Rude or Not Rude?

This morning Don was listening to The Bert Show and they were debating whether or not it's rude to say "You look good, for having two kids" or A kid, or FOUR kids, you get the point.  Don asked me what I thought and I said that I really try not to say that.  I try to say "You look good" and then I may say "I can't believe you have kids" or "I can't believe you just had a kid".  I think that saying "You look good for having four kids" or "You're smart, for having brain trauma" -any kind of compliment with an add-on is sort of like saying "I'm sorry, BUT".  The reason is this:  you are saying that someone rates well in one category, but not in another.  You look good FOR HAVING A KID, but NOT  when compared to those who don't have kids.  (Which is completely ridiculous.  Have you seen some of the women who don't have kids?)

People often tell me that I look good for having two sets of twins and I don't take offense to it because I know that most people don't dissect their words and that they really are complimenting me.  I also think that people are genuinely shocked and therefore, why would I take offense to that?  That's awesome!  I'm 30 and have five children, four of them I have carried, and I am blessed to be the same size that I was when I was in high school- maybe smaller from being so busy with them.  I work out, I take care of myself, so whatever compliment I get, I take.  However, I still  don't think it's the best way to compliment a mother.

It also depends on who's saying it.  Mothers should know that there's a better way of complimenting a fellow mother.  I feel this way because I experienced mean moms when I was just a baby myself, having babies. Now that I am older, I see it firsthand.  I have recently heard other mothers making snide comments about the young mothers in bikinis at the pool, and why?  Jealousy.  Be happy for them and understand that they are young!  It's not their fault that you're older, I believe that God was the one who breathed life into you in 1965, not them.  Don't be mean!  When I was at the bus stop with my kids, no one talked to me.  Women would tell me what to do constantly or put me down, like I didn't know what I was doing because I was young.  AND I had two at a time....how many of them could say that?  How would they know any better than I did?  Easy.  They didn't. I can't stand women like that and I vow never to behave that way.  Women can be mean and it's because of them that people even have to wonder "Was that a compliment or a jab?"  It's all about intention and I can tell when the added on "for having kids" is a jab and when it isn't.  There are certain women, even some of my friends, who would rather gnaw their faces off than give someone else a compliment, sometimes me.  There are women who'd rather stick their fingers into a running Cuisinart than to make someone else feel good.  And I know who you are......

Women are so ridiculous sometimes, I am surprised that more men don't end up gay. 

It's simple.....be true of heart, say what you want to say in the nicest way possible.  A compliment is meant to make someone else feel good.  If there is a chance that you may slip, keep your mouth shut.  If you are trying to LOOK like a nice person, but would rather drink Drano than to compliment someone, SHUT UP.  Everyone sees through you anyway, so you may as well not bother giving someone a fake compliment. 

Mom, fellow mother of twins, I'd love for you to comment on this.  Any mother reading, I would love your feedback! 


Here's the Word of the Day:

apodictic \ap-uh-DIK-tik\, adjective:
1. Necessarily true or logically certain.
2. Incontestable because of having been demonstrated or proved to be demonstrable.