What I Know About Strong-Willed Girls

Raising girls is hard.  Raising a strong-willed girl is harder.  I have a strong-willed daughter.  I always have and there is no manual.....

Lindsey at 3

Me at 3

She may be sassy

But I am just as bad, if not worse because it's a selfie. 

Lindsey didn't walk until she was 15 months old, which is very late.  She refused to.  She hated the feel of anything on her toes and would pop her legs up like a frog so you couldn't stand her up.  I knew she could walk; I knew she didn't want to.  One fall day, I was cleaning the house and when I went in her room to check on her, she was not walking, but RUNNING around the room.  I never saw her first step because she did it when no one was watching.  She decided she wanted to, so she did.  In Pre-K, the teachers tried every day to get her to do something other than paint.  I told them to give it up because you can push and push that child, but she won't do anything until she wants to.  Lindsey is a very determined, passionate child; she always has been.  When she does something, she does it full-out and I have always loved this about her.  Whether it's working on her turns or getting A's, I can say that I don't have a lot to do with her accomplishments.  I try to turn her to the right direction and she does the rest.  Raising her is a blessing, but it's also difficult because I feel like I am beating a wild horse when she doesn't want to do something.

It's hard raising a girl anyway, but especially a strong-willed girl because strong-willed girls don't tell you what's wrong without a fight.  She gets angry instead of asking for hugs.  She runs away instead of talking to you and screams at you when she is ready.  When she is insecure about herself, she beats around the bush and digs for reassurance.  I can only tell where Lindsey is most vulnerable by how much she reacts to what I have said and it's exhausting.

I both understand her and don't understand her and the fact that we are both female is making it hard to relate, even though it should be the opposite.  Then I panic.  This is my only daughter.  I think about how close we were when she was little, I think about all of the things I wanted to do with her, and I never in a million years thought we would ever bang heads...

She is awesome. 

Me, not so much.

But then I get an email from her teacher saying she got the highest test score of anyone in any of her classes.  I watch her practice ballet relentlessly on the hardwood floors until she has it down.  I watch her do something sweet for someone.  I cut my finger a few weeks ago and she rushed over and helped me.  I watched her run to get me band-aid, put it on my finger, clean up the blood and heard her ask me in a gentle voice if I was ok.  I really am so proud of her and I hope that she one day understands that 1/4th of everything I do is for her, the rest for her brothers.
  

This is a list of things that I have been trying to remember so I realize that we aren't so different....

1. I remember how far I have come. I try to remember that I have 20 years on her.  20 years of figuring out that not everything is black and white, that not everything is going to be fair, that there are times where you have to accept it and move on.  She can't understand  me completely because she has to go through it alone.  
2. That she is trying to maneuver in the the world and it's scary.  She is so confused.  She hears people she loves say one thing, she see society say another, and she is trying to formulate her own opinion without being "wrong".  She is also figuring out who she is and what she wants and who she wants to be.  Hell, I am still trying to maneuver and it's hard!
3. Somewhere in us all lives a scared little girl.  One night, about a year ago, Lindsey and I heard a noise and I had to call the police and have them look around.  She ran to my room and hid under my covers.  I thought for sure that someone was going to come up and hurt us, the noise was that loud.  I heard myself telling her to chill out, that it was ok, and inside, I was terrified.  I was frozen and I was thinking about how I was going to protect my kids.  I was still just as scared as she was, except I had even more terrible thoughts in my head about what might happen. 
4. Women naturally analyze.  Women think. All. The. Time.  My job is to tell her to give it to God and train her to be logical.  
5. We are all insecure. We all have something that we hate about ourselves and chances are, it manifested when we were younger.  
6. I would've had issues with my parents regardless of what they did. This is frustrating to me, I admit.  I feel like I have done the opposite of my parents in many ways and she still blames me and gets mad at me.  And all I have to go on to make myself feel better is that one day she will understand. 
7. Hormones are real and we are crazy.  Holy.  Crap.  I watch her sometimes when she's all hormonal and I think "My GOSH, women are absolutely insane."  Then I tell myself I have never acted that way....
8. You just want to know it'll be ok.  We want reassurance and sometimes we aren't going to tell you we need it.  When we worry, when we complain, what are we saying? I try to remember this with Lindsey instead of telling her not to be a Debbie Downer.  
9. You never fully grow up. I am still silly, and as much as she acts like she hates it, I know she secretly loves it or will one day.  
10. We want to feel secure. I keep trying to send her texts telling her how proud I am of her, that I love her, and that everything will be ok.