There were only two issues that I probably should have been clearer about and that is: 1. What constitutes as jack hammer sex and 2.) Men are socially retarded.
First of all, we should rename Jack Hammer to Jack Rabbit because Jack Hammer is actually a position. I looked it up. Also, there is a Sex and the City where Carrie has Jack Rabbit sex. Do not watch this clip if you don't want to see anything offensive, but here is an example......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8eia9hK-K0
Ok, to clear them up, one by one....
1. In case the video was not enough, Jack Rabbit sex is not "rough" sex. In fact, girls actually, at least most that I know, like partaking in a more aerobic experience. There are times for everything...except jack rabbit sex. What I meant by this is where you feel like you're a prop. You aren't there for anything but, well, I think you get it. You feel like you were invited to a party, but when you got there, you realized he should have just invited his hand. There are guys who get in, get up, get out, they don't care that you're not satisfied, that you're disappointed.....they know who they and I doubt they bothered reading my blog, because they don't care about what women want. Or they are totally clueless.
2. Men are NOT socially retarded. In fact, I have more guy friends than girl friends for a reason-because they're awesome. I probably should have said that WE are socially retarded for talking too much, not taking cues (like one's eyes glazing over) and wearing people down with our "feelings" talks. When I said that, I meant that they can only take so much; that is really what I should have said.
Ok, so, new topic.....
Why Making Your Partner Happy Makes You Happy In the End
Before I begin, I will preface this by saying that I am not a doctor nor a professional. I just know what I know because that's what happens when you are in a relationship and listen to other people. Also, I will mostly be talking about sex here because 100% of the feedback I got was about sex. Turns out that I was right....it's very important to men. Therefore, sex will be part of the examples I will use to illustrate my point.
Sunday was basically a display of what a girl should offer and Monday was what a girl should expect. As long as two people understand the basic needs of their partner and make attempts, not for their own selfish gain but because they love the other person, it should work out well. It's when there is an imbalance that things erupt. Eventually, it becomes a "which came first, the chicken or the egg" kind of thing.
"I'd have more sex if you'd listen to me."
"Oh yeah? Well I would listen to you if we had more sex. And by the way, I changed a diaper! You still didn't give it to me!"
The girl becomes isolated and irritated, which worsens the problem. The man becomes isolated and irritated, trying less and less with his partner and contemplating his options.
Anyone who has ever been in a relationship for a long time knows the drill. It's a pain in the ass.
There are four certainties that exist when fixing a relationship, and yes, I realize I am divorced, but we aren't getting into that. I was married for a long time, I am now single....TRUST me. You want to fix it if you can.
- Be honest about your feelings even if it's uncomfortable.
- Someone has to break the cycle.
- Both people have to genuinely give, even if they think the other person is stupid.
- One person cannot do fix it on their own.
Girls, your partner has just complained about not getting enough sex. You're pissed that he doesn't help around the house enough and quite frankly, he's irritating you and you aren't really in the mood. So, first break the cycle by putting out. Like I said, "I wish I wouldn't have had sex just now" is not something people ever say, unless you realize you just got pregnant and you didn't want to. Haha. Anyway, jot down every time you have sex on a calendar if you have to, but make sure it's a priority in your life. Do it regularly and see if things change. Plus, the more sex you have, the more you want. Your libido actually goes up. And by the way, if you act like it is a nuisance, he will sense that and resent you. He'll get nervous and weird and then it will be awkward and you'll want it even less and then your problem will only get worse. Have you ever noticed how happy a guy is when he is getting sex? It pays off. And really, it's fun for you too, well, I mean, I think it is.
Guys, she went first. Now do the things she asks and try to make her happy and less stressed. Seriously.
I know that there is a lot to every single situation, and I don't mean to simplify things, but it's a good start. If both people are trying, then it can get better. If it still isn't getting better, there are doctors and therapists. If that doesn't work, people check out of relationships and sometimes they cheat. Sorry. That's the truth.
One random note, and I am sorry if this pisses people off.....
Girls, DON'T HOLD SEX AS RANSOM! That is not a good look on you. This doesn't make single men want to get married and it gives us a very bad name. Married men seriously get the raw end of the deal if you think about it. Women, we have more than likely always wanted to get married at some point, have babies eventually, and monogamy comes more naturally to us, very generally speaking. Men on the other hand, they marry you, they are faithful and monogamous, they help you with the babies, they stop going out, they grow up and shape up, and then the sex stops. Yes, I get the reasons that might exist...I have four kids and I know all about hormones and being tired. But what did I say on Sunday? MEN HAVE TO HAVE IT. You can either fight with almost every man on the planet about why they're stupid or accept this simple fact about their genetic makeup. Now, ok, so read carefully what I am about to say......I am not giving men an excuse to cheat and I understand that sometimes men cheat even when they are getting laid because they are just bad men, but picture this scenario: You know he has to have it, and then he cheats on you against his better judgment years later. He's the jerk and pretty much, in this society, that is the one Get Out of Jail Free card given to any woman to get divorced and completely ignore that they might have had any responsibility in the failure of the marriage. I am not condoning cheating, but I don't think it's right to completely blame a man in this situation. You can't cut people out and off like that.
On the flipside....MEN, DON'T HOLD YOUR HEART AS RANSOM. Remember how you were in the beginning with her and she might want to have more sex. There are women who get into a marriage, have children, feel underappreciated, bored, they aren't being courted anymore, and they start feeling just as trapped as the man in the above scenario, and it isn't right. Women got married for the companionship and they want you to care. It's a common misconception that a woman would rather be married and in a crappy relationship than single, especially with children. This is not always the case nowadays. They will leave you and they are told that they can do it alone, so they aren't as scared to do it. And by the way, women have been known to cheat too. If you abandon her emotionally, she will find someone else that will pay attention to her, be it her family (which we know you hate) or another guy.
One last thing....I think it's so sad when couples hold sex hostage from each other. You wanna know why? Because eventually, one side isn't threatened anymore because the monotony of and monogamy in the marriage has set in. That side is tired, passionless, and bored. Instead of seeing a weapon, all they see is their partner holding a flaccid, rubber sword. They don't want to fight for it anymore, they aren't threatened by the sword, and they don't care. The opposing side then panics because they realize, they've just lost any source of power they thought they had.
So in the end.....
Relationships are difficult. I know that. But I believe there should be a thesis statement in every relationship. What is yours? Mine, if I were in a relationship, would be the "Golden Rule and Then Some". No matter what, in life, if you put someone before yourself, you will be happier. If you try, if you love, if you give, if you are passionate about someone else, you will be happier. Even if you fail, at least you know you gave it your all. If two people try with each other and love unconditionally, I can't believe that it will end badly. I think it's that simple. I really do. Each person should give and be willing to meet halfway.
Tomorrow: Top Misconceptions People Make About Single People
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