Flashback Friday-Favorite Old Image

I always talk about the 80's and 90's on Fridays, so I thought I would do something different this week.  This is one of my favorite pictures, probably just like everyone else!

This was taken in Times Square by Alfred Eisenstaedt.  Hard to believe that they didn't
know each other and that the nurse slapped him after the kiss.  I love this picture.

Have a great weekend!

Freakiest Fetish

I just discovered that the world is even stranger than I already thought it was.  There are people who have "wool fetishes".  Look at these freakazoids:

To me, the only thing possibly sexual and freaky about this is the fact that you would be so itchy, you would have to take it all off and then you would be naked.  Isn't this so weird?  The two people hugging in the wool outfits are scaring the crap out of me. 

Have a great day. 

6 Ways to Stop Screwing Up with Women

I stumbled across this article by Jeffrey Platts and I thought that it would be good material for my blog.  Plus, I love having an opinion, so here we go.....Platt's 6 are pasted, my additions are in italics below.

1. Be fully present  

I was that guy. I would be sitting with a beautiful woman in a café, but my eyes would dart around the room at all the other ladies passing by. One day a woman friend said to me “You know, it’s totally obvious you’re scoping out all those women. It really has me feeling ugly and not appreciated.” My heart sank. I had no idea that I was creating that effect on her. Like most guys, I thought I was being discreet with my Ray-Bans. Make sure your attention is on the woman in front of you. Not on trying to figure out what cool thing to say or what to do next. Do your best to be present to and aware of what’s going on in your body, her body and also the energetic connection between you and her. Create that magic bubble where it feels as if there is no one else but the two of you.

I am really sorry, but DUH?  I am actually alarmed a bit that this is even on this list.  Duh, dudes.  Duh.  I mean, the Golden Rule is golden and you wouldn't like it if we did this to you.

2. Actually give a sh*t about her  

Whether you just met her two minutes or 12 years ago, actually care about her and genuinely want to get to know about her world. Yes, own your physical attraction to her, but also bring your heart to the interaction. Connect with your curiosity about who she is -- her dreams, fears, insecurities, quirks and gifts. Be more concerned about the quality of the connection rather than faking interest as a way to get somewhere or to get something out of her. She is not a means to an end (sex, a number, a date). She is a world to explore. So is the connection.

I thought that women were supposed to be difficult, and yet Number 1 and Number 2 are like almost identical.  If you are "actually giving a sh*t about her" wouldn't Number 1 go with that?  Yeah, because we are so demanding......

3. Appreciate and celebrate who and where she is in the moment   

A woman crying used to scare me. I would get anxious and not know what to do. One day I bumped into my good female friend in the street. She started talking about her breakup. I just stood with her on the sidewalk and gently listened as she shared her story with teary eyes. After 20 minutes, she said “Wow, that was so healing for me. Thank you so much for listening.” I finally got it. Me simply being with her was more effective than me trying to fix or distract her. Whatever comes up for her in your interaction, celebrate it. Something fun and juicy comes up? Dive in and celebrate that. She mentions something emotional or uncomfortable from her past? Stay in the moment with her. Don’t try to change the subject to get to a “happier” topic. Never try to “fix it” for her. If anything, ask her to say more about it so you can explore it together. If you actually care about her, then you want to get to know all of her, not just the bubbly, sexy and socially presentable side.

This is so true.  Women don't want to be fixed all of the time.  They want to cry and vent.  I don't know if guys understand this, but we KNOW that we are not always rational and we hate it when we don't know what's wrong with us.  It's the absolute worst thing about being a girl.  We know while we cry and say stupid stuff that we are crying and saying stupid stuff, but it's hard to wrap your brain around your emotions when they don't make any sense and it is hard to admit it to a guy because we get enough crap for being girls.  If we really do want more than just an ear and shoulder, we will totally say "What should I do?"  Men are very logical and we really do love that.  (I didn't say that you are smarter than us, by the way.)  While you are scratching your heads trying to figure out what the hell evil spirit just climbed inside of us, so are we.  It sucks.  When you try to fix us when we want to vent, we just feel even weirder and crazier.

4. Share the impact she’s having on you

It’s easy to think that it’s all about being a great interviewer. That’s true if you’re trying to get a good story out of the woman. But if you want a deeper connection with her, then you have to let her know how she’s impacting you, in the moment.

If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that women want to feel you. They want to know that you are right there with them, not mentally floating away thinking about the ballgame. Communicating is just exchanging ideas, connecting is a visceral experience of being in relationship with someone. An easy sentence stem to use is “When you said _____, I felt _____.”

I can see why this could be hard for a guy, especially considering that some guys aren't talkers at all.  But rest assured, if you give us QUALITY communication for a little while rather than a lot of consistent crap, we will be happy to know you are hanging out with your boys, drinking a beer, and thinking about sports. 

5. Slow down and milk the silence

My mind thinks fast and my mouth talks fast. Not ideal for most conversations. My big aha came when I started to chill out, practice just being with her. I gave up trying to impress her with my cool questions. And ironically, I actually enjoyed myself a lot more.
Silences are only uncomfortable when you resist them. Got nothing to say? Just take a big deep breath down into your balls. Trust me, it will have an impact. You can even be honest, “I’m really wanting to connect more with you, but right now I’m drawing a blank on what to say.” See what happens. Connection happens in the spaces in between the words. Keep the lid on and let the mojo water boil.

I sort of don't get this one. 

6. Use humor mindfully

I sometimes have the awkward habit of smiling when I see a woman in a vulnerable emotion. It’s as if I want to ease her mood by cheering her up. I’m doing #2 but not #3. And when I do that I can instantly feel the connection drop away. My practice now is to speak the moment, “Wow, I’m seeing you in this vulnerable place and I’m not sure what to do right now. And I care about you. How can I best support you right now?”

Nothing is sexier and inspiring than hearing a woman giggle her ass off at something you just said. But when you use it to release tension or to avoid an uncomfortable topic, it destroys the connection.

So basically don't tell a Yo Mama joke when her grandma dies.  When she tells you she is anorexic, don't call her a fat ass.  When she says that she is dyslexic, don't ask her if she wants to go to the library to read some Shakespeare.  I mean, come on now.  Yeah, we like a sense of humor.  To me, it is the most attractive quality, but I definitely don't want to be made fun of when I am truly vulnerable.  It sucks being vulnerable, so we don't want to be laughed at as well.  I don't think that anyone would like this. 

ravelment \RAV-uhl-muhnt\, noun:
Entanglement; confusion.

The Ground Beneath Me

I have a relative who is in a very bad situation.  I hate her disgusting excuse for a husband who physically hurts her and there's nothing I can do to help her.  He is a total douche.  She is too afraid to leave and she won't listen to me or anyone else.  Last night I had a nightmare about him hurting her, so instead of driving to Indiana and beating his ass, I opened my laptop and started writing.  Don't laugh.  I am no poet.

The Ground Beneath Me 

I woke from a dream to a reality of lies.

I am alone in a storm, everything around me flies.

I can’t see through the leaves, but I can feel through the black.

As the wind smacks my cheek, the rain hits my back.

I am caught in a mess, I can’t breathe, I can’t see,

I am crying and scratching, I am alone in a tree.

I crawl down a branch, but then it starts to snap.

The person pointing the light is really full of crap.

I witness a smile on someone who harms.

His limbs are vicious snakes, pretending to be arms.

I can hear my heart thumping,

I feel the blood pumping.

I turn from the devil,

To the darkness I revel.

Everyone says they love you, until they love themselves more.

So I take a chance and I hope that I soar.

I jump, I free fall, I reach the very end.

I'm free, I'm alone, my bruises I'll mend. 

I carefully listen to the only present sound….

My fingers are scratching and clawing the ground.

The one thing not moving is beneath my chest.

I open my eyes and ignore all the rest.

I’m safe on the ground, away from all danger,

From the person who was really a sadistic stranger.

Me and the Earth, I am finally grounded….

No longer the from storm can I ever be pounded.

Please say prayers for her.  I have never talked about this before on my blog because I haven't wanted to announce her business, but she found a loaded gun and yet she sits there and does nothing.  She doesn't read my blog, so I am asking for people to pray.  Please pray for this unknown girl and her three small children.

Serendipity-A Fortunate Accident

“Life is not just a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences, but rather it’s a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan…..if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call 'Fatum', what we currently refer to as 'Destiny'”-Serendipity.

Two of my favorite movies of all time are Serendipity and Sleepless in Seattle.  I have always loved the idea of fate and destiny in a romantic sense, I just don't know if I believe in it the same way that I used to.  I understand destiny as the set of the circumstances we were born into and whether we decide to make the best of them; it is what we do with our life.  I think that fate is a result of both our actions or lack thereof and the things that aren't in our control, which really boils down to what God either allows to happen or when he decides to intervene.  I guess others' actions also control our fate as well.

As much as I love the movie Serendipity, the idea behind it is all a bunch of crap that we invented to make ourselves feel better about all of the stuff that happens to us that we can't control.  In reality, people find each other, fall in love, and then treat each other like crap because human beings are idiots.  I was curious to see what the opposite of Serendipity is and I discovered that William Boyd, a screenwriter and novelist, coined the term "zemblanity" to mean the opposite of serendipity.  I think that I am going to write a movie called "Zemblanity".  We'll see how people like this romantic comedy. 

One of my favorite things about Serendipity is that the writers put a Greek twist on the script, however, I don't understand how we got here and it doesn't really make any sense. "Here" being that the Greeks talked about fate and destiny being more than just finding a soul mate.  In fact, in all of the Greek plays I have read in the past, I have seen none of the concepts that are in the movies, Serendipity or Sleepless in Seattle.  The Greeks didn't seem to believe in happy endings and they certainly didn't talk about finding “soul mates”.  Correct me if I am wrong, but one's fate in Greek plays was actually very scary.  I mean, can YOU imagine being told that you would murder your father and marry your mother?  (Oedipus.)

If you look at the actual definitions of Fate and Destiny, they are pretty simple. 

Fate: Something that unavoidably befalls on a person. (Ok, so if you take a plane on the day it is going to crash, your fate is to die on a plane.  And it isn't IRONIC just because you have never flown before, Alanis Morissette.)

Destiny: Something that is to happen or has happened to a person; lot or fortune.  (I see nothing about actions in here, and so I have an issue with this definition because it implies that you don't have any control over what happens to you, or the way that you turn out.  I know a lot of morons who are morons because they acted like morons.  Their destiny was to be a moron because they chose to be stupid.)

Again, I see nothing about love or soul mates in these definitions. Neither of these definitions describe some cupid who is up there setting us up with our "soul mates" by making sure we grab a coffee five minutes earlier than we usually do just so we will run into our “prince” who happened to hit snooze a couple of extra times because he stayed up late the night before.  When did we turn Fate and Destiny into something romantic?  I have now capitalized them, as if they are people, which is how we treat them. 

Let's look at the Greek plays......Oedipus Rex was told he would kill his father and marry his mother and did.  Medea was replaced by a younger Greek woman and killed her children to get back at their father.  Clytemnestra plots Agamemnon's murder because she has been having an affair and then Agamemnon surprises her by bringing home a ho named Cassandra.  I mean, these are not romantic and someone always died, killed themselves, or lost someone they loved in the end.  The prophets usually had something disturbing to say....they didn't make sure that two people met and lived happily ever after.

In Serendipity, Jonathan shows Sara a group of freckles on her arm that look like the constellation Cassiopeia.  Cassiopeia was the vain queen of Ethiopia, wife of Cepheus.  She boasted that her daughter was more beautiful than the Nerieds, or sirens, basically they are beautiful mermaids.  As punishment, she was forced to hang upside-down while clinging to the North Celestial Pole.  Jonathan tells Sarah that the queen made "one tragic mistake and paid for eternity".  Later on in the movie, Sara sees the constellation in the sky and that night she finds Jonathan.  I guess the correlation is that Sara made the tragic mistake of not giving Jonathan her number after it blew away….or did she?  Maybe that was meant to be.  Maybe if she would have given him her number and they got married, they would have died in a plane crash on the way to Barbados on their honeymoon and the breeze that carried away the phone number the first time really just saved their lives.....you see how ridiculous it is?  We will never know. 

We make a thousand decisions in our lives and it is interesting to think about how many different paths we can take based on a change in a direction or decision, but not really because we’ll never know how many bullets we dodge or what would have been better in our lives due to serendipity or zemblanity.  Even having said this, I still love the idea of Fate and Destiny and what's in the stars for us....it's fun and it reminds me that I was a little girl once, dreaming out my window. 

Jeremy Piven quotes this Greek philosopher in Serendipity, so I thought this was fitting....

"Don't demand that things happen as you wish, but wish that they happen as they do happen, and you will go on well".-Epictetus

Miles 4 Major

If you recall, the Miles 4 Major race was yesterday.  It looked like it had a pretty good turnout and it was great to see everyone who showed up.  I couldn't get too close to my friends though......I also couldn't run......because I showed up with strep throat!  I didn't mention that I was sick last week just because it's really boring to write about being sick and I really didn't want to sound like a baby.  Tuesday morning I woke up and felt like I had swallowed a handful of jagged rocks, but I sort of got up and went about my day and assumed that it was allergies.  Later that day I started feeling like every joint in my body was aching and I felt like I had a fever and I was really tired. Wednesday wasn't any better.  Thursday morning I decided to get it checked out, just in case.  The doctor was sure it was strep, but it came back negative.  I felt a lot better, so I assumed she was right.  Friday I felt ok, and that night I got a call saying that the lab came back and that I DO have strep throat.  I started antibiotics Friday night and the pharmacist said that as long as I didn't kiss or sneeze on anyone, it would probably be fine to go to the race, so I went.  My friend, Britney, walked up and said "Only YOU would be here with strep."  I take it as a compliment, even though it also means that I am crazy.  I felt fine though! I really did!   I was really tired all day yesterday and my throat still hurts, but it feels so much better. 

Mike and Matt ran and everyone else that we knew walked....I was in that group.  When we came to the end, we sort of strolled in leisurely and they were waiting for us.  They told me to cross the finish line.  I thought that there had been a rope or something and that the winner got to run through it.  I said “Where is it?”  They said "It's the HUGE blow up thing down there that says FINISH."  This thing was huge.  I laughed and crossed it so it could record my time.  Mike and Matt did really well, but the rest of us were stopping to read historical signs and taking care of Britney's baby, so I think that the snails beat us, which was fine—especially for me, the sickly one.

I want everyone to know how angry I am that the insurance companies don’t cover necessary expenses for children who are hearing impaired.  I talked some more with Brit after the race and I am flat-out pissed.  These are not cosmetic procedures and hearing aids should be covered!  They are absolutely necessary and these kids deserve them.  WHY the HELL should we have insurance if they aren’t going to ENSURE to cover us when we need it?  I am pissed.  I hate insurance companies.  Britney said that these hearing aids are like $2000 a piece, and they don’t fit them forever.  $4000 for a set?  Brit, sorry if I am not throwing the right figure out there. Is it $2,000 a set? Anyway, do the math and that is a LOT of money for a young family who has worked hard and who has always had insurance. 

I hate them so much.  It is so backwards.  I want to move to the Moon and start a colony that makes sense.  I would leave all of the rich a-holes here to fight over oil.  Maybe they'll kill each other. 

Why Ya Gotta Hate On My Cat?

I have wanted to vent about my weirdo neighbor for over a week now but I have had other things to talk about.  The day has come for me to talk about why the guy across the street sucks so much.

A little over a week ago I was pulling out of my driveway; I needed to get more milk for the boys, who were very tired and cranky.  The neighbor, we will call him Hater, signaled for me to stop and talk to him.  I stopped the car and unrolled my window.  This is sort of how the conversation went:

Hater: Your cat is becoming a problem.  Chipper likes to stand outside the window and tease my dog.  The dog barks and just goes crazy. 

Me: Oh, I am sorry.  I don’t—

Hater: Well I have to ask.  You know, I have to ask. 

Me: I guess, uh, ok, (I think I said UH like 50 times and then said something somewhat coherent.  I told him that I would try to keep him inside more and that the only reason he is out so much is that the kids open the door 50 times a day and he darts out.  I did apologize.  My cat shouldn't be over there bothering him.) 

Ok, side note…. Chipper goes outside a lot because that’s the kind of cat he is.  He isn’t like Dr. Evil’s cat that likes to be stroked all day.  His type likes to play and hunt, not lounge around and get fat.  I also know that people are typically either dog people or cat people.  I like both, but some people get very creeped out by cats and I respect that. I would probably prefer to have a dog myself.  But honestly, after I drove off, I was sort of thinking “Ok, I have four kids, two who come and go outside all day long and who already like NEVER listen to me.  How the hell am I going to keep the cat inside, realistically?”  The fact that my kids don’t listen to me isn’t the guy's fault at all, so definitely not saying that.  I also thought “Wow, that guy’s dog is a wimp” and laughed behind his back for a minute because I was irritated.  I am already stressed out and now I had to worry about one more thing.  (Not that it’s my neighbor’s fault that I have four kids and lots to do.)

I told the kids to keep the cat inside and for the next few days they did a better job, however, Chipper did get out a couple of times. 

Saturday I came home to a note on the door from Animal Control.  The piece of paper said “Nuisance cat, keep on your property”.  I was actually really irritated that it hadn’t even been a week and the guy called them, considering Chipper isn’t used to it yet and I have to completely train him to stay inside, AND train the kids.  Even though I think the guy is a weirdo, I respect his space and I had every intention of fixing it.  I told Logan and Lindsey that if they let the cat out and the guy saw him there was a chance that Animal Control would pick Chipper up and take him.  They were upset, but it made them even more careful. 

So fast forward to Tuesday…….Logan and Lindsey were talking about how Hater has gotten onto them about playing in the cul-de-sac in front of his house because the dog barks.  He also trains the dog in the front yard sometimes and when they are riding down the street on skateboards and stuff, it is apparently distracting to the dog.  He has asked them not to do that when he is training.  He yelled at Peyton for accidentally shooting a Nerf bullet into his yard and yelled at Tammy’s kid for making too much noise with his Airsoft gun. 

Awwwww HELLLLLL NOOOOOO.  Are you kidding me?  Everyone knows that I will be the first to get onto my kids if they are wrong, but I will also be the first to go ape shit if someone pulls something stupid with them.  I said “Watch your brothers; I will be back in five minutes.”

I walked across the street and rang the doorbell.  Hater answered.  I was very polite, but definitely in Smart Ass Mode and I was pissed.  I probably didn't hide it well, but I was trying.  I asked him if my kids had ever caused him problems or been in his yard and he said “No, they are very well behaved children.”  I thanked him and then I asked him about the things that the kids said.  He didn’t deny them, but he didn’t quite admit it either.   I said that they can’t be told not to play outside on a common area because his dog is barking, end of story.  I told him that dogs bark, children play, and I wasn’t going to tell my kids that they can’t play because his dog might bark.  If I can’t silence my children, why should he expect his dog to never bark?  Barking is how dogs talk.  If you don’t like it, don’t have a dog!

Then I went into the cat issue.  I asked “So, where does Chipper go when he teases your dog?”  He pointed to under the window.  He said that when he takes the dog out on the leash, the dog sees Chipper and freaks out.  I said “You know that I can’t put a cat on a leash; it would be considered animal cruelty.”  He nodded.  I told him that I was sorry that he liked his yard.  Then I asked him “Does your dog freak out about squirrels and birds too?”  He said yes.  I asked him “Do you call Animal Control on the squirrels and birds as well?”  He said “Well, no, but I shoo them away with a broom.”  I said “Well, I think that you are being ridiculous and the whole thing is bizarre.  I mean, dogs bark sometimes.  I understand that Chipper is a nuisance, but I said that I would try to keep him inside and you didn’t wait a week before calling and complaining.”  Ok, I was totally mean and I shouldn't have said that; I admit it.  Then I said that it was strange that he tried telling my kids not to play on account of his dog.  I mentioned our neighbor, Tammy, and reminded him about how her dogs used to run around and cause trouble, but I never called Animal Control.  I said “I would never do that to any of you; I would talk to you first.”  I told him that yes; he talked to me, but didn’t even wait a week to let me fix it.  I explained why it’s hard to keep the cat indoors.  I said “So what will you do if you see Chipper in your yard even one time?”  He said “I will make the call.”  I said “Wow.  Ok.  So since I can’t keep him on a leash, he will never get exercise and after one time, because I can't tell him never to go on your lawn, you will make the call and they will take him and euthanize him eventually.”  He said he didn’t think they would do that and I explained why they would.  The conversation went on a little longer and I finally got him to agree to talk to me first if he didn’t feel the situation was getting better.  I thanked him for agreeing to talk to me instead of being trigger happy with the phone. 

Chipper has been indoors for four days and although he is miserable, he is alive.  He should be inside anyway because it's the law.  I respect that, I just think my neighbor is a weirdo.  Chipper did get out once and I made the kids run after him.  They couldn’t catch him so I made them go over to let the Hater know that they accidentally let him out.  Every time they let Chipper out, they are going to have to go ring the dude’s doorbell and apologize.  We’ll see if the dog barks about doorbells as well.