"It's a fragile thing, this life we lead. If I think too much I can get overwhelmed by the grace by which we live our lives with death over our shoulders.
Want you to know that should I go, I always loved you, held you high above too. I study your face and the fear goes away, the fear goes away." Sirens, Pearl Jam
My mom always told me growing up not to let the sun set on my anger. She also reminded me that you should always talk to someone like it's the last time you'll talk to them....because it very well could be. I legitimately think of this when I am scrappy with someone. I can't imagine if someone I loved died and they didn't know how much I loved them.
It's always my fault when anyone treats me badly because I allow it. I realize at this point in my life that I am an enabler and tough love doesn't come easy for me, although I do recognize the value in it. Why is it hard for me to put my foot down? Well for one thing, it takes a lot to piss me off. Usually by the time I do get pissed off enough to do something about it, an unhealthy precedent has been set and I basically have no power because the other person doesn't see that any rules have been broken. Another reason is because I love making those I love happy and I am just not a bitch. I am very Libertarian in my personal relationships and it isn't good for me. I tend to have the attitude that you can't control others, you shouldn't control others, and it's not really your place to tell them what to do. For example, I am not going to worry about someone cheating on me because you know what? If someone is going to do it, they're going to do it. I will find out if I am supposed to find out. I guess in most situations, I think I will deal with that later if it happens, but I don't want to ruin what I have right now by worrying about it.
This is obviously not how I feel about my children because #1, it's my job to ride their asses and make sure they turn out to be decent people....sounds easier than it actually is. #2, my fuse is luckily, naturally shorter, due to the mommy mommy mommy mommy's and repetitive screams and poking and constant taps and disobedience and temper tantrums....but still, my children get a lot more rope than other kids because I am more patient. Not good for me or them.
My girlfriends always thought I was too laid back about things when I was married and I would reply "I'm not becoming a nag! Neverrrrr!" You know what? Those women are still married and I'm not, so I don't know. Maybe I don't know anything. I also have friends who understood that there are such things as partnerships and that's probably where my problem was....I didn't know you had to establish The Golden Rule. I thought it was a given. But regardless, I've learned that I feel like this: if you have to control someone in order to be treated fairly, I would rather have no part of anything. I should be allowed to treat someone like an adult and for it not to be a pass to dump on me and disrespect me. I should be allowed to be laid back and trusting without being made out to be an idiot. Worse than being an idiot, I'm not rifling through someone's personal space. That's the ultimate pit of doom and honestly, I'm too lazy and irritated to do that. It's over if I can't trust you and vice versa. If it can't be like this, then I would be happier alone, only controlling myself. The fact that human beings need others to MAKE them be better is ridiculous. The fact that we don't know how to treat the people who love us most CORRECTLY is just wrong.
I get texts from my kids' friends sometimes. They are sweet and sometimes ask for advice about things. These are children I have known for a while and of course, I know their parents. Anyway, I talked to my daughter's friend today and she said how lucky Lindsey to have me as a mother and I couldn't help but think "I wish Lindsey felt the same way." I know it's normal for her not to feel that way, but it still sucks and I have cried a lot about it because I never thought we would be like that.
My kids' friends love me because I treat them the way I would LIKE to treat my own kids, but I can't because I am too busy getting on to them and correcting them. So what if everyone traded teenagers until they turn like 18? Wouldn't that be a lot easier for us? Of course I am kidding, but the truth is that in reality, it would work.
Why?
Human beings hurt and run all over the people that will always be there for them and love them the most. It's almost a compliment for someone to feel comfortable enough to treat you this way because it means you showed them you truly love them....unfortunately it's in the same family of compliments as the ones that make you wonder if you were fat and ugly before because you're so awesome now. It is the compliment that sucks, the one you wish you wouldn't get, the slap in your face that you don't deserve.....and all because you love them the most.
Life is fragile. You get one shot at this. And above money, hobbies, whatever it is that tends to own you, the only real treasures are our relationships. We should love the ones who love us and we should remember that they may not always be there.
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