The First Time I Found Out
I had just turned 20 and was in college when I found out I was pregnant. I must have been in total denial because I was a month late before I even bought a pregnancy test. When I found out, I couldn't speak, I was so shocked. I still thought like a teenager (because I was one like a month before) and had the attitude that any girl OTHER THAN ME was the one who could get pregnant. Who knew all you have to do is sneeze on me? Anyway, I was about three months along and I went to visit my grandma. My uncle, who is an OBGYN, was testing out an ultrasound machine. He called me and said "Come on in tomorrow morning and we'll do an ultrasound." I went in with my cousin and my aunt. I was on the table and the guy selling my uncle the machine started moving the wand across my stomach. I see something come up on the screen, although I have no idea what I am looking at. The guy says "Excuse me." He leaves. I looked at my aunt and cousin and I started worrying that there was something wrong. The guy came back in with my uncle. They were saying a bunch of stuff that I didn't comprehend. Then I heard "Oh yeah! There they are!" They pointed at the screen. I said "THEY????" My uncle said "Oh yeah! You're having twins, Britt!" Everyone in the room was excited and I was crying hysterically. I couldn't talk, I just cried. And the fact that everyone else was happy and cheering and I was crying made me cry even more because I felt guilty. I felt like the worst mother ever, and they weren't even born yet. It was overwhelming, and I understand now that that's all it was. I mean, just imagine. You're 20, you've never worked, you've never really lived on your own (for real), and you didn't think you could afford one baby.....now you're having two.
My aunt and cousin took me to Subway and I finally calmed down. We got back to my grandma's house and she said "How was the ultrasound?" I said "It was ok." My grandma said "Well at least it isn't twins!" I immediately burst into tears again and ran to the guest room. My cousin and aunt explained why I had an outburst, so my grandma came in and apologized. She felt really bad.
I just needed a moment to grasp the situation. I bucked up, got it together, and of course, fell in love with them before they were even born. Anyone who had anything negative to say to me, (and trust me, there were people telling me I was stupid and that I couldn't do it) I told to bite me. One lady told me I would fail out of school too when I went back. Logan and Lindsey were a year old. I worked full time and got a 4.0 the first semester. I made sure that my mom told the lady I had made the Dean's List and that she knew one simple fact about me.....anyone who tells me I CAN'T do something does me a gigantic favor because I don't like to hear that I can't do something.
The SECOND Time I Found Out
Ok, so about 7 years later, I got pregnant again. I knew I was pregnant. I mean, I knew THE DAY I got pregnant. I said "I am going to get pregnant, like today. Ooops. Miscalculation." About a week later, we all went to the beach and overnight, my boobs were huge and I was spitting up popsicle. I looked at my mother-in-law and whispered "Do my boobs look huge?" She shook her head yes and started giggling and told me I was probably pregnant. I got home, took a test, and yep. I was pregnant. I wasn't even late yet.
A few weeks later I went to the doctor. I asked her if she could give me an ultrasound. She said "Well, you're only a few weeks along, so we won't be able to see anything." I told her that I would really feel better if she at least tried, so she agreed. The weird thing is that I didn't know why I wanted one. I just wanted one. I wasn't even thinking "twins" again.
So she hooks me up and I look at the screen and IMMEDIATELY say "Is that what I think it is?" I saw two circles, side by side. She replied "Girl, can you NOT have ONE BABY?" I said "Apparently not" and I began to cry. Later, when she left the room and I was getting dressed, I heard her telling the nurses that I was having twins again. I heard her say "Yeah, I think she's excited. It's just a lot to grasp. Again." I heard her giggle.
The first time I found out, I was young and scared of the unknown. The second time, I knew how hard the pregnancy was and I knew how hard it was to raise two at a time. I had also worked really hard for my degree and was excited to be working in my field. I knew that my plans were going to change, yet again.
I remember getting into the car and crying all the way down HWY 92. I was thinking "How does this happen twice to one person? What's wrong with my body?"
I walked in, crying, and Don's parents thought something was wrong. I showed them a picture and Libbie said "What's wrong?" I said "There are two! Again!" She was completely relieved and excited and hugged me. I said "I'm going to be huge, and you know how hard it is! I have to have another c-section, they are hard! TWINS ARE HARD!" All of my thoughts and worries were running together and I wasn't making any sense, I am sure.
I called Don and said that I had the ultrasound. He said "What's wrong?" I told him we were having twins....again. He said "I think that's so cool! I'm so happy!"
I never cried again. I was excited from that moment forward.
My kids were the best things that ever happened to me. I don't know why God built me to be a mom because I think I fail a lot, but I have been blessed beyond what I can comprehend. I have had a lot of support from my family and Don and his family, and I am aware that this has helped me tremendously. I probably would have had a nervous breakdown by now if it weren't for the people in my life. I am so grateful to God. God gave me a lot of gifts, and I thank him every day that mine came in two's. Twice.
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