Dating with a clean slate (no divorces, kids, emotional baggage and scars from old heartaches) is so much easier. You just liked a person and then you built a relationship. Then again, it still wasn't easy, because you were growing and changing and then one day your relationship no longer worked and you got depressed about it and ended it. (Or you didn't.) But when you're older, it is a whole different kind of difficult. You change less, but you come with more baggage.
Why Is It Scary?
You know all about it. The first time you touch a hot burner, you cry about getting burned. The times after that, you hesitate because you know how bad it will hurt if the burner is on. Do you risk touching it because it may not be on?
The older you get, the worse the hurts are because there are too many variables to consider, and there are even less people you're willing to give a chance. Actually, I won't say the hurts are worse, but there is more on the line and there are less people out there for you. This sounds ridiculous, until you realize how many people you give the ax and don't even consider dating because you have more preconceived notions about people as you age. For example, I know not to go out with anyone who tells me their dad ratted out the mafia (won't say which one) because I did before, and it was a really bad idea. Pavlov's Dog. I mean, that's some quick learning, right? No mafia guys for Brittany. Damn, I'm quick. But seriously, I would have to consider many more things now. It's not just me anymore, I have 4 little people to think about.
Is It Worth It?
Relationships are hard and sometimes they really suck. I feel like dating again might be like that saying "first time, shame on you, second time, shame on me". When you're older and well, jaded, you ask yourself "What am I doing? Why am I getting into this?" (Especially if you enjoy being alone.) If there is a chance that you are going to want to kick your own ass when you find yourself unhappy again, then you wonder if you should run the risk.
Another Reason I Don't Date (other than the lack of time, etc.)
Personally, what's the point in putting yourself out there as this amazing person if the set-up of your life is going to scare anything that moves? No thanks! I'm a great girl. I know that. But it doesn't really matter. It may matter while a guy thinks "Omg. This girl is awesome, I'm totally falling for her" and then he hears the kids scream and sees what I have on my plate. No thanks. Then I get hurt. There are a million reasons why it's too complicated for me, and people wonder why I have my guard up. I'm sure you can imagine how difficult it must be.
Old & Set In Our Ways
It's great to know what you want, what you're willing to settle for, what makes you miserable, what your deal breakers are....there's freedom in that. There's even freedom in saying "I am fine alone and not worrying about it", but in some ways, it makes it harder. When you were younger, you fell in love and that was that. If you got hurt, at least it wasn't for logistical reasons, because young people think with their hearts and not typically with their heads. When you're older, sometimes you have to shut it off with people who aren't going to work for you logistically, but your heart loves them. I may be repeating myself here, but it's important. You realize, love isn't all that matters. I'm a sweet person, but that may not matter to a guy who doesn't want kids or wants more kids. You see what I mean? Who you are doesn't matter as much because it gets weighed against your life, experiences and logistics. You no longer have a clean slate like you did at 20. You have to take into consideration all of these things like money and kids and habits and everything you've learned about what you need and want-things you should've taken into consideration when you were younger, and would have, but you didn't know who the hell you were. Now we are older, we have been hurt, and while trying to manage and control that from happening again, we also feel like wasting our time is just no longer in the cards. There is a good chance that love means absolutely nothing, in the grand scheme of things. Ok, so you love him, but he drinks too much, or he doesn't want kids. Done. Ok, so you love her, but she has four kids. (That would be me.) Done. You love him, but he won't go to church. Done. Like take one of my rules.... I won't date a loser, as tempting as that may be. Note: losers are excused at 22 because they may change. 35? Not a chance in hell. See what I mean? Love isn't the end all be all when you get older.
So what's the answer?
I focus on what I'm doing right now. The only time I get lonely is when I think someone is breaking into the house or I have a bad dream, so I am learning to navigate my life, by myself. And as far as anyone else in my situation, I would recommend the same thing. Actually, it's exactly what I should've been doing when I was younger.
So Why Am I Writing About It?
People love talking about this stuff. And even with all of this said, I am at heart, a relationship girl. That's why I contemplate it so much. I'm too passionate to pass up love and I am too good at loving others. I can plan all of this out, but when it happens, I am a goner. Adrenaline junkie. Love junkie. And if I fall in love with you, you're a lucky guy because I give everything I have. I would like to be prepared before this happens and make good decisions.
I thought this would be a good song for this post, and since it's Flashback Friday....The Smiths, "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want"
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eu4k5sTzxIw&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Deu4k5sTzxIw
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