"Hey, I know we haven't met. Show me your boobs."

I was on Tinder a year ago, if you remember, for a week.  I laughed most of the time, got some great writing material, didn’t take it seriously, but in the midst of my laughter, I did make a couple of male “pen pals.” What I mean by this is that I found no reason to actually end up meeting them in person, we friended each other on Facebook, and shot a few texts back and forth. 

Now what I am about to say shouldn't be shocking because we know all about Tinder.  But believe it or not, you run into these situations regardless of where you meet a person. 

I haven’t talked to this one guy for a year because he blew it with me pretty much immediately.  He FaceTimed me when I said I was in bed.  He was obviously hoping I was naked. Instead, he found me in a pitch-black room.  I was cackling to myself because I am evil like that and I thought it was funny that I was in the dark and he couldn’t see anything.  I thought he was a disrespectful, desperate douche bag and I was no longer interested in giving him a chance.  Here’s the thing…I haven’t met you.  You have never bought me dinner.  You haven’t opened a door for me.  But I am going to FaceTime you naked? Come on now, douche bag.  Anyway, he randomly texted me last week.  I was polite.  Hi, how are you, thanks for asking….big mistake.  I was still not interested because of the FaceTime thing, plus he had stupid, cheap looking tattoos.  How did I know? Because HE was shirtless when he FaceTimed me.  So this past Friday, he asked me what I was doing on Saturday.  I said “Going to a Mardi Gras themed birthday party.”  He told me not to show my boobs to anyone and only he could see them.  SERIOUSLY?????  Come on!!! Who says that???

What the hell is wrong with people?

Here’s what I wanted to say to this guy:

1.)   I have never met you.

2.)   I can show my boobs to whomever I want because I don’t have a boyfriend and it sure as hell isn’t you. 

3.)   I am not the type that goes around showing my boobs to people even when I am “allowed.”

4.)   You’re disgusting. 

5.)   Your tattoos are lame.

I am just repulsed by these kinds of guys.  I wish I could say that he is the first man to talk to me like that, but he isn’t.  It’s almost like some men assume that all women want ridiculous amounts of attention and commitment, or maybe they fake it thinking that’s what you want and then once they sleep with you they disappear? I don’t know because it doesn’t work on me.

If I had to choose between dating in the year 2016 or kissing lepers like Mother Theresa, I would take leprosy.  Luckily I can just enjoy my life and be single and write blogs about the guys who disrespect and annoy me. 

I am so over it.  I just want to put a big sign on my face saying “I murder people” just so I will be left alone.