I was on Tinder a year ago, if you remember, for a
week. I laughed most of the time, got
some great writing material, didn’t take it seriously, but in the midst of my
laughter, I did make a couple of male “pen pals.” What I mean by this is that I
found no reason to actually end up meeting them in person, we friended each
other on Facebook, and shot a few texts back and forth.
Now what I am about to say shouldn't be shocking because we know all about Tinder. But believe it or not, you run into these situations regardless of where you meet a person.
I haven’t talked to this one guy for a year because he blew
it with me pretty much immediately. He FaceTimed
me when I said I was in bed. He was
obviously hoping I was naked. Instead, he found me in a pitch-black room. I was cackling to myself because I am evil
like that and I thought it was funny that I was in the dark and he couldn’t see
anything. I thought he was a disrespectful,
desperate douche bag and I was no longer interested in giving him a
chance. Here’s the thing…I haven’t met
you. You have never bought me
dinner. You haven’t opened a door for
me. But I am going to FaceTime you
naked? Come on now, douche bag. Anyway,
he randomly texted me last week. I was
polite. Hi, how are you, thanks for
asking….big mistake. I was still not
interested because of the FaceTime thing, plus he had stupid, cheap looking
tattoos. How did I know? Because HE was
shirtless when he FaceTimed me. So this
past Friday, he asked me what I was doing on Saturday. I said “Going to a Mardi Gras themed birthday
party.” He told me not to show my boobs
to anyone and only he could see them. SERIOUSLY????? Come on!!! Who says that???
What the hell is wrong with people?
Here’s what I wanted to say to this guy:
1.)
I have never met you.
2.)
I can show my boobs to whomever I want because I
don’t have a boyfriend and it sure as hell isn’t you.
3.)
I am not the type that goes around showing my
boobs to people even when I am “allowed.”
4.)
You’re disgusting.
5.)
Your tattoos are lame.
I am just repulsed by these kinds of guys. I wish I could say that he is the first man
to talk to me like that, but he isn’t. It’s almost like some men assume that all
women want ridiculous amounts of attention and commitment, or maybe they fake
it thinking that’s what you want and then once they sleep with you they
disappear? I don’t know because it doesn’t work on me.
If I had to choose between dating in the year 2016 or kissing
lepers like Mother Theresa, I would take leprosy. Luckily I can just enjoy my life and be single and write blogs about the guys who disrespect and annoy me.
I am so over it. I
just want to put a big sign on my face saying “I murder people” just so I will be left alone.
