Can a Scarlett Submit?

I wrote about strong girls and used Scarlett O'Hara and Melanie Hamilton as examples of the two types of women there are, at least when you consider some to be dominant and some more passive.  If you have not read "Gone with the Wind" or at least seen the movie, shame on you, because, well, it's "Gone with the Wind"!  But if that's the case, I will give a little more information before I begin.  People tend to see Scarlett as simply a bratty Southern Belle, but she really isn't.  She is complicated, unique, and strong.

Scarlett O'Hara is pampered in the beginning, full of character and strength in the end, always beautiful, and eternally has a very strong will that tends to get her into trouble, yet helps her to rise up and fight when others cannot (you see this after the South loses).  She doesn't care what people think or say about her, and she does as she pleases for the most part.  No one can dominate her and she is always in full control.  She controls the men around her with ease, teasing them and making them fall in love with her, although none of them really see her as she is.....and the whole time, she is desperately in love with Ashley.  Ashley is a gentleman, and the best way I can describe him is he is the type that doesn't color outside the lines.  In my personal opinion, Ashley is boring and Scarlett is complex and feisty.  Ashley is a wimp.  He doesn't have any coping skills and doesn't know how to lead anyone when times get tough.  Scarlett doesn't seem to fully understand that she actually enjoys being challenged, hence the relationship with Rhett, but then at the same time, when she is challenged, it drives her nuts and consumes her.  (Which seems to be why she chases Ashley.) You discover early on that as she pines over Ashley, Ashley rejects her, which she can't take.  Ashley finds Scarlett beautiful and appealing, he even seems to string her along at times because he wants to jump her bones, but still, he rejects her and marries Melanie.  Scarlett always tried to be submissive like Melanie when she was around Ashley, but she could only pretend for a few moments before her true colors came out.  Ashley knew what was best for him....and Scarlett, as beautiful as she was, would drive him insane.  Melanie is simple and sweet and was a much better match for Ashley's simple and steady personality.  Rhett is exactly the opposite of Ashley.  He is exciting, smart, colors outside the lines, and although he is a gentleman in some ways, he is not in many.  Scarlett loves it, but of course, doesn't admit it because then he would have some kind of power over her.  Rhett adores Scarlett for her fire and for years, tries to capture her heart and the rest of her......Scarlett never truly submits to him and in the end, she learns to regret it.  Then again, in the end, when she finally wants Rhett, you look at the timing and wonder, is she truly ready to submit to Rhett, or is it because she can't anymore that makes it safe to try?

Tears for Ashley

When I say submission, I don't mean anything inhumane, or one person dominating another disrespectfully, but I mean submitting to another like you would to God, with full trust.  I mean more like this: loving someone so much that there is nothing you wouldn't do for them, being humble, compliant, and submitting your own authority or control.  There isn't anything you would keep from them, not do with them, not share with them....the walls come down when you submit and you are not only completely exposed and vulnerable, but okay with it because you trust the person.  Submitting is putting someone else's needs over your own, and finding happiness in that. 

She is such a fool!

Scarlett was better matched with Rhett, personality wise....everyone knows that and it would have been something so beautiful for her to find happiness with him.  So what was it about her that had to reject him?  She can't submit.  That's pretty much as simple as it is.  There is such thing as free spirits, wild horses....and that's what she was.  If a girl like Scarlett submits to a man like Rhett, who sees how stubborn she is and how hard it is for her to do so, she feels like he has won.  It would be too much for her.  It is easier for a girl like Scarlett to submit to a man who has no idea how hard it is for her to do so, meaning that he will never really conquer or own her, and that is not true submission.  She can maintain her distance a bit; she is safe from a man like that.    A man not like Rhett, a man like Ashley, is a man who has no idea what it would mean for a girl like Scarlett to be conquered.  Her submission doesn't have value, meaning that Scarlett feels safe. 

He can try and try.....

Is Scarlett submissive to Ashley because he has no clue about her, OR is it because she truly loves him?  Here's the most interesting thing.....

Maybe submission has nothing to do with the qualities of a person, who you should and should not be with, but more with how your heart feels.  Which brings me to the conclusion that you can only submit to someone you truly love.  It dawned on me as I wrote my blog yesterday that as full of fire as Scarlett is, she acts more like Melanie when she is with Ashley.  She isn't even the same person!  Now isn't that interesting?  So I guess the real question is, did she really love him?  Or did she just think she did?  Or did she want to be a different kind of girl?  She definitely did want to be what Ashley needed.  Had she not screwed up so badly at the end of the book/movie, maybe we would have gotten to see her behave sweetly to Rhett as she did with Ashley.  It is such a tragic end though....thanks, Margaret Mitchell. 

This is what a wild horse looks like when someone wants
to break it in.

A spunky girl like Scarlett will always be attracted to the idea of someone possessing her because she can't do it.   She is so strong and fierce, she can't even tame herself.  So imagine her soul mate who could.....