11 Practical Ways to Get Over Someone

It's hard to get over someone you love because there's a part of you that doesn't want to get over it and won't let go.  Why? Because you're afraid you won't love like that again.  Getting over someone is like having your snuggly security blanket taken away and it sucks. I have been one to wear my heart on my sleeve, but I recently realized that when you are getting over someone, that's a really dumb thing to do.  It's best to create a suit of armor and I have come up with a list of ways to do that.  And while I appreciate all of the hard core advice like "you deserve better" or "love yourself first", none of that helps when you're driving down the road and it hits you and you're all alone.  And what do you do with that advice when you already know that you deserve better or already love yourself?  It's like knowing you'll love again.  Knowing that you will love again doesn't help you when you miss that someone because you know there isn't anyone like that person.  It does nothing when you're in your bed in the dark and feel your heart breaking. There's a lot of advice out there.  Some say to have sex with someone else (totally not me), some people say block and delete on social media (maybe), but I have another list and I think it's totally practical. 

You have to create a little suit of armor against those mind tricks and emotional triggers, and this is how you do it.....

1.) Listen to rap. Put the sad songs down and walk away. It's physically impossible to cry or be emotional when you hear things like "I got that ho Tivo'ed". Go ahead and try. You can't. Just remember, ain't nobody crying to 2 Chainz.

2.) Watch funny movies. Don't watch things like "The Notebook" or anything with Meg Ryan. What the hell is wrong with you? Why don't you go down to the local pound too and attach yourself to some puppies who are about to be euthanized.  Maybe you should also pour some salt in your eyes just for kicks.  The objective here at this point in time is to not feel anything.  Ryan Gosling will only make you feel like shit. 

3.) Think of the things that irritated you about the person, and only those things. Every time you think something good, counteract it with the one thing that annoyed you the most. Then think about the fact that there exists a person who doesn't do that. 

4.) Get angry. I'm not an angry person, so this is hard for me, but I have found that it sure as hell beats crying. You want to stay pissed until you don't care anymore because it's safer that way. The second you get sad, you lose your head and start thinking about the things you miss and loved about the person. Don't go there. 

5.) Think about how you get to have another awesome first kiss.  Don't think about this right away because you will only cry, but eventually you won't.  Tell yourself the guy will probably look like Gerard Butler, even if you know you'd have a better chance at finding a leprechaun. 

6.) Keep moving. Be healthy and keep busy.  

7.) Throw yourself into work. (Or whatever).  Make that money.  Can't do that when you're crying. 

8.) Accept that you'll probably always love the person in a way. So what. I still like my jellies from the 80's, doesn't mean I should still wear them.

9.) Give yourself a certain amount of time to cry. Then stop. I have done this.  I have said "Brittany, you have one day to get it out and then you're done."  It works. 
10.) DO NOT FORGET about that one thing the person did that hurt you.  I am a very forgiving person so I have to work at this.  When you are feeling like "Well, it's ok.  It's not so bad," NO.  Don't do that.  Remember that thing that broke you and don't let go of it.  You can let go of it when you're indifferent.  When you can successfully play Naked Golf with the person and feel nothing, then you can let go of it.
11.) Take care of yourself....Allow yourself one night where you just get white girl (or boy) wasted, then wipe your pukey self off, get up and go to the gym.  And take a shower, preferably.  You stink for sure.