My heart goes out to everyone in Boston. I am so sad about the world today. I am working on a blog that is sure to make a lot of people angry, but I think there are some things that need to be said. There are some debates that I want to look at...guns, violence, the media, the US being nosey....I am working on it. Sad day yesterday. My prayers go out...
I have gotten a lot of feedback from Saturday's blog, Just Like Heaven. In fact, never have I ever written a blog and gotten as much feedback as this one. The strange thing is that I almost didn't post it. I wasn't sure that I wanted to be so transparent in my feelings and was hesitant that I would appear to be crazy. BUT, it hit a nerve with my girlfriends and made them all literally cry and even a few of my guy friends said they felt a tug at their emotions. In the last few days, I have been told that I need to write seriously for a living (I wish) and that this is my gift from God. I have been told that Just Like Heaven made them not feel so alone in the world. And this is why I write; so we won't be. I write because it's a release and it's like oxygen for me, but it's even more rewarding when it touches someone. If I can communicate something with someone and it has an impact on them, then I have done my job, even if it isn't my day job. Even if I am not getting paid for this blog, it makes me feel so happy that I am doing it. I'm not doing anything special like curing cancer, and there are a lot of writers out there, so I am not really unique, but I do feel peace when someone tells me that my words touched them. It's equally, if not more rewarding for me, because I realize that I am not alone either if someone identifies with what I am saying.
It was also really interesting to see how people interpreted what I was saying. Some people thought of people who have died, some people thought about their ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends...either way, it resonated.
I have been hammering away at the job boards, which is exhausting and I don't even want to go into why this is so frustrating...but I will. If you have ever looked for a job ONLINE and know how many different times you have to log in, set up accounts, alter your resume to enhance one skill specifically, and then have a cover letter for each kind of position...you know. There's something inhumane about this process. It takes forever and makes you feel like the World's Biggest Loser. Let's see, shall we? I have two sets of twins because I have over-active-ovaries (which I am thankful for, don't get the wrong idea) and if I so much as get sneezed on too closely, I wind up pregnant. So anyway, I got sneezed on, enter Logan and Lindsey. I scratched and clawed my way through school with one set of twins, made almost straight A's and followed my heart, leading me into a degree that made me happy, but maybe forever poor. Then I got sneezed on again, had another set of twins, and stayed home with them because I felt that's what GOD wanted me to do. I know that's what I was supposed to do. Have you MET my boys? They are pieces of Heaven. But now I have a gap in my unemployment history that should be acceptable, but since I am a just piece of paper and not a human being, it is not. My skills aren't looked at as valuable in this society where the science and math people are, and...you know what? No. I am stopping because I am done whining about it. It does no good.
Anyway, these thoughts led me into a moment of panic and frustration and tears, so I emailed a friend and she prayed with me. She wrote a beautiful prayer and it made me stop and breathe. I went outside, swung on my porch swing that's covered in pollen and looked at the weeds that have overtaken my backyard (because I don't even know how to START the mower in the garage) and felt a nudge. I don't know where it came from.
I picked up my phone without really thinking; I was just reacting to this random thought. I opened up a text to send to my friend whom I haven't talked to in a long time. I said "I want you to read something, take this with you, young one...." and I typed in the link. Now understand, I never send specific links to my blog. I maybe have once or twice, but really, I rarely do that. I barely post my blog on Facebook and I certainly don't believe that people want to be harassed to read it. I appreciate every single person who does read it and I love them and leave it at that. However, in this moment, I felt a reason to send Just Like Heaven to a friend of mine and I have no clue as to why.....this friend wrote back and said "Wow. I am sitting in the vet's office waiting to put my dog down and you send that to me."
I went back inside, emailed my friend who I had just been praying with (the friend who also said my destiny is to write) and I told her what had just happened. She said "Wow. It's a sign."
Whether it is a sign or not, I really couldn't believe that I had fired out this signal and it was delivered the way it was delivered. Remember what I said? It's tangible and it gets delivered, so send it out. You never know what happens when you do something with that energy.
Just weird.
No comments:
Post a Comment