How Disney Princesses Sold Out

My family and I were watching "The Little Mermaid" with the kids about a week ago.  My sister saw the movie with my mom when she was a little girl and during the final scene of the movie, when they are sailing off into happily ever after, she screamed out "Yeah right".  We were all laughing because a little kid said it, but we were also laughing because let's face it.....fairy tales are totally ridiculous.  Just as Jerry Maguire saying "You complete me" is a total crock, so are most fairy tales.

What I have learned over the years (because I was so unlike my sister; I was a dreamer) is that love is not completely forgoing yourself in order to make a happy ending.  Love is not giving more than the other person is willing to give.  It's a partnership.  Love is respect.  You can't respect a doormat just like you can't respect someone who doesn't care about who you are as a person. If you give up who you are, then who are they supposed to love?  If you change for someone, can you even tell them who they are supposed to love?  No, because you don't know who you are anymore.

Let's take a look at the Disney princesses and how they completely compromised who they were for a man......

Ariel (The Little Mermaid): Sold her soul and most beautiful feature (her voice) to a sea witch in exchange for legs.  Why?  For a man.  So here's the deal.  Ariel lives in the ocean and this dude lives on land.  She leaves her entire identity, her immortality, and her whole family to live with a man who she barely knows, FOREVER.  What if he ends up a bastard?  She now has legs and a set of lungs that can't withstand water; she has also lost her ability to speak and sing.  And who says she wasn't completely happy with her fin?  Maybe her fin glistened and now her legs have cellulite.  So now she is a mute with cellulite, she can't see her family anymore and all she has is a bastard prince to take care of.  Thank goodness she won't live forever.  What did the guy have to give to Ariel that he couldn't get back?  Nothing, of course.

Lesson: Give everything to a guy and it will work out.

Jasmine (Aladdin): Aladdin was a sociopath and lied about his identity.  She forgave the bastard liar, married him and let him live in her palace.

Lesson: Forgive for love, even if the guy is a chainsaw murderer.

Cinderella: Instead of telling her sisters and evil step-mother to go to hell, she waits for her fairy godmother to bail her out, so a guy can then bail her out for good.

Lesson: You can't do it alone, so wait for a man and he will rescue you.  I wonder how many strippers saw this movie.  "I will use my body to bail me out, and then hopefully while I am naked, I will find a guy to bail me out forever. "

Belle (Beauty and the Beast): She has Stockholm Syndrome.

Lesson: First of all, kidnappers are nice. Secondly, even if someone is ugly, you can still be attracted to them.   (Yeah right.)  Your sex life will be great, even if there isn't attraction.  (Yeah right.)  Also, ugly guys turn into princes after you prove your love for them.....um, not going to happen.  Anyone aging knows that.

Snow White: Trust everyone.

Lesson:  Trust strangers giving you poison.  Ok, in real life, you are dead.  Even Channing Tatum can't wake you from death.  Make better decisions, Snow White.


Aurora (Sleeping Beauty):  Sleep your life away until your prince comes along.


Lesson: Be completely inactive and let all decisions you make be in vain until your real life begins.  Begins, meaning when you are saved by your prince.  You might as well be a lump until a man comes along because of course,  that's the only reason for living.

Pocahontas: This one is just completely historically inaccurate.  I mean, could they have made her boobs any bigger?  And John Smith was a racist a-hole in real life.  Enough said.


The only Disney princesses that I really have any respect for are Tiana (Princess and the Frog) and Rapunzel  (Tangled).  These movies depict a strong female and more of a cooperative relationship.  Tiana and the lazy, spoiled prince hop around together trying to figure out how to become human again.  Actually, Tiana is a lot smarter and more resourceful than the prince.  In Tangled, Rapunzel uses a thief to lead her to the lights.....at least she is a good negotiator.  She is a princess and saves HIM in the end.  How's that for a role reversal?  I can't remember Mulan, but I am pretty sure that she is tough and surrounds herself with good friends.

I hope that at least one person can appreciate my warped sense of humor and cynicism.  Have a great Saturday!  

Flashback Friday-Slackin' but Dancin'

Ok, so I am really slacking on the writing, but I am having so much fun and living my life!  Plus, you need something to write about, right?

Yesterday morning the boys and I went to Zumba.  We chilled all day and then around 6:30 we went to Ash and Matt's.  Matt watched the boys and Amelie last night so Ashli and I could go Salsa dancing.  O.M.G., I could easily become a Salsa Club Rat.  I had so much fun, it's ridiculous.  First of all, I love to dance.  Secondly, I like that you have to be asked to dance, like a lady.  Thirdly, it's actual DANCING and not grinding with strangers.....that's so gross.  I have never been well-liked at clubs because I am a beotch to guys who want to dance.  I would rather dance alone, thank you.  I don't know you, so back it up.....unless it's actual partner dancing.

It is true that a good partner makes all the difference.  There were some dances where I was pretty much hating life and getting stepped on, but then with a good partner I was getting twirled, dipped, and put into the air!  It was so much fun.  I felt like Baby.  No one puts Baby in a corner.  HAHA!

I could dance like 23 hours a day.  I never seem to get enough.  My sister was so ready to go at 3 AM and I was still spinning and smiling.  We didn't go to sleep until 6 AM and I woke up at 8:30.  I feel great.  I took the kids to breakfast and we are chilling and watching some turtle movie on Netflix right now.  My mom says that I am a mutant like she is (she can get by on a couple hours of sleep), but I think it's called ADHD....too much energy sometimes.  Below are a couple of pictures:

Outside of Excalibur

I forgot to mention that we were dancing in heels and my foot started
to lock up.  We went to Walgreens to find flip-flops.  I was in such heaven
not to be wearing heels, I walked to the cashier with the string still attached.  I was
laughing so hard that I was crying.  My sister said "Don't move another inch!  I am taking a picture
of how retarded you look!"  Anyway, that's what this picture is.

Since it's Flashback Friday and I talked about something from yesterday, here's a flashback that is relevant.  Remember this song?  This is a funny little montage from a really stupid movie.  Dance Off's are the funniest ever....

http://youtu.be/efBdvYr-drw


Have a great day!

Milwaukee Zoo

Katie, Ash and I took our kids to the zoo today.  Their zoo is way better than our zoo.  A while back I wrote about how it sucks that you can't see the animals anymore because the animal rights activists made us get rid of the cages and small rooms.  I am happy that the animals have room to roam at our zoo, but it makes seeing the animals difficult.  Apparently, if you were an animal it would be like hitting the lottery to end up at Zoo Atlanta because it's like Jurassic Park! In Milwaukee, however, they have the monkeys and gorillas in cages and rooms!  You can see everything very so well!  It's awesome!  The tigers are locked in a room in Milwaukee...ours are free to roam in what looks like the jungle!  I don't even think that Carson and Dylan understood how big and scary tigers are until today.  They loved it.  One of the tigers looked really angry at a kid who was clearly taunting him.  I kinda wanted to pull the Harry Potter trick and remove the glass for a second so the bratty kid could be eaten.  Oh, crap.  Did I say that out loud?  His dad wasn't any better.  He was like a third grader; he was banging on the glass and making faces at the tiger.  What a nerd.  

Ok, so the best part about the zoo is that they have the animals that we don't have.  We may have pandas, but they have polar bears, penguins, alligators, sharks, giant sea turtles, and seals.  We have none of those.  Carson and Dylan were so excited.  Personally, I was very excited to see the polar bear.  He looked very hot though and I felt sort of sorry for him.  He had a pool, but he just rested in the sun.  He must not be very smart.  He must just be thankful that he isn't clinging to an ice-cube in the middle of the Atlantic.   

I thought that some of the people that were roaming around the zoo belonged in cages as well.  MAN, there were some freaks at the Milwaukee Zoo today!  To quote Katie, "The people-watching today was top-notch!"  Many times throughout the day I cocked my head and said "Really?????  You just said that?"  People were such rude little bastards today!  

Hope you are having a fantastic day!  To all of my readers at home, I heard it got down to 72 degrees last night!  Awesome!  I hope you are staying cool.  Miss you all! 

By the way, I went to yoga this morning and the instructor didn't shave her armpits.....like, it's been probably five years.  Any reason for this that I am aware of?  What is the purpose of this hairiness?  It takes two seconds.  I just don't get it.  The mysteries of the world......


I am going to Zumba tomorrow with Katie and then we are doing a 5K at Bastille Days tomorrow night.  Yay!  If you want to know what Bastille Days is, here is a link....


http://www.easttown.com/events/bastille-days/storm-the-bastille



Oh, and I am aware of how mean I was today.  Just one of those days!  

N.W.A. Said It Best

I got a parking ticket last night for parking in FRONT OF MY MOM'S house!  Apparently, my brother has been calling my car in at night (thank you, Tyson).  You have to call a number to say that your car will be there all night, otherwise you get a ticket.  They "chalk your tires" to see if you have been there longer than a certain amount of time.  WHAT the HELL is that?  I have to pay the state of Wisconsin $33 for parking on a residential street in front of a house that is owned by my mother???  My question is this: WHERE AM I TO PARK MY CAR???  On the damn roof?  On the stinking grass????  There are no driveways, and there is only one spot in the garage for my mom.  How about this, Wisconsin.....kiss my butt because there is no way I am paying you!  There is no sign with any number telling you the rules, so basically you are trying to screw the out-of-towners!  BITE ME!  Now I remember that this used to happen to me all winter in front of my apartment building in OUR parking lot where I PAID RENT!  When the Wisconsin Police or Traffic  Violation Loser Department (I'm talking to you, policemen on bicycles) decide to fly me into Wisconsin for my day in court, THAT'S when I will pay the ticket!  So basically, it will be a cold day in HELL when you see my $33!

I am so pissed right now because I will probably have to pay the damn thing because I always follow the damn rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Every week that you don't pay it, it goes up!  By September, I will owe $63!  UGHHHHH!   Where's that N.W.A. song when I need it?

Nora Ephron

I haven't been writing because I have been busy and out of my element.  There are things that I have wanted to write about and haven't and it's really starting to irritate me.  For example, I haven't had a chance to say how extremely upset I am that Nora Ephron has passed away.  She was no doubt, my favorite screenplay writer.  For those of you with MALE PARTS, she wrote When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail.....to name a few.  They are tolerable romantic comedies for men and absolute favorites for women.  What was so awesome about her is that she had an ability to notice the differences between men and women and laugh about them.  (The argument about whether men and women can be friends, for example, is hilarious and something that we still ask.)  Her dialogue was priceless and her sense of humor was witty and unforgettable.  Her movies also give you hope that there are happy endings in real life, probably because she writes things as they are in reality. She writes about the cynics, the stupid, the arrogant, the broken-hearted......all people that we have to deal with daily, and yet among the chaos that exists with these people and throughout our lives, she tells us that there is still something to laugh about.  I love that she paid attention to the small things in life too.  There are things that everyone notices but never mentions and she did....this makes for a great movie.

My mom, my sister and I are watching a Nora Ephron movie every night this week (when we are not out and about).  I suggest that you do the same if you haven't seen her movies.  Yes, even you, men.  You would understand us a lot more if you watched movies written by Nora Ephron and Nancy Meyers.  (Nancy Meyers wrote What Women Want, It's Complicated, The Holiday, and Something's Gotta Give.)

We will miss you, Nora Ephron!

"So you're saying that a man CAN be friends with a woman he
finds UNATTRACTIVE?" Nope. You pretty much wanna nail them too.  

"Didn't you see Fatal Attraction?"

"The Godfather is the answer to any question.  What should I pack for my
summer vacation?  Leave the gun, take the cannoli.  What day of the
week is it?  Maunnday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday." 

Counting Crows Concert

Greg, Ash, Tyson, Torie and I went to Chicago on Saturday.  My mom kept all of the precious children.  We had so much fun!  First we got coffee together and then walked to the hotel to check Tyson and Torie in.  They had a little “babymoon” together at Swissotel. Greg, Ash and I went to see Counting Crows at Navy Pier. 

First of all, there were only supposed to be like 2000 people at this concert and I am not even sure there were that many.  It was in the ballroom at the end of the pier.  It was open bar, catered, and because Greg works for Groupon, we were VIP…..that was cool, even though I didn’t really use any of the perks because I wasn’t sure what they were.  We were so close to the stage; I couldn’t believe it and my sister (Mega Crows Fan) was jumping up and down and flipping out.  Grace Potter and the Nocturnals opened for them; she was really good!  I had heard of them but never listened to them; I will now. 

Everyone started to take their places near the stage and it seemed that a lot of us short girls were standing in a group.  A 6’3 a-hole with butterfly stitches and bruises all over his face squeezed his way through the crowd and parked his sorry ass right in front of us.  He was directly in front of a girl next to me; she was very irritated. I admit that I had a drink I my hand, but I know that the liquor is not the reason I said something to this rude bastard.  I always assume that if someone’s car is beat up, they suck at driving.  It’s the same thing with faces—if your face is beat up, you are more than likely a major butthead—the guy deserved us saying something because he is probably rude most of the time.  I tapped him and said “Excuse me, but she can’t see now.”  I pointed to the short girl.  He shrugged his shoulders.  I said “Aren’t you going to move?  We have been standing here for a long time trying to get a good spot and you shoved your way in front of her.”  He looked at me like he didn’t care.  I asked the girl next to me how tall she was.  I said “She is 5’1.  Aren’t you going to move?”  He said no.  I said “It looks like you run your mouth a lot.  Guess what!  So do I!  Move your ass!”  He rolled his eyes.  Then a couple of guys next to us got upset because he blew us off.  They said “You’re going to stand in front of a bunch of small girls and not move?”  I couldn’t hear anything else that they said, but there was some shoving and that was it.  We shut our mouths because we didn’t want a brawl.  The girls and I squeezed in front of the a-hole and called him names and made fun of his stitches, loud enough so that he could hear us.  (Very mature, I know.)  The rest of the concert was awesome, even though the jerk was sort of stepping on our feet and singing the whole time. 

Counting Crows are really great live and Adam Duritz seems so sweet and cool.  He almost seemed shy on stage…..so cute, considering he could be a major jerk after 20 years of fame.  They were really good AND they played “Colorblind”, which is my absolute favorite.  I taught myself this song on the piano and it’s my favorite thing to play; easy as well. 

Here are a couple of links and then below are pictures.

Grace Potter:

http://youtu.be/MA_ode55DFA

Colorblind:

http://youtu.be/164jS1qnCU0

Here are some pictures:

On the way to Chicago!

In the hotel room before we left for the concert

Date with the Daughters

Me and my brudder.....I love him.  We are outside of the hotel

View from the hotel room 

The River

From another window

Flashback Friday-Unexplained Hiatus and an Old Picture

Well, I took a little break from my blog.  Long story short, I had a great time with my family.....such a great time that I decided to come back.  I flew into Atlanta last Saturday (got home at midnight) and started the drive back to Milwaukee with the kids the next day.  The drive takes two days for me because I stop in Indiana, so I got here around noon on Monday.  I only have the boys because Lindsey had too much going on; she stayed with her daddy.  She is going to the beach with her best friend this next week and then she has cheerleading camp the following week. 

I have a million pictures to post and tons of stories to write about, but very little time because I am busy trying to enjoy my life and my family.  The best part about my trip is that my brother, Tyson, and his wife and baby are here....this means that Ash, Ty and I are all together.  This rarely happens and it is so much fun.  We are very goofy together and we tend to act like we are 10 years old.  (Even sober.) 

I am going to Chicago tomorrow with my sister and step-dad.  We are seeing the Counting Crows and staying for the night.  More tomorrow.....

Oh, and no Word of the Day.  Too hot to learn.  On that note, have you noticed how cranky people are in the heat?  I am sure that Hell a fantastic place to be....Hitler and Stalin suffering from heat stroke?  Yikes! 

Ashli, Brittany, and Tyson....October, 1982 (I think)