Snoozing

The word "Snooze" has always been kind of a funny word to me. It's funny when you see it spelled out, and even funnier when you're delirious and see it spelled out. I see it every morning on my phone now and it makes me giggle. Am I the only one who finds this Snoozing Countdown comical? I find it funny because I'm always like "Ohhhh! Snoozing! Yes! 7 more minutes of snoozing!!" It's like your iPhone turned into your mom and gave you a few more minutes to stay under the covers, but only a few!! Because it's time to get up! 

Top 5 Reasons Why Halloween Could Confuse Children

1. They see us stuffing our faces with ginormous amounts of sugar. Admit it. You eat tiny bits of candy at a time and pretend that they don't add up to a regular serving size (or 7) and then before you know it, there are like 26 wrappers in front of you. BUT it's ok! They're all fun size! Yeah....keep that up for a month. 

2. We LET them eat ginormous amounts of candy. 

3. The Slut Rule. It's the one day a year a girl can dress like a total slut and no one is allowed to say anything about it. This might be confusing to young girls when they see their mothers dressed up as, hmmm, I don't know....Roller Girl? 

4. We tell children not to talk to strangers/take candy from strangers, and then we walk them around from door to door, soliciting people we've never talked to. 

5. We take them to haunted houses and purposely scare them until they pee their pants.

Man Blog

While creeping around randomly on the Internet, I found a list of blogs that men should be reading, which means that I should be reading them too. Heehee.

This blog is called "Just Call Her" and while there weren't many posts and I found some grammatical errors, I still liked his post on women and their bags...it seemed like a topic I would've written about. It's funny coming from a man. Read what he says first and then you can read my take on it below.....and by the way, his title irritates me. 

http://justcallher.com/handbag/

The Satchel-That's low maintenance.  Are you on a date or going camping? Where's your thermos?

The Clutch-He's got it all wrong.  The other time you bring a clutch (other than formal events, that is) is when all you need is your money and your ID, or in other words, you're going out to get drunk and go dancing. The girls who carry clutches are the same exact girls who typically carry something bigger than a bowling bag. If this same girl were going on a date, she probably would bring a clutch rather than appear to me a mental case, like he said, if she brings her big bag. 

Laptop Bag-Yeah, I can see how bringing this on a date might indicate a lack of free time, or the tendency to work excessively. Or maybe you're like me and you realize that rather than bringing 4 bags with you, you can consolidate by bringing only your laptop bag. Oh wait, I DO carry 4 bags rather than just my laptop bag. Seriously. He didn't have a section for the girl who looks like she's walking through a terminal. What's THAT mean? 

Shopping bag...I'm not even sure what to say about that. Is the girl homeless? A vegan who has brought her own snacks on your date? Is the dude taking her out at the food court? Because I'd probably go shopping too. No? Ok, well. Life isn't allll about your date, dude. Maybe she's efficient and wants to save on gas, so she stopped at The Body Shop on her way. 

The Big Ass Bag- The smaller the girl, the bigger the bag and sunglasses. Ever noticed that?  Psychological issues?  That's extreme. Does it take me five minutes to find my car keys? Yes, but at least if someone breaks out in poison ivy, I probably have the cure in my big ass bag! That's not psychologically a problem, except for maybe OCD, which, I mean, come on.....who doesn't want someone who is prepared for a nuclear holocaust? That tells me that this girl took the time to think about herself and everyone else when packing her bag.  And a put together girl digging to China through her giant bag-that's not psychologically a problem, that's the definition of a hot mess. Pay attention closely....look at the next girl doing this. She will look perfectly polished, but it'll take her 15 minutes to find a pen. That's the way it typically goes. By the way, who is left to go out with since 95% of girls have huge bags???

Hello, Kitty. Just don't go out with 10-year-olds? I don't know, yeah, that's kind of not ok. Unless you like anime and going to hang out at the mall. This guy likes to take his dates to the food court, apparently. 

Say (All I Need)-One Republic

Sometimes I'm busy and slap a song up here. This morning is crazy, so here ya go! :) 

This is really beautiful. It's kind of old, so you may have heard it. You should definitely listen to it. I relate to it a lot. It's frustrating to know you're scarred and for people to tell you how it's so. And do you ever wonder if you'll think things through so much that you will shun things away from you that need to happen to you? I do. 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GRSZpV6WIuU&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DGRSZpV6WIuU

Do you know where your heart is?

Do you think you can find it?

Or did you trade it for something

Somewhere better just to have it?

Do you know where your love is?

Do you think that you lost it?

You felt it so strong, but

Nothing's turned out how you wanted

Well, bless my soul

You're a lonely soul

Cause you won't let go

Of anything you hold

Well, all I need

Is the air I breathe

And a place to rest

My head

Do you know what your fate is?

And are you trying to shake it?

You're doing your best and

Your best look

You're praying that you make it

Well, bless my soul

You're a lonely soul

Cause you won't let go

Of anything you hold

Well, all I need

Is the air I breathe

And a place to rest

My head

I said I all I need

Is the air I breathe

And a place to rest

My head

Do you think you can find it?

Do you think you can find it?

Do you think you can find it?

Better than you had it

Do you think you can find it?

Do you think you can find it?

Do you think you can find it?

Yeah, better than you had it (Better than you had it)

I said I all I need

Is the air I breathe

And a place to rest

My head

I said I all I need

Is the air I breathe

And a place to rest

My head

Whenever the end is

Do you think you can see it?

Well, until you get there

Go on, go ahead and scream it

Just say it

I Love the '70s

Last night I went out with two of my best friends, Kerel and Melissa, for Halloween. Kerel was as always, awesome, and dressed up to match me. He is also really tall, so I felt comforted knowing that he'd catch me if I started to fall, but I was really surprised....I didn't fall once and I was able to dance all night....ON ROLLER SKATES!!!  Yeah, baby! I really am Roller Girl! We had a lot of fun. Kerel and I decided that we could've totally could've lived in the 70's. 

This is our favorite, in front of the disco ball. Heehee. 

We found another disco ball to pose with....

The disco ball (above) gave me her mood ring. 

Surrender your booty, Melissa. 

JackJohnson-As I Was Saying

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KeevA3HYTN8&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DKeevA3HYTN8

As I was saying 
Just before you left the room 
Before I assumed 
That you might not come around 

As I was saying 
Just after I took my foot from 
My mouth and put it back 
On the ground 

I don't want to disappoint you 
I don't want to disappear 
From here or now or you 

This is worth saving 
Because the sum of us is more than us 
If you add us up 
Then subtract my lack of sleep 

My mind feels crazy 
When all these thoughts come rushing in 
Should I be trusting them 
Or only let them be? 

I don't want to disappoint you 
I don't want to disappear 
From here or now or you 

Is it just a matter of time? 
Or does it even matter at all? 
Because even if this story should fall 
From the sky to the see 
If I should fall 
Would you fall down with me? 
Would you fall down with me? 

Found my foundation 
It was underneath me all alone 
On this path I'm on, 
Now I never walk alone 

I've been erasing 
Rewrote the second half like this 
So my protagonist 
Might find his way back home 

I don't want to disappoint you 
I don't want to disappear 
From here or now or you 
Not from here or now 

Flashback Friday-Dante's Inferno

Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy was one of my favorites because I, like everyone else I'm sure, loved that he put people who were still living in his made up rings of Hell.  It's kind of like the old-fashioned version of posting some bitchy status on Facebook and passive-aggressively talking crap to your enemies.  The difference here is that Dante published it, embarrassing his enemies publicly, and we're still to this day reading it.  So Duck Face on Facebook slamming your haters with hashtags.....what else you got?  Nobody slammed his haters like Dante. He described in great detail just how bad he thought they were and what he thought they should suffer, in Hell. 

So if you haven't read it, basically, it's a 14th century poem, with Dante as the narrator.  He is lost and scared, wandering through a forest when he finally meets the poet, Virgil, who is sent by Beatrice (Dante's beloved), and from there, they both descend into the 9 circles of Hell.

I had to write a report on the rings at Georgia State and one thing that I noticed is that you could tell (in my opinion) that they were written from an Italian's perspective.  For example, adultery is probably one of the most despicable sins in most cultures and many would think it would merit a worse ring, but in Dante's Inferno, it's not as deep as where the gluttonous go, meaning that the punishment isn't half-bad.  Plus, the two lovers are together....in Hell, eternally spinning and dizzy. You know how the Italians feel about sex and romance. (Although I hear that the birth rates are plummeting lately because the men never leave their mommies.  Guess they aren't all of what we expect, ladies.)

The Nine Rings

1. First Circle, Limbo-This is where Virgil lives, along with other writers and philosophers, specifically, Ovid and Horace, and Socrates and Aristotle.  They didn't know about Christ before they died, so they're in purgatory, along with the other pagans.
2. Second Circle, Lust-Dante sees the monster, Minos, whipping his tail in circles.  The amount of times he twirls it identifies which ring of Hell the damned must enter.  Dante sees Francesca, who was the daughter of Guido I da Polenta of Ravenna and married to Giovanni Malatesta, aka "Giovanni the Lame", (he was crippled).  Francesca fell in love with Giovanni's younger brother, Paolo da Rimini.  The affair went on for about ten years. When Giovanni found out, he stormed in and killed them both.  Anyway, they are both here, in the second circle of Hell, spinning around in a storm that will never end, together.  Dizzy, and probably still in love.  For some reason, I don't see them all that sorry. 
3. Third Circle, Gluttony-The gluttonous are found lying underneath bubbly mud and excrement. Rain of crap showers on them, forever. (See what I mean?  How is eating huge amounts of food worse than having extramarital sex?  And also, isn't it interesting that they're next to each other?  Italians like their food and sex- adulterous or not.
4. Fourth Circle, Greed-Avaricious and the Prodigal are forced to fight each other for eternity with gigantic boulders. OUCH. I really like this one.  Perhaps Dante thought that both sides had more of a responsibility to bridge the gap between the haves and have-nots.  (The brother who is greedy and bitter because he was given nothing and spends nothing fights the prodigal son who did nothing to deserve it, and still hoards it.)  In Dante's eyes, both extremes are seen as punishable.  On a bigger, more social scale, I picture Saudi Arabia and a poor village in Africa. Perhaps Africa would be punished for resorting to violence due to greed and Saudi Arabia would be punished by hording its wealth and driving the poor to crimes.  Of course, just my take on it.
5. Fifth Circle, Anger-The Styx river, a nasty swamp, is where the Wrathful spend eternity gnashing their teeth at one another; the Sullen are found in the water, choking on mud. It is here that Filippo Argenti, and one of Dante's political enemies, is housed.  #thinkbeforeyoumesswithDante,bitch.
6. Sixth Circle, Heresy- This ring houses the Heretics, and there Dante finds another political rival named Farinata. #VoteforDante#1555
7. Seventh Circle, Violence, Suicide, Blasphemy, and Sodomy-The first ring of the seventh circle of Hell is full of the violent, who are swimming in a pool of boiling blood. Those who commit suicide take the form of trees for eternity.  The trees are crumpled and fed to the harpies, the winged spirits.  Blasphemers and Sodomites are forced to live in a desert of fiery sand, blowing all over them, much like Sodom and Gomorrah. Dante and Virgil also encounter the Usurers, who were violent toward Art. Yeah, baby.  Protect the artists.
8. Eighth Circle, Fraud-This ring is full of "evil pouches", much like the folds of earth. Pouch 1, the Seducers,  are whipped.  Pouch 2, the Flatterers are forced to lie in a river of human feces. Pouch 3, The Simoniacs dangle upside-down with burning feet in baptismal pools. Pouch 4, the Astrologists walk with their heads on backward. Pouch 5, demons tear those who accepted bribes into pieces. Pouch 6, the hypocrites wear lead robes and are forced to walk in circles (this is by far my favorite punishment.  I mean, that's hilarious).  Pouch 7, the Thieves basically turn into vampires.  The thief sits amongst a pit of vipers, they're bit and become vipers, and to regain their form, they must bite another thief.  Pouch 8, Ulysses and Diomedes are found here, punished for their exploitations during the Trojan War. Pouch 9, the scandalous walk in a circle, constantly afflicted by wounds that open and close, over and over again. Ewwww, right?? Pouch 10, the Liars, suffer eternally from plague and disease. 
9. Ninth Circle, Treachery-Finally, Dante and Virgil reach Cocytus, a great frozen lake and there stands Lucifer, with three heads and waist-deep in the ice. When God expelled him down from Heaven, he landed in the middle of the Earth, stabbing it. Lucifer's mouths each gnaw on one of history’s three greatest sinners: Judas, Jesus' betrayer, and Cassius and Brutus, Julius Caesar's betrayers. The main thing I remember about the end was that it was cold....very different than what we have imagined.  I think it's possibly scarier this way.  The dead surrounding Lucifer have their mouths frozen shut and they're clearly in pain!

Finally, Dante emerges from Hell, on Easter morning.

So I Have a Story.....

I haven't really talked about this yet, and I'm not sure why. I guess I've been processing the past six months and just haven't.

I want to tell you a story, and this is 100% true. My friends who woke up to me crying last March can attest to it. 

Last March I was looking for a job, and I did, every day. It was hard because I have a degree and experience in one field, really, and I knew how much money I needed to make. I have a mortgage, bills, four kids....lots of pressure. Well, I sat at my computer all day looking, sending off resumes, and I began to get depressed and stressed and panicked. I've always been a positive person and I would never ever kill myself, ever. But one morning I woke in a suffocating panic. I think I'd had a bad dream and I woke up kind of delirious and thought "I'd be better off dead." This scared me, because I'd never thought anything remotely close to this. I immediately called Brea and cried and told her that I was terrified that I'd thought that. She calmed me down and I began to pray. I begged God for help, and I told him that although I was strong, I couldn't possibly take anything else. I told him my reasoning was this: if I didn't have a job, I would lose the house and then where would the kids and I go? I began thinking "what would I do? I can't move, and I can't let the kids live with Don while I fix everything. I have to be with them." I begged God to help me. 

That afternoon, I got a job. And it was a temporary fix until I got the job I have now, which is the best job I've ever had, in every way. I'm glad I didn't get this job back in March, because I still had a lot to go through and I would've been distracted and could have possibly screwed it up. I got my current job at the perfect time too, but I won't go into why that is. Just trust me when I say that it was also perfect timing.

My biggest fear was not having my house, so much that I thought "if I can't be with my kids every day, I'd be better off dead". Irrational, yes, but a valid feeling in a moment of panic? Probably. 

My house burned down two months later. I had no reason to wake up. Not one alarm went off, and the ceiling caved where I had been sleeping after I ran out of the house. In my underwear. Let us never forget THAT fact. 

I feel like God alleviated my initial fears, and then taught me a hard lesson. Like a parent, he said "Ok, I'm going to do this for you, but you're about to grow up." What I've learned is that you really can't fear anything when you're walking with God. I wish I could explain to you how much I've learned in the last six months, and how much tougher I am. I wish I could explain to you how much peace I feel knowing that God loves me as much as he does, to take the time to not only teach me about who I am, but mold me into what he wants me to become. The fact that he basically said "Ok,  so your worst fear came true. You just lost your house, and I saved your life. Now what, Britt? What truly matters and what are you afraid of? Get up and stop crying." Wow. 

I've not only learned about God, but I've learned who my friends are. I've learned that people are selfish, and they're also giving. I've learned that I'm also both selfish and giving. I've learned that it's ok to tend to yourself sometimes and tell people no. I've also learned that it's important to push through for others and help out, even when it's hard. I've learned that I'm a baby about paperwork and numbers and math and insurance....it's all a pain in the butt and I hate it.  I've learned that I need to document things better, to be more disciplined that way. I don't really like doing things that don't interest me....grow up, Britt. If you want to be completely independent and self-sufficient, you have to. 

God is always there. And he loves all of us. I hope that by sharing this, you'll look more closely at your life and start seeing the lessons God is trying to teach you and that you'll have faith and a positive outlook. We're all here for the same reason, and even though our situations are different, we're all learning.

The picture below was taken last week. It's the bible verse I'd taped to Lindsey's bathroom. I'd say love always perseveres. Right? Especially God's love.

Top 10-Indications that I am a Girl

1. I twirl my hair. I know that this is a really bad habit, but it's so long and it is just hanging there, so if I fidget, I reach for my hair.
2. I'm installing a chandelier in my bedroom, even though my contractor says I'll have a problem with circulation.  They make oscillating fans.  It's going to look pretty.
3. My grocery cart has yogurt and hummus in it rather than steak and potatoes. I only cook red meat when I am with a guy and I really only eat sweet potatoes.
4. I'm not a very good driver. I hop curbs. A lot.
5. I can't assemble or fix things. Now I guess this isn't exactly a girl quality, but whatever it is, I definitely am not good at this.  I put a bookshelf together a few years ago, it was from IKEA and it was going in the kids' room. I was so proud of myself but when I picked it up, I realized that I had nailed the backboard in backwards.  The prettier painted side was not exposed, but the ugly cardboard side was. It never works out for me.  Last year, I tried to fix my lug nut things on the toilet. After trying to fix it for an hour, I ended up throwing the tool and calling a guy friend.   
6. I tend to think I am low-maintenance, but the feedback I get makes me think otherwise. I don't really think I am high-maintenance, but I am particular about what I eat, my workout schedule, my hair, my time in general, and I tend to self-reflect a lot.  And then there are the normal things like matching your bra and underwear every day. I mean, that's just typical girl though.  Right? I also never order things the way they come, so I guess this is by definition, high-maintenance.
7. I don't like sports. I would like to participate in sports, the ones without balls, and although I CAN watch and have fun, there are a lot of things I would rather do with my time.....like read "The Notebook" or go to yoga. Ha ha.
8. I cannot watch a show in silence or without moving.  I hop up a million times to switch out laundry; I remember all of the things I have to do and I cannot sit still, which is why I don't watch any TV. 
9. I cry. I really hate this, but it's true. Sometimes I have a hard time thinking "so what". I can also be logical, so I guess those moments are okay.
10. I squealed during "Magic Mike".  I mean, come on.  I also squeal during cute and climatic moments in chick flicks....and then the more leveled side says "Yeah right, that was so stupid.  That's not real."

Savor the Moment

This is a hard quote to swallow because it's so true. It's like "it's better to have loved and loss than to never have loved at all." Yeah yeah yeah, we know, but it still hurts and if you're a person who doesn't like change (like me), then it's especially difficult to keep this quote into perspective. 

If you cry about something being over then it means that it was wonderful when it was happening (in most situations), so it's true that you should in fact, be happy that it happened. But it's hard not to be sad about it. 

When I had my first set of twins, I was 20 years old. My perspective of time was different than it is now. A year was 1/20th of my life. When I had Carson and Dylan, a year was 1/28th of my life, and and now, ugh, I don't even want to talk about how fast a year goes by. Anyway, when Carson and Dylan were babies, I knew how fast it would fly by because I couldn't believe that Logan and Lindsey were already 8, so I enjoyed every moment with them. And I mean that exactly how it sounds. Even in the middle of the night, even on really hard days, I tried to remember that one day it would be different and they would be grown. Plus, I'm pretty sure I had the cutest set of baby boys ever, so I mean, it was easy. ;) I try not to get sad that my babies are all in school now, but instead, I'm grateful that I stayed home with them and made the best of every moment with them. I wanted to savor every moment, and really did.

The moments you know you'll miss while they're happening are the hardest to get over. And then there are the moments that are happening to you and you are too dumb to realize you'll miss them one day. Then when you do, you wish you would've done things differently, you wish you would've enjoyed them more.....those are more filled with regret. 

I wonder what it would've been like to have Dr. Seuss as a dad, or better yet, a husband. You think he rhymed around the house? 

It Begins With You

Have you ever known someone who complains about their life or an issue and yet does absolutely nothing about it?  I have to admit, I hate this. As I've gotten older, I've learned to spend my time helping and advising people who actually believe that change is possible and that it begins with them. There's nothing more frustrating than wasting hours and days and years on a person who doesn't really care to change themselves or their situation, or at least care enough to do it themselves. And I do understand that sometimes it's difficult, but if you seek a friend's advice, you should at least try something out of your comfort zone because that's exactly where change begins....when you're uncomfortable. 

Do people just expect to snap their fingers and POOF, their life is suddenly different? Everything good in life takes more work than sitting on your ass and complaining about it. 

I may have many flaws, but one thing I don't do is sit and bitch while doing nothing about my situation. You know what happens when you decide to fix something you don't like? You wake up days, months, years later and you aren't bitching anymore because the situation is different. Then you're on to conquering another mountain. That's life. 

I was thinking recently about when Logan and Lindsey were two, because it was an overwhelming time. I'd say much like right now, except I'm older and more graceful, so there will never be a time that's as bad as that time......They were very difficult toddlers, I was in college in Chicago sometimes full-time, commuting back and forth between there and Milwaukee, and working full-time at Wells Fargo, I had bills, no child support, it really sucked.....I was pretty much miserable and overwhelmed and I cried a lot. I had way too much on my plate for a 22-year-old, in my opinion. BUT I went to bed saying one thing to myself "I just have to graduate, then it'll be better" and I fully believed that.  I would fall asleep studying, sitting up in a completely lit room and then screamed "NO!" when I'd wake up at 4 a.m. because I'd realize I hadn't finished studying for my test. So I'd study at 4 a.m. Not only did I say "I just have to graduate" but I had to get A's. And I pretty much did with the exception of a few B's and my math grade at Georgia State....we don't talk about that. Anyway, It took a lot of work, AND other people trying to help when they could. I've always been thankful for that. When I met Don, I wrapped up the last two years and he and his family were awesome and helped me while I breezed right through. The first two years nearly killed me though. I look back at that time and cringe. 

Gosh, I was such a young girl. I would never go back to 22. Ever. I have even more on my plate now than back then, but wow. I'm really not the same person. I just want to give Young Brittany a hug and tell her she'll be ok, but she already believed that it would be. 

Radio

Between cinnamon, the f word, and pronouncing "vitamin" like a British person, I just can't help but love this song. 

http://vimeo.com/m/38716751

Radio

Not even they can stop me now
Boy I'll be flying overhead
Their heavy words can't bring me down
Boy I've been raised from the dead
I don't even notice how hard life was
I don't even think about it now because
I've finally found you
Now sing it to me
Now my life is sweet like cinnamon
Like a fucking dream I'm living in
Baby love me cause I'm playing on the radio
(how do you like me now?)
Lick me up and take me like vitamin
'cause my body's sweet like sugar venom oh yeah
Baby love me cause I'm playing on the radio
(how do you like me now?)
'merican dreams came true somehow
I swore I'd chase until I was dead
I heard the streets were paved with gold
That's what my father said
I don't even notice what life was like
Now I'm in LA and it's paradise
I finally found you
Now sing it to me
Now my life is sweet like cinnamon
Like a fucking dream I'm living in
Baby love me cause I'm playing on the radio
(how do you like me now?)
Lick me up and take me like a vitamin
'cause my body's sweet like sugar venom oh yeah
Baby love me cause I'm playing on the radio
(how do you like me now?)
On the radio, on the radio
Sweet like cinnamon
Like a fucking dream I'm living in
Baby love me cause I'm playing on the radio
(how do you like me now?)
On the radio, on the radio
Sweet like cinnamon
Like a fucking dream I'm living in
I finally found you
Now sing it to me
Now my life is sweet like cinnamon
Like a fucking dream I'm living in
Baby love me cause I'm playing on the radio
(how do you like me now?)
Lick me up and take me like vitamin
'cause my body's sweet like sugar venom oh yeah
Baby love me cause I'm playing on the radio
(how do you like me now?)
Now sing it to me
Now my life is sweet like cinnamon
Like a fucking dream I'm living in
Baby love me cause I'm playing on the radio
(how do you like me now?)
Lick me up and take me like vitamin
'cause my body's sweet like sugar venom oh yeah
Baby love me cause I'm playing on the radio
(how do you like me now?)

Fitness Mom

Listen to these sound bites and see what you think....

http://thebertshow.com/fit-mom-three-millions-mad/

I think the girls who are pissed off with this lady are just jealous.  She looks great and they just want to find a reason to be angry with her because they can't admit why they really are.

The woman who called the Bert Show to complain, well, all I heard were excuses.  Funny, right?  She was basically saying that this lady should be focusing on her relationships with her kids instead....can't you have both? And how does she know she isn't? Just because you carve one hour out of the day to work out doesn't mean you're a bad mom. You'll be a better mom if you are healthy and feel good about yourself. You're also setting a good example for your children. Look at everything I have on my plate....no excuses. I always work out. That same lady said "it's impossible." Follow me around for a day, you lazy bum. It is not impossible. 

Girls can be so mean and just flat-out embarrassing. 

Oh and one last thing....in regards to the concern women have that their husbands will expect them to look like this lady, if they see this picture? Well then you're married to an idiot, and in that case you have bigger problems. I think that's also an excuse. So do these women also worry about the hot girl running down their street and the hot wife at the company picnic? Where does it end? Are you going to blindfold your husbands? It comes down to this....When you are married, you have a responsibility to each other to look your best. It's disrespectful to let yourself go after you get married. You don't have to have chiseled abs, but you should try to look good for your spouse. (Men and women.) Men are visual creatures, they just are. And men? We have eyes too. If you didn't notice, we were pretty excited about Channing Tatum in "Magic Mike". We're visual creatures too.

Being fit is a way of life, so until you're ready for that, do what you want. But don't hate on women who make it a way of life. 

Flashback Friday-If I Would've Known

Do you ever thank God you can't see into the future? Not that I believe in palm reading or anything of the sort, but I also don't NOT believe in it, and therefore, I wouldn't want to ask what's in store for me. I'm sure if I would've heard what was in store for me (in the last two years), I probably would've saved myself the pain and thrown myself off a cliff because there is NO WAY I would've imagined being able to get through it. Yes, preparation comes in handy (like both ultrasounds that indicated twins) but I honestly think that anticipation can be the worst part sometimes. 

Wait. No. The actual situation can be as bad as anticipating it. 

I was waiting on an important piece of mail. Finally on Wednesday, I went to the postmaster. I found a stack that was about 7 inches thick. I immediately began to panic because I had to go through it (I am not good with mailboxes) and then when I went through it, I panicked because there were so many loose ends that needed to be tied up. Can you imagine being single, working, having 4 kids all in different places, paying the bills for two households, dealing with an insurance company (I can't tell you how much work this has been, like, there's soooooo much to it), being available to your contractor for everything down to choosing the last light plate, making sure no one is screwing you, and still having to find time to clean, work out, and do the laundry and your toe nails? Oh and by the way, you also have to be emotionally supportive to 4 young people AND appear to have it all together so they don't panic. Every email is a bamboo shoot up my nail bed. Every phone call, voicemail, appointment, paper to fill out and stamp, every vitamin I have to remember to shove down my throat.....I just can't explain to you how hard the littlest things have been for the last 6 months. Life was hard enough before the fire, but the fact that I've had everything I have dumped on my lap and then been told to sift through a ridiculous, gigantic mountain of crap and NOT lose my mind.....well I just can't describe to you how that feels. Oh, and let's not forget that I have a 12-year-old daughter who loves to point out the things that I forget, because her friends' moms (who are married and don't have two sets of twins) do it-yeah, I'm pretty much a loser in her eyes right now. And two years ago I baked muffins from scratch and worked on Pinterest projects in the house that would eventually burn down. 

Overwhelmed. Powerless. Pissed off. Sad. Displaced. Scattered. At a loss.

Also, thankful. Stronger. Hopeful. Smarter. 

I'm incredibly thankful for everyone in my life who has helped in even the smallest of ways. I am not thankful, however, to the person chuckling at me for being a flake, because I'm not a flake. "Bet you lock your keys in your car and drive off with your coffee on the roof for a lot less, Punk," is what I want to say. When your kids are screaming about how you bought the wrong donut in the drive-thru, your oldest are fighting about what kinds of clouds are in the sky, your mom is texting you, your insurance adjuster is calling you, and you're driving a car and not trying to get in a wreck....you realize you have to quiet the chatter.

I changed my phone number. I froze my Facebook. For over a month, I barely talked to anyone. I got rid of people who made me feel bad about myself and I dealt with emotional baggage that I couldn't put off any longer. Yes, my family thought I was depressed. My friends knew something was up. The truth? I just had to disappear. It was like I threw my hands up and screamed "ENOUGH!!!!! Everyone, SHUT UP and leave me alone!" When you're just one phone call in my life, you don't get why I might be short with you, because you've called once. Then you think "what the hell is her problem?" 99. At least. And no one but me can deal with them, really. 

If I've blown you off, I'm sorry. I'm coping and doing the best I can. 

If I have told you I never ever want to talk to you ever again, ever, I meant it. And that's because you are a huge ass. (And you aren't reading anyway because you probably only care about yourself or wanted to get into my pants). I already have a lot on my plate and I only need good people in my life, who love me. 

Those who love me, I'm sorry I haven't been emotionally supportive and "there". I appreciate you and love you and I'll come back. I can see the light. 

Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

When I was doing my dating series, a guy asked me to write about why girls love jerks and the nice guy finishes last. I never got to it....

Because I don't know the answer. 

I have written a little about this in the past, and I have many theories, but I still don't really know the answer.  The only logical answer to me is that nice people put up with more crap and want to turn people who suck into people who don't suck. Nice guys also like bad girls, so it goes both ways. I don't get that at all, by the way, so I'm not even going there.  As far as women go though, I think we like mothering and fixing things and people. We like making over ugly girls, ugly rooms, ugly situations....why would our approach to men be any different? Other than it makes ZERO sense? But I mean, then again, we probably do a lot of things that make no sense. 

Take this for example....One of my guy friends asked why it's such a big deal to us that the toilet seat has to be put down after they pee. I said because we fall in. He said Well why don't you guys have to put it down? I said You guys are the ones who have to put it up, so why wouldn't you? He asked a couple more questions and I finally said Because! That's our compensation for not getting to stand and pee. AND you guys can pee anywhere, unlike us, so we get the toilet seat. It is dirty and we don't like to touch it. That's just the way it is. And that IS the way it is. How long has this joke/argument existed? Probably since outhouses ceased to exist. 

We do crazy things to our hair, our face, our bodies, we analyze everything, and yet we love jerks. That's just the way it is.

What if the whole thing is this: we want to feel needed. What if the nice guys, the ones who don't need fixing, simply don't make us feel needed? What if we just don't know what to do without some kind of project at hand? Then again, we don't feel needed with jerks either because they're unappreciative bastards. So this makes no sense. 

If we need a project, we should stick to knitting. 

I've also considered the whole good girl/bad boy thing. Good girls want the boy that's going to show them excitement without them having to actually make a decision about it. However, good and bad are relative and simply too complicated for me to break down in one sitting. I mean, I'm an angel in some ways and a vixen in others. It's all what your perspective is.

So you see? I have ZERO clue, but I do know this....women grow out of that, most of the time. So nice guys don't finish last, they just get a rough start. They end up more appreciated after a slew of horrible guys. 

One more thing, I also believe that nice guys are so busy respecting us and contemplating whether or not we will even consider them, because we're so beautiful, while they're waiting, sometimes the jerk just creeps right in and snatches us up first without any hesitation. Then a habit of bad choices in men begins and we don't know the difference until down the road, we think Wow. Not all guys are like that? 

Nope. 

Top 10-All The Things She Said

I don't know what's wrong with the font here, Google really needs to work on their Blogger app. I'll try to fix it when it isn't 4 in the morning. 

I should probably clarify something about yesterday's blog. I'm more than ok, I'm doing very well. I don't want people to worry. But you have to remember, I'm incredibly honest on this blog in the hopes that I'll inspire others to learn, self-reflect, and maybe not feel so alone.  Everyone has things in their life that they like and dislike....I don't like the night, never have. Being single isn't about not being in a relationship, it's about learning to be with yourself to the fullest extent possible and the truth is, this is all new to me. I'm learning to navigate, and so I write about what I'm feeling and experiencing. I want to he honest about my strengths and success, and I want to be honest about my downfalls. I don't like the night, I don't prefer the dark, and I don't like being alone in it....I'm learning.  It's very scary to put yourself out there the way I do, but I feel like it's important to be real. Always have.

My blog yesterday reminded me of that Matchbox 20 song, 3 am. "She says baby, it's 3 am I must be lonely. When she says baby, well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes, says the rain's gonna wash away I believe it." See? Someone always knows how you feel. 

On to something else....

Here are 10 GREAT quotes, all by women.

Waking Up Alone

I'm gonna go ahead and admit that I like being single and doing whatever the hell I want to do. I love not having to put up with someone else's mood and funk.  Also, there are other little things. If I want to kiss someone, I can. If I want to eat squash for dinner, I can. I can watch chick flicks during football because it isn't bothering anyone, because it's just me. Basically, as long as the kids are taken care of and fed well, I can do what I want. 

However, I have found a speed bump in my wonderful singleness and I don't know how to remedy it without buying some kind of creepy blow-up doll....

Scary Noises and Flames

Waking up like the little girl I am, in the middle of the night, sucks major ass. I hear noises constantly and I get scared. I slink under the covers like they're armor, and I realize I'm a sitting duck if someone is there. If it wasn't bad enough for me before, I was alone when I woke up to my house burning and yeah, that kinda scarred me. 

Snuggling. (and other stuff.)

I love to snuggle.  I like curling into a tiny ball in a guy's arms, or wrapping up together like a pretzel. I am affectionate in a relationship, and I miss that. It's ridiculous how much I miss that.

Giant, Empty Bed Space

You'd think I take up the whole bed, but I don't. I wake up on the very edge of the bed as if someone is there. When I was first single, I sprawled out all over, out of spite. I don't really like sleeping by myself though. I should at least place my pillows all over the mattress, so they can get a good night's sleep. 

Thoughts and Bad Dreams

I have a lot of bad dreams. And I have a lot of thoughts. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I tend to think the clearest. Things seem to come to me. The night of the fire, I was 20 times more afraid because I had been sleeping, and yet I seemed to react so well. When I wake up thinking a thought, it seems to be one of the most brilliant. And when I feel something, it's 10 times as strong as if I were awake. Why? Because I'm not parading around during the day doing everything I have to do and ignoring it. You hear your heart in the quiet of the night and everything is amplified. I recommend listening to those thoughts; you're not always delusional. Sleeping is like being drunk. The truth comes out. And when you're there alone, you feel really alone.

So I write.....

What I Wrote at 3 am Two Nights Ago

I have crushed on people, I have crushed hearts, I have made people angry, I have begged someone to love me, I have shunned another, I have said goodbye to people and not shed a tear while they're crying, I've had the same done to me. I have walked down the aisle in white with beautiful flowers, and I've signed papers taking it all back.  I've created life with someone, I've seen that person in my children's eyes and smiles. I've said "This is It" and "I guess it wasn't It" and "Is there an It?" And "Maybe there's no It for me" and "Maybe I'm too broken for It." I've laughed and smiled and cried and gotten knocked down, I've had to get up and fight. I've also surrendered. I've fallen in love with my entire heart, so much of it that I told myself there was no way it was real because I'm not capable of that, until I realized it was, and then I've had to shove it away so it won't hurt anymore. Then I've had to swim in a sea of comparisons and fear there's no one like him. I've cried and felt my heartbreak too much, and I've been grateful beyond belief.  I've had to rebuild every aspect of my life over and over.....and I realize it when I'm alone, in the dark, right now, curled on the edge of this empty Queen size bed.

I wake up alone now, wondering if the experiences I encounter will ultimately change who I am and if the shield that I now have up will be my own demise. I have had to find ways to piece it all together. And it hurts so much that I cannot take my own feelings seriously, so I blow them off. What if everyone I love ends up just a collage of memories, a box of pictures, and I wake up alone forever? What if I told you that it scares me that I will be alone, and then what if I tell you I say to myself "Who cares if I am?" 

The Morning

There's no one there to make you want to hit snooze a few times. The snooze that exists just for the sheer joy of holding him a little longer. 

I am SUCH a girl.