Heels

I was walking down to Highland Bakery for a smoothie today and as I was ordering, this adorable girl with a great figure stood next to me.  She was very pretty and wore a pencil skirt and a pretty pair of heels. I waited for my smoothie and she waited for her coffee; I got my order a few seconds after she got hers.  I turned to exit and I saw her walking in front of me in her 5 inch heels that made her WALK LIKE A JUNGLE ANIMAL.

You know, here's the thing about heels: they suck.  Sure, they look good.  Your calves look cut, your ass looks tight, your legs look long....but if you walk like some bizarre circus act, how is that attractive?  I mean, it kind of ruins the whole package, right?  I know girls who can wear heels like a pro and look really hot.  I am unfortunately not this way, unless I stand in one place and don't move at all; most of the time I have to hold onto something stationary.  Everyone around me would prefer that I embrace my shortness because when I wear heels I whine the whole time, I start walking like Forrest Gump in leg braces, and at some point in the evening I become the barefoot skank who walks around with gas station feet. 

I love shoes, but I hate them. I have problems with nearly every pair I ever own.  Even walking around without shoes hurts my feet sometimes because my arches cramp up.  They are really high.  I can handle a 2-inch heel.  Two inches-that's pretty much what my grandma can wear without breaking a hip.  I am a total bad ass, right?

Heels are my nemesis.


Here's a little history on the high heel:

 
http://www.randomhistory.com/1-50/036heels.html


And in case you miss the last paragraph of this article, it says that girls are starting to have their toes shortened and artificial padding injected into the balls of their feet so they can wear heels. Ewww!