Things We Wish Men Would Stop Doing Immediately

1.) Stop being an asshole.


The End. 

10 Things Men Wish We Would Quit Doing Immediately

I recently read an article called "33 Men Reveal One Thing They'd All Like Women To Stop Doing Immediately" but I only picked my favorite 10 because this is my blog and I will do what I want.  Just kidding.  I have to go to work. 

1. Thinking that they're queens.  All of those postings on Facebook about "a real man would treat me like a queen", yeah, they annoy me too. You look like a total bitch. 
2. Passive Aggression.  There is nothing more annoying to me.  If you're mad, say you're freaking mad.  If something is wrong, don't say "nothing".  I don't have time to dig it out of you and neither does a man.  And then when I don't keep asking you and I let it go, that doesn't mean that I never cared, it means that you are a pain in the ass and need too much attention.  Also, subtle hints never work for men.  I pick up on them, but men don't.  Plus, they're annoying as well.  I even tell my children, "I am asking you once what's wrong.  Tell me now or never because I am not asking again."  This should be common practice. 
3. How they treat each other. I agree with this.  I think a man should judge a woman based on how she treats other women.  If you meet a girl who always bitches and has drama, guess what....run.  There's bound to be a little, but guys have a little too.  The women who treat other women like crap suck. 
4. Painting their eyebrows.  I concur.
5. Treating sex like a gift they give to men. In the article, the man says "Stop treating sex as something you let us do to you.  Either you want it too or f*** off."  Ha ha ha ha ha.  I'm sorry, that's funny.
6. Reckless feet behavior in the car.  Ok, I agree, but I can't say I don't do this on road trips.  I will not take my feet off the dashboard because I believe that I am a monkey.  Sorry.  Deal with it.  At least my toes are painted.
7. Waking their man up.  I think this is so rude.  When you wake up, awesome.  Wake up, but just because you're up doesn't mean that everyone else has to be up too.  Unless you're waking them up with sex, it's really rude to blow-dry your hair an inch away from their face.
8. Not being able to complete a thought.  The article said "stop saying I CAN'T EVEN. Finish your sentence or don't talk at all.  It makes you sound dumb as shit."  You can't even.....imagine having a brain?  Yeah, we know.
9. Believing that guys can't get hurt.  They are people too, even if they have penises. 
10. Not knowing how to take compliments.  Take them by saying thank you.  I totally agree. I will admit though, I haven't really mastered this either. Sometimes I fidget, blush and look down at my feet when I get a compliment from a guy.  It's easier to take them via text message because they can't see you smiling.

Why Cheating Is Worse Than the Uncomfortable Talk

Cheating is bad.  Really bad.  Duh.  But here's my opinion....so are all of the other crappy things you do to break a marriage and I don't think that you should ignore any aspect of your relationship, especially communicating about all of these things that usually happen before the cheating happens. Cheating is usually a side effect that exists because other issues are being neglected (unless you are just a whore or don't have any business "committing" to someone).  You have to talk about everything even if you are afraid you will hurt someone's feelings.  If you cheat on the person, you will hurt the person more than if you tell them you're thinking about it.  Even if you had valid or understandable reasons for straying, well, guess what...they no longer matter.  You cheated, you lose, that's the way people see it. 

Establishing a Trust Tree

I think of Will Ferrell in Old School when he's in the counselor's office after he went streaking up the quad and to the gymnasium.  They are in the "trust tree" and he is talking about not knowing if he should have gotten married.  He says he was wondering what kind of panties the Olive Garden waitress was wearing.  Naturally, his bride is appalled and I am pretty sure he got kicked out for it.  This is funny, but seriously, why can't you be honest?  Now I will admit, it's risky...not everyone is enlightened and not everyone views relationships the same way I do, a path of truth seeking and closeness....so you may cause WW3.  Actually, I am pretty sure I have caused WW3 in the past. I know I definitely came to my exes with serious concerns and sometimes I felt better and sometimes I didn't.  Probably the worst and hardest to swallow, I said to an ex-boyfriend "Do you ever get sad that you'll never get butterflies again or have a first kiss again?  I do."  Eeeek.  I was honest though. It was bothering me.  I was afraid of commitment.  But getting yelled at for it didn't make me feel better.  I just crawled into myself and did some self-loathing. The reason I felt that way is because I wasn't happy and I knew he wasn't the right person for me, and he knew that.  I can remember many, many times in my past relationships where I thought I was in a safe place and said something I thought or felt or my gosh, I remember answering questions truthfully, and I remember getting yelled at for whatever I would respond with.  I never opened up the same again and everything I said in the future, I considered the outcome before I started talking.  You really don't want to isolate people from you.  It's only fair to listen when someone has feelings or even complaints about you or your actions.  It seriously is the WORST thing you can do to your relationship.  You aren't winning by "winning" that argument and telling the person why they are wrong to feel that way about you.  You think you're winning, but you aren't. 

And when you listen, do something about it if you truly care.  I knew a girl who said her boyfriend wasn't as into sex anymore. She straight up asked him if it was because she had gained some weight, he said "that might have something to do with it."  Well, whether or not that's a dick answer, it was honest and I always respected him for it.  At least she knew how to handle it. 

Trust the Trust Tree...and if they kick you out on your ass for being honest, you were going to wind up there anyway.

I think you should always be honest.  If you aren't happy, say so.  If you need more sex, say so.  If you are pulling your weight and you feel alone or like you are dragging someone along, do something about it.  If you don't feel appreciated, say so.  I know it's easier said than done, but is it really?  There's the door. You either open it up now or sneak out the back with your girlfriend or boyfriend when you are so miserable that you start making bad decisions.  If you can't be honest, then what kind of relationship are you in?  If you are being neglected and ignored or getting yelled at for having feelings, then what the hell is the point of being in a relationship to begin with? You may as well be alone.  I'm not suggesting that you behave in an insensitive or illogical or emotional manner...think about your feelings, sit on them for a minute, be articulate and be very clear about what you want and need and what your concerns are.  But be honest. 

By the way, if anyone wonders why I am single, this right here is why.  I am never dealing with filtered bullshit, ever again, but a lot of people don't want that kind of relationship or honesty...at least it seems that way. There are so many games and crap involved in relationships and I'm holding out for something real where I don't have to apologize for who I am. I have a hard time stomaching the idea of being fake with someone, honestly. If I am ever in a relationship again, if a guy is honest,  he will have my heart and my respect.  I am a big girl, I will try to do my best with any piece of painful information he has because I can see the big picture, even if it takes a second.  But if I can't be honest without someone yelling at me or taking my feelings personally when I'm going out of my way to be mindful of their feelings, well, I guess I would rather be alone. I am better off not worrying about upsetting someone. I think when you are in a relationship, you should be best friends and feel comfortable, no matter how uncomfortable the conversation is. If I am ever in a relationship where I feel like I want to cheat, I plan on saying "Hey, I am really confused and thinking about cheating on you. I'm thinking that might mean I'm not happy. Can we do something about this?"  What's so wrong with that?  I mean it sucks, but it's better, right? 

If you let things go, they fester and then you lose your footing....especially where pheromones and lust are concerned. Then you slip, and you're not the only person that will get hurt. 

Do Women Cheat More Nowadays?

I planned on doing a series where men asked questions about women but they all asked the same things, so I kind of dropped the ball.  Way to be compelling, men.  Haha just kidding. So one of the questions I got was "do more women cheat nowadays".....ummm in my opinion?  Yes. I hear a lot of men say "We got divorced because she cheated".  Sometimes I believe them and sometimes I just peg them for a jealous asshole who probably just doesn't want to look at himself and his mistakes so it's easier to be like "She's cheating on me".  BUT, I do think that women are more likely to cheat now than they did a few decades ago.  Why? It's just common sense.

I think that people are really uncomfortable viewing marriage for what it has historically been....a simple financial arrangement meant to safeguard reproduction and assets and keep people in line.  And why wouldn't they be uncomfortable?  Did you hear how dry that sounded?  Now I am not disputing that the Bible says you become one flesh and I won't pretend that all of that isn't serious stuff because it is.  If you are becoming one flesh with someone, it kind of goes without saying that you're going to love them.  Right?  Well, hopefully anyway.  Historically though, marriages have been a contract that keeps society in line and it still exists as such in other parts of the world. 

So what are the reasons that I think women cheat more often now?

Go back 50 or 60 years.  Women stayed at home and had children while the men worked.  If a woman found out that her husband was having an affair, she automatically had to consider how she would financially support her children and in a world that wasn't all supportive of a woman educating herself or entering the workforce, her options weren't plentiful.  She was more likely to turn a blind eye.  Divorce wasn't as accepted back then, so the woman would also have to consider what she would tell everyone.  The woman was also more isolated than the man on a daily basis....this is what happens when you take care of kids and iron and cook all day.....

Women cheat more now because they can.  (Just like a man.)

1. They're financially independent.  I think one of the reasons that men have historically been the cheaters is because they could financially.  Other than wanting to have lots of sex with lots of different women because they tend to be biologically built that way (hunters), they had the power to do so because they had the money.  Money is power.  Women have their own now. 
2. They're sexually confident Women aren't embarrassed to talk about their bodies and sex and they are tempted just like men.  We are more tapped into this area than years ago. Tadaaaa!  Women like sex too, guys.
3. Divorce is more accepted. It isn't the Middle East, it isn't the 50's.  You aren't going to be stoned to death if you get caught.  The punishment probably isn't as scary as the excitement is exciting.  (At least while you're doing it.)
4. More options  Women aren't by themselves knitting and cooking muffins all day without anyone to talk to.  Technology alone leaves you hundreds of ways to get into trouble, and if you work, obviously you are going to meet other people more often than if you're at home starching your husband's shirt. We aren't in a little bubble anymore, the same as men.
5. The genders have been neutralized, pretty much in general. I think there is a gender neutralization that's happened and this has left us all pretty confused about who we are and who the opposite sex is and what we all want, and it should leave us confused because it's a mess.  The things that make us biologically different as men and women are still there and yet they aren't.  It isn't politically correct anymore to identify men and women as different, but we know that something isn't working by doing this.  As for me, I have no problem admitting that I wish I could go back to the 50's where the roles were spelled out for you, but then I realize that I can't keep my damn mouth shut and don't like a man telling me what I can and cannot do, so that wouldn't work for me I guess. 
6. Women have other things on their bucket lists other than marriage and relationships. I think that women just aren't as consumed with finding a mate and having kids and marriage and relationships aren't Number 1 on the list.  I was not one of these women.  I wanted to get married and have kids above all else.  However, I can say that I understand the confusion when it comes to commitment because I don't think marriage is as respected nowadays and if it isn't respected, then maybe commitment in general isn't as respected. As backwards as that is, I can see it happening.  It's sad and it sucks.
7. We have been lied to.  OK, I am about to go off.....For a bunch of women who are so cynical, or realistic, or independent or whatever, we sure are delusional.  We were told that we can have it all...marriage, kids, career, etc.  We were lied to and some of us are still searching for perfection because we don't know what the hell we want.  You can't have it all without tradeoffs, ever, and to the women who told us this generations ago, I say screw you.  Thank you, radical feminists, who told me I deserve MORE than a man can ever offer and thank you for making me take on ALL of the roles. Thank you for making men feel like they serve no purpose and for not knowing what to do to make us happy.  We think we can have everything, but we are so tired and sad expecting it, we don't even know where to look or where to go.  Thank you for forcing us to be both men and women.  You know, because that makes a lot of sense.  Here's what I have learned.....You will never have a fairytale anything and if you are always chasing the perfect man and still trying to chase everything else, you will always be alone.  Reality sucks but chasing a lie is worse and it won't keep you warm at night when you're old and wrinkly. 

Maybe we made a mistake making marriage about love. Ugh.  I just said that.....

Hundreds of Pieces

This is a poem I wrote about holding it together.  It is really hard being strong for everyone, but the pressures and trials and the people holding you accountable end up making you who you are and making you better.  Sometimes I want to cry because I have too much on my plate, and then I write.....

I look in the mirror, girl holding her own,
Blonde and smiling, together and sewn,
But when the lights all go out, and the chaos settles,
My fears start to flare,
I'm left naked and bare.
The pressure, the worries, the letting people down....
My mind and my heart, only making a sound.
As the sun goes down, there is no illusion.
I am not my own person, I'm nothing but fusion.
Light seeps through the cracks that's known as my skin,
My head's clear, the light's gone and it's finally dim.
I am a hundred little pieces, belonging to them,
I don't own myself, but I do not condemn.

Every day, needing more of me to give, 

I am a hundred little reasons to rise up and live...
All fragments of heartbreak and learning and aching,
My life is not mine that I'm vengefully making.

All fragments of bravery and learning to cope, 

All fragments of love and letdowns and hope.

So I keep getting up, although taking its toll,
Hundreds of pieces are making me whole.
Hundreds of pieces keeping me from shattering,
I fight to stay together, to keep the pieces from scattering.

Ebola, ISIS and Xanax

Why does everyone need to chill the F out? Because you're freaking me out. That's why. 

I have been up since 3:30 Googling the latest news on ISIS and Ebola because I woke up from a nightmare; I won't terrify you with the details but I will tell you that they weren't much different than the details of the other horrific nightmares I've had all week. I thought that digging for facts at 3 am would make me feel better rather than doing what I've been doing, which is digging my head in the sand and unfortunately still seeing crap on Facebook from those who are choosing to be informed. I was wrong. I don't feel better. I feel the same because our government is incompetent and lies to us and whether I choose to be ignorant or informed, it really doesn't matter because they're still incompetent and lie to us. Ignorance is only bliss if you don't know you're ignorant, so this doesn't really work for me because I know that the people leading us are apparently morons.  

And the anxiety is real...

I was at a charity walk on Saturday in Atlanta and I thought "I'm in a large group of people, I hope a bomb doesn't go off."  Then two nights ago, my boys started sneezing and coughing so I panicked yesterday morning because I thought of Enterovirus 68. I kept them home so I could make sure they were okay. After a hot shower and blowing their noses, I turned out to be the overbearing, neurotic mother who checked them in late.  And it's not just that. Every time I sneeze, cough or have a hunger pain, I think "Oh no, I have Ebola".  I will say, the only thing that's good about worrying about Ebola is that it makes ISIS less scary. I've actually been thinking things like "at least your death with ISIS would be quicker than your death from Ebola." 

I'm trying to be logical and manage my anxiety....now that's sad.

Typically I handle my anxiety from the news by letting everyone else worry and panic and by choosing to be a narcissist because it seems easier to worry about the things that are directly affecting me (my job, my bills, my tasks, the kids).  I usually say to myself "when it's your time, it's your time, Brittany, don't stress," but lately it's not working for whatever reason. I am never hungry, I'm not sleeping, and as much as I want to yell "Be cool, my babies, be cool" like Conan, I am not. I had the flu twice last year. Ebola? Awwww hell no! I've told my friends to just shoot me if I contract Ebola.

I've been thinking about exit strategies. I've been considering getting passports for myself and for the kids so that if there is a terrorist attack, we could go somewhere safe, but then my fears of contracting Ebola on the plane on the way there kind of outweigh my ISIS fears. What would we do on an island if we all had Ebola? Maybe staying home and buying a gun and shooting a terrorist would be better? I don't know. I've never fired a gun and I doubt that my alarm system will keep me safe.

So anyway.....

Who could benefit from Xanax and the Serenity prayer?  Yeah, I'm pretty sure I would. 

Flashback Friday-One of the best songs ever....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF9J06CAXm8

Two Girls on Halloween

There are two kinds of girls....Girls who will wear zombie paint on their face and those who won't.  What I am referring to is this past weekend....I walked around at Zombie Fest and my friend Deborah said "Look at that girl! Look at that zombie!" And although I did think they looked cool, I realized that I am unfortunately one of those girls who refuses to look scary or dead on Halloween. I'm not that cool. I realized that I've never been anything scary in my entire life. I've mentally gone back through my lifetime of costumes and I realized that nope. Never. Not once. I've always gone with cute. 

Yes, folks, I fall into the October 31st Slut Category. If my ass isn't hanging out, well then it's not Halloween. 

But let's take a moment to thank all of the Wonderwomen, the Bunny Rabbits, the Slutty Nurses, the Naked Bumblebees, the Disney Tramps, the Horny Umpires, the Naughty Schoolgirls, the Sexy Lion Tamers and the Frisky Felines.....

Without them, it most certainly would be a really freaking scary night. Imagine walking around and seeing swarms of zombies....and then here comes Ginger the Whore Clown coming out of a Quicktrip and you think "Phewww. I almost forgot. It's not real, it's just Halloween." 

On behalf of all of the girls who take advantage of this liberating holiday, I say "You're Welcome." 

Flickering Moments

Sometimes things have to end badly or they would never end. This very fact has made me so scared throughout my life. If you have a feeling that nothing lasts and if you believe everything has to end badly, then you begin to fear the inevitable pain that will follow. 

But then I grew up a little. I've learned that some people aren't supposed to be there forever. In fact, most won't be. And the only reason that things seem to end badly is because you hang onto them for too long. I've known a lot of people in my life and maybe it was silly of me to think that I would have the privilege of hanging onto them forever, but I wanted to, so I believed that I should and if I fought for them, maybe I would. My expectations have been what's really broken my heart over the years because what I should have done all along is look at the blessing that was having them in my life, if only for a moment. 

If every person has blown into my life with a lesson, I feel like inside, I need to thank them for it. There are people who have taught me about myself, about God, about my weaknesses, about my strengths, about my worth, and about love, who I want to be and what I'm capable of. There are people who have believed in me more than I have believed in myself and there are people who have kicked me in the face while I'm down only to make me stronger....and I'm sure I have taught people the same kinds of things without realizing it. I hope so. 

Thank people for letting you go and let them go. Thank them for breaking your heart and setting you free for something else.  Thank God for the miracles but the really horribly painful experiences too because they're molding you into someone who is incredibly important and someone who is teaching someone else.

Sometimes you just have to let go and realize that longevity and forever isn't always what's meant to be, but instead, what's meant to exist are these flickering shiny moments in your life. And that's freaking beautiful. 

A Note to That Guy....

I finally blocked someone yesterday because I kept getting annoyed by his pathetic advances to flirt. It just got to the point that I was embarrassed for him and I started wondering "How many times do you have to strike out to be that persistent?" My guess is a LOT. Why? Because only someone that persistent doesn't have anything to lose. They're like radical jihadists except they're trying to find a girlfriend. Blowing themselves up in the hopes of getting to see what a vagina looks like for the first time in real life is apparently no big deal. 

I was sitting at Verizon one day getting my replacement phone working, I bought an iPad, and I was there for hours because the guy who worked there also synced my computer and got some viruses off. So while the guy worked on my computer, I was on my blog on my new iPad. There was this guy who kind of congregated with us and he asked about my blog. He started reading my blog and friended me. I accepted. That was a mistake. 

So, I tried being polite but straight forward, even up until yesterday. I tried lying too and saying I had a boyfriend but then when I forgot that I was supposed to have a boyfriend and posted something about being single, I immediately got a message. So then yesterday I said that I had a new boyfriend. He said "Damn. I wanted to flirt.....so can I?" First of all, flirting serves a purpose. It's like a social signal to let someone know that you're interested. You don't ask or what's the damn point? I finally answered "I don't see what the point of flirting is when I'm not interested." Then I blocked him because it was pointless trying to be nice. 

I thought about it and feel that I should just be blunt today. Maybe guys who say they try not to be "that guy" and then no doubt, are "that guy" will benefit from hearing it straight up. Again. And again. And again. But probably not.....

Guys, here's the truth....if we aren't flirting back, please just stop. You have a lot to lose. A lot. DO NOT ask for selfies the first time you talk to us. WTF is wrong with you? When we say we have a boyfriend and you say "Damn. I wanted to flirt." And you proceed to say "So can I?" NO!!!!! My imaginary boyfriend is going to kick your sorry ass if I don't embarrass you first. Don't say things like "I miss talking to you" when the only conversation we ever had was never. I turned you down. That's hardly a conversation.  Stop being creepy, please. There are women who will take your money and have sex with you. Yeah I know it's illegal. So is being a stalker.  Most of all, stop embarrassing yourself. 

I am a mom. There is part of me that thinks about how you are someone's child and how your parents will never have grandchildren because you're so pathetic. And that's sad. But there comes a point where you're just flat out freaking ass creepy. 

Just stop it. 

Why the Thrill of the Chase is Not So Thrilling

I always hear people say that chasing a person is thrilling. Funny. I find it annoying and I always remember how annoying it is once I don't have to do it anymore.

My girlfriend and I were talking about our signs yesterday and whether or not there's any truth to them. She laughed when I said "Well I am definitely a Leo because it's no fun playing with a dead piece of meat, it's only fun playing with something that will play back with you." 

Maybe I always picture this analogy because I'm a Leo, but picture a lion....A lion in the zoo would give anything to not be handed dead meat on a platter because part of him loves the hunt.  But even when he's in the wild chasing something alive, he knows that the end result is that he wants to eat it. If he has to chase and chase something that will exhaust him to the point of starvation, he will become extremely aggravated. When he becomes aggravated, he will then just give up and go kill something else that doesn't make him irritated or feel inferior or hungry.  Lions are proud, so they don't like feeling this way.

I think people are the same way and this is why dating sucks. I talk to my friends about this all the time. Girls are told they're supposed to play hard to get because men are hunters. We say things like "Don't text him back right away!" "Don't say too much!" "Turn him down the first few times!" And men don't have it any better as far as I can see. Men are told they're supposed to play hard to get because that's what girls want. They have come to this conclusion because girls always seem to like assholes.  So before you know it, you have two people intentionally trying to be less available thinking it'll make them more appealing and then there goes the human race.

Why play games? Why not just say "This is what's up. Are you in or are you out? Wanna play?"  And then you play or go find someone more interested. I'm a real person, so I find this whole trying to be elusive when you like someone incredibly annoying. When you're a real person who is honest, you make a better mate. The problem with this is that you can't play the game to begin with, so you end up single because you suck at it and the game players end up ahead of you. 

Is it just me or is the whole thing so dumb?

So I guess my advice to my girlfriends or anyone reading is this....don't chase anyone who isn't turning around and playing back, and it's ok to let them chase you has long as you turn around and attack them again. Playing and dancing with someone is fun. Running marathons is not.