A Love Letter to Someone You Hate

My sister-in-law bought me this book for Christmas and I am so excited to start pulling from it.  I’ve been lucky for the most part and rarely experience writer’s block because I always seem to have something to say, even if it’s not important, which is irritating or superfluous to others at times, I am sure.  But even though I am rarely at a loss for words, I haven’t been writing at all and it’s because I have been reading a lot at night.   I realize and have possibly accepted (at least this month) that there is only enough time in my packed-full days to choose between the two. 

Laziness is so confusing to me.  Sure, I realize that not everyone is the same, but I do genuinely wonder how someone can stand being lazy when there are thousands of things to do before you die and no matter how motivated and busy and energetic you are, you still will never get to do them because of the time constraint.  I could live until I am 100 and still never come close to doing everything I ever want to do. This is actually a huge issue and struggle for me and it’s part of my New Year’s Resolution to try to just enjoy what I experience, choose between things without guilt, focus, and stop being such a perfectionist all the time, so I am sure I will be writing about it more. 

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to choose one of these 642 things to write about today since I am snowed in and have already read two books.  The first topic I chose was  “Write a love letter to someone you hate.” Muahahahaha!!!  Intriguing, except there is just one problem—I don’t hate anyone, honestly.  I dislike some people.  I am indifferent with some people.  But I don’t hate anyone.  So instead, I imagined what I would say if I were someone I love and was writing to the person who hurt them. I am usually more angry when someone I love is hurt rather than if it happens to me anyway. 

So here’s what I came up with…..

Dear Incredibly Talented Asshole,

It is amazing how beautifully you have perfected your tendencies to be a selfish, indecent person.  I want to applaud your ability to manipulate so meticulously, the will in which you must have in order to do it, and the speed at which you are able to throw yourself into a complete state of denial about how you make other people feel and how horrible your actions are.  I really must get some tips on how you sleep at night.  Ambien?  Melatonin?  Please share!!!  J  I want to tell you that I am in awe that you can wake up and look at yourself in the mirror knowing what your motives are.  It is truly one of the wonders of the world that no one has run over you with their car on purpose or by accident and because of your existence, I am a firm believer that karma is not a real force in the universe that you so blatantly shit on on the reg.  So thank you for clearing that up for me!!

Remember that time that you thought you could make yourself feel better by making me feel like nothing?  I want to tell you that I am thankful that you made me a better, stronger person and that in the end, I’ve got nothing but love for the entire crappy experience I had with you.  Thank you for being so despicable toward me that not even the sneaky, lying, trickster we refer to as nostalgia, can distort my memories of you.  Remember all the times that you left me not only high and dry, but also confused and crying and scared?  Remember putting me through the spin cycle?  Thank you for every single time that you hurt me and made me feel weak!  I am stronger today! 

I realize that I am being a tad bit passive aggressive right now because I do have some emotion left.  I have like .000009% craps to give left in my pocket and I do honestly apologize for that .000009%.  But this love letter is the last straw.  As soon as it’s mailed, I will never think of the stupid, illogical points you always seem to make in an argument…with EVERYONE.  I will never think about your annoying hats that I disregarded because I truly loved you and because love is as blind as Helen Keller was.  I won’t even remember the time you crapped your pants at Walmart and had to buy some $5 pants just to get home.  I won’t think about how much I hated when you said you read a book and in reality, you read 20 pages out of 300.  That isn’t reading a book, just so you know. It’s super annoying to me. AND FOR THE RECORD….the phrase is DENIAL IS NOT JUST A RIVER IN EGYPT.  NOT THE NILE!  You sound like an idiot and if you ever want a girlfriend, this should be corrected ASAP.  Finally, I want you to know that although I will never again think of you and feel any kind of emotion simultaneously, I will always have the strength that I gained from the marks you left on me.  And for that, you will always be remembered, Incredibly Talented Asshole. 

With Love,

Me.

P.S.  And stop singing Oasis like Oasis.  Wonderwall doesn’t have to be impersonated.