Don't Entertain It

Most of us are guilty of it.  We overanalyze the actions of the opposite sex.  We go to our closest guy/girl friends and say "He is doing _____ and he said _____ but I think that______, what do you think"  to get both the male and female perspective on the situation.  We drive ourselves insane trying to figure out their behavior when really, the answer is simple.  People do what they want to do and while most of the time I think it's a great idea to get advice from both sexes, I believe that there are some circumstances where it shouldn't matter whether you are going to a guy or a girl....sometimes any mammal should be acceptable counsel because the advice should be common sense.

Last week one of my girlfriends was upset about a douche bag who had said something douche baggy and did something douche baggy as a result of the douche baggy thing he had said to her.  My friend (we will refer to her as Amy in this blog) told me about it.  I basically told her that he was a douche, but this was only after months of listening and trying to fathom why he would do the things he was doing. I tried hard not to assume the guy was a douche, but instead, I tried to get inside his head. I tried, as any girlfriend would do, to come up with helpful reasons for her as to why he sucked.  I basically sugar-coated the fact that he was a jerk and didn't straight up say: he doesn't care about you enough to do anything different and if I did, it was put too nicely.   Some time last week I got a series of screenshots between Amy and one of her guy friends.  She told him the story she told me and he basically called her an idiot for caring and said that the guy sucks and doesn't care about her.  He was funnier and more eloquent, but there was one thing that really stuck with me.  He said.....

Don't entertain it.  
Pretty simple. 

I understand that at some point we tend to get confused, we don't understand, and then the kiss of death happens....we catch feelings.  Then we make excuses for the guy because we can't understand how they can be so terrible to someone who cares about them and it hurts too badly if we accept that they really are that careless with our feelings...we have to stop that.  If a guy is being unresponsive, saying one thing and doing another, etcetera, we need to strip all of the emotion out and move it along.  This is the advice that we need to be giving our girlfriends.

Why don't we?  Because it's like telling a girl she is fat.  It sucks and we don't want to hurt her.  Being a real friend though means leveling with her, no matter what.  Whether it's telling her the dress looks bad on her or that she is in love with someone who is a waste of time, we should be honest. 

We are totally capable of being emotionless with men.  Here are a few examples I thought of that recently happened....

Exhibit 1

I asked Amy what she would say to a guy if he was confused about me and my behavior.  She said she would tell him that I didn't want a boyfriend or I was not interested or I was acting like a douche bag.  And she would.  I gave her an example.  A few weeks ago, a guy friend of a guy who liked me talked to Amy.  He said "Yeah!  I think your friend Brittany really likes my friend!"  Amy laughed and point blank said "Oh really?  No she doesn't. Brittany will talk to anyone.  Doesn't mean she likes him."  And I didn't.  She wasn't trying to spare anyone's feelings and didn't sugar-coat it.  She knows how I act when I like a guy.

Exhibit 2

A few months ago I was having drinks with a guy friend.  I have known him a third of my life at least.  His girlfriend was being a bitch and acting like something off of a reality show. I told him his girlfriend was being a bitch and that if he put up with it, he would be miserable forever because she treated him like crap and seemed controlling.  I don't recall any sugar-coating.

Exhibit 3

A couple months ago I got a call from one of my guy friends saying that he needed advice.  He said his girl wouldn't commit.  I said "Ok, decide if you're willing to be patient or move on.  If you move on and she realizes what she lost, she will come around."  She did and now they are getting married.


We need to stop coddling our girlfriends and the guys they like. 

If I was behaving with one foot in and one foot out, wasn't responding to calls or texts, standing a guy up, being inconsiderate, sleeping with him but then coming up with reasons for why I couldn't fully commit, there wouldn't be any excuse for me except that I was being a douche bag and not wanting to commit. I wouldn't expect any girlfriend of mine to be like "Be patient, hang in there.  Britt is afraid of commitment.  Don't rush her or you'll lose her.  Don't text her too much or you'll scare her."  In fact, I remember when I was in high school (so does this even really count?) I really didn't want a boyfriend at all, so I did stuff that was totally douche baggy.  I didn't want the guy I maybe liked but wasn't sure I liked to go off and like anyone else but I wasn't sure about committing to the guy because I wasn't sure I wanted a boyfriend.  I didn't want to lose him so I said just enough things to keep him around.  I wouldn't really commit but kind of maybe sometimes a little bit today I might commit....and I didn't stop dancing around like that until A.) They wouldn't entertain it anymore or B.) If it was more of a headache and a pain in the ass to keep them happy than it was losing them.  I know that's terrible, but that's the truth.  And the times I wasn't acting confused, I had a boyfriend and I was miserable.  I can't imagine that grown men who act the same way are much different than I was at 16 or 18.

If a guy wants to be with you, he will be.  If a girl wants to be with you, she will be.  You can't control whether or not someone acts like a douche, but you can control how much you entertain it. 

Don't entertain it.