It apparently isn’t obvious to everyone.
Because I am now single, I suppose that has piqued some
interest from the opposite sex and I will be honest, I am a bit aloof—not
because I am mean, but because I am not “there” yet. I get along with guys and have a lot of
friends, but I am not dating and I am not concerned with it. (I wasn’t before the fire either.) I have no problem being alone and I don’t
worry that I will be alone. And let’s be
serious…yes, we all love having someone in our life, but if the only reason you
want someone is because you fear being alone, you may want to reevaluate what
you’re doing. This past week I was
called “guarded and weird” by someone who apparently doesn’t understand what I
have on my plate, even now. I waited
for the “just kidding” but it never came.
Instead, I laughed and said “Are you serious???” This is humorous on all kinds of levels, but
mainly because “weird and guarded” is not how someone I am interested in would
EVER describe me. Actually, no one on
the planet would call me guarded. I wear
my heart on my sleeve and I am completely open.
Even doped up homeless people wouldn’t describe me as guarded— I know
because they have no qualms about talking to me. I am approachable, simple as that. If I
don’t want to have sex with you, yes, I suppose I guard myself. Why wouldn’t I? Says nothing about me, dude. Sounds like a hooker in ATL may be what you’re
looking for; they don’t have time to be guarded—me on the other hand…..I’ve got
all day.
Most guys are totally fine being just my friend, but to
some, the concept is foreign. Therefore,
I am trying to be really honest to those who may be interested because I don’t want
there to be any confusion—I have had a few of these conversations just this week. I have started looking out the window for a
full moon because all of a sudden I feel some people getting annoyed with me for
never being able to hang out or date. So
to defend guys….I understand that my personality is confusing. I am outgoing and friendly and I get along
with and relate to men. This is enough for
some to be confused about my intentions.
I remember that scene in “Dumb and Dumber” when Lauren Holly tells Jim
Carrey what his chances are and she says “More like one in a million” and he
says “So you’re telling me I have a chance!”
They can’t help it. But neither
can I, and I am not changing for anyone.
One of my guy friends said to me this morning “I understand. It’s ok.
You’re an independent woman.”
You know what I thought? “Thank
you” not because he was understanding about it, but because I take it as a compliment. This is a different place from where I was
last year. I feel like I prayed for
strength and God gave it to me. God gave
me the ability to be happy alone, content with my life and where I am at, and
reach out when I need it. It’s easy to
be comfortable in your own skin when you have as many friends and family
members as I do. I don’t need a guy just
so I won’t be alone. Actually, freedom
is something that will probably be hard for me to give up now.
Of course, there will be a guy who is an exception to my lack of time, and he will know who he is. This guy will be one who won’t
keep me locked in a cage, but who instead loves to watch me fly. You know how a dove always comes back to its magician? That's me, except I won't be doing stupid tricks for money. The
guy I am with will be independent, he will not be with me because he needs me, but rather because
I make him happy and he likes making me happy. It's taken me a
long time to figure out what works for me, and honestly, my kids, my job, myself,
and the people who love me are who come first.
Guys who don’t like it or can’t handle it and just want to bitch at me….ain’t nobody got time for
that. Especially a single mom of four
whose house just burned down.
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