Sex is so important in a relationship, otherwise you are just roommates. Yeah, I know, it isn't everything, but if you are minimizing it, I can almost guarantee you that your partner isn't. When you are not close physically, then you open yourself up to all kinds of things. This is the way I see it...when you are in a relationship, you should picture a big plastic bubble around you. When you poke holes in the bubble, you are leaving space open for outside influences to get into a space where only the two of you should be. When you don't spend time together and talk and have sex, you are poking little holes into your bubble. Sex is a physical and emotional need, and while it isn't everything, it is everything if someone is unhappy. If you are a person who happens to be more sexual or needs to snuggle and touch, you will be miserable without it.
If I piss people off, I guess it will be in the next paragraph...but first, before anyone thinks I am just taking one side and not considering the other, have you treated your significant other with respect? Are you trying? Or do you think it's just a right and they suck because you aren't getting any? When you are talking about someone's body, it isn't property, and just because you're in a relationship, doesn't mean you just have a right to it. You have to be connected and working on the relationship too. There are two sides to this. And just to clarify, I am not only talking about women. Men do the same thing and women complain about it. This is not a gender specific angle because some women need more sex than men, true, even if it's not always the norm. Boys, if you were a fly on a wall, what you would learn about girls...ok, anyway.....
Do I condone cheating? No. Absolutely not. I never have and never will cheat. I am too stubborn, honestly, to live a lie and fake it. It's wrong and not fair and I don't understand the point of it. BUT, I think it's equally bad and wrong to cut a person off and alienate them from affection. If you aren't sleeping together, chances are, the rest of your relationship is off and it's just a symptom, and all of that needs to be addressed. When you cut someone off and say "Tough. What are you going to do about it? I win, because if you cheat, you'll be the bastard and everyone will take my side", that's really wrong. You're setting someone up to fail and in my opinion, you'll have no one to blame but yourself when it happens. In fact, the other person, once they get over what they did, will know that you set them up (intentionally or unintentionally) and blame you too. A relationship is made of two people and checking out is not ok. Whatever the reason may be, you have to fix it. You can't just ignore it. Cutting someone off from an essential part of life, to me, is so unfair. Yes, sex is an essential part of life. Honestly, why lie about any of it? If I were no longer attracted to a guy because his personality turned me off or he put on 100 pounds, I would be honest about it at this point in my life. Lying gets no one anywhere. We just get touchy because it's a sensitive subject and fear that talking about it will hurt egos. Well, egos are already hurt. You aren't fooling anyone by faking headaches and sleeping on the couch. I once read a book called "The Power of a Praying Wife" and she talks about this. She says that even if you're tired or don't feel like having sex, you'll thank yourself later when you do. I totally agree.
To be cut off sucks, especially if you are trying and putting 100% into your relationship and it makes no difference and you see no results or effort. How does it feel to be cut off emotionally and sexually? You feel abandoned, frustrated, unloved, lonely, trapped, confused, tempted, dead, uninspired, and not to mention, you physically feel like crap. You can get grouchy and irritated, foggy, and I mean, do I need to mention horny? Yeah, I didn't think so. Men are apparently worse than women, thinking about sex like every 8 seconds, but I am not convinced that women aren't sometimes just as bad as men and I have said that before. Women get cranky and irritated too. The most important statement I can make is this....when you are cut off, you start to resent the person who did it to you, and then you naturally start to care less and less, and eventually what happens is that when the person finally offers it again, you don't even want it anymore. The person who did the cutting off is screwed at this point because the bubble has popped. Dangling the bait in their face won't matter anymore...
The ideal situation is for both people to care and start taping up the holes, one by one, every day, before it pops.
- Talk about it, whichever side you're on.
- Keep track of how long it's been, whichever side you're on. If you are married and have kids, it's very easy for a week or two to go by in life, and if you're actually paying attention, you might think "Wow. It's been two weeks, that's depressing". Maybe your partner didn't even notice, which sucks, I know, but keep track of when you do it so you can show that it's an issue. I heard about this couple who had sex every single day for a year. They were in trouble in their relationship and they decided to do it every day for 365 days. Well, even if that seems like a lot, I think the important thing, in my opinion, is that they made it a priority. Things always get better if you make it a priority and I'll bet they were closer after that year.
- This sounds silly because it's so obvious, but shave your legs and take a shower. Who wants to have sex when your legs are spiky? If you do it every day, then you're always ready and don't have an excuse. I am talking to the girls, obviously. Get dressed. Look cute. Treat your lingerie as clothes too because they are, actually. Match them. Look cute. And that's for you too, because you'll be more confident.
- Move. Exercise. The better you feel about yourself, the better your relationship will be.
- Get creative. Play. No one said anything about having to be on a mattress where sex is concerned, so if you're bored, move around. Do things that you would have done when you were dating or when you were a (bad, sinful) teenager. lol. But seriously. You have a trampoline? Go have sex on it. Go outside, hide in a closet, the car in the garage....just do something different.
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