10 Appropriate Hobbies for the Stage 5 Clinger

Stage 5 Clingers make me wonder if I am getting it all wrong.  Maybe doing things like folding my socks and cleaning my hair out of the drain really aren't all that important.  Maybe being productive, having a life, talking to lots of different people and having my concentration on say, the road, really aren't necessary practices and what I should really be doing in life is having my fingers on the keyboard of my phone at all moments of the day prepared to send the next text the second that an irrelevant and boring thought oozes out of my brain.  

But then I realize I like folding socks better than talking to one person every other second of my life.  

Maybe what Stage 5 Clingers really need is a hobby or something to fill up their days.  I have come up with what I find to be a great list for them!

1. Puppetry Arts.  I think getting into the Art of Puppetry is a great idea for a Stage 5 Clinger. Why, you ask?  Because puppets aren't going to get bored or irritated when you tell them that you just put a piece of gum in your mouth or tripped on your own foot....a puppet will listen intently.  Just get one that has a smile sewn into his face and you are good to go!
2. Whittling Wood or Ice Sculpturing.  These hobbies take two hands and I assume 10 fingers.  They also take lots of concentration, or you will lose a finger and we all know you need all ten for texting, right? 
3. Journaling.  A journal isn't judgmental.  You can tell it how dull you are and it won't block you.  
4. Curling. Over-texting is about as useless as this sport, except the Olympics recognize it.  Why not get a medal for your useless activity? 
5. Memorize every line to "The Wizard of Oz."  I did it when I was three.  People thought it was cute. 
6. Pick up a new phobia.  I can't say for sure, but I think phobias are pretty time consuming, especially the ones about germs. 
7. Follow reporters around town.  Apparently this is a thing.  People step in the background of reporters just to get on TV.  I would imagine while being fixated on the news crew and where the camera is pointing, you would be too busy to text a person every 5 seconds.  
8. Collecting Ecstasy pills.  They're kind of like anime.  They're bright, they're all so incredibly different and vibrant.  It's fabulous.  
9. Practicing bubble letters.  Just go old school.  Nothing says obsessed like a 12-year-old girl planning her wedding on notebook paper.  But no one will know you're obsessed....because you aren't texting it.  See where I am going here with this?  
10. Listen to Nickleback.  Someone has to.  May as well be you.  

By the way, I love the term Stage 5 Clinger, but I also have one huge issue with it.  It was coined by someone who doesn't have a grasp on the Defcon system.  Defcon 5 is used at peacetime; Defcon 1 is used when we are on the highest alert in the most dangerous situations.  So if we were to stage the clinginess of a person, the most dangerous kind of clinger should actually be referred to as "Stage 1 Clinger"....but I didn't write Wedding Crashers, so oh well.  Pop Culture wins again.