Expect Nothing, Appreciate Everything.

A friend of mine and I were giving a younger girl advice about a huge, life-changing situation she is currently in. We basically said this:

1.) Have high standards for yourself and decide what you want. 

2.) Have low expectations from others.

We told her to expect absolutely nothing from the other person and just continue on and plan her life and do what she wants to do.

A month after my 20th birthday, I found out I was pregnant. I knew immediately that I would have the baby (didn't know there were two yet, that's another story in itself.) Not much time had to go on before I realized that I would more than likely be raising them alone. Without going into too much detail, I was right. Ultimately, I said to the boyfriend I now refer to as "Sperm Donor" that I expected nothing.  I told him that if he wanted to go, he could go, I would never go to court and ask for a penny, but my one stipulation was that he had to stick to it.  I wasn't going to allow a bunch of back and forth which would result in confusing and hurting the kids.   I remember the day I got my answer and I cried for a couple minutes at work, wiped my eyes and took the next customer in line.  That was that.  I was 21 years old and knew it was the smartest thing to do.  Why?  Because when people drag their feet when they don't want to do something or aren't capable of it, they screw your life up. I also felt like my kids and I deserved better than that.  He went away and it was the best thing for everyone. It was the smartest thing I ever did, trusting myself to handle everything on my own.  I trusted God, I saw my future with the kids, and I got up every day and put everything into perspective.  Some days I was angry.  I was 22.  I worked all day at a bank, went to school at night, I had to choose between studying and playing with the kids or doing laundry or cleaning the apartment.  Logan was always doing something dangerous, I was tired, and quite often, I used to wake up with all of the lights on, sitting up with a book in my lap.  It sucked, but it made me stronger and more capable for the future.

This is what I have learned over the years....

You can't force people to be good to you and you certainly can't make people give you what you want.  What's the reward anyway in successfully forcing them while they drag their feet and make you miserable?  I think that we all have the need to be loved and appreciated and we are never happy when it isn't genuine.  When a person chooses their issues or their desires over your love for them, you have to let them go.  You can't control your spouse, you can't make your friends be more conscious of your feelings, you can't make that guy love you back, you can't make someone be more loving or less moody or sober up.  So let it go and demand better for yourself, even if it will all fall on your shoulders.

Life owes you nothing.  People who help you are blessings and shouldn't be taken for granted.  People who love you are gifts and they should always be appreciated.  Have zero expectations for anyone and high standards for yourself.  Stick to your deal breakers and fight like a lion for what you want.

Expect nothing, appreciate everything...even those who fail you. They make you stronger.