Somewhere Left of the MIA Douche Bag

I went on a date and suggested that we go to brunch.  Why?  Because in my mind, date rape seems less likely to happen over pancakes and coffee.  Another reason I wanted to meet for brunch is to avoid the uncomfortable “I don’t want to kiss you because as it turns out, I am not attracted to you” moment and no one will fault anyone for not wanting to make out with a stranger after breakfast.   Right?  Maybe I should have felt awkward saying “Thanks for the French toast” and hauling ass to my car with my keys in hand and not giving the guy so much as a handshake, but saying goodbye after a date that will never happen again is awkward no matter how you end it.  Whether you’re eating eggs or cheeseburgers, it’s all the same.   It flat-out sucks. 

He sent me some texts, I responded, but it was pretty clear that I wasn’t interested (or like I was REALLY busy, which just so happens to be true 99% of the time) so I just figured it was one of those things that would work out on its own without me having to say anything, and it was. 

But three weeks later, I got a phone call from him.  He called to tell me that he had met someone and he just wanted to tell me.  

My Brain: Why are you telling me this?  We went to brunch once.  

My Mouth: Well, that’s really nice of you to let me know, but you totally didn’t have to call me to tell me that.  

My Brain: Why are you telling me this?  You could have decided you were gay or joined the circus and I wouldn’t have felt the need to know.  

Apparently, they were making it Facebook Official and he wanted to let me know.  

My Brain: Facebook Official!  Bwhahahaa.  And you met like three days ago?  BRILLIANT!

Crickets. Still awkward for me.  

My Mouth: Ok, well, that’s really polite of you, but you totally didn’t have to tell me that.  Good luck to you!

Then I wrote a blog about how lame going Facebook Official is.  Sometimes when things are happening in my life, my mind is writing a blog, just FYI. 

So here’s the issue: Where is the guy between this and the MIA Douche Bag?

 

I was telling a girlfriend about the brunch date and she was laughing.  I told her that I felt so bad because if I said “This is weird, I don’t care, why are you calling me,” then I would make him feel like a jackass.  And not only that, what if he was the last guy on earth who isn’t an MIA douche bag and I should show some respect to this alien life form?  Then I said “Why is there nothing between the Stage 5 Clingers and the Emotionally Distant?  Why?? WHYYYYY?”  There should be a balance between ridiculous manners like these and stringing a girl along.

And then I realized after I hung up that there is.....

I think I have only experienced perfection when I have been on the same page as them and vice versa.  When it’s right, there aren’t issues like this.  You have to be with the person and they have to be with you, period.  

And this is why dating is stupid....