back where they go?  Not everyone is on roids, and not everyone has the time to clean up your messes.  I am smaller than you are and I am not your mom.  Clean your messes.

Did I miss anyone?  Who else at the gym sucks?

Carson....update

Carson had a check-up on his leg this morning.  We sat for an hour because the doctor had to run to the hospital for some kind of emergency.  Carson ate a couple of lollipops while he waited patiently on the table. 

The nurse took off the bandage, and of course, I turned around and didn't look.  In the past, I have gotten sick every time the bandage has come off.  It makes me feel terrible because I don't want Carson to get his feelings hurt or to scare him, but I get dizzy and light-headed and hear rushing water in my ears.  The bandage stuck a little and he jerked a bit, but other than that, he didn't complain and he just chilled.  The nurses are always really impressed with how mature he is.  She covered it up until the doctor came. 

When his doctor showed up, he took off the bandage and asked me to look.  He said "I know you get sick, Mom, but I really need you to look because you need to see what I am talking about."  I did, and then I got sick.  They had to bring me a drink and I had to chill for a while.  I don't get sick at the sight of blood and stuff, but when it is MY CHILD, I just can't bear it.  I thought I was ok and started to leave, but apparently I was leaning to the right while I was walking, and they told me to sit a little longer.  I was still a little dizzy.  This whole time, Carson is saying "I love you, Mama" and smiling. 

His leg, to the doctor, looked good.  His leg to me, looked so painful, I can't even think about it.  My poor little baby has been through 3 surgeries and not complained one time.  He says things like "Watch my leg!  Don't bump my leg!" And "Look, Mama!  It's all better!"  He is so tough, and I can't believe that he doesn't even attempt to walk on it.  He accepts the situation and makes the best of it.  Carson is a cool little kid and I enjoy having him as my little sidekick.  The doctor said that he was shocked he hasn't complained at all because it really is a painful surgery.  The only thing Carson complained about a little, like once or twice, was the site where they took the skin for the graft.  He's such an amazing kid.

Thank you, everyone, for your prayers! 

I heard that Xander, Carson's cousin, prayed for him and said "No more boo boo's for Carson, Amen."  So adorable.

I haven't been doing a Word of the Day.  Ooops. 

What'd Mama Say?

I felt like laughing last night, so I watched Wedding Crashers.  Always funny; never gets old.

Logan and Lindsey irritate me almost on a daily basis by thinking that everything is up for debate.  I have no problem with questions, but arguing with me is not cool because I am the parent and I paid my dues as a child.  I was perfect, right, Mom and Dad?  There is pretty much no way to get my kids to stop talking sometimes, so I found the perfect thing to say.  It will confuse them into submission, and it will make me laugh hysterically, like it did last night.

"You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!"

Here's the clip, in case you want to see Rebecca De Mornay say it......it's way funnier.  If you are old, or a prude, maybe don't bother watching it.  It is funny. 



http://youtu.be/jLWTFhiqYog

420

I thought that this story was hilarious. Read the article.  The fact that they spread fish-based fertilizer to ward off the potheads is so funny to me.  HAHA.  I laughed so hard.  I can just see them sitting in a room saying "Hmmm, how can we stop this gigantic pot event?  What do potheads seem to really hate?  I know!  Fish smells!  By golly I've got it!"  It seems like an idea you'd have while you're stoned, if you ask me. 

The story also talks about how 420 came to be, except no one seems to know what the right answer is.  Someone must have come up with the idea when they were high and then forgot the reasoning. 


http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/20/us/university-colorado-marijuana-rally/index.html?hpt=us_t3

Have a great Saturday!

Flashback Friday-Stones and Sundays

The Rolling Stones are about to go on their 50^th anniversary tour.  Can you believe that?  They have been performing for 50 years!  That is insane.  Any time I think I’m getting old I should just look at a picture of Mick Jagger...or maybe that would scare me, so I shoudn't.  I mean, come on though!    The dude is so old and he still gets up there and does his thing.  On top of that, songs are still written with him in mind.  Moves like Jagger? 

I think that one of the best songs ever to be re-recorded was “Wild Horses”.  It was a great song the first time around, of course, but the Sunday’s version is very pretty.  Girls first came to know this version as “the rollercoaster song” from Fear when Marky Mark….well, I don’t need to go into that.  You’ve seen the movie if you’re a 90’s kid. 

Such a great song…..

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x154i0_the-sundays-wild-horses_music

Mushy Brain

My brain is starting to turn to mush from sitting with Carson all day; we are watching kids' movies.  I can feel my IQ points vaporizing.  We have watched so many, I can't even name them all.  I try to do something else and he says "Mama!  Mama!  Watch this funny part!"  He's so cute, because they are all funny parts to him, which means I have to watch everything.  He takes my face and turns it toward the TV. 

I have to go get coffee.  I always forget that I am addicted and then I say "Why am I getting a headache?" 

Nothing interesting is going on that anyone would want to read....except that Snow White still wakes up at the end of the movie. 

Have a great day!  Hopefully it is more exciting than mine!

Are Mean People Born Mean?

I have often wondered why some people are mean and why some are nice.  A lot of times, it seems like it doesn't matter what their story or situation is, but their personality is who they are and has been the same since birth.  Scientists conducted an experiment to find out whether or not mean people are born mean.....but you have to read it to find out.  Carson is screaming "Mama!  Get me up!"  It is amazing what they can find out about us by using nasty rats.  Gotta run, here's the link....

http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2012/04/18/are-mean-people-born-that-way/?hpt=hp_t3

Carson Update

I would like to thank everyone for praying today; I felt peace and so did Carson.  I got so many nice texts and emails wishing him well; I really appreciate it.  It always amazes me how lucky I am to have so many people who love us.  It's a blessing.  It's never easy when they take your baby away for surgery, but the nurse looked at me and said "We'll take good care of him" and I thank God that there were such nice people this time, as opposed to the last.  I still cried, but I felt okay.  Everything went smoothly and this was definitely the last surgery.  He is sitting on the couch right now with me.  We have watched like 4 movies and I am trying to get him to eat some food so he can take his medicine.  He won't be able to walk for four weeks, so please, continue to pray for his recovery and for my sanity.

We have been up since 5:30, so I have to go, but I just wanted to tell you that our little monkey is doing really well!  I love you, readers, for taking the time each day to read my blog each day.  Thank you for your prayers, again. 

Wrap Up the Day with a Big Red Bow

If you remember back about a month ago, Lindsey had a dance competition and we almost missed the first stage time because of the nerd convention, the St. Patrick's Day parade, and an auto show....which was an absolute nightmare.  Remember that I jumped out with the girls at the curb while the other mother parked the car?  We ran through the convention center and got there with 60 seconds to spare. 
Lindsey had another dance competition yesterday at the convention center next to the airport.  We got up and ready at 6:00 and we left at 8:00.  (Lindsey, two other dancers, their moms and I carpooled again.)  We made jokes about what could go wrong, knowing that we were completely prepared.....or so we thought.  After all, there wasn’t a Star Wars convention, an auto show, or parade; we were good to go....right?  We were supposed to be there at 9:30.  Our first stage time was 10:30 and our second was at 11:55.  We arrived on time and seeming to be in one piece.  The girls got dressed for their first dance and as I rummaged through Lindsey's bag, I noticed that she didn't have her hair bow for the tap dance, which was at 11:55.  We all started to panic because there wasn't an extra bow and the teachers told me that she could not go on stage without it.  They asked me to go home to get it, but I didn't think I could make it.  Lindsey started to cry and I told her to calm down because she would ruin her make-up.  I told her that I would fix it and not to worry.  We thought about possible solutions that wouldn't include an hour and a half car ride.... finding ribbon, cutting a bow in half, and so on....but once we saw the bows on the girls' heads, we remembered that any idea other than going home was utterly ridiculous.  See the picture below to see why. 

These bows are like as big as my femur.  There's Lindsey, to
the left, in the front, without the bow.

The bow is like two feet wide!  I called Grammy and Grandaddy (absolute angels of mercy) and they said that they would run by the house, get Lindsey's bow out, and then come out to the convention center by the airport to deliver it. 

The girls did amazing on their first performance and then they came backstage to change.  At this point, I was like "Well, if we don't get the bow, we don't get the bow."  The other moms were panicking, the teachers were panicking and people were starting to talk behind my back about the missing bow.  I was not a  favorite at that moment.  As soon as I got the call that they were on Camp Creek Parkway, I hauled ass outside and waited for them to pull up to the building.  I saw their car, ran to the bow, shouted my thanks and turned around to run back. Another girl met me at the door, grabbed the bow and sprinted to where Lindsey was.  They were on stage within three minutes.  It was a close call and she almost didn't make it.  I should mention something...they were running early and she went on 20 minutes earlier than they were scheduled. 

Then.....hopefully you are still with me because this is funny.....the girls stepped onto the stage and as soon as the music started, another little girl's bow fell off of her head and she had to dance the whole time without it.  We started laughing, not at the girl, but because there was SO much drama over a damn bow and we still ended up dancing without one.  I'm not sure if it made my mistake any more acceptable, but it made us laugh about the situation and no one can blame me. 

I am really sorry that this is so long, but the day isn't finished being freaky.  I hadn't eaten anything all day and when we left, it was around 1:00.  I had coffee, but I forgot to eat actual food.  The girls begged us to go to Zaxby's, but we ended up going to Steak 'n Shake.  We were all starving and about ready to gnaw our arms off.  It was busy and we had to put our names in.  Everyone stared at the girls because they had a ton of make-up on and no costumes, so we looked like "those moms" taking their street-walker daughters to Steak 'n Shake for a good time.  HAHA.  Anyway, we waited about 20 minutes and Grammy and Grandaddy randomly showed up with Peyton and Logan.  They were seated first.  We waited for about an hour and were finally seated.  Then the waiter came about 10 minutes after that to tell us that he was going to take someone else's drink orders first and he'd be back. We were like OMG, WE ARE GOING TO DIE of STARVATION!!!  I was ready to nibble on a crayon and my hands were shaking!  So finally, he takes our order and apologizes by throwing in free milkshakes.  Cool.  Our food finally comes and one of the orders is wrong.  They bring a "correction" which was an entirely wrong order again.  Before we know it, the one mother has three different plates of the wrong food.....she was so hungry, she didn't care anymore and they were so embarrassed that they didn't give us a bill at all, which we felt weird about.  We tipped them, thanked them, and went home. 

We had decided not to stay for the awards because they are absolute torture.  The announcers are hired, I think, BECAUSE you can't understand them.  Well, when I got home and checked my email, I found out that the girls got 4 trophies. For Jazz they received 1st place, the "Too Hot to Handle" Award, and 3rd place overall.  For Tap, the dance with the giant bow, they received 1st place.  Great job, Spotlights!


The Roof, The Roof, The Roof is on Fire!
Lindsey is in the front row, all the way to the right. 

Lindsey, (when you read this one day) even though this is stressful sometimes, it is a joy to watch you dance and I love every minute of it.  You are so beautiful and talented and I am really proud of you. 

I am going to the High today with Kerri.  Yay!  Have a great day!

I Need a Clone

Have you ever seen that movie, Multiplicity?  The guy clones himself a couple of times.  I wish I really could do that.  I would have one Brittany to clean and do the laundry (and it wouldn't be me) and then another to do all of the early morning stuff, while I slept in.  I would run the kids around without worrying about all of the to-do's.  You know what would be even cooler than a clone?  Mini Me's.  That would be hilarious. 

Lindsey has another dance competition today.  This will probably be an all day thing.  My tickets to the High Museum of Art are expiring this week, so Kerri and I are going to go tomorrow.  Carson has surgery on Tuesday, and Lindsey has dance pictures the same day.  I am really busy and dreading this week.  I'm not complaining about the High....I'm pretty lucky that I get to do that.  I love that museum.  There's a Picasso, Warhol and Matisse exhibit that I am looking forward to seeing.  I like Matisse a lot.
Have a great Sunday!

The Singing Butler

I really like this painting, and you wanna know why?  I like that the girl is all dressed up, dancing in the rain and not caring about her hair.  It's a pretty damn romantic painting, if you ask me.  She must really like the guy if she doesn't care about ruining her dress.  And if you are dancing with a guy in a tux and on the beach, you're probably not wearing something from Target.  The couple is obviously so caught up in the moment; they don't realize how rude they are to make a couple of people sit out in the rain with them.  They're having the time of their lives while the poor maid and butler are hunkering down below an umbrella.  This painting is called "The Singing Butler", so I guess the rude bastards, along with making them stand in the rain, are also forcing them to SING. 

Jack Vettriano has been criticized widely; his paintings have been called "soft porn".  I don't really care about that; I just like the painting.  It's cool, right?

Flashback Friday-Why the Beastie Boys Got Sweet Girls Into Trouble

Ok, so I have said this before, but there is an epidemic in this country that I think us ladies should talk about.  Why is it that nice, sweet, law-abiding girls are attracted to bad boys?  The "nice" boys get trapped in the "friend zone" so many times that they have no choice but to start acting like a-holes.  THEN, we gripe about how there are no nice guys out there.  I have a theory.....it's all the Beastie Boys' fault.  It all started with them.  When I was a little girl, we're talking 10 years old, I had a crush on my friend's older brother, Nick.  I thought he looked like a Beastie Boy, and he did.   I used to stare at him, wishing I weren't 10.  Of course, I was 10.  I just wanted to hug him or something.

Look at these adorable, Brass Monkey drinking rappers.  They had no idea that their baggy pants, little hats and t-shirts would cause an entire generation of girls to seek out slackers who play videogames and ignore them.  At least, that's my theory.  I know that all girls weren't this way, but then I wonder if they were the ones listening to Celine Dion or something instead. 

 

For old time's sake....



http://youtu.be/ru3gH27Fn6E


Here's the Word of the Day:



caparison \kuh-PAR-uh-suhn\ , verb:
1. To dress richly; deck.
2. To cover with a caparison.
noun:
1. A decorative covering for a horse or for the tack or harness of a horse; trappings.
2. Rich and sumptuous clothing or equipment.

The fruit, the fountain that's in all of us; in Edward; in Eleanor; so why caparison ourselves on top?
-- Virginia Woolf, The Years

And he followed her order, bridling and saddling the horse and making every effort to caparison it well.
-- Chrétien de Troyes, The Complete Romances of Chrétien de Troyes

Videogames

Before I talk about Lana Del Rey, I should mention that I had to pick Logan up from school yesterday.  Lindsey was doing a split and Logan was being a goofball said "Hey!  Look at my split!"  He started to do a "split" and someone knocked into him while he was compromised.  He sprained his knee and I had to take him home to ice it, so I didn't get to see Titanic in 3D.

I know that by now, just about everyone has heard about Lana Del Rey, but I haven't been blogging lately and really wanted to weigh in on her song "Videogames".  I saw her on American Idol a couple of weeks ago and I have to say, there are not many moments where I am mesmerized, silent, and still.  Actually, I constantly move around when Don and I are watching TV because I get very bored.  I twitch and wiggle around a lot if it’s something that doesn’t require a lot of concentration.  Anyway, I was completely still while she performed.  I was slightly confused, which I like, and I was trying to figure her out. She's this beautiful girl with a haunting voice, and then she has these nasty, long, Elvira fingernails.  The song is confusing too.  It’s beautiful, but then out of nowhere it says "videogames".  It totally throws you off.  I have two theories about the lyrics....it's a very retro, romantic song.  I think that girls want that old-school romance with a guy like the Great Gatsby, but instead, they get lumps that sit on the couch and play videogames because guys like Gatsby don’t exist anymore (or ever did, because he’s fictional, haha), or they are few and far between.  The other theory is that she uses “videogames” as a metaphor for the games he plays with her, since she seems way more into him than he is with her. 

 I like when someone tries to be original, so even if you don’t like her or the song, you can at least appreciate the fact that she’s different.  I get sick of the same old crap that gets pumped out over and over. 


http://youtu.be/HO1OV5B_JDw

Here are the lyrics, if you are interested:

Swinging in the backyard
Pull up in your fast car whistling my name
Open up a beer and you take it over here
And play a video game

I'm in his favorite sun dress
Watching me get undressed, take that body downtown
I say you the bestest, lean in for a big kiss
Put his favorite perfume on, go play a video game

It's you, it's you, it's all for you
Everything I do, I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do

I heard that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true? It's better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby, now you do

Singing in the old bars
Swinging with the old stars, living for the fame
Kissing in the blue dark
Playing pool and wild darts, video games

He holds me in his big arms
Drunk and I am seeing stars this is all I think of
Watching all our friends fall in and out of Old Paul's
This is my idea of fun playing video games

It's you, it's you, it's all for you
Everything I do I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do

I heard that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true? It's better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby, now you do
(Now you do)

It's you, it's you, it's all for you
Everything I do I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do

I heard that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true? It's better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby, now you do




Word of the Day:


pleach \pleech\ , verb:
1. To interweave branches or vines for a hedge or arbor.
2. To make or renew (a hedge, arbor, etc.) by such interweaving.
3. To braid (hair).

Robert got up very early, and went off to pleach the big hedge at the foot of the far pasture.
-- Mary Webb, Seven for a Secret

I might not be able to install plumbing fixtures or to pleach apple trees, but I know how to throw a good party.
-- Nancy Atherton, Aunt Dimity and the Family Tree

The Zoo

We went to the zoo yesterday and now I remember why I usually take them on a weekday.....because it took an hour to park!  I got there in one piece though this time, meaning that I remembered to bring my wallet.  Lindsey went to a friend's house, so I just took the boys.  Logan was awesome and Carson and Dylan had a blast. 

All that Dylan wanted was to go to the zoo and buy a baby panda, which he calls "Baby Panna".  We looked at the lions, the giraffes, the birds and monkeys, and he enjoyed looking, but he would make it clear when he was bored of an animal because he would say "Let's see more animals, Mama!"  He's so cute.  He was patient, but I could tell he was anxious to get to his panda.  He's so adorable.  If he didn't know what something was he'd shout in his little baby voice "Wasssss dat, mamaaaaaaa?" If I could bottle his voice up, I would.  It's so cute. 

Carson loved the monkeys, of course, especially this one (I forget the name) with a long tail.  Dude, his tail was like a yard and a half long and it stood straight up!  Carson thought it was funny because he ate bugs. 

Logan was just an awesome helper.  I don't really know which animal he liked the most because he was too busy he telling me he was thirsty.  I got him drinks, but the kid was like a camel.  Every time I turned around, he was thirsty.  I think that he liked the tigers.  The tigers were really cool.

I am genuinely happy that activists have made the zoos give the animals more room and an environment closer to what their real habitat would be, but it sorta sucks for us because you can't see them as closely anymore.  For example, my favorite thing to watch when I was a kid was the gorilla, who used to be in a tiny little room....not cool, but now, he's like 2 miles away.  You can't even see him.  And yesterday we saw the mama gorillas and a little baby.  They too were like a mile away!  Even the zoom on my camera couldn't get close.   I have to say though, if I were a mama gorilla, I would stay far away from spectators too.  I'd be naked, for one, and I'd also just get irritated with people staring at me all day.  And gorillas act a lot like humans, so maybe they don't like it. 


Here are just a few pictures that I took from my phone:

Carson eating pizza

Dylan, not eating, because he doesn't eat real food....only sugar



They call gorillas "King Kong".  Here they are looking
at King Kong.  Hmmm, should we touch it?



Why not?  I don't think it'll bite us.

Better yet, let's sit on him!

Dylan with his Baby "Panna"

Here's the Word of the Day:

grouse \grous\, verb:
1. To grumble; complain.
noun:
1. A complaint.

Girls Who Imitate Stupid

Mad Men comes on tonight.  I love this show, if you haven’t figured it out yet!  I also LOVE Jon Hamm.  I love him based on the fact that he’s so freaking handsome, he’s a really good actor, and that he doesn’t like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.  He’s like perfect now.  A couple of weeks ago he said the following about cheap TV entertainment:

"It's a part of our culture that I certainly don't identify with, and I don't really understand the appeal of it other than in a sort of car crash sensibility, and it's not something that I partake in or enjoy, but it is what it is, and here we are."

I love you, Jon Hamm, for respecting smart women, smart culture, and rejecting idiotic entertainment.  He also refuses to take back what he said….yes, sir, you are awesome.  

I want to club stupid girls over the head and I can’t stand anyone who is famous purely because they have money and a sex tape—sorry.  I have no respect for it.  It is because of girls like Paris and Kim that little girls grow up to be obnoxious, brainless, idiotic whores who do whatever men tell them to….and then they wonder why no man wants them longer than a week.  “Oh, whaaaaa!  Men are such a-holes!  I hate them!  WAHHHH!  I hate them!  They're so stupid!  (No, you are.)  What’s wrong with me?”  Um, let’s see….you ACT like Kim and Paris— yet you just bounced a check in order to get your nails done and you’re not as hot, nor will you ever be.  Why are you acting like this?  You’re bank statement says “negative $9” and you’re walking around with fake boobs, no brain, and collagen-injected lips that you can’t afford.  I love the male species and they are smarter than stupid girls give them credit for.  Contrary to popular belief, I think that they are not so shallow that they’ll be happy sitting at a table with a pretty girl with nothing interesting to say…..they actually want someone that’s interested in more than just the brand of her purse.  Men (the good ones anyway) want someone who will challenge them and stick with them even if they’re broke as crap.  Are you taking your boobs and money to the grave, girls?  Um no....work on your soul, ladies.  It's not all about looks and money.

And I am sorry, but Kim Kardashian’s ass is gross.  She’ll take up two airline seats once she gives in and eats a bag of Lay’s.   Just wait.  And what a beotch to fake a marriage for ratings.  OMG.  She’s a succubus. 

If Lindsey ever imitates one of these girls, I am throwing her into a convent.  If my boys ever bring home a girl like this, I think I will grab them by their extentions and fling them into my yard.  My front yard is very steep and I'll watch them roll down with pleasure.  HAHA! 

I know that this sounds really mean, but it's true and besides, the girls I am talking about won't get their feelings hurt because they aren't reading my blog.  The Nutrition Info on their rice cakes is the extent of what they read.