8 Things I Would Rather Do Than Shop On Black Friday

I order everything online anyway but if I had to choose 8 things I would rather do......

1.) Listen to Gilbert Gottfried and Fran Drescher have sex.

2.) Choose a new insurance plan.  This is the absolute worst thing about being an adult.  They bore you and confuse you into submission.  By the time I get to the end of the spiel, I am like "Whatever."

3.) Eat the Old 96'er, including the gristle.  Oh Sweet Jesus. 

4.) Re-grout the tile in my bathroom. 

5.) Have my yearly papsmear performed by Bill Clinton.  Let that soak in for a minute.  How gross would that be?

6.) Listen to The Macarena on repeat all day. 

7.) Attend a dinner at James Carville and Mary Matalin's house.  Honestly, would anything be accomplished in any of the conversations at that dinner?

8.) Do my taxes with Nicholas Cage. 

Black Friday has become a Green-Eyed Monster.  Stores are vying for the consumer's attention at the expense of their employees and we are just continuing to feed the beast, and ironically, the day after we are supposed to be thankful for what we already have.  Just sayin.