Sober Scattergories

Last night my very old friend, Nick, came over and my mom made a delicious dinner.  He was tired because he had just flown in from Italy, but he still came to see us because he has to go out of town again tomorrow.   We haven't seen each other in four years, so it was awesome.  After dinner we played Scattergories. Ash says it's the most fun to play while drinking, but I wouldn't know about that because we were all sober.  I lost all three games, but that's because Nick and Ashli cheated.  For example, one of the subjects was "things you would find on the seashore" and Ashli put "rapists, barbed wire, and Muslims".  Nick said "RAPE" as the VERB, and "Situation", as in Mike the Situation from Jersey Shore.  I put down things like rocks, shells, and rain and I still lost.  It was fun though.  The next subject was "things at a ski resort" and I used "rape and rapists" because I knew that I could count it without them getting lippy.  What kind of a beach has barbed wire, Muslims, Mike the Situation and rapists?  HA!

Ash and I crashed on the couch after Nick left.  We watched like two minutes of a George Clooney movie.  I woke up and had my coffee on the porch and talked to a friend on the phone.  A little while later, Katie came over with her new baby, Charlie, and we met up with Nick for lunch.

I am writing in Katie's office while she is working and nursing Charlie.  It's sort of funny watching her juggle everything because it is usually me who is about to go crazy with twelve million things to do at once....but it isn't today!  We are getting ready to pick up her son, Sam, and then I am running home to pack a bag for Chicago.  I am taking the train down tonight and coming back tomorrow.  I am planning on going to the art museum and a couple of other places by myself.  I am excited to be alone in my favorite city!  I used to love just walking around by myself when I went to school there.  I want to go to the T-Shirt Deli......ever heard of it?  I have always wanted to go.  It looks so cute.  

I will write more tomorrow.  I hope that everyone is having a great Monday! 






 

In the Cheesehead State.....

I am in Milwaukee and OMG, the weather is perfect!  I got in around 5:00 yesterday.  My flight was good, except that now my ear is stopped up and I am probably screaming at everyone.  My eardrum felt like it was going to explode when we were landing.  I hate that! 

When I got off of the plane yesterday, Ash and Matt, and my niece, Amelie, were waiting for me.  Amelie screamed "Auntie Brinty!!!!!" She ran to me, kissed me, hugged me, wouldn't let go and said she missed me.  She made me promise to sit with her in the backseat on the way home.  I didn't do much last night because I was tired.  I watched "A Clockwork Orange" with Matt, ate Jimmy Johns, passed out on the couch, and didn't move until the morning when Amelie climbed under my blanket.  Sleeping is something I could totally get used to; it was awesome.  I forgot to mention that I am here with no children, which means that I get to chill, sleep, and be an aunt for a week.  Every time I have ever been around Amelie I am busy taking care of my own kids, so I am so excited to spend some quality time with her.  We have been hanging out all day.  We just finished drawing with sidewalk chalk and we are now eating lunch with my mom outside.  I am taking her to the museum this week and we are doing our nails.  I told my sister that I want an entire day with her.  When I asked Amie what she wants to do this week, she said "Everything."  I guess she covered her bases. 

I am going for a walk by the lake today and then we are grilling out tonight.  I have some friends stopping by to see me. 

Hope everyone is having a great weekend! 

-Britt

A Simple Heart-Flaubert

A note before I talk about Flaubert.......I am flying out for Milwaukee this afternoon!  YAY!  I will make sure to write and post pictures.  I will be back next Saturday. 

I read one of my favorite stories again the other night because it had been a while.  It’s called "A Simple Heart" by Gustave Flaubert; it was published in French in 1877.  If you have ever read "Madame Bovary", this story is in direct relation to that novel. 

The story is about a young servant girl, Félicité, who has a very pure heart and loves God.  She is obedient in every way imaginable and she lives a simple life by serving others.  Not only does she serve them, but she does it with a happy heart.  She is extremely loving and obedient and doesn't expect anything in return from God or anyone else on the planet.  She is trusting and naive to the ways of the rest of the world is; she is good and pure.  She once has her heart broken by a guy we would refer to today as a "player" and she immediately cries out to God to help her in her despair.  She brushes herself off and ends up working for a widow with two young children and she adores them and is truly happy.  The love she has for the children helps her mend her heart.  She saves the children from being killed by a bull later in the story, but of course then blows it off later as if it is no big deal.  She loves everyone even when she should probably be upset with the way they are treating her.

Félicité is a devout Catholic and cries when she thinks of what Jesus went through on the cross, yet she understands nothing of the doctrine. (This makes you question religion and you could ask “if you get the message, which is grace and forgiveness, do the man-made rules of the church matter?”)  Her education in general is very simple, like the rest of her.  She believes and she lives as she should according to the Bible, and she analyzes nothing because she is simple and obedient.  Because of her lack of education and simple heart, she often gets taken advantage of, but she doesn't realize it.  The reader totally sees it, but Félicité does not. 

I’ll speed things along.  She goes through more hardships throughout her life and eventually ends up loving a parrot named Loulou.  It ends up dying.....just her luck.  At the end of the story, she is on her deathbed. 

Now, on one hand, if you read a lot of literature about the story, people will say things like "Oh, Félicité lived a simple life, but she received love in the end and blah blah blah.  She is the definition of a beautiful soul and although she lived a plain life, it held great meaning."  This is all true.  However, I read the story a little differently and my World Lit professor, back in the day, agreed with me.  Plus, Flaubert isn’t that simple, in my opinion. 

On her deathbed, she thinks back to her façade of an engagement and how she was treated in general and she feels pain.  She begins to catch on to all of the crappy things that people did to her; they flood over her.  It's like it finally dawns on her that she was stupid and naive and sees the world for how it really is.  She realizes this, which is so sad to read, and then she dies.  Long story short, she sees her parrot fly over her as she enters the gates of Heaven and she feels love. 

The reason that I loved this story so much is because I have always felt that although education is the key to so much success and it solves a lot of problems in the world, you also risk losing your soul.  You have to educate people to avoid disasters and poverty and all of that, but on the other hand, can you be as simple and innocent as Félicité if you understand the ways of the world?  I think that you risk becoming bitter and cynical because there is so much evil in the world, and then you risk not being true to the word of God, which is to turn your other cheek and push onward.  Sure, you don't have to become bitter, but that's sort of what happens over time to a lot of people. 

Look at Félicité.  Could she have been as good of a person if she had understood what others were really doing to her?  Can you be?  You can choose to still be good, but she didn’t even understand it, so her heart actually stayed innocent.  Her heart was like a child's.  Actually, let’s look at a child.  They are innocent because they know nothing of the world.  Look at Adam and Eve, before Eve ate the apple from the tree of KNOWLEDGE.  They were innocent before they learned of the world.  When I read this story, I wonder, is ignorance really bliss?  If you don't know how bad people can be and how awful the world is, is it easier to be a better person and just go on with your life?  Then I wonder, do wiser people find it more difficult to be Christians?  On the other hand, Félicité knew nothing about the doctrine, and yet she still cried seeing how painful it was for Jesus to hang on that cross...this doesn’t take education to feel....it takes heart.  Are you better off not questioning religion and digging around for answers because you are smart and have a deeper understanding?  Does it matter?  Does faith have anything to do with how smart you are?  Is it easier for people with low IQ's to be good people and have stronger faith because they are simple?  Is it harder in general for people with high IQ's to believe because everything is more complicated?  Or does education not affect your heart at all?  I think it just depends.  I think it goes both ways.

I know that with everything I read and learn though, I make it harder for myself to just accept the simpler answer.  Then again, I have always been curious, even as a child.  Maybe I am just curious and that's the way God made me.  Would it be easier not to be like Alice in Wonderland, following around white rabbits and looking for answers constantly?  I guess that’s why they say to safeguard your brain, your eyes, and your ears…..you lose a piece of innocence every time you see, hear or learn something new.  If I weren't curious I would be so bored, but maybe life would be easier......

Flashback Friday-Florida at 15

I can't remember if I have written about this or not, but I know that I have wanted to.  Katie, this one is for you......

When Katie and I were 15 we were in Tampa and my mom was at a conference.  We walked to a bad area of town and found a bum to buy us a bottle of liquor.  Um, Katie, this was ALL YOU, by the way!  I wasn’t that brave.  I remember standing there, looking at the guy, afraid.  You did all of the talking because you were the badass.  I remember trying the disgusting liquor and then sticking my mouth under the hotel faucet to get my tongue to stop burning.  We didn’t like it and we didn’t end up drinking it, Mom. 

A couple of days later we went to Sanibel Island.  We were walking around and shopping.  I just happened to be holding a ring in my hands; it was a cheap beaded ring.  Now keep in mind, I was a cheerleader and dancer.  I was NOT an athlete that played BALL sports.  I had like no aim or anything like that; I was a total girl and would purposely lose during the first round of dodge ball just so I didn't have to play anymore.  I hated sports that required balls.  Anyway, there were these guys hanging out of the car window and screaming at us.  I had this ring in my hand and without thinking, I threw it at one of the guy's faces and it hit him RIGHT IN BETWEEN THE EYES while the car was MOVING.  Katie looked at me and said "Where did that come from?"  We both burst out laughing.  I couldn’t throw a dart within 35 feet of the target, but I threw a ring in between this dude’s eyeballs while he was moving. 

Later we were at the mall and these ladies were selling belly bracelets at a kiosk.  One of the weird ladies selling them measured my tummy and then held the string out and said to me "If I sliced you open and laid you out, you would be this big!"  We were frightened.  She kept talking about slicing me open and how the skin wouldn’t cover a lot of area.  She’d say “THIS BIG” and give us a creepy face. 

I remember nothing else, other than buying SINGLES ON TAPE!!!!!

Remember that trip, Katie?  That was fun, wasn’t it?  Was this before or after we fell in love with Silverchair?

Have a great Friday!


subitize \SOO-bi-tahyz\, verb:
To perceive at a glance the number of items presented.

Vanity Fair Article- Jack Vettriano

Back in April I wrote about Jack Vettriano and "The Singing Butler".  Remember the painting?  Amy Fine Collins wrote an article about him in the latest issue of Vanity Fair and I thought I would share a little more about the artist.  Thank you to the author for this extra info! 

I mentioned that his paintings have been widely criticized for being "nothing but soft porn" or "brainless erotica" and this still hasn't changed.  The critics are still scratching their heads and trying to figure out why people love these paintings. 

Collins says that playwrights send the 60-year-old former coal miner scripts based on his paintings.  People from all over have gotten sentimental about them.  Experts say that people are probably just nostalgic about an era when men and women were more refined.  Vettriano thinks that people enjoy an uplifting fantasy.  I tend to agree.  I know that I wrote about the painting because I liked the fact that the woman wasn't concerned about ruining her dress or hair.  I thought that the whole dancing on the beach with a man in a tux thing was extremely romantic.  In my opinion, we are all tired of how crappy and mundane our real love lives are.  When we look at an image that isn't porn but romantic and sexy, we wish it were us. 

Vettriano is known as "the people's painter" in England and doesn't mind sharing his fetishes with the world.  He says that he loves voluptuous brunettes and that "blondes have too much sweetness".  Blondes are sweet?  I guess so?  That’s interesting.  What the hell is wrong with sweet?  Anyway, he loves painting thick eyelashes, earlobes, necks, and glossy lips and nails rather than a woman's chest or backside. 

I think that the critics are pretentious.  It isn’t like he is painting stick people.  They are just pissed because he taught himself how to paint at the age of 22; he was a coal miner with no formal training.  People didn’t like Picasso either.  And really?  How can you walk through the modern wing of an art museum and then have the nerve to knock this guy?  Last time I was at the High Museum of Art I saw a rubber duck hanging from a string from the ceiling and I was very confused because it was called a piece of “art”.  Come on.  Are you kidding me?  What this tells me is that I could paint a red triangle on a canvas and blah blah blah about it having deep meaning and it would be called art.  The critics should get a life. 

Paint me on the beach in a red dress any time, Vettriano…..except I’m blonde.  I guess I’m too sweet for you.


 Let's look at some more:











Have a great day!  Maybe you'll find yourself dancing in a storm on the beach....here's to wishing. 

mewl \myool\, verb:
To cry, as a baby, young child, or the like; whimper.

Brave-Nichole Nordeman

One of the groups at Lindsey's studio did a lyrical to this song and it is so beautiful.  It sounds like a love song, but the lady is actually a Christian singer, so it's actually about God.  It really could be both.  I think I have felt this about both God and about falling in love. Listen to the words.  It's so pretty; it gives me goosebumps.  The piano gets me every time. 

http://youtu.be/6aneougrhmE


Word of the Day:

fantast \FAN-tast\, noun:
A visionary or dreamer.

10 Ways to Stop Screwing Up With Men

Last week I posted an article about how to stop screwing up with women and I added my own opinions.  Now I would like to talk to the ladies.....it's only fair.  I am not an expert, but I do know what I hate about women and sometimes myself, and I assume that guys probably hate the same things.  The guy in the article last week only came up with 6, but I came up with 10 because I am smarter.  Heehee.  Ok, maybe we screw up more.....

1. Don't react so quickly.  I hate to say it, but ladies, we have to chill for a second and think before we speak and react.  We really can be dramatic.  Science has proven that our brains are actually different than a man's and we have to appreciate those differences if we aren't going to become lesbians.  If we did and said every crazy ass thing that we were inclined to do and say, we would be crazy bitches, and let's face it.....sometimes we are because we don't know how to control ourselves.  Chill the freak out.  It's embarrassing.  Be a little more logical.  If you feel something, think about it for a minute and give yourself time to figure out exactly what is bothering you.  The result will be a lot better.  Plus, if you do this, they won't assume that you're just on your period. 
2. Don't Hate Women. This only makes you bitter and unlikeable. Stop being jealous and talking crap about other women and maybe when you are around a man, you will actually look like you are enjoying yourself and not like you just had your yearly pap smear.  There's more drama between girls than any other place, so don't you think we should fix this?  I think we call each other sluts more than guys do, which only makes it worse, since the men are sleeping with them.  It makes no sense to hate each other.  I'll bet that you can find at least one thing to appreciate about any girl, even if it's just her good-lookin' pedicure.  Stop being mean and you will be happier.  Life is too short.  Smile!!!
3. Use Your Brain and Have an Opinion.....But You Aren't Always Right. This one is seems tricky, but it shouldn't be.  It's great to be a smart chick because dumb girls (and guys) are a liability to society in general, but too often if we speak up, we are often known as difficult or bitchy.  I say who cares.  Speak up, but listen to others and respect their opinions.  If you are treating others with respect, then the people who think poorly of you probably suck anyway.  A real man appreciates a woman for more than her ass.  Don't be a dumbass for a guy.  They don't like when you act foolish.  Note to stupid girls.....stop being retarded and a guy will like you for longer than two days.
4. Accept Men for Who They Are. They are never going to be perfect.  End of story.  We should try to understand them and ask them to do the same for us. 
5. Don't be a Doormat: I don't really like Dr. Phil, but he says one thing that makes a lot of sense and that's that we teach people how to treat us.  If you want respect, you should demand it.....but this doesn't mean doing crazy crap like cutting their brake lines and throwing things at them.   Someone once told me that to really be respected, you have to earn it and demand it.  Too often there are people who demand it and don't deserve it and there are people who deserve it and don't demand it, but you have to both earn and demand respect if you are to be respected.  This is very difficult for a sweet person, or someone with a long fuse. 
6. Be Real. Present yourself for who you are, say what you want and communicate.  Don't pretend to be something you aren't and don't say things you don't mean.  Don't say things like "nothing" when a guy asks what's wrong and something is wrong.  If something is wrong, speak up, or say you'll talk about it later when you are more rational.  And another thing.....guys have the attention span of a gnat sometimes.....try not to talk to them like you would a girlfriend.  They won't understand you.  Be honest, be real, and show the guy what he's getting into.  If you lie about who you are, where does that get you?  Where does it get him?  When you grow and change over the years, talk about those changes.  It's real.  Be real and be you. If he doesn't love you for you, at least you find out early on.   
7. Give Him Space. Just because he wants like two seconds away from you doesn't mean he doesn't love you.  Obviously, I am not saying that he should neglect you, but let him be his own person and have some room to breathe. 
8. Be Your Own Person. Don't be the girl who ditches her friends for a guy.  You should still retain your interests and be able to do things on your own even though you have a boyfriend or husband.  You should be in a relationship for the right reasons....to be with the other person because you love him, not so you can complete yourself.  Jerry Maguire was full of crap.  No one can complete you.  Be you.  If you don't know who you are, find out and definitely don't be with anyone until you know; someone always ends up getting hurt. 
9. Stroke His Ego.  I know I just said to be independent, but don't be so independent that the guy doesn't even feel needed.  I sort of feel sorry for guys nowadays because we really can function alone and make as much money, etc.  Whatever the case may be, make sure he feels appreciated and important.  You want the same thing.  No one wants to feel useless in the world.  You stroke his, he'll stroke yours....it's all good.
10. Leave the Past in the Past. You can either get over something or not.  If you agree to move on from a situation, move on and stop throwing it in his face.  If we remember what a girl did to us in first grade, we probably remember everything that our man says and does, which really sucks for them.  We may never forget, but forgiveness really becomes a decision at a certain point and if you can't get over something, then don't, but end it.  If you can get over something, cool.  You're a cool chick and probably a pretty sweet person.   

I was lucky enough to run this by a few guys and see how right I was.  According to the men I talked to, I am spot on, so listen up, bitches!  I am totally kidding.  I love my girls. 


Have a fantastic day!

I Wish I Knew B.O.B.

Every time I hear this song I want to get out of here.......


http://youtu.be/IoBP24I2lwA


Have a great day!

imponderable \im-PON-der-uh-buhl\, noun:
1. A thing that cannot be precisely determined or measured.
adjective:
1. Not ponderable; that cannot be precisely determined, measured, or evaluated.

Think Fast

Someone sent this to me and since I took the time to fill it out AND I have nothing to write about, here it is......the idea is to write the first thing you think of when you see the word. 

1. Beer: Bubbles
2. Anorexic: Hungry
3. Relationships: Necessary
4. Power Rangers: Colorful
5. Pot: Paranoia
6. Steroids: A douche bag with a popped collar and flip-flops
7. Cartoons: Pound Puppies
8. The President: Frustrating
9. Tupperware: Annoying.  Can't ever find the tops.
10. Florida: My dad
11. Santa Claus: Wish he were real
12. Halloween: Fun
13. Bon Jovi: Oh!  We're half way there, WHOOAAA!  Livin' on a prayer!
14. Grammar: So important
15. My Space: Drama and stalkers
16. Worst Fear: Losing someone I love
17. Marriage: Hard
18. Paris Hilton: Dumbass
19. Brunettes: Beautiful
20. Redheads: Fiesty
21. Blondes: Fun
22. Pass the time: What time?
23. One Night Stands: Scary.
24. Donald Trump: Lucky
25. Neverland: Wish it were real
26. Pixie Sticks: Nausea
27. Vanilla ice-cream: My favorite
28. Port-a-potties: Hold it.
29. High school: Fun
30. Pajamas: Love them.
31. Wood: I actually think of nothing.  Not one thought pops in my head when I see the word WOOD.
32. Wet Sock: The WORST!
33. Alcohol: Barfing
34. Love: Ahhhhhh......sighhhh
35. My best friend: Protective
36. Bible: Deep

To Be Betrothed Would Ever Thou Suck

One of my friends is really into the show "The Tudors" right now.  We were talking about how horrible it would have been to be betrothed because you would eventually have to have sex with your husband.  I know that sometimes people joke about how they would possibly have been better off if their parents HAD arranged their marriages, but really think about it…..my friend and I did and we came up with a list of reasons why we are happy we’re allowed to choose our spouse, or should I say a list of people. The idea of being forced to sleep with the guys below, well, we'd rather be beheaded like Anne Boleyn.  It would be tortuous to know for years that you are eventually going to have to sleep with one of these guys…….

Flava Flav. We would rather drink our own pee than be under the same
sheet as Flava Flav. 

Richard Grieco...This may sound strange, but this one is mine. 
He has DATE RAPIST written all over him and he has always
given me the absolute creeps.  I have been freaked out by him
since I was a very young child.  I would run for my life if I saw him today.

Conan, we love when you say "Be cool, my babies!" But you are
still on the list. 

 Jay Leno.  Letterman was better.

Will Ferrell in an Elf suit.  I mean, for one, could you even keep
a straight face? I would totally say "Brittany the elf!  What's your favorite color?"

Michael Bolton.  I would beat him over the head with his microphone.
He's still a No Talent Ass Clown.

David Spade?  Ummmmm no.

Fabio.  Just because you aren't fat doesn't mean you're hot. He's so gross.

Carrot Top....I would jump from a window.

Prince Charles may be a prince, but there is only so much we would do
to become princesses.

What the hell was Julia Roberts thinking?  Lyle Lovett?
I would cry my eyes out.  I would.  I would cry.

Andre the Giant....we decided that giants in general are a bad thing.

Nick Nolte.....just scary.

The creep from "Lost", Michael Emerson.  Scary.

William Mapother, the other creep from "Lost".

Marilyn Manson.....yeah, that would be rather tortuous, I would imagine. 
I would definitely be clinging to my rosary reciting Hail Mary.

You've got the moves, Jagger, but you're still on our list.

Steven Tyler.....at least he would be entertaining. Have you heard the
crazy crap that comes out of his mouth?

Steve Buscemi....no explanation required.  His voice is also
like nails on a chalkboard.

Gerard Butler....JUST KIDDING!!!  We just wanted an excuse to post
a picture of him.  It should be illegal.  He's like a Greek god. 

Flashback Friday-Favorite Old Image

I always talk about the 80's and 90's on Fridays, so I thought I would do something different this week.  This is one of my favorite pictures, probably just like everyone else!

This was taken in Times Square by Alfred Eisenstaedt.  Hard to believe that they didn't
know each other and that the nurse slapped him after the kiss.  I love this picture.

Have a great weekend!

Freakiest Fetish

I just discovered that the world is even stranger than I already thought it was.  There are people who have "wool fetishes".  Look at these freakazoids:

To me, the only thing possibly sexual and freaky about this is the fact that you would be so itchy, you would have to take it all off and then you would be naked.  Isn't this so weird?  The two people hugging in the wool outfits are scaring the crap out of me. 

Have a great day. 

6 Ways to Stop Screwing Up with Women

I stumbled across this article by Jeffrey Platts and I thought that it would be good material for my blog.  Plus, I love having an opinion, so here we go.....Platt's 6 are pasted, my additions are in italics below.

1. Be fully present  

I was that guy. I would be sitting with a beautiful woman in a café, but my eyes would dart around the room at all the other ladies passing by. One day a woman friend said to me “You know, it’s totally obvious you’re scoping out all those women. It really has me feeling ugly and not appreciated.” My heart sank. I had no idea that I was creating that effect on her. Like most guys, I thought I was being discreet with my Ray-Bans. Make sure your attention is on the woman in front of you. Not on trying to figure out what cool thing to say or what to do next. Do your best to be present to and aware of what’s going on in your body, her body and also the energetic connection between you and her. Create that magic bubble where it feels as if there is no one else but the two of you.

I am really sorry, but DUH?  I am actually alarmed a bit that this is even on this list.  Duh, dudes.  Duh.  I mean, the Golden Rule is golden and you wouldn't like it if we did this to you.

2. Actually give a sh*t about her  

Whether you just met her two minutes or 12 years ago, actually care about her and genuinely want to get to know about her world. Yes, own your physical attraction to her, but also bring your heart to the interaction. Connect with your curiosity about who she is -- her dreams, fears, insecurities, quirks and gifts. Be more concerned about the quality of the connection rather than faking interest as a way to get somewhere or to get something out of her. She is not a means to an end (sex, a number, a date). She is a world to explore. So is the connection.

I thought that women were supposed to be difficult, and yet Number 1 and Number 2 are like almost identical.  If you are "actually giving a sh*t about her" wouldn't Number 1 go with that?  Yeah, because we are so demanding......

3. Appreciate and celebrate who and where she is in the moment   

A woman crying used to scare me. I would get anxious and not know what to do. One day I bumped into my good female friend in the street. She started talking about her breakup. I just stood with her on the sidewalk and gently listened as she shared her story with teary eyes. After 20 minutes, she said “Wow, that was so healing for me. Thank you so much for listening.” I finally got it. Me simply being with her was more effective than me trying to fix or distract her. Whatever comes up for her in your interaction, celebrate it. Something fun and juicy comes up? Dive in and celebrate that. She mentions something emotional or uncomfortable from her past? Stay in the moment with her. Don’t try to change the subject to get to a “happier” topic. Never try to “fix it” for her. If anything, ask her to say more about it so you can explore it together. If you actually care about her, then you want to get to know all of her, not just the bubbly, sexy and socially presentable side.

This is so true.  Women don't want to be fixed all of the time.  They want to cry and vent.  I don't know if guys understand this, but we KNOW that we are not always rational and we hate it when we don't know what's wrong with us.  It's the absolute worst thing about being a girl.  We know while we cry and say stupid stuff that we are crying and saying stupid stuff, but it's hard to wrap your brain around your emotions when they don't make any sense and it is hard to admit it to a guy because we get enough crap for being girls.  If we really do want more than just an ear and shoulder, we will totally say "What should I do?"  Men are very logical and we really do love that.  (I didn't say that you are smarter than us, by the way.)  While you are scratching your heads trying to figure out what the hell evil spirit just climbed inside of us, so are we.  It sucks.  When you try to fix us when we want to vent, we just feel even weirder and crazier.

4. Share the impact she’s having on you

It’s easy to think that it’s all about being a great interviewer. That’s true if you’re trying to get a good story out of the woman. But if you want a deeper connection with her, then you have to let her know how she’s impacting you, in the moment.

If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that women want to feel you. They want to know that you are right there with them, not mentally floating away thinking about the ballgame. Communicating is just exchanging ideas, connecting is a visceral experience of being in relationship with someone. An easy sentence stem to use is “When you said _____, I felt _____.”

I can see why this could be hard for a guy, especially considering that some guys aren't talkers at all.  But rest assured, if you give us QUALITY communication for a little while rather than a lot of consistent crap, we will be happy to know you are hanging out with your boys, drinking a beer, and thinking about sports. 

5. Slow down and milk the silence

My mind thinks fast and my mouth talks fast. Not ideal for most conversations. My big aha came when I started to chill out, practice just being with her. I gave up trying to impress her with my cool questions. And ironically, I actually enjoyed myself a lot more.
Silences are only uncomfortable when you resist them. Got nothing to say? Just take a big deep breath down into your balls. Trust me, it will have an impact. You can even be honest, “I’m really wanting to connect more with you, but right now I’m drawing a blank on what to say.” See what happens. Connection happens in the spaces in between the words. Keep the lid on and let the mojo water boil.

I sort of don't get this one. 

6. Use humor mindfully

I sometimes have the awkward habit of smiling when I see a woman in a vulnerable emotion. It’s as if I want to ease her mood by cheering her up. I’m doing #2 but not #3. And when I do that I can instantly feel the connection drop away. My practice now is to speak the moment, “Wow, I’m seeing you in this vulnerable place and I’m not sure what to do right now. And I care about you. How can I best support you right now?”

Nothing is sexier and inspiring than hearing a woman giggle her ass off at something you just said. But when you use it to release tension or to avoid an uncomfortable topic, it destroys the connection.

So basically don't tell a Yo Mama joke when her grandma dies.  When she tells you she is anorexic, don't call her a fat ass.  When she says that she is dyslexic, don't ask her if she wants to go to the library to read some Shakespeare.  I mean, come on now.  Yeah, we like a sense of humor.  To me, it is the most attractive quality, but I definitely don't want to be made fun of when I am truly vulnerable.  It sucks being vulnerable, so we don't want to be laughed at as well.  I don't think that anyone would like this. 

ravelment \RAV-uhl-muhnt\, noun:
Entanglement; confusion.

The Ground Beneath Me

I have a relative who is in a very bad situation.  I hate her disgusting excuse for a husband who physically hurts her and there's nothing I can do to help her.  He is a total douche.  She is too afraid to leave and she won't listen to me or anyone else.  Last night I had a nightmare about him hurting her, so instead of driving to Indiana and beating his ass, I opened my laptop and started writing.  Don't laugh.  I am no poet.

The Ground Beneath Me 

I woke from a dream to a reality of lies.

I am alone in a storm, everything around me flies.

I can’t see through the leaves, but I can feel through the black.

As the wind smacks my cheek, the rain hits my back.

I am caught in a mess, I can’t breathe, I can’t see,

I am crying and scratching, I am alone in a tree.

I crawl down a branch, but then it starts to snap.

The person pointing the light is really full of crap.

I witness a smile on someone who harms.

His limbs are vicious snakes, pretending to be arms.

I can hear my heart thumping,

I feel the blood pumping.

I turn from the devil,

To the darkness I revel.

Everyone says they love you, until they love themselves more.

So I take a chance and I hope that I soar.

I jump, I free fall, I reach the very end.

I'm free, I'm alone, my bruises I'll mend. 

I carefully listen to the only present sound….

My fingers are scratching and clawing the ground.

The one thing not moving is beneath my chest.

I open my eyes and ignore all the rest.

I’m safe on the ground, away from all danger,

From the person who was really a sadistic stranger.

Me and the Earth, I am finally grounded….

No longer the from storm can I ever be pounded.

Please say prayers for her.  I have never talked about this before on my blog because I haven't wanted to announce her business, but she found a loaded gun and yet she sits there and does nothing.  She doesn't read my blog, so I am asking for people to pray.  Please pray for this unknown girl and her three small children.

Serendipity-A Fortunate Accident

“Life is not just a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences, but rather it’s a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan…..if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call 'Fatum', what we currently refer to as 'Destiny'”-Serendipity.

Two of my favorite movies of all time are Serendipity and Sleepless in Seattle.  I have always loved the idea of fate and destiny in a romantic sense, I just don't know if I believe in it the same way that I used to.  I understand destiny as the set of the circumstances we were born into and whether we decide to make the best of them; it is what we do with our life.  I think that fate is a result of both our actions or lack thereof and the things that aren't in our control, which really boils down to what God either allows to happen or when he decides to intervene.  I guess others' actions also control our fate as well.

As much as I love the movie Serendipity, the idea behind it is all a bunch of crap that we invented to make ourselves feel better about all of the stuff that happens to us that we can't control.  In reality, people find each other, fall in love, and then treat each other like crap because human beings are idiots.  I was curious to see what the opposite of Serendipity is and I discovered that William Boyd, a screenwriter and novelist, coined the term "zemblanity" to mean the opposite of serendipity.  I think that I am going to write a movie called "Zemblanity".  We'll see how people like this romantic comedy. 

One of my favorite things about Serendipity is that the writers put a Greek twist on the script, however, I don't understand how we got here and it doesn't really make any sense. "Here" being that the Greeks talked about fate and destiny being more than just finding a soul mate.  In fact, in all of the Greek plays I have read in the past, I have seen none of the concepts that are in the movies, Serendipity or Sleepless in Seattle.  The Greeks didn't seem to believe in happy endings and they certainly didn't talk about finding “soul mates”.  Correct me if I am wrong, but one's fate in Greek plays was actually very scary.  I mean, can YOU imagine being told that you would murder your father and marry your mother?  (Oedipus.)

If you look at the actual definitions of Fate and Destiny, they are pretty simple. 

Fate: Something that unavoidably befalls on a person. (Ok, so if you take a plane on the day it is going to crash, your fate is to die on a plane.  And it isn't IRONIC just because you have never flown before, Alanis Morissette.)

Destiny: Something that is to happen or has happened to a person; lot or fortune.  (I see nothing about actions in here, and so I have an issue with this definition because it implies that you don't have any control over what happens to you, or the way that you turn out.  I know a lot of morons who are morons because they acted like morons.  Their destiny was to be a moron because they chose to be stupid.)

Again, I see nothing about love or soul mates in these definitions. Neither of these definitions describe some cupid who is up there setting us up with our "soul mates" by making sure we grab a coffee five minutes earlier than we usually do just so we will run into our “prince” who happened to hit snooze a couple of extra times because he stayed up late the night before.  When did we turn Fate and Destiny into something romantic?  I have now capitalized them, as if they are people, which is how we treat them. 

Let's look at the Greek plays......Oedipus Rex was told he would kill his father and marry his mother and did.  Medea was replaced by a younger Greek woman and killed her children to get back at their father.  Clytemnestra plots Agamemnon's murder because she has been having an affair and then Agamemnon surprises her by bringing home a ho named Cassandra.  I mean, these are not romantic and someone always died, killed themselves, or lost someone they loved in the end.  The prophets usually had something disturbing to say....they didn't make sure that two people met and lived happily ever after.

In Serendipity, Jonathan shows Sara a group of freckles on her arm that look like the constellation Cassiopeia.  Cassiopeia was the vain queen of Ethiopia, wife of Cepheus.  She boasted that her daughter was more beautiful than the Nerieds, or sirens, basically they are beautiful mermaids.  As punishment, she was forced to hang upside-down while clinging to the North Celestial Pole.  Jonathan tells Sarah that the queen made "one tragic mistake and paid for eternity".  Later on in the movie, Sara sees the constellation in the sky and that night she finds Jonathan.  I guess the correlation is that Sara made the tragic mistake of not giving Jonathan her number after it blew away….or did she?  Maybe that was meant to be.  Maybe if she would have given him her number and they got married, they would have died in a plane crash on the way to Barbados on their honeymoon and the breeze that carried away the phone number the first time really just saved their lives.....you see how ridiculous it is?  We will never know. 

We make a thousand decisions in our lives and it is interesting to think about how many different paths we can take based on a change in a direction or decision, but not really because we’ll never know how many bullets we dodge or what would have been better in our lives due to serendipity or zemblanity.  Even having said this, I still love the idea of Fate and Destiny and what's in the stars for us....it's fun and it reminds me that I was a little girl once, dreaming out my window. 

Jeremy Piven quotes this Greek philosopher in Serendipity, so I thought this was fitting....

"Don't demand that things happen as you wish, but wish that they happen as they do happen, and you will go on well".-Epictetus

Miles 4 Major

If you recall, the Miles 4 Major race was yesterday.  It looked like it had a pretty good turnout and it was great to see everyone who showed up.  I couldn't get too close to my friends though......I also couldn't run......because I showed up with strep throat!  I didn't mention that I was sick last week just because it's really boring to write about being sick and I really didn't want to sound like a baby.  Tuesday morning I woke up and felt like I had swallowed a handful of jagged rocks, but I sort of got up and went about my day and assumed that it was allergies.  Later that day I started feeling like every joint in my body was aching and I felt like I had a fever and I was really tired. Wednesday wasn't any better.  Thursday morning I decided to get it checked out, just in case.  The doctor was sure it was strep, but it came back negative.  I felt a lot better, so I assumed she was right.  Friday I felt ok, and that night I got a call saying that the lab came back and that I DO have strep throat.  I started antibiotics Friday night and the pharmacist said that as long as I didn't kiss or sneeze on anyone, it would probably be fine to go to the race, so I went.  My friend, Britney, walked up and said "Only YOU would be here with strep."  I take it as a compliment, even though it also means that I am crazy.  I felt fine though! I really did!   I was really tired all day yesterday and my throat still hurts, but it feels so much better. 

Mike and Matt ran and everyone else that we knew walked....I was in that group.  When we came to the end, we sort of strolled in leisurely and they were waiting for us.  They told me to cross the finish line.  I thought that there had been a rope or something and that the winner got to run through it.  I said “Where is it?”  They said "It's the HUGE blow up thing down there that says FINISH."  This thing was huge.  I laughed and crossed it so it could record my time.  Mike and Matt did really well, but the rest of us were stopping to read historical signs and taking care of Britney's baby, so I think that the snails beat us, which was fine—especially for me, the sickly one.

I want everyone to know how angry I am that the insurance companies don’t cover necessary expenses for children who are hearing impaired.  I talked some more with Brit after the race and I am flat-out pissed.  These are not cosmetic procedures and hearing aids should be covered!  They are absolutely necessary and these kids deserve them.  WHY the HELL should we have insurance if they aren’t going to ENSURE to cover us when we need it?  I am pissed.  I hate insurance companies.  Britney said that these hearing aids are like $2000 a piece, and they don’t fit them forever.  $4000 for a set?  Brit, sorry if I am not throwing the right figure out there. Is it $2,000 a set? Anyway, do the math and that is a LOT of money for a young family who has worked hard and who has always had insurance. 

I hate them so much.  It is so backwards.  I want to move to the Moon and start a colony that makes sense.  I would leave all of the rich a-holes here to fight over oil.  Maybe they'll kill each other. 

Why Ya Gotta Hate On My Cat?

I have wanted to vent about my weirdo neighbor for over a week now but I have had other things to talk about.  The day has come for me to talk about why the guy across the street sucks so much.

A little over a week ago I was pulling out of my driveway; I needed to get more milk for the boys, who were very tired and cranky.  The neighbor, we will call him Hater, signaled for me to stop and talk to him.  I stopped the car and unrolled my window.  This is sort of how the conversation went:

Hater: Your cat is becoming a problem.  Chipper likes to stand outside the window and tease my dog.  The dog barks and just goes crazy. 

Me: Oh, I am sorry.  I don’t—

Hater: Well I have to ask.  You know, I have to ask. 

Me: I guess, uh, ok, (I think I said UH like 50 times and then said something somewhat coherent.  I told him that I would try to keep him inside more and that the only reason he is out so much is that the kids open the door 50 times a day and he darts out.  I did apologize.  My cat shouldn't be over there bothering him.) 

Ok, side note…. Chipper goes outside a lot because that’s the kind of cat he is.  He isn’t like Dr. Evil’s cat that likes to be stroked all day.  His type likes to play and hunt, not lounge around and get fat.  I also know that people are typically either dog people or cat people.  I like both, but some people get very creeped out by cats and I respect that. I would probably prefer to have a dog myself.  But honestly, after I drove off, I was sort of thinking “Ok, I have four kids, two who come and go outside all day long and who already like NEVER listen to me.  How the hell am I going to keep the cat inside, realistically?”  The fact that my kids don’t listen to me isn’t the guy's fault at all, so definitely not saying that.  I also thought “Wow, that guy’s dog is a wimp” and laughed behind his back for a minute because I was irritated.  I am already stressed out and now I had to worry about one more thing.  (Not that it’s my neighbor’s fault that I have four kids and lots to do.)

I told the kids to keep the cat inside and for the next few days they did a better job, however, Chipper did get out a couple of times. 

Saturday I came home to a note on the door from Animal Control.  The piece of paper said “Nuisance cat, keep on your property”.  I was actually really irritated that it hadn’t even been a week and the guy called them, considering Chipper isn’t used to it yet and I have to completely train him to stay inside, AND train the kids.  Even though I think the guy is a weirdo, I respect his space and I had every intention of fixing it.  I told Logan and Lindsey that if they let the cat out and the guy saw him there was a chance that Animal Control would pick Chipper up and take him.  They were upset, but it made them even more careful. 

So fast forward to Tuesday…….Logan and Lindsey were talking about how Hater has gotten onto them about playing in the cul-de-sac in front of his house because the dog barks.  He also trains the dog in the front yard sometimes and when they are riding down the street on skateboards and stuff, it is apparently distracting to the dog.  He has asked them not to do that when he is training.  He yelled at Peyton for accidentally shooting a Nerf bullet into his yard and yelled at Tammy’s kid for making too much noise with his Airsoft gun. 

Awwwww HELLLLLL NOOOOOO.  Are you kidding me?  Everyone knows that I will be the first to get onto my kids if they are wrong, but I will also be the first to go ape shit if someone pulls something stupid with them.  I said “Watch your brothers; I will be back in five minutes.”

I walked across the street and rang the doorbell.  Hater answered.  I was very polite, but definitely in Smart Ass Mode and I was pissed.  I probably didn't hide it well, but I was trying.  I asked him if my kids had ever caused him problems or been in his yard and he said “No, they are very well behaved children.”  I thanked him and then I asked him about the things that the kids said.  He didn’t deny them, but he didn’t quite admit it either.   I said that they can’t be told not to play outside on a common area because his dog is barking, end of story.  I told him that dogs bark, children play, and I wasn’t going to tell my kids that they can’t play because his dog might bark.  If I can’t silence my children, why should he expect his dog to never bark?  Barking is how dogs talk.  If you don’t like it, don’t have a dog!

Then I went into the cat issue.  I asked “So, where does Chipper go when he teases your dog?”  He pointed to under the window.  He said that when he takes the dog out on the leash, the dog sees Chipper and freaks out.  I said “You know that I can’t put a cat on a leash; it would be considered animal cruelty.”  He nodded.  I told him that I was sorry that he liked his yard.  Then I asked him “Does your dog freak out about squirrels and birds too?”  He said yes.  I asked him “Do you call Animal Control on the squirrels and birds as well?”  He said “Well, no, but I shoo them away with a broom.”  I said “Well, I think that you are being ridiculous and the whole thing is bizarre.  I mean, dogs bark sometimes.  I understand that Chipper is a nuisance, but I said that I would try to keep him inside and you didn’t wait a week before calling and complaining.”  Ok, I was totally mean and I shouldn't have said that; I admit it.  Then I said that it was strange that he tried telling my kids not to play on account of his dog.  I mentioned our neighbor, Tammy, and reminded him about how her dogs used to run around and cause trouble, but I never called Animal Control.  I said “I would never do that to any of you; I would talk to you first.”  I told him that yes; he talked to me, but didn’t even wait a week to let me fix it.  I explained why it’s hard to keep the cat indoors.  I said “So what will you do if you see Chipper in your yard even one time?”  He said “I will make the call.”  I said “Wow.  Ok.  So since I can’t keep him on a leash, he will never get exercise and after one time, because I can't tell him never to go on your lawn, you will make the call and they will take him and euthanize him eventually.”  He said he didn’t think they would do that and I explained why they would.  The conversation went on a little longer and I finally got him to agree to talk to me first if he didn’t feel the situation was getting better.  I thanked him for agreeing to talk to me instead of being trigger happy with the phone. 

Chipper has been indoors for four days and although he is miserable, he is alive.  He should be inside anyway because it's the law.  I respect that, I just think my neighbor is a weirdo.  Chipper did get out once and I made the kids run after him.  They couldn’t catch him so I made them go over to let the Hater know that they accidentally let him out.  Every time they let Chipper out, they are going to have to go ring the dude’s doorbell and apologize.  We’ll see if the dog barks about doorbells as well.