Driving Coolnesses

I was driving Lindsey to dance yesterday, flicked on my blinker, and suddenly remembered something from when I was in high school.  I am writing about it for no good reason—call it writer's block.  My friend Kellie and I once had a conversation about “driving coolnesses”, as we called them.  I discovered that she and I shared the same exact guidelines when it came to driving and not looking like a dork.  I should preface by saying that we weren’t so serious about this list that it’s all we thought about, but apparently, it was on our mind enough to probably distract us from other things that we should’ve been paying attention to on the road.   

The Rules

1.)  We never put our blinker on too soon because those who did appeared paranoid and dorky.  “Hello, everyone, I am turning in a mile!  Just thought I’d let you know so you don’t rear-end me!  I’m a huge dork and I wear white socks with dress shoes!”   

2.)  We didn't turn on our windshield wipers until there was pretty much a downpour because those who did looked paranoid and dorky. People who had them going full-speed for a drizzle were such nerds. "Ahhhh!  A raindrop just hit my windshield!  I can't see!  HELP!"  Ha ha. 

3.) We refused to turn on our headlights at night until it was totally dark because those who did looked paranoid and dorky.  People who turned them on at dusk looked like they were reading the DMV handbook AS THEY DROVE.  So uncool. 

Have I mentioned at any point since I began writing this blog last January that I received the “Worst Driver” superlative my senior year?  I assumed at the time that I got it because I had totaled my dad’s car by hitting a fence, rolling it four times, busting out the windows and caving in the roof.  I also remember being surprised that everyone thought of me as they voted a year later.  Now I realize that everyone voted for me not just because of that car accident, but because I really did suck at driving! In fact, I don’t think that I have ever deserved an award more than I deserved that one.  I was always dancing, singing, looking around, talking, running red lights and stop signs…..I was AWFUL!  And when I learned how to drive a stick shift?  I think everyone still has whiplash from that experience! 

One awesome thing about getting older is that you really do grow wiser and that you care less and less what people think.  I am not saying that I will ever wear white socks with dress shoes or start wearing suspenders, but the list of things that you care about gets shorter and you tend to get grow more intelligent.  I was the most immature driver on the face of the planet and I am lucky to be alive.  My dad didn’t allow me to get my driver’s license until I was 17 and I still failed the test the first time I took it.   Then once I had my license, I was an obnoxious airhead and didn’t know how to do more than one thing at a time.  Apparently, steering and pushing the brake were entirely too much for me to handle doing at one time.  As I write this, I can’t believe that Peyton will be legally allowed to drive me around in a year and a half!  He's more mature than I was and hopefully the other kids will be too.  I was just plain silly 95% of the time.

At 31, I still have a list of behaviors that I consider acceptable and not acceptable, and cool and uncool, but that’s healthy to a certain degree.  Yesterday at the gym I got a strong urge to start singing “Dazzey Dukes” as it blared from my iPod— especially the part that says “Miami, Alabama, Tennessee, New Jersey!  Boston!  Augusta!  At-lanta like them girls in the Dazzey Dukes.”  I refrained from doing so…..thankfully.  I am comfortable in my own skin but I draw the line at singing 90’s rap songs in public.  (By the way, don't you love how they had to change the spelling?  "Dazzey Dukes" ?  It wasn't ghetto enough!  So stupid.) 

 Here's the Word of the Day:

obscurantism \uhb-SKYOORr-uhn-tiz-uhm\, noun:

1. Opposition to the increase and spread of knowledge.
2. Deliberate obscurity or evasion of clarity.