When Love Dies

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” -Anais Nin.

Anais Nin is one of the most poignant writers there ever was, in my opinion.  Read that quote again.  What she is saying is that love is not a bottomless well of water like we say it is in Hallmark cards, but it's actually the opposite....with every hit our heart takes, a little fluid is robbed from that well.  Eventually the well dries up and you're sitting there by yourself wondering how to give the other person a drink.  You want to quench their thirst, but you really can't. There's nothing there to give. They drank it all. It really does seem that when you want to fall out of love with someone, you can't, and when you want to fall back in love with someone, you can't resurrect it.   If she is correct, that's because love simply exists or it doesn't.  Maybe it really is like air....it's just there or it isn't. 

I write about love a lot, first of all, because I have so much in my heart for everything and everyone around me.  Secondly, because I am curious about love as a tangible thing.  I think it's such an interesting force of nature.  I don't understand how the mind and heart are so incredibly connected when you are in love to the point where another person completely consumes your head, your body, your soul and heart...the person you love is like your kryptonite, the one thing that can take you down to your knees.  And then when you are not in love with someone, everything fights.

We've all been at the end where we fire a warning shot and scream "I only have an ounce of water left!"  The other person doesn't listen, and poof....we are gone.  I am curious though...once you are running that low, if love can't be replenished because we aren't sure where it comes from, does the person even have a shot with us at that point? Probably not.  I guess that's why you do something before your well gets that empty. 

And have you ever wondered why your heart attaches to who it does?  Did you make a conscious effort to love that person?  Of course you didn't.  And if you did, well, please tell me how to do that because I never have been able to say "I am going to love this person with all of my might"  or "Ok, I choose to not love this person anymore."  No freaking way.  Like the old lady in Titanic says, "A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets."  What I missed though when I heard the old lady is that my heart also would not be spilling the beans to myself.  

Love is mysterious for sure. It almost never does what you wish it would or when because it seems to have a life and mind of its own. Maybe it really does.