8 Things I Would Rather Do Than Shop On Black Friday

I order everything online anyway but if I had to choose 8 things I would rather do......

1.) Listen to Gilbert Gottfried and Fran Drescher have sex.

2.) Choose a new insurance plan.  This is the absolute worst thing about being an adult.  They bore you and confuse you into submission.  By the time I get to the end of the spiel, I am like "Whatever."

3.) Eat the Old 96'er, including the gristle.  Oh Sweet Jesus. 

4.) Re-grout the tile in my bathroom. 

5.) Have my yearly papsmear performed by Bill Clinton.  Let that soak in for a minute.  How gross would that be?

6.) Listen to The Macarena on repeat all day. 

7.) Attend a dinner at James Carville and Mary Matalin's house.  Honestly, would anything be accomplished in any of the conversations at that dinner?

8.) Do my taxes with Nicholas Cage. 

Black Friday has become a Green-Eyed Monster.  Stores are vying for the consumer's attention at the expense of their employees and we are just continuing to feed the beast, and ironically, the day after we are supposed to be thankful for what we already have.  Just sayin.

Why Journalists Should Be Ashamed, Especially New York Magazine

I was complaining to my friend, Lauren, a few weeks ago about how ridiculous the field of journalism has become.  What was supposed to be an important role in society filled with honest and courageous people has become for the most part, slimy.  I have wanted to be a reporter since I was a child and I eventually got my degree in journalism.  I was in my second year of college when I began to realize that I wasn’t going to make a difference like I thought I would.  The stories are no longer armed with integrity because reporters are too busy creating hype and instigating emotions for ratings. 

This is of course, nothing new, but recent events have made me want to write about it.

Les Brownlee was my professor in my first journalism class at Columbia.  He was the first black on-air news reporter in the '60s in Chicago and interviewed Dr. Martin Luther King during the Civil Right’s Movement. He was 89 years old at the time he was teaching my class and I remember him expressing concerns about where the industry was headed.  He had a passion for the truth and believed that it is an honor to report the news.  He believed that journalism was a respected position and that they had a duty to report the truth, no matter what the price may be.  He also believed that journalists were necessary for our country to run efficiently.  I remember the first two years of college pretty much being this: my opinions and voice were intentionally beat out of me because they have no business being on paper.  If I turned in anything with a slant, if you could hear my opinion or my voice in my writing, my paper came back in red. My professors did not mess around and so it just boggles my mind that journalists editorialize pieces that are not in any way supposed to be editorialized.  Journalists are telling people how to think and that is wrong.  

Reporters are supposed to report the facts and tell us what, where, when, why and how.  They are supposed to be unbiased, they are supposed to investigate and they are not supposed to speculate.  Sadly, the hype and the drama and talking heads have taken over what was once meant to be the fourth estate.  Journalists were supposed to be a final check and balance for the people and it simply isn’t that anymore.  Rushing to report the “facts” first has created utter chaos and has compromised the system.

I work in the legal field now and my job isn’t far off from what I would have been doing as a journalist.  When you spend your days analyzing documents and piecing facts together, you learn that in the end, evidence is all you really have to tell a story and if you are diligent and choose logic over emotion and if you truly care, you will do the work to find the truth.  There have been situations at work when I have been leaning one way about a plaintiff or defendant and by the time I have all of the documents and I have read everything, I have completely changed my mind.  Something is only logical when the pieces fit together and you can’t logically disregard the ones that don’t fit just because it doesn't line up with what you want it to.  We are all supposed to be using our brains and analyzing.  You do this by fact checking, you don’t trust people and when something doesn’t make sense, you figure out why.  You NEVER make bold statements until you have everything in front of you.  The legal system is there for a reason and quite honestly, I am sick and tired of the media disregarding the legal process. 

Were any of us in the room when Bill Cosby “raped” or “drugged” a woman?  Have any of us taken depositions and read court transcripts?  No.  We haven’t gotten all of the facts yet because it hasn’t even gotten that far.  People are coming out of the woodwork accusing this man and he hasn’t even had his day in court.  We are not supposed to vilify anyone and the media should know that they need to be very careful when choosing their sources and should avoid creating a circus. 

But that isn’t what keeps our attention, right?  We care more about drama and dirt than we do the facts.  

Below is a screenshot of something New York Magazine posted a couple of days ago.  They are reporting that the man who pushed another man onto a train track claims he doesn’t remember doing it.  They write “How convenient”.  Below is my response.  They deleted it.  I reposted it because I was shocked that a "credible" news source would do something like that because I disagreed with them. It wouldn't post because they blocked me from being allowed to comment.  This is sick:

I am nauseated when I think about what the media has become.   We have to be more diligent on our own and reject the hype and demand the facts and nothing else.  We have to hold off on making assumptions and instead, use our critical thinking skills and wait patiently for the truth. 

And New York Magazine, you should be ashamed of yourself.  

12 Reasons Winter Sucks

• Shaving is done in vain.  Nothing more awesome than shaving your legs, getting out of your nice warm shower and freezing your ass off to the point of goosebumps.  Nice.  I really wanted little spiky baby hairs all day.  That's the real reason I shaved. 
• THIS:

• Pedicures. You get a pretty pedicure and then you cover them up and mess your polish up with your stupid shoes. 
• You have to run the heat.  This results in a chronic sore throat. 
• Snow is cold.  I don't think I need another reason for this sucking. 
• You have to warm up your car. I don't have time for this.  Plus, I usually forget to do it and then I have to sit and shiver and wait for the frost to melt.  I am usually the driver driving around with snow and ice still on her windshield.  
• There's more laundry. Not only are the clothes fluffier, which results in more loads, but there are more because everyone has to wear 10 shirts to stay warm. 
• It takes 15 minutes longer to dress children. Plus, mine don't like sleeves and fluffy clothes.  Dylan used to throw fits about putting his coat on.  
• You suffer from sweats in the car, so you take your coat off only to realize that then you're freezing again.  No, this isn't uncomfortable or shocking to your body at all!
• Colds and Viruses. Suck.  SUCK!!!
• Muscles ache from crunching your body into a ball. I try not to crunch into a ball and squeeze my shoulders, but it's a reflex.  It's called freezing your ass off!
• You go for a run and your appendages are frozen but your insides are 900 degrees. Then when you come inside, it takes an hour for your fingers to melt. FUN!
• Most fabrics that keep you warm are itchy as hell.  
• You get pasty and sickly looking.  Ok, so this one isn't for me because I look like Powder all year round. 

10 Things I Wonder If God Regrets

1.) T-Rex. I have a theory that God laughed hysterically after this one. He's the Dino version of a jacked up guy at the gym with a tiny penis. I wonder if God ever made him try to clap.

2.) Sex drive peaks. This is something that makes no sense to me. I mean, no wonder Cougars exist and no wonder it's so damn difficult to stay married. A man is in his sexual prime between his teen and twenties and a woman is in hers in her thirties. This makes no sense to me.

3.) Lucifer. I have to wonder how much he regrets creating this angel, right?  I mean, what a troublemaker.

4.) Seeds in grapes.  Unlike other fruits with seeds, there is no way to eat these, right?

5.) Pubic hair. In no way at all do I understand pubic hair. Eyelashes and eyebrows, I get.  The only STD that pubic hair is catching is crabs and no one wants that. Pubic hair is unsanitary if anything.

6.) This: 

7.) And this:

This is called the Blobfish

8.) And this: 

Most. Disgusting. Thing. EVER!

9.) Nickelback.  Enough said. 

10.) Wrinkles.  We already have to die. Isn't that enough? 

10 Reasons Parents are Jealous of People Without Kids

I was always that girl who knew she would have a lot of kids.  I played with dolls constantly, I was always drawn to babies, and children always gravitated towards me.  I said I wanted to do and be a lot of things when I was to grow up, but I always ended my statements with "but I have to have kids.  If I can't have kids while doing those other things, then I don't want to do any of those things." Little did that little girl know that she was physically incapable of having one at a time, but anyway....

I was reading an article this morning about women who have decided not to have children; women like Cameron Diaz and Oprah and Stevie Nicks were among the list.  As I was reading what they had to say about why they don't have kids,  I was thinking about how annoying it must be to get asked such a personal question over and over about your reproductive plans.  Actually, I do know what that's like and I can relate.  I answer questions about my ovaries nearly every day of my life.  I don't really care, it doesn't bother me, but what I'm saying is that I can relate. I think that as a society, we still make a lot of assumptions about what women should be doing with their lives and I can imagine that women who have decided not to have children probably put up with a lot of strange looks.  They probably get a lot of judgment passed their way and I think it's unfair.  

I applaud any person who recognizes their purpose, especially if it goes against the norm.  Specifically, I respect people who know that having children isn't for them for whatever reason and I think it's a little bizarre that we just assume you should want to procreate.  Having a child is a big deal and I think that more people should probably not do it. 

Gloria Steinem said "I'm completely happy not having children.  I mean, everybody does not live in the same way.  Everybody with a womb doesn't have to have a child any more than everybody with vocal cords has to be an opera singer."  She has a very good point.  We also all have brains and have you seen how many people don't use those?  

If you have decided to not have children, or it's just not your time yet, keep in mind that those of us with children don't have certain freedoms that you have and as much as we LOVE our children, there are certain things that we sometimes envy. This is my own personal list of reasons why you're awesome.....

1. Solidarity is a blessing sometimes.  Most mothers can't even pee without screaming at someone.  Next time you're naked in the shower and bent over shaving your legs, take a second to realize that you aren't shouting and breaking up a fight amongst three kids while you're doing it.  You have quiet time to ponder life's great mysteries, pray,  read, do what every you want.  It's a blessing to  have silence...you can get closer to God that way and maybe that is what God wants for you. 
2. You can travel. There is only one thing I would be living for if I didn't have children. I would be traveling the world.  You can't do this when you have children unless you take them with you and if you do, it's expensive.  And let's not forget about the horrifying plane ride that comes along with it.  No matter how good your children are on the plane, you are so stressed out keeping them that way that by the time you get where you're going, you usually decide to never do it again.  I remember the day they declared martial law in the airports in 2002.  I wouldn't be surprised if no one reading it remembers that day, but I sure do.  I was flying alone with Logan and Lindsey who couldn't have been over 6 months old.  I was at Midway and they made me take the babies out of the stroller and hold them while breaking the stroller down and putting it ON the conveyor belt.  I am still traumatized. 
3. Your doorknobs aren't sticky. Every time I turn around, I am wiping something down.  If it isn't a face, it's a doorknob.  
4. You can volunteer.  I always want to volunteer, but when you are already pulled into so many directions, unfortunately, there isn't much left over for the world.  I know that it still isn't an excuse, but it happens.  Even my friends and family take a backseat.  If I didn't have children, I would probably be a better citizen in some ways.  
5. You can continue your education. I started and finished undergrad with two kids.  It probably would've been easier had I been flying solo.  If I didn't have kids, I would always be in school.  
6. Your car can stay clean if you want it to. It's such a struggle to keep my car clean.  I get it detailed and a week later it looks like a perfect place for rats to live.  I have a tote for which to carry everyone's crap, I try telling the kids to get their stuff out every time, I tell them they aren't allowed to eat in my car anymore (that's hilarious)....nothing works.  
7. You can sleep. Even when I sleep, I don't sleep.  That's typical for a parent, well, it is for a mother.  Sorry, dads.  I say with conviction that you don't seem to hear anything.  In fact, mothers are often envious of your ability to sleep through tornadoes and our babies crying.  If you want to prove me wrong, dads, go ahead and your wife no doubt will laugh. 
8. You can do what you want and not feel guilt. None of us should feel guilty for working or sitting or working out or reading or not doing laundry or whatever....unfortunately, parents tend to do a lot of self-loathing. I work, I feel guilty that I am not spending time with my kids.  If I rest, I feel guilt for not cleaning my car and so on.  And when your kids are able to talk, they remind you of your shortcomings.  Have a teenage daughter and you will find out how much you suck at everything you do.  
9. You don't have to watch everything you say. I remember when Logan started singing "Ha ha ha ha, we love deeez ho's" when he was three and I realized that I had them too young and that I was probably going to have to watch what I listened to.  
10. You can pursue whatever you want. The world is your oyster.  You can do whatever you want whenever you want.  

Don't Entertain It

Most of us are guilty of it.  We overanalyze the actions of the opposite sex.  We go to our closest guy/girl friends and say "He is doing _____ and he said _____ but I think that______, what do you think"  to get both the male and female perspective on the situation.  We drive ourselves insane trying to figure out their behavior when really, the answer is simple.  People do what they want to do and while most of the time I think it's a great idea to get advice from both sexes, I believe that there are some circumstances where it shouldn't matter whether you are going to a guy or a girl....sometimes any mammal should be acceptable counsel because the advice should be common sense.

Last week one of my girlfriends was upset about a douche bag who had said something douche baggy and did something douche baggy as a result of the douche baggy thing he had said to her.  My friend (we will refer to her as Amy in this blog) told me about it.  I basically told her that he was a douche, but this was only after months of listening and trying to fathom why he would do the things he was doing. I tried hard not to assume the guy was a douche, but instead, I tried to get inside his head. I tried, as any girlfriend would do, to come up with helpful reasons for her as to why he sucked.  I basically sugar-coated the fact that he was a jerk and didn't straight up say: he doesn't care about you enough to do anything different and if I did, it was put too nicely.   Some time last week I got a series of screenshots between Amy and one of her guy friends.  She told him the story she told me and he basically called her an idiot for caring and said that the guy sucks and doesn't care about her.  He was funnier and more eloquent, but there was one thing that really stuck with me.  He said.....

Don't entertain it.  
Pretty simple. 

I understand that at some point we tend to get confused, we don't understand, and then the kiss of death happens....we catch feelings.  Then we make excuses for the guy because we can't understand how they can be so terrible to someone who cares about them and it hurts too badly if we accept that they really are that careless with our feelings...we have to stop that.  If a guy is being unresponsive, saying one thing and doing another, etcetera, we need to strip all of the emotion out and move it along.  This is the advice that we need to be giving our girlfriends.

Why don't we?  Because it's like telling a girl she is fat.  It sucks and we don't want to hurt her.  Being a real friend though means leveling with her, no matter what.  Whether it's telling her the dress looks bad on her or that she is in love with someone who is a waste of time, we should be honest. 

We are totally capable of being emotionless with men.  Here are a few examples I thought of that recently happened....

Exhibit 1

I asked Amy what she would say to a guy if he was confused about me and my behavior.  She said she would tell him that I didn't want a boyfriend or I was not interested or I was acting like a douche bag.  And she would.  I gave her an example.  A few weeks ago, a guy friend of a guy who liked me talked to Amy.  He said "Yeah!  I think your friend Brittany really likes my friend!"  Amy laughed and point blank said "Oh really?  No she doesn't. Brittany will talk to anyone.  Doesn't mean she likes him."  And I didn't.  She wasn't trying to spare anyone's feelings and didn't sugar-coat it.  She knows how I act when I like a guy.

Exhibit 2

A few months ago I was having drinks with a guy friend.  I have known him a third of my life at least.  His girlfriend was being a bitch and acting like something off of a reality show. I told him his girlfriend was being a bitch and that if he put up with it, he would be miserable forever because she treated him like crap and seemed controlling.  I don't recall any sugar-coating.

Exhibit 3

A couple months ago I got a call from one of my guy friends saying that he needed advice.  He said his girl wouldn't commit.  I said "Ok, decide if you're willing to be patient or move on.  If you move on and she realizes what she lost, she will come around."  She did and now they are getting married.


We need to stop coddling our girlfriends and the guys they like. 

If I was behaving with one foot in and one foot out, wasn't responding to calls or texts, standing a guy up, being inconsiderate, sleeping with him but then coming up with reasons for why I couldn't fully commit, there wouldn't be any excuse for me except that I was being a douche bag and not wanting to commit. I wouldn't expect any girlfriend of mine to be like "Be patient, hang in there.  Britt is afraid of commitment.  Don't rush her or you'll lose her.  Don't text her too much or you'll scare her."  In fact, I remember when I was in high school (so does this even really count?) I really didn't want a boyfriend at all, so I did stuff that was totally douche baggy.  I didn't want the guy I maybe liked but wasn't sure I liked to go off and like anyone else but I wasn't sure about committing to the guy because I wasn't sure I wanted a boyfriend.  I didn't want to lose him so I said just enough things to keep him around.  I wouldn't really commit but kind of maybe sometimes a little bit today I might commit....and I didn't stop dancing around like that until A.) They wouldn't entertain it anymore or B.) If it was more of a headache and a pain in the ass to keep them happy than it was losing them.  I know that's terrible, but that's the truth.  And the times I wasn't acting confused, I had a boyfriend and I was miserable.  I can't imagine that grown men who act the same way are much different than I was at 16 or 18.

If a guy wants to be with you, he will be.  If a girl wants to be with you, she will be.  You can't control whether or not someone acts like a douche, but you can control how much you entertain it. 

Don't entertain it. 

7 Reasons Why Women Shouldn't Man-Bash

I made a joke about men being varying degrees of a**hole the other day and while it was really funny (I can't help that I am like a clown and I am here to amuse you...if you don't know that reference, we aren't friends anymore) it dawned on me that the joke could've come across a little cynical, especially given that a lot of women actually do believe what I said.

I've never been a male basher because I like men as a species too much.  Men are awesome, that's why I have so many male friends.  I love my dad and my stepdad and my brother and there are men who have never let me down.  But there are women who haven't had good experiences across the board and I can see how from their perspective, men suck.  Women watch their single friends date, date a little themselves, get married and divorced and then they slowly start believing that once you sleep with a man or commit to a man, he will magically turn into an idiot.  I can't lie, in the last couple years, I have begun to wonder if men share more characteristics of suckery than I had originally thought,  but here's why it's important not to think like this and male bash.....

1. Even Hillary Clinton didn't man bash. If I were a man, I would be afraid to cheat on Hillary in fears that my testicles would be removed in my sleep.  She was humiliated in front of the whole world and she still didn't walk around saying that "All men of the world must be removed from the planet because they're all cheaters".  If Hillary Clinton can isolate one idiot from an entire species, then we can. She may not be able to separate the fact that he was a president but....

2. Man bashing is illogical. Staying away from generalizations when talking about people is always a good idea and nothing shouts fallacy more than "all men" or "all women" or "all Muslims".  It's a bad idea and it makes you appear to be ignorant.  Maybe all men you date suck because you have a pattern, a type, and you have your own issues.  You have to consider the nice guys who you have never let in or given a chance and then you'll realize that the problem isn't them. 

3. I have sons. How can we say things about men without saying something about my three sons?  We can't, and I don't think it's healthy for boys to hear male bashing.  My boys aren't lazy, they aren't jerks, and it's my responsibility to keep it that way. (And their father's.)  I am teaching them already to respect women by loving them the way that I do and if you turn your back on a nice guy, it's your loss, not my sons'.  I am already telling my boys what a woman is while I teach them what a man looks like, so we have to remember what that looks like. 

4. If we want double standards and sexism to end, we have to stop bashing.  I just read the most ridiculous click-bait in New York Magazine yesterday.  The "journalist" was accusing Mark Zuckerberg of being sexist because he said he wears grey t-shirts to work and says he doesn't have to worry about what he looks like.  Seriously, that's all it said.  I can't get that 45 seconds back from my life, so I am kind of pissed about that.  Anyway, let's just all quit with the double standards, the generalizations, the stupid arguments and finger pointing and just start treating everyone with respect, man or woman. 

5. We just give men an excuse. If we make a generalization that all men are a**holes, then whenever they do something wrong, they can just say "I'm a guy, sorry, that's why I am an a**hole.  Didn't you know we do stuff like that?"  Well that's unacceptable.  If I went around being a player and screwing with guys heads and lying, I would get called a tease or a whore.  That behavior isn't working for us the same way because the excuse hasn't caught on.  Let's stop giving them an excuse to be idiots by not calling them idiots for having penises. 

6. It's our choice in the end.  No one made me go out with the men I picked.  No one dragged me down the aisle, nor did anyone make me stay with any guy when I wasn't happy or being treated fairly.  Don't engage with someone who isn't treating you the way you want to be treated.  He didn't commit?  You still participated.  He cheated?  Well, there's the door and on the other side are men who wouldn't make the same mistakes with you.  We are entertaining it when we put up with it.  We have the freedom to leave, to date someone, to have sex, not have sex, not get married, get married, become a lesbian, be alone.....We aren't like some of the women around world being stoned to death.  You want to meet a real prick?  Go live in another country.  We have to be able to say "this sucks and it isn't what I want" and move on and accept some of the responsibility. 

7. It's not a good look. Whenever a man says "women lie", I always think "Well, you're someone I won't give my time..."  This isn't because he is a man but because he is a badly burned man.  His baggage isn't hidden in the trunk of his car, it's on his lap in front of me and I know I don't really feel like carrying Sarah and Nikki and Megan's crap that he's carrying around.  No thanks.  Women don't look any different when they are truly cynical and nice guys can spot it a mile away.  The jerks know you have it and they have no problem throwing another piece of luggage on your lap full of baggage.

The Right to be Stupid

The future of the Internet is in dispute, as you may have heard. Federal Communications Commission Chairman Tom Wheeler and staff are working towards a policy that would give agency regulatory authority over how Internet traffic flows between Internet service companies and content.  President Obama is in support of net neutrality and against a proposal that would let companies buy modes to deliver content more quickly to their consumers. Basically it's the difference of treating the Internet like a utility or cable.  The important thing to know is that it's important and any time you ask yourself "How did this come to be" in regards to any medium, give yourself a history lesson about what went down between the government and the F.C.C. because it changes everything and therefore, this debate is a huge deal. 

Do I think that people know that or care?  I sure hope so, but I'm not sure.  Why?  Well, that brings me to my point. 

I believe that the Internet should be free in every sense of the word.  It should be a free market and it should be free of censorship.  Why?  Because it's our right and it is a slippery slope when you give anyone the power to govern your mind.  However, I must say, no matter how free I believe we should be to educate ourselves....we could use some practice. 

Whenever you are seeking information of any kind (books, television, the Internet) ideally, you should ask yourself two things:

 1.Is this making me a smarter person?

 2.Is this making me a better person?

Now you're free to make yourself dumber and less moral.  Your right to choose stupidity allows for my right to learn freely without governmental control, so I support you in your decision.  But I will tell you, you are only doing a disservice to yourself and your society by not caring about the quality of the content you're ingesting. 

How many people know what's going on in the world?  How many people have this free Internet and use it to look up statistics on political speeches or domestic violence rather than You Tube videos of cats flushing toilets or something equally as stupid?

There are a lot of things going on in the world that I feel hopeless about. I feel like no matter what I do, politics will suck and children will starve. Because I feel hopeless, I absolve myself for a while. I try to bury my head in the sand in my own life and not talk about my opinions with anyone else about things that actually matter. I worry about my own schedule, I work more hours, I read a book, and avoid the news....but something always haunts me. Instead of removing myself from the problem, I become part of the problem. I went to school for journalism and the news makes me sick; this makes me ill.  What makes me the most ill though is the amount of garbage that people care about instead. 

So then I care again.

I get it.  We are on overload and sometimes we just want to be left the hell alone and go into a hole where we are free to be a dumbass. We are bombarded with shitty information and crappy tabloid entertainment, so much of it that we can't decipher from the truth, trash, and propaganda. We feel hopeless.  We can't decide which issue to care about the most and so some of us choose to care about nothing, but this isn't ok and that's what some people in power are counting on.  Society has been dumbed down and we have allowed it and while I realize that I say nothing new in this post, I do say it again because it's depressing. As long as people give a crap what the Kardashians wore to last week's stupid pointless event but they can't tell you who is running for president, there is a problem and I feel like moving to another planet.  As long as people don't know that their Internet experience could be changing because of a policy they don't know about, well what the hell are we fighting for?  The freedom to watch cats flushing toilets may be a freedom, but my gosh it's depressing.  We really are better than that. 

Shouldn't we be concerned that watching some of this stuff takes zero brain power? The fact that you can sit and eat marshmallows while not blinking or moving with your mouth hanging open and still understand what's going on during a show....isn't that kind of disturbing? You should be engaged, no matter what you do and the fact that people have become engaged with something that would bore a chimp to death makes me feel very alone. Tabloids aren't entertainment, they're trash and a waste of time. Crappy reality TV.....you may as well go put on a dunce hat and sit in a corner with your thumb up your ass because you'd accomplish more. And to be honest, I really don't care who Taylor Swift might be talking about in her 53rd  breakup song, especially coming from a reporter who is supposed to be delivering the news.

I'm not even going as far as to say that I wish everyone would read the news every day and read a book rather than watch TV....but can't we just reject the absolute junk? What if every American decided that we are smarter and more capable than what they're telling us we are? Imagine a country where Honey Boo Boo isn't entertainment and following politics is. Or imagine a country where everyone knew how to read. Imagine a time where seeing a dysfunctional family on a reality show wasn't looked at as entertainment, but instead, sad. The fact that people are given attention for either having done nothing of importance or for doing something abhorrent has made me sick for years. I honestly don't want to damage another generation and I fear that it will get worse. 

My point of writing this isn't to be mean.  It's actually to say that we aren't meeting our potential. We as human beings and Americans are connected on a higher level. Our sense of community needs to be stronger and we need to understand that the big picture does directly have an effect on us and all of your seemingly tiny actions influence the big picture. Our country is in fact connected to the rest of the world. What we put in our minds and what we choose to do with our time DOES matter, every day. We are better than what we are choosing to do with our time. Critical thinking skills are important and we are failing to teach this to our children when we fail to use our own. Challenge your brain. If it's hard, go with that. Be engaged and lively. Choose to learn that new language. Read something inspiring that will change the way we live our lives and that will make us want to be a better person. Pick up a new hobby. We can choose the more intelligent but we have to say no to the garbage.

We have the freedom to be stupid and those who care about your right will protect it.  But what a waste.....

 

 

 

 

When Excuses Aren't Really Excuses

Me and my fish, Sushi

The reason I decided to write about children and excuses is because of the link below and I hope the correlation translates.  This article is interesting to me on so many levels.  The article says that people who are ADHD are novelty-seeking, their reward circuits are dulled, and that many people with ADHD grow out of it.  I have often said that I have learned to manage my ADD without medication and sometimes I feel like I have grown out of it....that is, until I am doing something that I really hate or I get too overwhelmed.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/02/opinion/sunday/a-natural-fix-for-adhd.html?_r=

Sometimes excuses really aren't excuses....

I always hated when authority figures said "stop making excuses" to me whenever I was explaining my side of something when I was a kid. In my mind, if I had a reason for not wanting to do something or for not having done it, etc, it was just that....a reason, not an excuse.

I think there were two problems: 

 1. I believed I was participating in more of a democracy than a dictatorship.

 2. I really did not understand why I wasn't allowed to have a reason for doing something or not doing something because it seemed only logical that any result required an action of some kind first.  Why and how would that immediately become an excuse?  Just because I was a kid and I wasn't allowed to think and have an opinion?

An excuse implies that you're not sorry, that you're trying to get out of something, and that you respect someone's authority only as far as they can be manipulated. The truth is, it used to aggravate me when my parents and teachers called my reasons "excuses" because what I was attempting to do was to tell them why I had failed to give a shit, not give them an excuse. I know it sounds funny, but to me, there was a distinct difference....I actually cared that I hadn't given a shit.  I was trying to tell them that my screw-up had either been well thought out or completely accidental, but either way, I wasn't sure why I did what I did.  I thought they wanted to understand where I was coming from because I'd assumed they cared about me, but most of all, deep down I was hoping they could shed some light about why I either didn't care about what they thought I should care about or why I'd screwed up.  I felt like such a bad kid by the time I was in middle school. I wanted to be good in school and I wanted to know what my problem was and why I was bored and couldn't just shut up and do what I was supposed to do.  When authority figures continued saying "stop with the excuses", I only felt like more of a failure.  Eventually I just shut up and didn't bother explaining why I felt like a loser. By high school, I coasted by and only exceeded in classes I liked and I just thought I was stupid and lazy the rest of the time. The authority in my life got so angry with me because they thought I could do anything, if I would just set my mind to it....I thought "Great.  How?" 

Now, of course, I understand what the problem was...I couldn't set my mind to anything that didn't completely consume or stimulate me.   I got into trouble for talking and goofing off every day of my life and I absolutely couldn't stay still. I either hyperfocused on something I loved or I completely checked out. I liked to work independently and didn't want someone telling me what to read and what to do and if they did, I felt like it was a drag. I liked having choices.  I hated sitting for long amounts of time at someone else's mercy. I loved anything creative, I was curious, and I loved to read and write and research and work on reports (but only on topics I was curious about, of course.)  I hated math. I didn't understand it, and it turns out that I was right all along....I don't need it.  Why would I go into a career that required math if I hated it to begin with?  I know it sounds like I was an ass, but I hated when I didn't care about something.  I tried to care, but the reward for doing something I didn't like just didn't end up winning.

I grew (mostly) out of this, but these characteristics are still pretty defining in my personality. I learned what fits me and I'm finally in the perfect position and at the most perfect place I could imagine for my skills and interests.  I have a great boss who believes in me and sees my abilities and even has a sense of humor regarding my tendency to be an ass.  He recognizes when I need to be challenged even before I do. I'm given direction, I'm not made to feel stupid when I ask a question, and I'm pushed to my potential....potential that I can't even see most of the time and never have. I am guided but not micromanaged and I'm trusted and not treated like a child. I'm given the freedom to analyze and do what I love.

My point of writing about this is:

Pay attention to these kids who seem to flippantly disregard you. Not every child learns the same way and these kids often feel bad about themselves eventually. They may feel frustrated inside and they can't tell you, but they may be trying. An excuse is bullcrap to shut someone up, but a reason could very well be a conversation starter. Sometimes kids can look disrespectful and rude, but sometimes they are inadvertently needing something from you and don't know how to ask you for it. 

Election Day Growing Pains

I just left the polls hoping I made the right decisions, you know, because there are SO many options and decisions to make!!  I have been researching the candidates and issues since last night and I still found myself crinkling my nose and taking my time once I got to the booth and cast my ballot.  While I was walking to my car, I remembered a younger version of myself and a story that I thought I would share because I find it hilarious.

Mom and Greg, you will laugh......

I remember the first time I was allowed to vote.  It was the '00 election and I voted for Bush because he seemed like an honest guy and I liked his wife.  I was also pretty much raised Republican by my dad.  Well, fast forward to 2002 (I think that's about right),  I was going to school in Chicago.  I was in my first year of journalism school and we left class to take notes and write a story on the protests that were going on downtown.  They were of course, protesting the invasion of Iraq.  For you young ones, this is when "Freedom Fries" came about.  Maybe you remember that?

Anyway, I remember debating my mom and stepdad about the war for days.  Keep in mind, I was 10 years old in 1990 and I had just turned 21 when 9/11 happened.  All I knew about scandal was Monica Lewinsky and that Ronald Reagan had at one time been an actor.  I just thought we were a superpower because we were awesome.  I had no idea who Osama bin Laden was and I was SHOCKED that someone hated Americans.  I was clueless and spoiled.  So naturally when 9/11 happened, I wanted to defend the country at any cost.  My mom and stepdad weren't against protecting our country, but they wanted more information.  I remember being irritated that they were so cynical.  So during one of our debates, I remember saying one of the DUMBEST things I have ever said.  (And this has nothing to do with Bush, it was just a really stupid thing to say.)

I said "You grew up during Vietnam!  Your government lied to you!  Mine hasn't lied to me yet, so until they do, I am trusting them!  Back off!  I support the war!"  Then I graduated with a degree in journalism and experienced life and learned one important thing....

Follow the money.  There's your answer.

And I was finally a grown up.

Death With Dignity

I was having a hard time sleeping last night, so I got on Facebook.  I saw the news that Brittany Maynard had passed away and then I couldn't sleep at all.  I was up analyzing how I felt about her decision because that's what I seem to do every moment of my life...I analyze. I wondered what I would do if I were in that situation.  I am very careful about having opinions when I haven't been in a situation and I am not judgmental...this is just my nature.  However, I understand that some people are really against what she did and are concerned about the morality of the decision she made and the Death with Dignity law in Oregon. I get it, but I have to say that I disagree with them. This is one situation that I feel people need to be sensitive to and I think that they really need to put themselves in her shoes before having a strong opinion. 

Brittany Maynard's situation is one that I have never been in.  I know nothing about finding out that I am terminally ill and the shock that she must have felt.  I know nothing about having to reflect on everything I have ever done or said and knowing that I only have a certain amount of time in which to do it.  I don't know how it must feel to have to put into words just how much I have loved everyone and everything in my life, or even if it is possible. I know nothing about the feelings I would have if I found out that my life was only going to amount to 29 years no matter how hard I fought and I don't know about all of the thoughts and feelings that would presumably follow. I know nothing about realizing I will never have children, that the vows I took with my new husband at the alter would end up being shorter than we had both bargained for, and I know nothing about having to watch my parents' hearts break from knowing they would outlive me.  I don't know how much strength it would take to let go and be graceful and accept a fate that I didn't want.  I know nothing about any of this....

I also don't know what the pain is like when you have cancer.  When I woke up this morning, I texted two of my friends and told them that I wanted to write something about her but I wasn't sure if I was allowed to have an opinion yet because I hadn't been through what they had been through.  They both watched their mothers die from cancer.  They watched them wither away to nothing until they watched the life literally leave their bodies.  One of my friends said it was like something out of a horror movie and the other said he would never wish seeing that on his worst enemy.  I was told that it isn't like in the movies and there is nothing peaceful about it.  One of my friends asks how we can put animals to sleep to spare them from pain but we can't let a human being do the same. So in regards to Maynard, why can't a woman who appreciated her life enough to respect the fate of her death choose to go in peace?  Most disturbingly, both of my friends watched their mothers die in horror and they both thought "How could there be a God?"  I personally wouldn't want my family members to have to watch that or go through that, and quite frankly, I wouldn't want them to remember me like that.  I certainly don't want their last memory of me to stir up feelings that are so horrible that they question whether or not God exists.  That's just me. 

I understand why this issue is controversial because life is a precious thing.  Life is a gift from God.  But I think it's important for the people who are against what she did to understand that she didn't do what she did because she disrespected her life, in fact, I believe it was just the opposite.  We also don't know what peace she had made with God beforehand.  We know nothing about it if we haven't been through it.  This seemed to be a girl who was adventurous, who seemed to live life to the fullest, and in my opinion because of what she did, seemed to respect what life is....beautiful.  To make a decision like this, you would have to have appreciated your vibrant nature, you would have to have appreciated the footprints you've made in your life, and you would have to be caring enough to let go gracefully so your family doesn't have to remember horrific things.  She spent the last days of her life advocating for those who did know what it was like to face these things and I respect her for that.  She had a spirit that every single one of us should be striving for and I find her incredibly courageous. 

She left with dignity. 

Halloween Pics

I am so exhausted from Halloween.  Even yesterday, I was still worthless from the night before and the kids were on sugar highs all day.

Around 3:00, Dylan flew off the couch like Superman and landed on the floor without even one arm to help him, and when I say that he face planted, I mean face planted.  It was the worst I have ever seen.  I expected to pick him up and find that he no longer had teeth.  I am totally on board with the Superhero thing but not if he's going to act crazy.  I think he may have learned his lesson....for a day.  The absolute worst part about what happened, once I realized that Dylan was ok, is that I thought Carson had kicked him, which is actually totally out of character.  Carson had been playing Wii and Dylan was annoying him and sitting on his lap and just trying to aggravate him.  I told Dylan to stop sitting on Carson and next thing I saw (I was sitting across the couch) was Dylan flying off the couch and landing on his face.  So I run over to Dylan and check his face, then I picked Carson off the couch and forced him to look at Dylan and I said "Why did you kick him?  Look at what you did and say you're sorry!"  Carson sat there while I yelled at him.  Tears filled his eyes and he softly shook his head and could barely get out "I didn't do it, mama, I didn't kick him."  Lindsey said "Mom, he jumped."  So then my heart broke and I scooped Carson up and started kissing and hugging him and apologized for scaring him and yelling at him for no reason.  After Dylan had ice, I took Carson to the kitchen and said "Here's your bucket of candy.  Mama is sorry.  Eat as much as you want."  He forgave me.  There is NOTHING worse than breaking your child's heart.  I'm so used to breaking up fights, I never thought Dylan would've voluntarily jumped like that.

I had a Superman (duh), Old School Batman, and Black Swan.  I thought that was an awesome costume, especially for Lindsey since she is a dancer.  She hasn't been allowed to see the movie but I thought it was a cool costume anyway.