A Note to That Guy....

I finally blocked someone yesterday because I kept getting annoyed by his pathetic advances to flirt. It just got to the point that I was embarrassed for him and I started wondering "How many times do you have to strike out to be that persistent?" My guess is a LOT. Why? Because only someone that persistent doesn't have anything to lose. They're like radical jihadists except they're trying to find a girlfriend. Blowing themselves up in the hopes of getting to see what a vagina looks like for the first time in real life is apparently no big deal. 

I was sitting at Verizon one day getting my replacement phone working, I bought an iPad, and I was there for hours because the guy who worked there also synced my computer and got some viruses off. So while the guy worked on my computer, I was on my blog on my new iPad. There was this guy who kind of congregated with us and he asked about my blog. He started reading my blog and friended me. I accepted. That was a mistake. 

So, I tried being polite but straight forward, even up until yesterday. I tried lying too and saying I had a boyfriend but then when I forgot that I was supposed to have a boyfriend and posted something about being single, I immediately got a message. So then yesterday I said that I had a new boyfriend. He said "Damn. I wanted to flirt.....so can I?" First of all, flirting serves a purpose. It's like a social signal to let someone know that you're interested. You don't ask or what's the damn point? I finally answered "I don't see what the point of flirting is when I'm not interested." Then I blocked him because it was pointless trying to be nice. 

I thought about it and feel that I should just be blunt today. Maybe guys who say they try not to be "that guy" and then no doubt, are "that guy" will benefit from hearing it straight up. Again. And again. And again. But probably not.....

Guys, here's the truth....if we aren't flirting back, please just stop. You have a lot to lose. A lot. DO NOT ask for selfies the first time you talk to us. WTF is wrong with you? When we say we have a boyfriend and you say "Damn. I wanted to flirt." And you proceed to say "So can I?" NO!!!!! My imaginary boyfriend is going to kick your sorry ass if I don't embarrass you first. Don't say things like "I miss talking to you" when the only conversation we ever had was never. I turned you down. That's hardly a conversation.  Stop being creepy, please. There are women who will take your money and have sex with you. Yeah I know it's illegal. So is being a stalker.  Most of all, stop embarrassing yourself. 

I am a mom. There is part of me that thinks about how you are someone's child and how your parents will never have grandchildren because you're so pathetic. And that's sad. But there comes a point where you're just flat out freaking ass creepy. 

Just stop it. 

Why the Thrill of the Chase is Not So Thrilling

I always hear people say that chasing a person is thrilling. Funny. I find it annoying and I always remember how annoying it is once I don't have to do it anymore.

My girlfriend and I were talking about our signs yesterday and whether or not there's any truth to them. She laughed when I said "Well I am definitely a Leo because it's no fun playing with a dead piece of meat, it's only fun playing with something that will play back with you." 

Maybe I always picture this analogy because I'm a Leo, but picture a lion....A lion in the zoo would give anything to not be handed dead meat on a platter because part of him loves the hunt.  But even when he's in the wild chasing something alive, he knows that the end result is that he wants to eat it. If he has to chase and chase something that will exhaust him to the point of starvation, he will become extremely aggravated. When he becomes aggravated, he will then just give up and go kill something else that doesn't make him irritated or feel inferior or hungry.  Lions are proud, so they don't like feeling this way.

I think people are the same way and this is why dating sucks. I talk to my friends about this all the time. Girls are told they're supposed to play hard to get because men are hunters. We say things like "Don't text him back right away!" "Don't say too much!" "Turn him down the first few times!" And men don't have it any better as far as I can see. Men are told they're supposed to play hard to get because that's what girls want. They have come to this conclusion because girls always seem to like assholes.  So before you know it, you have two people intentionally trying to be less available thinking it'll make them more appealing and then there goes the human race.

Why play games? Why not just say "This is what's up. Are you in or are you out? Wanna play?"  And then you play or go find someone more interested. I'm a real person, so I find this whole trying to be elusive when you like someone incredibly annoying. When you're a real person who is honest, you make a better mate. The problem with this is that you can't play the game to begin with, so you end up single because you suck at it and the game players end up ahead of you. 

Is it just me or is the whole thing so dumb?

So I guess my advice to my girlfriends or anyone reading is this....don't chase anyone who isn't turning around and playing back, and it's ok to let them chase you has long as you turn around and attack them again. Playing and dancing with someone is fun. Running marathons is not. 

Question 2-Why Do We Like the Bad Boy?

I got this question twice this week and the funny thing is that I have written about it before, mainly because I have wondered why as well.

There is an old song by Gloria Estefan that says "Bad bad bad bad boys, you make me feel so good" and it's kind of spot on.  Oh and P.S. the song sucks.  A lot of men feel as if women complain about being treated like crap and then knowingly run right back to it even when there is someone who will treat them well sitting right in front of them.  I get it.  I'm sorry.  It sucks.  I will say that I don't think that any of us want to be treated like crap, but I do recognize that some of us have a pattern and it has to be infuriating for nice guys to watch.  I know that because I feel the same way when I watch guys keep chasing someone who will only hurt them.  And I think it's important to point out that it isn't just girls who do it.  Nice guys act like they want a nice girl but then sometimes they will find themselves chasing the wrong ones just like we do.  This leads me to the most basic of the theories....

• Some (or most) of us want to be challenged, we like exciting, and we like fun and spontaneous.   Bad boys are definitely this, right?  It doesn't mean that good guys aren't this too, but maybe we fall into the trap of a bad boy because they are a challenge or exciting.   And then maybe they tend to be moodier or make bad decisions or jerk us around and that's just what the aftermath is.  I don't know.  What I can say is that in every girl's head, she knows that it would probably be better to pick a nice, sweet, measured man who is always dependable and always predictable, even with the risk of becoming bored...but for some reason, some of us just never do.  Maybe a lot of us just can't resist the excitement and we aren't attracted to the good boy.  The perfect "bad boy" is a good guy who is exciting and assertive and confident. 

Other theories:

• Sexual attraction. You know how you guys want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets?  Well, we really are not that different.  We want to be respected and loved and treated well in the streets but we really don't want to tell you what to do when you're in bed because we want a guy who is quite frankly, going to pick us up and know what to do with us because it's hot.  The nice guys wind up in the friend zone because they kind of put themselves there because they move slower than the asshole or the bad boy. And I know it isn't fair, but sometimes this is the case.  We aren't asking you to assault us, but you can still take charge while respecting us. The guys I knew 15 years ago who never grabbed me and kissed me still haven't grabbed me and kissed me and I wasn't going to do it first because it doesn't appeal to me.  Have you ever noticed that girls say "Why are the nice guys always with bitches"? I wonder if it's because the bad girls pounce them and the roles are reversed.  If you put two nice people together, maybe they will just sit there and not do anything. Every guy I have ever liked has taken initiative and made me realize pretty much right away that he was not going to want to be just my friend. 
• We are Fixers. This is a little more messed up and I have an issue with this because if this is true, then happiness will never be possible.  Women seem to go where we are needed and I think that some of us are so strong that we have no idea what to do with a self-sufficient person and we don't know how to let someone take care of us. There are girls who need to feel taken care of and then there are girls who take care of themselves and therefore, get into a habit of taking care of others. 
• We have no self-esteem.  I struggle with this one as well because I don't think any girl wakes up and says "I deserve nothing, I deserve an ass who treats me like crap", and if they feel like that, it's subconsciously.  That's a hard one to nail.  Do we choose the bad boy because we think we don't deserve the nice guy?  Do we think we are bad and will hurt a nice guy?  Do we feel like we will run all over them and need someone to stand up to us? 
• We view the nice guy as a pushover and we aren't attracted to that. I can tell you that even if this is wrong, which it is because not all nice people are pushovers, the fact that some women think it is 100% true.  Most women will have an issue with this, unless they get off on emasculating a man.  I certainly don't get turned on by treating a man like crap and watching him take it.  Be a nice guy with a backbone.  Don't let us run over you.  
• We are good.  Some of us like to be corrupted.  Plain and simple.  We know we aren't going to do something bad without some influence, so I guess we cave when you bring it on. 

If you are getting the runaround from a girl, I am about to give you the most honest advice I can....consider the possibility of the theories above, but when a girl is torn or confused about you, there is usually some reason why and the attraction is usually off. Be careful not to accept some bullshit excuse and understand that sometimes she's just not into you and she isn't attracted to you.  Maybe she does like jerks, but in that case, consider it a compliment.  I am not proud to say it, but I have told my girlfriends things like "I'm not attracted to him" or "I can't imagine kissing him" and yet I never gave that reason to the guy.  Just keep that in mind. 

Question 1-Why Are Women Moody?

So this is the first part of a series I am doing where men get to ask me questions and I try to answer them.  Why?  Because it will be fun. 

One of my friends sent me this link....

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2764030/Rotten-weather-friends-social-media-updates-husbands-just-wont-listen-Why-women-spend-10-days-YEAR-bad-mood.html

If you don't want to read it, that is a shame because it's funny.  Basically, a study revealed that women spend 10 days out of the year in a bad mood.  The list of triggers include the following, and I may have added commentary:

Being overweight 
Partner not listening 
Feeling under the weather 
Weather/ bad weather 
Not having enough money 
Technology e.g. internet crashing / computer not working
Feeling undervalued
No one helping with anything
Time of the month
PMT (I don't even know what this is...)
Having nothing to wear (Yeah, because the 72 pairs of shoes count as nothing.)
Having a bad hair day 
Keeping on top of housework / washing 
A boring life 
Heavy workload 
The traffic 
Colleagues not pulling their weight 
Being hungry 
Children not listening
Public transport being late
Hating your job 
Waking up with a spot 
Knowing what to cook for dinner every night 
Your boss putting pressure on you 
Rubbish on TV (This is hilarious)
Ungrateful children 
All the hot water being used up in the morning 
Your friends' Facebook updates 
Going through menopause 
Colleagues being late for work 
No one making you a cup of tea (This is my favorite.  I can't stand when no one makes me a cup of tea, stupid bastards!)
Breaking a nail Ha ha ha ha ha

Ok, so my friend asked me to write about why women are always in a bad mood. 

First of all, we are not always in a bad mood and this study is ridiculous; I certainly am not always in a bad mood.  I would pay you money to find 10 people who would say I am moody.  I would also pay you money to find 25 men who are, but then I would be broke. We secretly believe that you guys suffer from "man periods" just as often as you think we are moody and on ours.  Every man I have ever been in a relationship with has been moodier than me, so it comes down to what kind of man or woman you are.  You can be a glass-half-full or glass-half-empty kind of person, no matter what your gender is.

Everyone has a bad day, or a bad moment or a bad period in their life, but if someone is chronically grouchy, I can only think of three reasons why and here they are.....

1. Hormones. Try to understand the power of hormones, men.  The only reason that I believe and sympathize with women who struggle with hormonal imbalances is because I have taken birth control and thought I might kill someone or at least punch someone in the face.  I have two sets of twins, so obviously, there is a SEVERE reason why I have basically never been on hormones for any decent amount of time....the reason is because I turn into an angry person and I have headaches 4 days out of a week.  Hormones make me very, very sick.  I was on the pill a couple of years ago and I only took them for 11 days before one of my friends told me to stop immediately.  I felt like I was going to climb out of my skin.  I felt hot, I felt uncomfortable and I seriously didn't feel like myself.  I felt like I was going to scream, all the time.  Logic didn't work.  Nothing helped.  And the crappy thing about it was that I KNEW that wasn't me and I knew that I wasn't making sense but I still couldn't stop being aggravated.  I have also been pregnant twice.  Both times I turned into someone who could watch extremely sad things and not even shed a tear, whereas, I am usually going to cry during Beaches or some chick flick because that's just a normal response to someone, you know, dying? I was hard as nails.  Then when you have your baby, you cry for stupid reasons, like maybe your toothbrush bristle bent the wrong way.  It takes months to get back to normal.  Do not underestimate hormones.  And if you suspect they are a problem,  persuade her to get her hormones checked. 
2. Maybe consider that she really doesn't like you, you irritate the shit out of her, or you really pissed her off because you are a complete horse's ass. I know that whenever I have been pissed off about something and I am upset with a guy, there is a legitimate reason. When I look back at the crap that pissed me off when I was married or in a relationship, I could LOGICALLY tell you why I was pissed off and it never had anything to do with anything else. Sometimes you guys miss the fact that we really are logical and we aren't being emotional...we need something. Too many times you realize it when it's too late, so don't do that.  Don't assume we are just being moody.  
3. She's just a bitch.  Sorry, but there are some pretty miserable women out there.  If you are just now bitching about it and you have done literally everything you can to make her happy, sorry, dude.  You chose wrong.  There are some happy girls out there who don't give a damn whether it's sunny or raining, they go to the gym when they feel like their ass is fat, they lift their friends up and don't bash other women, they don't give a shit how much money you make, what kind of car you drive....you just chose a Debbie Downer.  There are a lot of studies about how happiness is genetic and there are people who genetically struggle seeing things positively and who just seem to suck at life. 

11 Practical Ways to Get Over Someone

It's hard to get over someone you love because there's a part of you that doesn't want to get over it and won't let go.  Why? Because you're afraid you won't love like that again.  Getting over someone is like having your snuggly security blanket taken away and it sucks. I have been one to wear my heart on my sleeve, but I recently realized that when you are getting over someone, that's a really dumb thing to do.  It's best to create a suit of armor and I have come up with a list of ways to do that.  And while I appreciate all of the hard core advice like "you deserve better" or "love yourself first", none of that helps when you're driving down the road and it hits you and you're all alone.  And what do you do with that advice when you already know that you deserve better or already love yourself?  It's like knowing you'll love again.  Knowing that you will love again doesn't help you when you miss that someone because you know there isn't anyone like that person.  It does nothing when you're in your bed in the dark and feel your heart breaking. There's a lot of advice out there.  Some say to have sex with someone else (totally not me), some people say block and delete on social media (maybe), but I have another list and I think it's totally practical. 

You have to create a little suit of armor against those mind tricks and emotional triggers, and this is how you do it.....

1.) Listen to rap. Put the sad songs down and walk away. It's physically impossible to cry or be emotional when you hear things like "I got that ho Tivo'ed". Go ahead and try. You can't. Just remember, ain't nobody crying to 2 Chainz.

2.) Watch funny movies. Don't watch things like "The Notebook" or anything with Meg Ryan. What the hell is wrong with you? Why don't you go down to the local pound too and attach yourself to some puppies who are about to be euthanized.  Maybe you should also pour some salt in your eyes just for kicks.  The objective here at this point in time is to not feel anything.  Ryan Gosling will only make you feel like shit. 

3.) Think of the things that irritated you about the person, and only those things. Every time you think something good, counteract it with the one thing that annoyed you the most. Then think about the fact that there exists a person who doesn't do that. 

4.) Get angry. I'm not an angry person, so this is hard for me, but I have found that it sure as hell beats crying. You want to stay pissed until you don't care anymore because it's safer that way. The second you get sad, you lose your head and start thinking about the things you miss and loved about the person. Don't go there. 

5.) Think about how you get to have another awesome first kiss.  Don't think about this right away because you will only cry, but eventually you won't.  Tell yourself the guy will probably look like Gerard Butler, even if you know you'd have a better chance at finding a leprechaun. 

6.) Keep moving. Be healthy and keep busy.  

7.) Throw yourself into work. (Or whatever).  Make that money.  Can't do that when you're crying. 

8.) Accept that you'll probably always love the person in a way. So what. I still like my jellies from the 80's, doesn't mean I should still wear them.

9.) Give yourself a certain amount of time to cry. Then stop. I have done this.  I have said "Brittany, you have one day to get it out and then you're done."  It works. 
10.) DO NOT FORGET about that one thing the person did that hurt you.  I am a very forgiving person so I have to work at this.  When you are feeling like "Well, it's ok.  It's not so bad," NO.  Don't do that.  Remember that thing that broke you and don't let go of it.  You can let go of it when you're indifferent.  When you can successfully play Naked Golf with the person and feel nothing, then you can let go of it.
11.) Take care of yourself....Allow yourself one night where you just get white girl (or boy) wasted, then wipe your pukey self off, get up and go to the gym.  And take a shower, preferably.  You stink for sure.

Pictures

I had a great weekend. I hung out with the kids the whole time and babysat a friend's little boy Friday and Saturday night. The boys ADORE him. Although he will be 2 next month, Dylan still thinks he needs to feed him and baby him. They both snuggle him and love on him. So cute! Anyway, I ran errands, caught up on laundry, and went to hot yoga and watched kids on Saturday. 

Yesterday the boys and I went to church, had brunch, went to the zoo and then had dinner at Atlantic Station. My friend, Katie, came along and told me at the end of the day how blessed I am to have them, which means they wrapped her around their fingers. Haha. They make everyone fall in love. And make no mistake about it, I'm totally conceited about my boys because they're honestly that sweet. Like angels. And hilarious and cute!!! 

By the way, I'm really starting to have a problem with Dylan's attire. He pretty much will only wear Superman clothes, and it's a good thing he has an entire wardrobe. But on the weekends, he makes sure that I have washed his UnderArmor Superman shirt and he refuses to take it off. Even while getting ready for church yesterday,  I told him he had to wear something else and then had to compromise and let him wear it underneath his church clothes. When we walked out of church, he lifted his regular shirt so everyone could see the S underneath his clothes. He walks around so proud. And did I mention that he won't take off the cape? I could eat him. 

Saturday morning at Starbucks

Admiring the bikes.....

Flexin' his muscles....

The Zoo:

Atlantic Station.....

Working

This week I will only be focusing on one thing and that's work. However, when I sit for too long, I start to fidget.  I fidgeted myself into drawing this yesterday.....