The Cynic Clears the Air

I received some comments yesterday that made me think that my sarcasm didn’t quite come through yesterday.  I was mocking girls, because I am a girl and I am allowed to do that.  When I was making comments about what women want, it was based on the Twilight series, and so was my advice to men.  By no means do I actually think that all women want these things or that it’s acceptable—I was commenting on what seems to appeal to its readers, and poking some fun.  Meyer invents the perfect man, and there is no doubt that every woman believes that.  Therefore, Edward’s actions, I would think, would also be considered to be perfect by women.   He’s the perfect balance of bad-ass/sweetheart, and unless WE can be perfect, we can’t expect that from a man!  Basically, I was making observations that led to unfair generalizations, as all generalizations are.  What I said yesterday would be similar to saying “Soap Opera fans love drama.”  Not all women watch soap operas, so obviously I am not including all women, but women who love soap operas probably love drama.  But be honest……don’t most women love drama? 

My brother-in-law made some comments and he said that I could share them. I think it’s cool to get a guy’s perspective on my blog, so I am adding it. 

•             “Women want a badass who will protect them”:  I know plenty of “nice guys” who are fully capable of protecting their wives and children from all manner of evil.  Like John Travolta said in Swordfish, “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.”  Just because you are generally a nice person doesn’t mean that you aren’t a badass when you need to be.  Further, guys that are badass all the time are just compensating for some deeply rooted issues from their early childhood.  I guess that means that they need saving…maybe women feel like they need to do the saving… 

Exactly. 

•             “still allow them their freedom to have a guy friend”:  I’m not one of those folks that believe that men and women can’t be just friends.  But, I’ve known plenty of people who should adopt that philosophy.  I guess it’s a matter of maturity or maybe just conviction. 

Yep.  Some can handle it, some can’t.  But in the case of Bella and Jacob, let’s face it, they were never just friends—therefore, it never would have worked.

•             “you aren’t supposed to get mad at us if we kiss the guy friend”:  Well, in that case, I guess you weren’t just friends now were you?  And, no, we won’t get mad…as long as you are ok with “an eye for a fingernail” or something like that!  But, seriously, even so, we’d still be mad!  If people would just think about how they would feel if the tables were turned before they did something stupid like that.  It’s amazing how folks can spend hours, days, and weeks building something up in their mind to the point where they feel totally justified.  Interestingly, in most cases, if they were to spend about two minutes thinking about how they would feel if the tables were turned then there is no way that they could go through with it.  But, of course, it would be too inconvenient to spend two minutes thinking about such things, right? 

Exactly!  That’s why Bella is sort of a hoochie mama, right?  I was making fun of this whole situation in Eclipse.  I wasn’t condoning it.  She says “I love you more,” and in real life, this would not be true.  Edward sits there patiently and says “I know.”  No man SHOULD do this to himself, but obviously, the girls swoon at his patience.  Meyer wrote it, and the girls ate it up.  What does this say about its readers?

•             “They want a guy who only has eyes for them, maybe even more than one guy like that.  A guy who will live and die for them, that will make every move based on their satisfaction.  They want a romantic, old-fashioned, family man—but don’t forget to still be adventurous after a long day of at the office!”:  So, basically, they want HAL 9000 – a robot. 

Or a vampire.

•             “I read somewhere that married women have been complaining to their marriage counselors that they want their husbands to be more like Edward.”:  What I really want to know is, “what are these married women like?”  I mean, if these women are pulling down six figures, while raising 2.3 kids, while aggressively pursuing their husbands sexually on a daily basis, while being as medically adept as Florence Nightingale, while cooking three nutritious/delicious meals a day, while looking like Cindy Crawford, while being affectionate, kind, caring, supportive, and loving, then I’d say that it’s only fair that they expect their husbands to be like Edward.  Otherwise, forget about it. 

I know, right?  Who are these She-Devils???  Sounds like the old Stepford Wife debate.

Finally, I thought that this was great.  Thanks, Bill…….

•             “What I know about Women from Reading Twilight”:  To this entire section I quote a woman:  “It’s not [about] having what you want.  It’s [about] wanting what you’ve got.” 

He also added:

In general, I think the dichotomy is at least partially explained by the following: 

•             Pure logic without emotion is usually not optimum. 

•             Pure emotion without logic is usually not optimum. 

•             When emotion is expressed within a framework of logic then both are enhanced.  The converse is not true, however. 

I also want to add something else.  I hear myself speak and read my writing, and I realize that I come off as pretty cynical sometimes.  Most of the time, I promise, I just find reality to be hysterical. Last night I told my mom that The Little Mermaid is the dumbest of all fairytales.  I said "Ariel doesn't know it yet, but she really just traded in her fin for legs so she could run away when Prince Charming starts to irritate her.  Now she can go get a facial while he watches football all day."   When I say stuff like this, it doesn't mean that I hate guys, on the contrary!  I realize that people are people and no one is perfect!  And when you expect a Prince Charming, you miss out on how wonderful guys really are!  And come on!  Grow up!  The guy who dates you, who courts you.....that's only half of the guy.  And thank goodness I am raising Lindsey to know that!  I don't want her to say after she's married "Why don't I get flowers every day anymore?" No man should be expected to be perfect.  Are we? 

My parents have been divorced and remarried a lot, so I never grew up thinking that things are easy or that they work without a lot of commitment and effort.  Relationships are work—all relationships, not just marriages.  If you go into something thinking that it’s supposed to have a happy, perfect ending and your spouse, or child, whoever- is supposed to complete you, you’re never going to be happy. 

I do believe in love.  Love is real, and it's even more rewarding than in fairytales.  People don’t always love in their relationships, and that’s where we fail.  If we would all just love each other, we'd all be happy.  Applying the Golden Rule is the best thing you can ever do.

I went to yoga yesterday and there was an ignorant woman spouting out stupid things after class.  She was talking about how all Muslims evil, and I couldn’t help but saying “That is a really ignorant comment.  There’s extremism everywhere.  Have you ever read the Koran?”  Well, neither have I, but I have enough sense to know that all of the religions that I have ever heard of, IN THEIR TRUE FORM, preach LOVE—Muslims too.  The crazy Muslims are not acting from what the Koran says.  What an ignorant fool she was…..very narrow-minded.  She's the reason people have issues with organized religion. 

I know that this blog entry started one place and ended somewhere completely different, but I wanted to touch on the things on my mind today.  I want to close with this; I think it’s fitting.

1 Corinthians 13

 1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Here’s the Word of the Day:

procrustean \proh-KRUHS-tee-uhn\, adjective:

1. Tending to produce conformity by violent or arbitrary means.
2. Pertaining to or suggestive of Procrustes.