Those Who Create

"But I've got a plan
Why don't you be the artist
And make me out of clay
Why don't you be the writer
And decide the words I say "

-Ellie Goulding, The Writer

I read somewhere that Ellie Goulding had originally planned on writing something entirely different for her second album, but she went through a horrible break-up and locked herself up to write about it, and boom, Halcyon was born.  She said that even when people are in love, they tend to enjoy songs about heartbreak. I tend to agree with her. 

Real art is never forced, but it is conceived without any kind of warning.  The people who inspire the most beautiful art seem to drop out of the sky, like an angel.....a muse.  They knock the artist off her feet and then leave her to pick up the broken pieces.  What happens to the artist is this....she puts the pieces together in some new shape, creating a new masterpiece, and when she is finished,  she thanks her muse for the experience.  Artists are beautiful creatures because they take a situation or emotion and can see it in so many different lights and colors.  Artists spill it on the paper or canvas or instrument and while they do, they grieve, they grow, they change, create and then eventually go in search of something else that will inspire them. 

I was looking back at what I have posted the last couple of years because my blog just had its 3rd birthday and my best writing has been about how I have felt when my heart is breaking.  Even if I have written positive things about love or loving or what I have learned through a multitude of experiences, they have only resulted from my heart being shattered first.  I had my heart broken in many different ways, but I would say that my best posts were inspired by one person and he knows who he is.  This person provoked so many emotions that I didn't know I had, or even that I was capable of feeling and what happened is that I endlessly analyzed myself, my feelings, my confusion, my heart, this person and his beauty, what I looked like because of him, and I created art.  To this person, I am very thankful for the experience because I went somewhere with my writing that I never would have gone.  You can't see an invisible road, but occasionally someone grabs your hand and shows you what you didn't know was there.  I don't only write on this blog either, so trust me when I say, I have some masterpieces that are buried deep where only I can find them and that are all about this person. 

I was told last week, and have been told before, that I have been a muse.  A guy last week told me that literally every time we speak, he writes a song.  He calls me Callie after Calliope, the Greek Goddess of epic poetry.  Cute.  When I hear that I inspire people, I most definitely am inspired just by hearing that because I know what that feels like.  To a painter, a musician, and a writer, you understand the magic that happens when you visualize something in your mind and therefore have a bond with each other, artistically.  You respect the process.  What is probably the most amazing part of the process is the original seed that grows into the flower.  One of my professors made us get into the habit of carrying around a notepad and pen because he said inspiration hits you when you least expect it, and if you don't write it down immediately, it will vanish as quickly as it came.  It's true, too. Artists all know that.

I went to the High Museum of Art one afternoon.  I sat on a bench for about 30 minutes staring at "The Girl with the Pearl Earring", who was herself, a muse.  While I looked at the Dutch painting, I thought about the relationship between the muse and painter, I thought about what she was thinking, about what he saw in her.....I was enjoying the silence that was allowing my thoughts to run wild.  My notepad helped me organize them, and I was on an artistic roll.  I was thinking about how much I needed inspiration to write, how I felt when I didn't have it, and how it must be to not know what this feels like.  I thought about how I know both sides, how it feels to be inspired and inspire others, so therefore, I knew how the Dutch girl must have felt as she was painted.

I left the painting and decided to walk across the courtyard.  I actually had an entire story in my head when all of a sudden, someone snatched my hand.  I looked up, startled, and it was a guy.  This guy looked an awful lot like the person who inspired most of my posts in the last couple of years, which I thought was kind of a funny joke from the universe to me.  As I am inspired by something else, the one who broke my heart snatched me back without even knowing it.  The man insisted on dragging me around the museum.  I said ok.  He was very touchy, which I did not like, but he was nice enough.  It turned out that he was a painter.  He showed me his work and he painted very well.  He said he would like to paint me.  I thought "How funny is this that I am walking around thinking about the relationship between an artist and its muse, I sit and stare at a painting of a muse for half an hour, I am feeling inspired, and someone who looks like someone who has aggressively inspired me for two years is trying to turn me into HIS muse?"  Something about being asked to be a muse while I was already feeling inspired as an artist made me lose my thoughts, my feelings, the entire story in my head.  Everything I had wanted to write about was gone.  I have always wondered if I lost the inspiration because he resembled my muse, or if it was something else, but anyway, something trashed the moment. 

I think about all of the art that is created without the muse's knowledge and I think that's so beautiful.  People who think that they are ordinary, whether they are smiling without knowing they are being observed or sitting on a subway looking out the window, artists have the potential to take those real moments, seemingly dull moments, and make something beautiful from them. 

Then there are the muses who know.....if you break an artist's heart, you will hear about it, and they will thank you for what is probably their best work.

To mine, thank you.   You will never be as beautiful as you are through my eyes.

The Problem for Strong Girls

My dad is a feminist.  Why?  Probably because he has four daughters.  He always told me I was smart, beautiful, and capable of anything.  He always told me that I have certain gifts that are rare and that I was special and needed to focus on them.  He is also the type of person who married brilliant, beautiful, intelligent women.  My mother is bewitching because she is so interesting, and Staci, his wife now, is a beautiful, independent and intelligent woman who I absolutely love to talk to. My dad would be bored out if his skull if he were with someone who wasn't strong and opinionated.  Why?  Because he is the same way and he needs someone to stand up and have something to say. I am so happy that I have a dad AND stepfather who are not only not intimidated by strong women, but in love with them.  They are equals.  It's been awesome to witness.

I think that there are a lot of guys who say "Yeah yeah, I love strong women.  No, I am not intimidated at all, babe, I love you just the way you are..." and they are totally lying, or clueless to the fact that they will eventually have an issue with it.  They ride the girl's coattail for a while until they start feeling a burning sensation on their stomach and all of a sudden, it's the girl's fault they got road rash...what the hell is that?  If this weren't true, I wouldn't have so many conversations with my girlfriends about it.

You know, I feel like a strong-willed and independent woman is like a gun.  You should not try to handle one unless you are honestly comfortable and know what you're doing because if not, she'll just shoot you and it'll hurt.  It isn't fair to the gun either because it accidently shot someone. 

There are two kinds of girls and both are beautiful, both are strong, but in totally different ways.  There are Scarlett O'Haras who are more vocal about what they think and there are the Melanie Hamiltons who are quieter. I don't think that Ashleys should try to mix with Scarletts because it will only end badly, and I think Rhetts would be bored of Melanies.  Ashleys need a Melanie so they can feel awesome, Melanies need Ashleys to give to someone who needs it.  Scarletts need Rhetts so they don't plow over innocent bystanders and can stay stimulated.  Rhetts need to be stimulated by the Scarletts and keep everyone else safe from their wrath. 


Great scene...what Scarlett's problem is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4-DIldIX6U

Don't Hate the Flirt

"Just because I'm a flirt doesn't mean I'm a ho, unlike yourself, I learned to say no."

 

I have recently decided that people with flirtatious personalities take a lot of heat for being themselves.  I thought it was just me because I am a girl, but it isn't.  I have been talking to a couple of my guy friends who were basically cast from the same mold as me, with obvious exceptions, and they deal with the same crap. We are single, outgoing, flirtatious and like to have fun.  We don't sit in the corner like lumps, and guess what....we pay for it.  But do we really care?  Read below to find out.

If you are a flirt and you are a girl, you are called a tease.  If you are a flirt and you are a guy, you are called a player.  Either way, the people doing the name calling are probably just pissed off that you aren't a whore and that they aren't getting any.

I was having a conversation with one of my best guy friends about this and I said "I actually think that as much of a flirt as I am, I am way more old-fashioned than a lot of people, but people may not realize that."  He said he is the same way.  We actually respect ourselves and our bodies and the whole process of flirting and kissing and deciding whether or not you like someone or not. To me, I find it really bizarre that our society has gotten so slutty that flirting with someone is basically being under contractual obligation to get the other person off.  A kiss no longer serves as a means for trying a person out or giving them a chance, but it's being a tease and allowing yourself to be screamed at, disrespected, and called names.  Well, I don't like idiots, I don't sleep with idiots, and I frankly don't care what idiotic whores have to say about me.  Being single in your 30's is worse than being 17 because everyone assumes that sex isn't a big deal anymore or something to value, but it is. 

Welllllll, I am sorry to tell these whores....I am not like you and I would take being called a tease any day over a slut.  It means I said "No, I don't like you."  Don't get your panties in a wad, girls.  And by girls, I really mean boys. 

One more thing....just because a guy is good-looking, single, and in his thirties doesn't mean he's a player nor is he out getting laid all the time.  I know this for a fact because they are hanging out with me being dorks.  We are watching movies, standing around, and laughing about stupid crap....like about how so many people are whores.

Caging Yourself

"What would I do without your smart mouth
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
Got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright"

-John Legend, All of You

 

 

 

I love the verse of the song above because I know without a doubt, any man who would truly understand me and love me for who I am would probably say something close to it.  I feel like I am irritatingly complicated to the wrong person, simple to a clueless person, and beautifully complex to the right person. I have known men who fear me and lock me up, I have known men who think I am super easy to please-this makes me just feel alone and like I have to stuff parts of me, and then there have been a few who really get me.  They both scare me and comfort me the most. 

A guy I know once said to me "I know how to handle you because I know you can't be handled.  I'd let you out of your cage."  That stopped me in my tracks.  I realized then that the only guys who will ever really get me are guys who are exactly like me.  I have only met a few and they've all been important to me.  The problem though with free spirits is that they're afraid of being locked up, and when there is someone who would never lock you up sitting in front of you, it's the ultimate commitment, and therefore, they both end up flying right past each other out of fear.  One of my friends quoted "Breakfast at Tiffany's" on Facebook last week and it's really so poignant.  I had never really thought about how while trying to stay free, you can actually pin yourself down.   "You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing, and you're terrified somebody's going to stick you in a cage. Well, baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself."

Everyone should feel free to be who they are, whether you're the type of person who sits in one place or you're a free spirit who likes to feel the air on your back.  Everyone deserves a mate that looks at them in awe, who takes them for exactly who they are, and finds beauty in their imperfections.  But if you are a free spirit, you have to rest your wings long enough to find someone to fly with you.






To Dream the Impossible Dream

Dylan asked me a few months ago if he will get to be the real Superman when he grows up, not just dress up in a costume.  I lied and said "Yeah, you can be Superman. You can be anything you want, baby."  He screamed "YAYYYYYY!"  I felt like it was the right thing to do.  This morning he was getting out of the shower and said "Mama, when do I get to be Superman, like how many years?  Like 15?"  I said "Yeah, like 15 years.  It's a very long time."   He said "Ok, because I can't wait to fly in the sky and shoot lasers out of my eyes!  YAYYY!  I am going to be the REAL Superman!"  Then he started jumping up and down shouting "I want to grow up now!  I want to grow up NOW!"  Then he went on and said "Well he already killed Zerg, so I won't do that.  But there will be other bad guys." He is totally serious about it. 

Imagine how upset he will be when he finds out I lied to him and even worse, that he won't get to fly and shoot laser beams from his eyeballs.  Poor baby.  I feel like it's better to crush a child who is more capable of handling the harsh realities of the world than a 4-year-old who is not though.  If I were alone in thinking this, Santa wouldn't exist.  I wish he were obsessed with being architect or an accountant or something because then I wouldn't have to feel so sad about it. Of course, that would be really weird for a four-year-old to want to be an accountant. 

My niece, Amelie, told my sister a couple of days ago that she has a boyfriend named Peter. She was making a Valentine for him last night.  My sister found out that Peter is Peter Pan.  I wanted to tell my sister that it's more realistic for Amelie to find one of those (a man who doesn't want to grow up) than Dylan flying around dodging Kryptonite.  HA.  I'm hilarious. 

Dreams are the thing that most separates children from adults and watching my children dream and imagine is one of my favorite things about being a mother.  I have one who wants to be a superhero, one who wants to be a professional dancer, one who wants to be a writer, and one who would probably love to live in a video game. It's fun watching them figure out who they are and dreaming about who they want to be.  It's even more fun watching them fight for it.  And who am I to tell them they can't?  I am 33, I still dream, and I still fight for what I want.  I always will. 

Of all of my children, I am most certain so far that Lindsey is going to do what she's said she's going to do since she was 4. She is incredible.  I get goose bumps thinking about how driven she is.  She drives me insane because she is so stubborn sometimes, but it's the very thing that drives me insane that makes her amazing.  Her passion collides with her drive and ambition and what you get is snapshots like this:

Imagine if all adults were dreamers and they believed in themselves.  Who were these bastards who told them they couldn't dream?  It is so important for us to tell our children that they can do anything they want, even the impossible, so when they are shooting for planet Krypton, they land amongst the stars.

Why Unrequited Love Shines Like No Other

There is probably nothing else in life quite like love that is unrequited.  It's laced throughout music, movies, novels, art, and if you have ever experienced loving someone wholeheartedly only to find out that you're the only one in love, you know how painful it is.  It's a kind of pain that you would never take back because something tells you it makes you better, and then at the same time, you wish you could because it feels like a thousand knives in your heart and soul. 

This subject has come up with my girlfriends three times this week and I have told them what I have learned about unrequited love:

Unrequited love is a gift for both people involved even though it's one of the most painful things you'll ever experience in life, but as usual, no pain no gain.  It will damage you forever if you let it, it will drown you if you swim in it and if you let it change you for the worse, you are missing its lesson. 

Unrequited love requires one person to love, sacrifice, pray, give, adore, and surrender without receiving any benefit for themselves.  Loving that person seems like reward enough.  Human beings can be so selfish, so if you can experience loving someone unconditionally without any hope or sign of ever receiving love back, you just learned what love is and you're fully capable. 

If you are on the receiving end of this unshakable and crazy kind of love, pay attention because you just witnessed a miracle....you witnessed God.  You were just given true love and it's an example of how you should love another-without bartering, without reward, even without hope.

Unrequited love teaches you something else...be careful with someone's heart.  I never really understood how fragile a heart in love is, because quite honestly, everyone I loved has loved me back.  When you experience this kind of pain, you become more cautious to lay it on someone else.

You'll never forget how you felt if you have experienced this, but the good part is that unlike many relationships which  end in nasty divorces and disputes, unrequited love never got started and if it did, you loved the person so much, it stayed beautiful....it can remain perfect and pure in your heart and mind.  It shines like no other kind of love.  It really does. 

The Thrill of the Chase

“ Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.“-One Republic, Counting Stars

It is my insatiable appetite for everything in life that is both a curse and a gift; a cycle that makes boredom uncomfortable, and hunger pains so alive that I  feel like they will kill me.   I am always wanting and reaching for something and when I restrain myself from doing this, when I put myself in a straitjacket to stay in a familiar place, I squirm uncomfortably while it bubbles inside me until I break free— sometimes violently—to chase something else.  Once I catch something, I am satisfied only for a moment before I am off and sprinting, hunting something else that will only give me temporary relief—a temporary fix for my boredom and challenge for my psyche.  Why is it temporary?  When you hunt and kill something, it’s dead.  Who wants to play with something that no longer has life? It’s boring. 

If you don’t know what I am talking about, either I suck at describing the fire and energy within me, or we aren’t built the same way.  Be happy about that because it’s exhausting.  When I say everything in life, I truly mean everything in life.  (Allow yourself to process this for a moment.) My energy and adrenaline both carries me and exhausts me.  My mind drives me insane from analyzing, and yet when I have nothing to contemplate, I feel dead and unhappy.  Once I learn something down pat, I become bored and crave more stimulation.  Once I am caught or catch a person, I want to play the game again.  Once I graduate, I want another degree.  Once I master something, I become bored and must master something else.  It’s exhausting and exhilarating at the same time.  To find satisfaction in the thrill of the chase and yet to be exhausted from chasing it….it’s a strange juxtaposition that I hope to understand one day.  I wonder what I would be like in life if I had no drive.  Comfortable and less confused by the constant change and growth? 

There is a scene in the movie "Happy Feet" that I always think about when I want to describe how I feel when I get too comfortable or bored.  This little penguin is accustom to catching his fish in the wild.  He was born and raised to roam and explore, knowing that while he is hunting, he could be eaten.  This had to be exciting and scary all at the same time.  The penguin is eventually caught by humans.  There is a scene where the penguin is standing with all of the other penguins while the zookeeper throws the fish into the penguins' mouths.  The penguin looks like he has gone insane, opening his mouth with his eyes glazed over, letting the fish glide down his throat with no effort.  I think this is a perfect analogy for me when things fall into my lap with no effort.

 

 

 

 

Flashback Friday-I was assaulted by a crab

I don't eat crab legs, I don't go to Joe's Crab Shack, and I can't imagine what I would want to do to a man if he gave me crabs.  The whole idea of a crab is creepy to me.  What are they?  Mush with a shell?  They're like a non-animal with legs and a house. Of course, I may be biased. 

When I was nine years old, I was molested by a crab at the beach.  My family and I were at Daytona Beach and although I am sure that I had been having a great time on my boogie board, building castles in the sand and frolicking with my brother and sisters, the only thing I can remember is being assaulted by a crab.  

There are little crabs at Daytona Beach that are about the size of a dime under the sand, a few feet from the water.  The tide comes up, and when it goes back, you can see little bubbles on the sand; they're hiding underneath.  Well, I didn't know what they were...I was nine.  I also picked up a jellyfish and chomped on a light bulb when I was that age.  Anyway, I was sitting down amongst the bubbles, playing in the sand, when I felt something in my bathing suit.  YEP!  It was a crab.  There was a crab in my pants.  As if it wasn't bad enough that Chester the Sea Molester had made it into my bathing suit, he had made its way into the pocketed liner of my bathing suit.  So I am freaking out, screaming, basically stripping in public, digging at my bathing suit on a crowded beach. The little bastard was wiggling around and when I got it out, I threw it, and I ran to my parents to tell them I had been violated by a crab.  

Don't act like this hasn't happened to you. 

In the Blink of An Eye

I was getting the boys dressed a few days ago and suddenly, I started crying.  It's the middle of January, which means that they will be five years old in just two months.  I felt pangs in my chest and visions of them as newborns flooded my mind....taking them to the pediatrician and seeing the scale say 7 pounds, dressing them in tiny matching outfits, napping with them both on my chest, crying just because I loved them so much.  Then I thought about how my oldest are almost 13 and I really couldn't breathe.  Eighth grade is months away and by the time I am 34, I will say "I have two in high school".  I don't know where the time is going, and quite honestly, it's scaring the crap out of me.

Even as a child, I was a baby person.  I was the little girl who begged to babysit before I was legally allowed, I always knew what I would name my children one day, and I always knew I would have at least 4.  I asked my mom a few years ago if she was surprised at all that I had four, and she said "No, of your brother and sister, I always knew you would be the one to have a lot of kids".  In fact, she still has a premonition that I will have one more; I tell her she is nuts.  Anyway, I have a sadness in my heart right now that feels almost stingy and silly.  How can I be sad about something that was such a blessing in the first place?  How can I cry about five years of moments being gone with children that I did nothing to deserve to begin with?  How can I do that and look God in the face, because He is the reason that I have been so blessed in the first place.  And what about the people who can't have a child or who have lost the one they had?  Trust me, I feel so spoiled and selfish when I say this, but I am sad that the milestones I always looked forward to as a little girl, are gone.

I am not one of these mothers that looks forward to adult moments with my children because I am not waiting to cross some parenting finish-line, because I enjoy it.  It isn't like I am counting down the days until they're gone because I wanted them here, or I wouldn't have had children.  I didn't have children just to say I did or to carry on my bloodline, and I don't view the little moments with them as pesky.  I love my kids and the only sense of relief I feel as they grow older is that I kept them alive and happy another year.  I love their footed pajamas, I love watching PBS in the morning with them, and I love their little stories.  I love their baby feet, I love their faces when they see something cool or learn something new, and I love how the rest of the world doesn't matter to them yet.  All the boys want is for me to be around, and it's precious. 

In the blink of an eye, Logan went from crying as an infant to playing so many seasons of baseball and football that I can't keep them straight.   He no longer says "gremote" for remote and "Piderman" for his favorite Superhero.  He's replaced Superheros with girls.  In the blink of an eye, Lindsey has danced for nine years and cheered for who knows how long and she has built an entire identity based on these hobbies that she loves.  How has there been time for that??  She's donated all of her baby dolls and Barbies and has started asking for clothes and shoes for her birthday instead of toys.  She no longer says "I like her because she be's nice to me" and "Berrrry" for "Very".  Logan and Lindsey have lost their baby teeth, learned to ride a bike, and gone to their first school dance.  They now text their friends about what they'll be doing on the weekend rather than bug us to play outside with them.  In the blink of an eye, Carson has learned how to roll over, walk, and he's onto video games. Dylan went from sucking on his "Po" (his pacifier) and rubbing Bo's ear on his nose to telling his teachers how much he loves Baby Pannas.  Of course, he corrects me when I say Pannas.  He tells me that it's pronounced "Pan-DAS" 

It's going by too quickly.  I wish I could freeze time.

Top 6-Things Facebook Should Probably Stop Doing

1. Letting us know every time someone comments on something. I'm not sure exactly what's going on here, but I have noticed that rather than seeing ORIGINAL posts in my feed, all I see all day is "Susie (or whoever) commented on this".  

Not only does no one care what I comment on all day long, but I also don't care what Joe Schmoe said 47 lines down in a strand about some football game that I purposely didn't comment on when it was originally posted.  I mean, EVERY time I comment on something, someone has to know about it?  No one cares. What's even worse....Facebook announces when someone comments on their own status?  Go figure!  No way!  What a coincidence that someone may eventually comment on their own status!  I MUST know what that person said!!!  No.  I don't want to know what they said.  What's changed since the FIRST time I didn't care, Facebook, and what will now make me want to start conversing on this strand?  You aren't cool anymore, Facebook.  Our grandmas have you.  Most of us don't want our activity strewn all over our friends' feeds because then it's obvious that we are in fact, tools, and don't have anything better to do....like be productive members of society.  You're a rat, Facebook. 

2. Recommending Friends. 
 

We know where to find each other.  It's not like we don't know what "networking" is.  Some people have thousands of friends by now.  If I have ignored a recommendation for two years, there's probably a reason for it.  Did you also know, Facebook, that the guy you keep recommending was also a prick and used to snap my bra and whisper perverted nothings into my ear in 9th grade Biology?  Get over it. It's never gonna happen.  We're never going to be friends.  It isn't in the stars.

3. Telling Us What Our Friends Like.  

Most of the time, we really don't give a crap.  Most of us like pages that our friends ask us to like, or we just "like" pages that pertain to us or we have an interest in; we don't like the pages you ask us to like. Facebook, you're like that annoying guy on the side of the road begging us to take one of his stupid cards that will only wind up on our floorboard because we didn't want it in the first place. By trying to get me to "like pages", the only thing you've been successful in doing is sucking the 25 seconds that my opposable thumbs had in which to quickly scan to make sure my friends and family are alive and well.  Thanks for that, Facebook.

4. Leaving out some of our friends. Who made you the party planner?  Didn't you learn after Instagram that people are looking for a way to go party somewhere else?  If I want to remove someone from my feed, I will do it myself.  I don't need your computer quantitatively removing important people (like MY SISTERS) from my feed just because they don't post often and I therefore have less contact with them than someone else. Are you our dad, Facebook?  No, back the hell up. When we selected this person as a friend, did you ever take a hint that maybe we want to know when they have something to say? 

5. Asking us questions. We don't want to give you our blood type, sexual orientation and relationship status every time we sign on.  You know, if someone is a lesbian, it's probably not changing between sign-ins.  If we do something like get a divorce, we will go in and make it known that we are on the market if that is what we want to do.  We don't need you to remind us that our status may have changed.  We know whether or not we have a boyfriend or got a new job.  We didn't just forget last Thursday and we definitely don't need you to remind us.

6. Stop being the rich douchebag who inherited the crown of Social Media. How are we supposed to spy on our mischievous, lying teenagers if they refuse to associate with you, Facebook?  You'd better do something to prove yourself or you'll soon wind up a has-been.  Like the Snap Bracelet. 

 

Where's the Fire?

Manners.  Behavior and practices that have been deemed socially acceptable by the masses.  My children get this.  My children know how to be polite and they are also perfectly aware of when they are being rude.  Do most adults?  Let's see, I would gravitate toward a big fat NO.  My boys are 4 and they're more polite than a lot of the morons I run into on a daily basis. 

Sorry about this upcoming bitch fest, but I just don't get this and after Zumba last night, I just can't contain myself......

When you are getting on an elevator, how about this.....let the person who is on the elevator OFF FIRST!  I mean, really.  Where is the fire?  The fire is nowhere, because if there were one, you certainly wouldn't be escaping by use of the elevator.  I mean, is this complicated?  We get off, you observe some area that is free, you get on and push the button.  It's not difficult to understand. This goes for trains and subways as well. 

I ride elevators every day in my building and I have been noticing how incredibly rude people are.  Pretty much any time there's a damn doorway and space behind it, there is some rude bastard nearby trying to knock you off your ass to get to it.  What about HOLDING A DOOR FOR SOMEONE???  I must have missed the memo.  Are zombies chasing you?  Is the world so overpopulated that the last bit of earth that exists is the one you're pummeling me for? 

Last night I almost lost it.

Zumba is from 7:00-8:00 on Monday nights.  Following this class is Bodyworks from 8:00-9:00.  Every week it's the same thing, so I will just explain last night.  I grabbed my sweatshirt and walked to the door.  I was immediately rushed like Matt freaking Ryan, getting pushed left and right, because a herd of what could only look like cows just HAD to make way to their beloved spots before the other cows in the herd could get there.  I actually said "Can we get out please?"  We went ignored.  30 people just trampled us and rudely tossed us aside. 

Now I know this sounds funny, picturing a bunch of women trampling other women to get to their spots for a class at the gym, but it isn't because I am about to do something stupid.  I am about to put a sign on the door telling them that they're cows and that the slaughterhouse can wait.  It's either that or I am locking the door until a giant group of us gathers so we can trample THEM on the way out.  Or better yet!  How about I steal all of the five pound weights?  That way, they'll just be in a frenzy and walking around like chickens with their heads cut off!   Yeah.  Muahahahahaha.

Basic human decency, people.  We aren't gorillas roaming the jungle.  Sheeesh. I can't even believe I am writing about this.  Elevator doors?  This makes me realize that as long as human beings exist, there will always be something to write and bitch about.

January Fog

I absolutely hate the month of January.  I don't really like February either, but at least it's short, and that's all I can say about that.  January sucks.  It's cold, it's after the holidays, and the gym is too crowded.  In fact, I'm already thinking about March, which is pathetic.   Lovely, I know.  You're welcome, for this glorious mood I have probably put you in.  I would never survive north of the Mason Dixon line, and actually, probably no further north than Hmmm, let's say, Georgia.  Yep.  Pretty much.

I am going to Florida this weekend.  Seriously.  Because winter sucks.  It causes an uncomfortable case of BLAH for me.

Flashback Friday-The Abandoned Apartment

This is so interesting. I find it so odd that this woman continued to pay her rent for over 60 years and never went back for her belongings. I would have at least sent someone for them. Luckily, she left things as they were. Pretty cool. 

http://themetapicture.com/abandoned-this-apartment-from-1942/

Getting Better

I don't remember ever having been as sick as I have been the last few days.  I caught the flu on Sunday and pretty much had a fever between 102 and 104 for four days.  I was in hell.  Everything hurt, I was freezing, I couldn't get the fever down and it would spike before it was time for more medicine.  It was awful.  Yesterday I woke up and I could tell it had gotten worse.  I couldn't breathe well and I almost passed out getting out of the shower, so my friend took be to Urgent Care and I found out that it had turned into Bronchitis.  They gave me a breathing treatment and steroid shot, and I was prescribed five different medicines.  I am doing SOOOO much better.  I feel loopy and weird from the medicine, but that's ok.  My fever broke around 5:00 this morning and it hasn't been back.  I have gotten up and done some laundry and took a shower, but I am still really weak. I don't know what to do to help my immune system, but I am researching it for sure.

Going back to rest......

I'm really really sick right now....I'll write when I'm better. 

Thanks,

Britt

The Domino Effect-Your Heart

This isn't about diet and exercise, but it's about your heart, and a lot of us need to get things in order right there.  It is, after all, one of the dominos.......

I read a really funny blog yesterday that was about New Year's Resolutions and dating and I was cracking up because the guy was so right.  He basically said "Why would a new year have anything to do with meeting the right person?"  If it were that easy, wouldn't it have happened already?  He said the biggest reason that it's such a dumb idea to make dating a New Year's Resolution is that we are always bringing our old baggage into the new year.  But I mean, how can you not?  When you are smarter, you carry more luggage in case of an emergency.  Duh!  The problem is that you have to pay a fortune to get any airplane to store it for you.  Therein lies the problem.

Dating in your 20's is so different than dating in your 30's because you don't know as much about people and the world  and relationships when you are younger.  Your heart tends to control the wheel and you aren't as jaded.  When you are older, your head sets up all of these parameters as a defense.  Then again, you can still find yourself lost if your heart wins over your head. You know what?  I don't know anything.  This is all so confusing.  I know you can't make your heart feel something it doesn't and I know you can't stop your heart from feeling something when it does, so maybe your head is the loser in the situation, which makes it stupid that we even set up criteria for "who we should be with" because in the end, it won't matter anyway because your heart ultimately is the winner.  It's so confusing.  I would be willing to say that a broken heart in your 30's is much more dangerous. A broken heart in your 30's feels worse because your brain assesses the damage even more and stops you from trying again. 

Which leads me to my point.....


I told my sister and a couple of my friends that I would start dabbling in dating this year and I am back and forth about it.  On a good day, I know these are all ridiculous and I understand that I need to be positive.  On a bad day, I throw my hands up and just vow to preserve myself for all of eternity.  Here are my reasons......

• I haven't decided how much of my time and life I am willing to share. I feel like I categorize too much.  We can have a conversation, but I am not so sure where this is going if I ultimately don't want to share my extra sink in my bathroom.
• I don't want to get hurt because I already am. Sometimes I wonder if the only way to get over one heartbreak is to have someone else break it. 
• I really don't have time. I don't want to become one of these girls that can't commit to an hour for dinner, but I pretty much have. It's like I am immediately setting up 100 hoops for someone to NOT jump through.  This is a problem, I would say. My kids and my friends get me entirely. 
• I think the word DATE is stupid. "I can't go with you.  I have a date."  Ugh.  Barf.  I have never ended up with anyone or fallen in love with anyone from going on a date.  I have fallen in love with friends, people I already know, or we are just like accidentally meeting or hanging out, so you can imagine why pre-planned meetings ROMANTICALLY are extremely unsettling to me. It just kind of happens for me and my head is never involved, which is probably really stupid because it should be. 
• I tend to love things that don't love me back. This is by far, the scariest thing to me.  This truth stops me absolutely frozen in my tracks.  I just told my friend, Kasie, yesterday that I feel like I go where the love needs me to go, and then I am cursed, loving someone who will never love me.  I feel like if I were walking down the street and I saw two people to love, I would run to the one who would run from me.  It's almost instinctual at this point.  So YEAH!  Let's go on a date!!!  I feel like the Universe sits back and laughs at me.  Like Poor Brittany.  Haha.  She will never learn.  But look at her persistence! 
• I don't know what to do with the ones who love me.  I am chasing someone who doesn't love me while the one who loves me is not chasing me, but standing there solid, waiting for me to use my brain one day.  Also laughing at me. 
• I know what I want. Sometimes.
• I have too many rules.  Sometimes.

I wish I didn't analyze so much, but it's in my nature.  The more I analyze, the less I seem to know. 

The Domino Effect-Making Time For You

Do you remember a while back when I posted about the "No Excuses" mom?  Then there was the model who posted the picture of her stomach after giving birth a few days later?  I wrote about "Fat Shaming" and talked about how I didn't think it was fair to flip and attack women who care about their bodies and take care of themselves just like it isn't fair to attack people with weight problems.  I think I said that everyone should be supporting each other, especially women.  No one should be judging anyone else. 

There is one truth that no one can argue with:

Eating right and working out is good for you physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually. 

I have been talking to a lot of my girlfriends with kids and who work out and I have something to say....sometimes we feel like we take heat for putting ourselves first and it's irritating on so many levels because it isn't really putting yourself first when you are talking about taking care of your body.  It's similar to being on an airplane and putting on your oxygen mask before the person sitting next to you.  If you don't take care of yourself, how the hell will you take care of everyone else???

When the No Excuses mother was attacked, I heard a lady on The Bert Show call in and say "I don't have time to work out, I am busy being a better mother."  I wanted to reach through the radio and strangle her.  I wouldn't bother strangling someone like that though because I could tell the type of person she is just by what she was saying.  She is the type of woman who is secretly so jealous of anyone hotter, richer, smarter....all she can do is make ridiculous statements about why they are selfish and wrong, and I would be willing to bet that she actually sits around at home while her kids are off playing.  When you don't work out, you actually have less energy, so....yeah, I guess I am being judgmental when I just said you shouldn't be, but it's more than likely just a truth.  I know her type.  And let me be clear...I don't give a damn what she does.  At the end of the day, people are free to sit around and smoke crack and eat donuts and smoke 3 packs a day, but that person had better be prepared for me to have an opinion if they make judgments about me doing the opposite. 

I am a cheerleader for my friends and if any one of them says they don't have time, I'll bet I could help them find time, and if not every day, a couple to three times a week....and that is better than nothing.  Any of my friends know that they could call me and say "Will you train me?"  I have always said yes.  I have informed anyone about anything they want to know because I believe girls should stick together and wish the best for one another.  I want all of my friends to feel good about themselves.  In fact, the only reason I get preachy about health is because I know how awesome you feel and I want everyone to know what the difference is. 

Working out for an hour is 5 percent of your day, first of all, so anyone who says they don't have time to work out (especially when they stay at home) is full of crap.  I did it, so I know. 

Why you are being a better mother by working out:

1. When you look better, you feel better. 
2. When you feel better, you have more energy. 
3. When you have more energy, you do more for your children and enjoy your time together.
4. You are teaching your children to be healthy.
5. You more than likely eat better, so you're also teaching your children about a healthy diet.
6. If you take them to the childcare, they get to play and socialize.
7. They learn about good habits, persistence and goals.
8. They learn that putting your health first actually does serve others.
9. Working out gives you endorphins that make you happy, and if mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
10. If you are all of these things and you are married, you'll also be better to your spouse and everyone knows that kids are happy when their parents are happy together.

I don't like women who judge other women for going to the gym and caring about their bodies.  Just because you're jealous and hateful because you don't have the will power or drive doesn't mean that you can make blanket statements about someone else who has proved your excuses wrong.  And just because you can't deal with the fact that you're wrong doesn't mean anyone else should have to listen to your crap. Everyone could say "I don't have time to work out".  Everyone is busy.  Everyone who works out sees straight through a bad, judgmental attitude.  Now if you don't like to work out, you don't want to, don't have the will....just say it.  No one cares and we can all admire you for telling the truth.

My kids get a better mother because I am healthy and not to mention, they'll have me longer.  Hopefully I will be the type of grandmother who can get on the floor an play with my grandbabies, because that's what I want.  I want to be here as long as possible, and while I AM here, I want to be the best me I can be. 

I also want to state this....I always put the gym first in my mind so I get it done, but of course, I understand that there are other priorities. If you are consistent, your body can afford to make exceptions once in a while.  For example, there have been times when my kids really really really don't want to go to the gym on a particular day.  I have been in the parking lot and said "You really don't want to go?" And I have left and gone home, not because I wanted to, but because they are always so cooperative and if they really want to go home, we go home.  We go home and snuggle or watch a movie and play instead.  I am being a good mother because I am trying to use my best judgment in each scenario.  Being a mother, especially, is about juggling....but you have to put yourself first so you CAN JUGGLE. 

Trust me.  If anyone knows about juggling, it's me.  Do I drop the ball sometimes?  Yes, but I always work out, which gives me the energy to pick them back up. 

The Domino Effect-Clean Slate

Happy New Year!  I hope everyone is having a great day and that your night was amazing! I was in bed and fell asleep around 9:00 last night and then woke up to celebrate the 10 seconds before the ball dropped, hugged my daughter, and went back to sleep about 30 seconds after 2014 began.  Sleep is not overrated, especially when you are tired.

Everyone loves a new year for one thing...a clean slate.  If you think about it, a clean slate is not really a clean slate, it's more of a mental thing, because you still have the same life as you did....but that doesn't mean that mentally picturing a clean slate isn't a good thing.  Visualizing a clean slate is good for your attitude and a positive attitude is what makes everything work.  Having the attitude that you have a clean slate, goals ahead of you, and the tools to do what you want, that's how you get it done.

I don't ever make New Year's Resolutions because I feel like I am constantly a work in progress, but I do know what it is I want out of this year.  They are already things I focus on, but now I am kicking it up a notch. 

• Focus on the kids and make them feel settled and loved every day. My kids had a hard year last year, just like me.  We are getting settled, and I want more than anything for them to feel safe and comfortable like they used to.  I think they are good now, but nevertheless, that's my focus.
• Work work work and make lots of money.
• Stay organized. I went through hell last year. Time to get back to the way I usually function.
• Tighten my circle.  Basically, this year I am going to remember who my friends are, stop trusting everyone and stop being crushed when I find out that people are horrible human beings.  I have been thinking about what a real friend is, and it is this:

You hear something from someone about your friend and you immediately don't believe it, and if you do, you say "That sounds out of character, but if it's true, I love him/her anyway.  I will talk to them about this".  Why do I say this?  Because your true friends love you without condition, and they will always try to help you and be there for you even if you are struggling.  There is nothing I could hear about my friends that would make me turn my back on them.  I don't care what they do; if they mess up, I am there.  I expect the same out of my friends, and I know I have that support.  If I don't, I don't need you hanging around me.  My friends know that they could gang bang 12 musicians in a night and I wouldn't judge them and hurt them. 

Here's to 2014!!!!  I hope it's an amazing year for everyone!