10 Things To Know Before You Date a Writer

Someone once said that if a writer doesn’t write about you, they aren’t in love with you.  It’s true.  Additionally, if a writer falls in love with you, you can never die.  Also true. 

I don’t publish my poetry (usually) and I don’t publish my fiction and the reason why I don’t is very simple.  It’s because I can’t sit down and finish any of it because I jump all over the place between projects.  SQUIRREL!  The only things that I have published officially have been my blogs and news stories for newspapers when I was younger.  Because I don’t slap FICTION on what I do publish, the result is that most of it is extremely personal and is no doubt like a window into my soul.  Even if what I write about myself isn’t a true reflection of who I am because I am too hard on myself, too easy on myself, because it’s simply how I am feeling in the moment or because I am working through a phase, even if what I write isn’t how others see me, it’s always a true reflection of how I am feeling, regardless.  I have always wondered how the person on the other end of my feelings feels when I write and I am sure that it depends on what I am saying.  To be the one who inspired me to feel deeply enough to write and then share can’t be an easy place to be.

But it’s forever a special place to be, nevertheless. 

When I was in high school, a boy wrote a song about my green eyes and I freaked out.  I wanted to crawl into a hole, not because I wasn’t flattered and not because it wasn’t good, but it was because I knew what he was feeling and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to inspire him in that way.  On another occasion, I read a poem that described me and rather than it feeding my ego, I was unnerved.  I am used to being the observer. I am comfortable seeing art, not being the subject. 

I have never dated a writer, probably because I know what we are like and although we might not all be this way, the creative writers I have known and the ones who taught me in school, well, read on.....here is my list of reasons that you shouldn’t should date one at least once..... 

1.    They will write about you. It's nothing personal.  It's just not avoidable.  Don't date one if you can't handle it. And if you get off on it, then you're a keeper.  We feed off the people around us, especially our romantic relationships.  Sometimes a character is based on a stranger on a bus, but our deeper connections will always be reflected in our work whether it’s fiction or nonfiction.  If you don’t inspire us, there is something truly wrong and the connection isn’t there. 

2.    We want you to read what we write.  You don’t have to like it, but good or bad, we want you to read our stuff because it’s who we are.  If you don’t read what we write, we internalize that and can't understand it. 

3.    We will observe you in beautiful ways that no one else can.  When you wake up in the morning with your hair sticking up, we see you as a perfect work of art.  And we can articulate it.  

4.    You will be analyzed.  If you aren’t ready to see yourself or self-reflect, then don’t date a writer because you’ll pretty much be forced to look at what we see, simply because we write what we see.  All we do is reflect, dissect, pour onto paper and repeat.

5.    We are passionate.  Creative people just are.  They will play with you, exhaust you, energize you, dance with you, lay with you, and then write about it….

6.    We forget nothing. We have the ability to remember exactly the way your lips curled when you smiled that one time you said that, the way you taste and smell, what your arms felt like when we were crying, and every word you’ve ever said to us.  Like ever.  We thrive on the butterflies and even the pain, so whatever you’ve caused will eventually turn into a flow of words. They may be published or hidden in a drawer, but they are out there somewhere.

7.    We forget everything. We let our insurance lapse because we got a new debit card, we run out of gas, we lose track of time, we drive off with the gas pump still attached to the car.  You will definitely need to remind us to get an oil change and we will have alarms on our phone most likely for everything.

8.    We are a little crazy, but in a really cool way. We cycle and spike and go through creative lulls and highs and that’s just the way we are.  Balancing it is hard for us and we sometimes feel manic. 

9.    We get wound up in our own thoughts and need space.  Even as outgoing as I am, I have to have space and quiet time to soak in and sort through all of the stimuli around me or I will go insane.  Because we pull from the environment and think so much all the time, it can feel very overwhelming if you can’t dump it somewhere…that’s what the paper is for.

10.  We don’t like being bored. Maybe I am speaking for creative people in general, but Groundhog Day is like the worst thing ever.  A boring kiss is the kiss of death.  And sitting around being dull will get you a swift kick out the door.  So if you’re boring, you’re probably not going to make it with a writer. Self-stimulation is a very real thing and we will do it even if you aren't involved just because we are trying to survive.