Top 10 Worst Books on My Shelf

1. How to Avoid Work-I don't know where this came from, but I have an idea.  I had a box of books sent to me from storage or something and I am 100% sure that it belonged to an ex-boyfriend.  Had I known that this book existed, I wouldn't have wasted so much time with him.  I mean, really?  Someone wrote that?  It looks like it was published in 1942.   

2. A Writer's Reference-I always referred to this book for MLA and looking at it makes me feel somewhat nauseated.  I hate this book and I have two copies for some reason.

3. HTML, Introducing Concepts and Techniques-How about who gives a crap?  I hate HTML and I hated my lame website I had to build in college using it.  My website consisted of like 4 pages and 3 pictures and maybe a few sentences.  It took hours and hours.  I hate code.

4. The Intuitionist, by Colson Whitehead-I had to read this in a Contemporary Fiction class and I LOATHED this book.  My activities while reading it included everything but drinking heavily.  I bitched and moaned about it and it took me forever to get through.  I hate this book with such conviction that if I ever ran into Colson Whitehead, I would probably slap him across the face.  It's supposed to be a "racial allegory" but all I remember is the color grey, metal and elevators.  It's horrible.  I was even more upset to find that I was one of the only ones who disliked it. I showed up to class expecting some support, but no!  I usually liked everything we had to read and I had to hear some bitching, but then we are forced to read this hunk of crap and no one agreed?  Ugh.  I hate this book.  HATE it.

5. The Easy Way to Stop Smoking-This also is a stupid book that I somehow inherited.  I mean, if you're going to be serious enough to quit smoking, why are you going to take the time to read a 500 page book on how to do it?  Just quit. I should ship my ex's two books back to him along with a dollar and a pack of cigs. 

6. Wicked-I think it's great that this book became a Broadway sensation, because it was way too bizarre to actually read.  I appreciate the creativity, but I just could not get through it and I tried several times.  It was very strange, and I usually appreciate the whimsical. 

7. Every Jane Austen book on my shelf-I know that girls usually love Jane Austen and I am not saying that her books are "the worst" in the sense that you probably think I am saying it.  She's good, however, I have read almost everything she's ever written and it took me a while to realize that I am just not a fan.  I kept giving her a chance, and I just never fell in love with her.  I think that had I lived a couple hundred years ago, I would've appreciated her more because her stories were cutting edge back then, but they aren't today.  She lived in a cookie cutter time where ladies behaved and men did whatever they wanted, class was all that mattered and the main character was a mouthy and opinionated "outcast" in many ways.  A man comes along and falls in love with her for all of her "bad" qualities, the end.  I mean, that's great, but I get bored.  I appreciate and honor them, but I just don't read her anymore. 

8. The Nanny Diaries, Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus-I had just gotten through the worst semester of my life when I picked this up in line at Kroger.  I was taking 18 credit hours and two of my classes were English classes (for my minor).  In each of those classes, I had to read 9 novels.  I read 18 novels in four months and had  four other classes PLUS a lab.  I got A's in the English classes, but B's in the others, which was not great for me.  At the end of the semester, I had lost about 10 pounds, I was white as a ghost, and I was brain dead. I wanted something mindless to read, and that it was that indeed.  It was the worst book ever.  The movie was good, but the book was terribly boring. 

9. Chronicle of a Death Foretold, Gabriel Garcia Marquez-Nothing this man writes is terrible.  He is Colombian and brilliant and anything that he spews from his fingertips, editors eat up.  The only reason that he is on my list is because this book cackles at me.  Its existence taunts me as I walk by.  He is sitting there on my shelf, dusty, and mocking my attention span and lack of intelligence, or ability to get on his level.  Marquez wrote "Love in the Time of Cholera" and I am the only one in my family that has successfully gotten through it.....but it took about 17 attempts.  I'm not sure if it's his use of detail, or the fact that it's been translated, but I sometimes find myself lost asking "Wait, how did this happen?  I am lost, and I was paying attention."  All of a sudden, I realize that I don't know who or what he is talking about, and that never happens to me.  He laughs at me.  "Ha ha ha!  I have done it again....Brittany is a huge retard! Ha Ha Ha!"  Or should I say Ruhtard like The dude in The Hangover said?  I think it's more PC.

10. Dr. Zhivago, Boris Pasternak-This is a great book.  It just makes my list because in general, I have an issue with Russian literature.  I don't know Russia's history enough to fully understand the impact of the story.  Plus, as an American, I have always thought that Communists were bad, so it was strange reading a novel about Communists overthrowing the Tsar and being the good guys.  I had to Google a lot of Russian words and history and it took a long time for me to finish because I had to stop every once in a while and make sure that I understood the history.  I haven't finished anything by Tolstoy, which I feel is just a sin, but that's why.  I am aware of the commitment it takes to read anything Russian.  I wish I could take a Russian Literature class. 

On that note, I get a lot of hits on a daily basis from Russia....so if you are Russian and reading, I've got nothin'  but love for ya!  Maybe you could teach me something, since I have such a hard time. 

Have a great Wednesday, all!