Top 10 Worst Things Guys Have Said To Me

1.) "I hate reading." You do realize that I am a writer, right?  My girlfriends asked what happened with this one guy that I was sort of talking to and I said "He doesn't like to read.  I may as well go out with a monkey for stimulation."  You don't have to read novels or books (even though that would be a definite plus) but you'd better read something other than Playboy and the back of bathroom stalls or I will be pretty bored.

2.) "It's amazing.  Your ass looks half the age of your face."  Oh, ok, thanks!  Now on what planet is that a compliment? How about this: I'll bet your penis looks half the size of your thumb.  Just sayin'.  How the hell is a girl supposed to take that? That's truly a stupid thing to say.

3.) You are the weirdest girl ever.  Just because I said that I don't want to sleep with you because then I would have to remember it every day and pray for amnesia doesn't mean that I am weird.  It means that you're persistent to the point that I have to be rude.

4.) You can't do it.  Thanks for your input. (She does it.)

5.) You have two sets of twins?  I'm sorry.  What?

6.) Will a naked picture cheer you up?  NO!

7.) Guy: "My week hasn't been going well."   ME: Why not?"  Guy: I have a scab on my penis and I couldn't have this girl over because then she would think I have herpes but I don't.

8.) Soooo, two sets of twins...so you had c-sections then? Like, I know what you're asking.  Yes, I had c-sections and it really isn't your concern.

9.) Guy: Oh you don't want to get married?  I'll change your mind. Now I know that this pales in comparison after the others on the list (because the others are horrifying) but I don't like someone telling me that they will change my mind because all it does is make me want to not change my mind because you said it with such conviction.

10.) You'd look better with your mouth taped shut and unable to move. Yes.  Yes.  That was said.  Now close your mouth.