 |
| Pretty much. |
A couple of weeks ago, Logan was a finalist in a speech
competition at his school and he won 1st place; yesterday he
competed at the county level. He didn’t
win, but I assured him that I was proud of him regardless, for lots of
reasons. Children from three counties
read their speeches for about two and a half hours and in between, I fidgeted
and messed around on my phone.
It was finally Logan’s turn.
He had been told all week and understood that he MUST announce the title
of his speech before he started speaking or they would take off points. He walked up to the stage and completely
forgot. I am not disappointed in him. I only feel for him because it is something I
would have done. I used to be the kid who
would get an A on a test, forget to write my name at the top and lose points as
a result. I was texting a friend and I
told him what I just told you. This
friend said he once read an article about how people who are “ADD” or “ADHD” are
not suffering from a disorder, but are simply the descendants of hunters. This was immediately humorous to me because I
have written in the past about how I feel like a lion in life, hunting and
pursuing and becoming restless when I am not on the prowl. I have to be moving, learning, pushing
myself, and in pursuit of something. He
sparked my interest and while I was supposed to be paying attention, of course,
I immersed myself into this topic on my phone.
I was sitting all the way in the back by myself, so don’t worry; no one
saw me.
Fascinating.
Before I explain the theory, I have to apologize if you have
already heard what I am about to say. I have new readers who have not heard
this before and I want to explain my journey with “ADD.”
When I was a little girl, I read books. I would read 2 or 3 books in a day, never
moving from the grey chair in the living room.
Bombs could have gone off, my siblings could be as loud as they wanted,
fires could be around me….I wouldn’t move.
Reading and playing the violin are the only things I did other than play
with dolls. My mother doesn’t remember me
being hyperactive or having a hard time paying attention because she was awesome
at keeping me intrigued, but I can assure you, I had issues sitting still. For example, I once broke a light bulb in my
mouth when left to fidget…that’s another story.
I had always been a good student, but around 4th grade,
something happened to me. Call it
boredom or whatever, but all I know is that I started talking in class, passing
notes, I got my name put on the board with checks to follow, I had to see the
principal (Sister Mary Francis, who I was terrified of) from time to time. I resorted to taping my mouth shut to control
myself and even this didn’t work because I couldn’t control myself not to peel
it off. In 7th grade, my teachers
recommended that my dad take me to the doctor.
I complained about feeling “out of it” and I had anxiety about the
sensations I was feeling. I couldn’t
explain what I felt, but I can now and I will later in this post. My dad took me to have brain scans of some
kind because I couldn’t explain what I was feeling and they couldn’t find
anything wrong with me. I was impulsive,
spacey, blurted things out, hyper…textbook.
When I did go for ADD in 1994, the doctor said I didn’t have it. He said that I was a teenage girl and I would
grow out of it. I didn’t. In fact, it got worse. I did enough to get by in high school and I
said I no longer cared because I just figured I was stupid. I cared.
When I told people I might have ADD, they said “No you don’t because you can read a book and pay attention.” Oh
ok, so I am lazy and I am choosing this.
Ok. That felt worse. Years passed.
I figured my brain out in college, I learned to manage myself in my 20’s
and I understand it in my 30’s. And
thank God for Logan, I do.
The sensation I was trying to explain to people when I was
younger is hyperfocusing and having to snap in and out of it. It feels like you are high when you come out
of it. You are in a daze and then it
takes a lot of effort to get back into it.
I had two gears when I was younger: airhead who didn’t care and
completely consumed girl, and productive and intelligent. That’s it.
Now there are different gears and I can manage them on my own.
A couple of weeks ago, I told everyone who was attempting to
talk to me that I couldn’t talk until later because I was freaking out. I was having a bad day. On a bad day, every sign on the road, every
car, every noise, every cloud, every text, every alert feels louder than usual
and I want to scream. It feels like
everything is aimed and flying at you.
The only way to cope with that feeling is to completely block everything
out and then what happens when you do that is that you don’t know how fast you
are driving, you forget your coffee on the car or drive off with the gas pump
attached. You become overwhelmed, you feel anxious and irritable. On a good day, because I pay attention to and
notice every single thing around me, I can bounce from thing to thing and
accomplish 20 things at once. On a bad
day, I just want everyone to leave me alone and I write or read. I have never taken medication; I choose
exercise, a clean diet, sleep and routine.
About two years ago, I started working for someone who
understood how my brain worked; only I didn’t know it yet. For those of you who don’t know, I am a
paralegal and work for a firm that specializes in labor and employment
law. My boss started throwing me
thousands of documents shortly after starting and my ADD magically disappeared
at work. Not only did it “go away” but I
retained everything I read, I analyzed it and reported back, picking up details
that weren’t picked up previously. My job is a creative process for me because
I analyze and make sense of messes all day and when I find some kind of bombshell,
it feels like a successful hunt. All of my senses seem to focus on hundreds of
things all in one place…a piece of paper.
So, onto the theory.
There were two types of people in nomadic communities. All acting as cogs of a machine, some were hunters
and some were gatherers or farmers. The
hunters went out knowing an animal could maul them but the danger was what
excited them in the first place. Picture this: You are in the woods. You are quiet and able to contain yourself
from movement even though in every other situation, you may show excessive
energy. You are hearing every crackle
amongst the trees, you see every leaf sway, every cloud roll by, your senses
are all working together to accomplish one thing….to hunt. You realize you may have to get creative and
find a way to trap your prey. Then after
you kill that animal, you drag it home and feel accomplished. You recover from that adrenaline rush by
feeling immediate euphoria and as soon as you settle into a normal person, you are ready to go out
again. Stability isn’t what a hunter
craves. It is the process of hunting
something down that he craves.
The gatherers of the community were practical. They knew how much to ration among the
people, how soon the food would spoil, how long it would last and they were
necessary in the community because practicality is necessary. Historically what happened is that over time, people
learned that staying in one place made more sense. Farming was more efficient than hunting and
producing food because they pulled nutrients from the soil. It was a more stable way to live for many
reasons. Today, only the very remote
places of the world do you find hunters other than those who hunt
recreationally. They are not a necessity
in western society anymore. People who
are inherently hunters have had to find other ways to use their gifts in
society and when they don’t realize this, there are issues.
People with ADD or ADHD tend to be passionate, impulsive,
creative and not very practical. In
fact, they resent conforming, sitting still, and being controlled. They are not typically good planners, they are
forgetful, they procrastinate, and they’re habitually late. There are even studies showing that substance
abuse, divorce, and refusal to settle down, are all more common among this
group. They tend to be highly
intelligent, creative, spontaneous, active individuals. There is also a high population of ADD and
ADHD among men in the military.
Coincidence? I don’t think so. Now put a child like this in a chair and tell
them to sit still and do what they are told.
Tell me he won’t become resentful as he gazes out the window at the
clouds and trees. Not only does this
child become resentful, but his confidence takes a hit over and over and
over again and eventually, he checks out. He is told he has a disorder and is given
medication.
My grandpa definitely has ADHD. In fact, so does my mother and so does my
son, Logan (the one who was in the speech contest.) That’s four generations of the same genetics.
My grandpa almost killed himself every day on the farm he lived on, but no one
had a problem with it because he went to school and did his work. He got his energy out on the farm. My mom was in trouble for being impulsive her
whole life. I broke a light bulb in my
mouth because I fidgeted, I jumped off a cliff when I was 17, I was in 3 car
accidents before I was 18 and my teacher literally threw me and my backpack out
of his class my senior year. My son
started a fire in the backyard a month ago, he can barely remember to put on
his pants in the morning, but he is getting straight A’s in his AP
classes. I’ll add just for fun too that every
single one of us is a writer. Our
absent-minded, idiotic tendencies seem to me to be genetic. Sorry, Logan.
Another thing to think about when considering this theory is
gender. I was diagnosed with ADD and I
am among the minority. More boys are
diagnosed than girls. And more boys were
hunters than girls. More soldiers are
men than women. Would I have been a gatherer
simply because I was a girl? Or would I
have been more useful as a hunter? Would
I have been allowed to go off with the guys and hunt? Probably not.
So if hunting was predominately a male role, was it because they were
better at it or they were just chivalrous and more interested in keeping the
women and children safe? My guess is the
latter but let’s say hypothetically that it is not. Let’s say that men are genetically more prone
to being hunters and I am just an Alpha Female with a bad case of ADD. Then it is safe to assume that men struggle
in society nowadays?
We need to be very careful diagnosing boys with behavioral
disorders and telling them that something is wrong with them. If boys are genetically more active, is it
fair to tell them they have to be more like girls? Is it really a good idea to gender neutralize
everyone? Of course not. It’s stupid.
Whoever started doing this was a complete idiot. Boys are naturally more
rambunctious, more aggressive, they are adrenaline seekers, they hunt, and they
want a challenge. They also need time to
diffuse with other men, call it male bonding or whatever, but they need
it. Hunters appreciated their time with
other men because they simply just got to be men without women mothering and nitpicking
at them, I am sure of it. Today men work in offices, commute, sit in a cubicle,
go home to their wife and children and feel that any tendency to be stereotypically
male is offensive and unacceptable. I disagree and it is this that contributes to
women not knowing what they want, wanting the bad boy, or just simply not
knowing what a man is or should look like.
I think we need to be careful with these drugs and assuming
everything is a disorder. My “disorder”
is only a disorder when I am in the wrong place. My boss saw that about me. He is fully aware that if he has me do
anything administrative, I will most likely suck at it. It is like farming. He can tell when I am bored, unhappy, and not
focusing anymore. He doesn’t micromanage
me, in fact, he knows I loathe that, but he gives me guidance when I need it
and ask for it. He throws me more
challenges when I need it and I cannot thank him enough for giving me a place
in the world where I am not a nuisance to someone else, but instead, I can “hunt.” I may not be in the woods, but I am allowed
to be creative, analyze, and bring him something I have killed at the end of
the day.
I knew there was a reason why I have to have fake
plants. Now I can sleep at night.
No comments:
Post a Comment