A couple days ago, one of my male friends found himself in a
situation with his girlfriend and it’s prompted me to explain something about
girls like me…that is, girls who blindly trust and love in relationships. (Obviously this goes for men too, but since I
am a female, I am speaking from my point of view.)
The friend I am referring to is a great guy and he is
totally in love, yet he lied about something that was totally innocent. He said the reason he lied is because he was
trying to protect her. BIG MISTAKE,
guys. He overthought it because he
figured she would get mad or hurt her or worry and that’s not fair. Long story short, she was hurt because he
lied and didn’t trust her to trust him.
GUYS, LISTEN UP!!!
There are girls out there who truly want the truth, who won’t get mad,
who will trust you blindly, who will put their hearts into your hand, who are
secure, who believe you when you say you will never hurt us, who don’t get
jealous, who will protect you and accept you for who you truly are. I say this from experience…I have witnessed
guys lie about stupid things because they are afraid of making their
girlfriends mad (of course this has happened to me personally) and it’s really
such a slap in the face to that girl who has completely trusted you and
believed in you. It hurts our feelings
that you don’t think we can handle the truth.
(YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!!
Sorry, I had to say that like Jack Nicholson.)
I know that a lot of guys just think we are all crazy and
this really irritates me, so here is what it’s like to walk around in a
trusting girl’s brain who really is pretty freaking cool with who you are. Don’t mess things up with a girl who believes
the following…..
*Just a note, this is
literally a random walk through my brain, so sorry if you get whiplash.
My Thoughts on Why
Being Single Forever Beats Faking It
I love true love and not the Disney kind but the Corinthians
kind; the kind that can wrap around a person no matter what they have done, who
they have been, what they look like, how much money they make, and what they
say, do, or feel. I also love trust, the
kind that cries and hurts when it’s doubted.
My idea of what a romantic relationship looks like is very, very hard to
find, but I know it has to exist because I figure if I have loved and trusted
someone blindly, then someone else out there is also capable of loving me that
way. I won’t entertain anything else
because I don’t believe it’s possible to love without trust and why be in a
relationship without being loved for who you really are?
Basically, it boils down to this:
If you know yourself and know that you are honest in
relationships, if someone can’t trust you, you can no longer trust them. If they can’t trust you, then that means they
don’t know you and if they don’t know you, they can’t possibly love you and at
that point, there is no point of being in a relationship where the person is in
love with a person who is not at all you.
Not that complicated, right?
Ok, so maybe I made it complicated, but it’s really very simple.
My Thoughts on Why
People Lie
I think most people would agree that what I described above
is ideal. So why do people lie? I think it boils down to only 4 reasons….
1.
People
don’t like to be nagged and yelled at.
If this is happening, then are you really in a real relationship or is
it a dictatorship? And if your actions are wrong and the person has a reason to
be upset, then either get your shit together or get out and do whatever you
want as a free person. Either way, I just
don’t understand being in a situation where you are not willing to have the
conversation and where two people can’t be honest.
2.
People
don’t trust the person they are with to love them unconditionally regardless of
what they are doing, saying, thinking, or feeling. It is really scary to tell the truth and be
yourself sometimes because there is always the fear that we will lose what we
have or we won’t be loved back for who we are, but you save a lot of time and
issues if you can just be honest and be adults.
3.
You are
doing something that you wouldn’t want your significant other to be doing, or
you are not sure that you would trust or approve of the situation. If you feel weird doing something, ask
yourself why. The Golden Rule is not complicated. If you aren’t sure if he or she would like
it, why not just ask them? If you have a conscience about it, where is that
coming from?
4.
The
person is legitimately doing something shady. Why are you in a relationship again? This is called having your cake and eating it
too. You are just an asshole, man.
My Thoughts on
Being Straight Up and Being Real
1.
Hold out.
Because I don’t feel like I have to be with someone to make me happy and I know
I don’t have to be bothered with things that irritate me, I often look around
at people in relationships where trust clearly isn’t there and I wonder why
they bother when they don’t have to
live that way. This isn’t meant to sound
judgmental, it’s more that I am making an observation from the other side,
meaning, I have been in relationships where trust either never existed or was
abused and eventually lost and then I later asked myself why I was ever in that
situation to begin with. It sucks being
in that situation.
2.
Say no to
the crap. I have always been an open book with the opposite sex and it
hasn’t always been the smartest thing. I
always assumed that if I were honest, the guy would also be honest. Sadly, that’s not always the case because
it’s hard to find someone honest and people are freaking shady. If you
are honest, you deserve honesty in return.
3.
Tell the
truth. Tell the truth and ride it
out. I don’t understand people who get mad at you for telling the truth. Isn’t a lie worse?
My Thoughts on
Technology
People who are going to cheat are going to cheat regardless of
technology and living in a bubble is just not feasible. I understand that smart phones and apps and
email and texts cause problems, but are they really the problem? Or are they
just exposing problems that already exist?
I look at it this way….
1.
Everyone
should have a lock on his or her phone.
You are an idiot if you don’t; it doesn’t make you shady, it makes you
smart. All it takes is one drunken night
where you leave your phone at the bar and BOOM, your pictures, bank information,
contacts, emails, are vulnerable.
2.
I don’t
have to give a man my passcode. BUT,
I will.
3.
BUT if
I give you my passcode and you check on
me… I am done. Relationship over. You don’t trust me, therefore you don’t
know me, and so you may as well waste someone else’s time.
4.
If you
give me your passcode, I will never check.
And if I do, I am done and you should be too.
I just don’t know why that’s so complicated. Why is it so terrible to trust blindly? If someone cheats on you or lies to you, you
are going to find out. Why do people
ruin things with preventative measures that don’t prevent anything at all, especially
the inevitable? Blaming social media and
technology instead of a cheater is like blaming a gun instead of the
psycho.
My Thoughts on Why I
Believe All of This
There is nothing more infuriating than not being trusted
when you are honest and there is nothing more hurtful than being lied to when
you have been brave and real and gone out on a limb. Dishonesty and distrust ruins relationships. I
have experienced the most stifling, awful relationships and also absolute
freedom. It would be awesome to be "allowed" to be or accepted as the same person in a relationship.
My Thoughts on the
Guys Who Don’t Believe We Exist
Stupid. Wrong. Should kick themselves in the asses. Don't lose a girl like this!
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