I was always that girl who knew she would have a lot of kids. I played with dolls constantly, I was always drawn to babies, and children always gravitated towards me. I said I wanted to do and be a lot of things when I was to grow up, but I always ended my statements with "but I have to have kids. If I can't have kids while doing those other things, then I don't want to do any of those things." Little did that little girl know that she was physically incapable of having one at a time, but anyway....
I was reading an article this morning about women who have decided not to have children; women like Cameron Diaz and Oprah and Stevie Nicks were among the list. As I was reading what they had to say about why they don't have kids, I was thinking about how annoying it must be to get asked such a personal question over and over about your reproductive plans. Actually, I do know what that's like and I can relate. I answer questions about my ovaries nearly every day of my life. I don't really care, it doesn't bother me, but what I'm saying is that I can relate. I think that as a society, we still make a lot of assumptions about what women should be doing with their lives and I can imagine that women who have decided not to have children probably put up with a lot of strange looks. They probably get a lot of judgment passed their way and I think it's unfair.
I applaud any person who recognizes their purpose, especially if it goes against the norm. Specifically, I respect people who know that having children isn't for them for whatever reason and I think it's a little bizarre that we just assume you should want to procreate. Having a child is a big deal and I think that more people should probably not do it.
Gloria Steinem said "I'm completely happy not having children. I mean, everybody does not live in the same way. Everybody with a womb doesn't have to have a child any more than everybody with vocal cords has to be an opera singer." She has a very good point. We also all have brains and have you seen how many people don't use those?
If you have decided to not have children, or it's just not your time yet, keep in mind that those of us with children don't have certain freedoms that you have and as much as we LOVE our children, there are certain things that we sometimes envy. This is my own personal list of reasons why you're awesome.....
- Solidarity is a blessing sometimes. Most mothers can't even pee without screaming at someone. Next time you're naked in the shower and bent over shaving your legs, take a second to realize that you aren't shouting and breaking up a fight amongst three kids while you're doing it. You have quiet time to ponder life's great mysteries, pray, read, do what every you want. It's a blessing to have silence...you can get closer to God that way and maybe that is what God wants for you.
- You can travel. There is only one thing I would be living for if I didn't have children. I would be traveling the world. You can't do this when you have children unless you take them with you and if you do, it's expensive. And let's not forget about the horrifying plane ride that comes along with it. No matter how good your children are on the plane, you are so stressed out keeping them that way that by the time you get where you're going, you usually decide to never do it again. I remember the day they declared martial law in the airports in 2002. I wouldn't be surprised if no one reading it remembers that day, but I sure do. I was flying alone with Logan and Lindsey who couldn't have been over 6 months old. I was at Midway and they made me take the babies out of the stroller and hold them while breaking the stroller down and putting it ON the conveyor belt. I am still traumatized.
- Your doorknobs aren't sticky. Every time I turn around, I am wiping something down. If it isn't a face, it's a doorknob.
- You can volunteer. I always want to volunteer, but when you are already pulled into so many directions, unfortunately, there isn't much left over for the world. I know that it still isn't an excuse, but it happens. Even my friends and family take a backseat. If I didn't have children, I would probably be a better citizen in some ways.
- You can continue your education. I started and finished undergrad with two kids. It probably would've been easier had I been flying solo. If I didn't have kids, I would always be in school.
- Your car can stay clean if you want it to. It's such a struggle to keep my car clean. I get it detailed and a week later it looks like a perfect place for rats to live. I have a tote for which to carry everyone's crap, I try telling the kids to get their stuff out every time, I tell them they aren't allowed to eat in my car anymore (that's hilarious)....nothing works.
- You can sleep. Even when I sleep, I don't sleep. That's typical for a parent, well, it is for a mother. Sorry, dads. I say with conviction that you don't seem to hear anything. In fact, mothers are often envious of your ability to sleep through tornadoes and our babies crying. If you want to prove me wrong, dads, go ahead and your wife no doubt will laugh.
- You can do what you want and not feel guilt. None of us should feel guilty for working or sitting or working out or reading or not doing laundry or whatever....unfortunately, parents tend to do a lot of self-loathing. I work, I feel guilty that I am not spending time with my kids. If I rest, I feel guilt for not cleaning my car and so on. And when your kids are able to talk, they remind you of your shortcomings. Have a teenage daughter and you will find out how much you suck at everything you do.
- You don't have to watch everything you say. I remember when Logan started singing "Ha ha ha ha, we love deeez ho's" when he was three and I realized that I had them too young and that I was probably going to have to watch what I listened to.
- You can pursue whatever you want. The world is your oyster. You can do whatever you want whenever you want.
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