11 Things That a Girl Should Master (According to Guys)

Since I wrote "11 Things a Guy Should Master" last week, I decided to be fair and write one for the women.  However, I am a girl, so I asked around on this one.  After the dust from all of the sexual jokes settled, I finally got real feedback, and yes, some of them are still about sex. You're welcome, guys.  I relayed your message.  Sex is important. 

1.  Cooking. "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach".   It's really simple.  It's a basic need and they tend to not be as complicated as we are.  They feel hunger pains, they want food, you give it to them, done.  You made their life better momentarily.  Go you.  My boys are already like this.  They always want to know when they are eating and what they're having.  Before I even finish a meal, it seems they're thinking about the next one.  Carson and Dylan gave me cards for Mother's Day and they said their favorite thing about me is that I make them food and I act silly.  Men feel nurtured and loved when we cook for them. 
2. Using your brain.  They appreciate a girl who can hold a conversation because it makes her more interesting and capable of being independent.  They really don't want someone who thinks and acts like an imbecile.  It's not a good look.
3. Being polite/having manners. Also in this category, being a sweet person and having a heart and positive attitude.  Even if they love you, if you're a nasty person, they will eventually get tired of it as the rest of the world does.  I sometimes wonder why guys seem to love bitches, but then I remember that they end up resenting them down the road.  It's not the way to go.  
4. Being Independent.  A lot of guys say this, but in my opinion, this one is tricky.  They want you to be independent, but they also want to feel needed.  Well, unfortunately, with independence, you gain the ability to survive on your own.  Instead of needing to feel needed, perhaps they should appreciate the fact that an independent person CHOSE them because they wanted them, not because they needed them, but I don't know.  I think what this means is that they don't want you up their ass all the time, but they still like feeling important when they want to.  I have asked guys and what they all say is that they love when you are independent, but don't be like "I can do it myself!"  and then push them away when they try to help.  I really don't know how to do a lot of "man" stuff, so I guess I could probably bank on this fact.  I don't know how to change a tire, put oil in my car, I hate snaking a drain and would probably do some pretty sick stuff to get out of it, but some girls are like total bad asses and really can change a tire and mow the lawn. 
5. Being classy.  Being classy....this can be anything from taking the high road to the way you dress.  It also goes hand-in-hand with #6.  They want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.  They don't want someone out acting like trash and embarrassing them, and they certainly don't want to worry about you banging their friends and getting into trouble.  I am sure that some will cringe if I say this, but you're kind of representing your man when you're out.  You know?  And men appreciate that.  I am all about being your own person and being independent, but if you are out acting like a whore, expect a guy to be embarrassed.  If you are causing drama and being an ass, that's also embarrassing.  Guys want to know that you can hold your own and that you are his girl.  It's not sexist, it's common sense.  
6. Sex. No one likes feeling like they are having sex with someone who got their drink spiked with Rufinol....well, unless you're a date rapist.  I mean, duh.  They want you to master sex.  Ground breaking.  Rule #1, don't be a dead fish.  Rule #2, DON'T read those stupid articles in fashion magazines written by a girl who just graduated from college and thinks she's a pro because she did too many keg stands at too many Frat parties and "the guys really liked it".  You want to know the truth and get the best feedback, ask a guy.
7. Blow Jobs.  This blog post is slowly becoming a list of crap that we already know. This is the easiest way to make a guy happy, but you have to have a heart about it.  What I mean is this...you know how you want a guy to want to do something?  You don't want to have to ask him or nag him to do the dishes.  You want him to want to do it because he loves you.  This is no different. Want to do it, and don't stop once you get married and you've sealed the deal.  That's like the ultimate betrayal to a man and one reason that guys fear committing.  It gives us a bad name too.  It's evil trickery.  
8. Look good, but be willing to get dirty.  I can be pretty girly.  I admit it.  I like everything to match, I like even my ponytail to look good, and I love dresses.  I like make-up and pink and my toes are always painted.  BUT, if you are like this, don't be a pain in the ass when you are dirty.  If you go camping, shut up.  Everyone is dirty.  You're not unique.  If you get rained on, big freaking deal.  You have to dry your hair because it got wet...that's what water does to hair.  Divas are really obnoxious.
9. Know when to shut the hell up.  I have to agree with this one.  Sometimes we keep talking because that's what we do and we really could just drop it and diffuse the situation, or at least give them a minute to process and assess how they feel.  We are better communicators, or worse, depending on which way you look at it. Plus, I think their brains are so different than ours and they process information very methodically.  I hope I'm not being condescending to men right now, but when we talk about feelings, that's intangible and they may not have ever had that emotion. So in my mind, it would be like if someone said to me "I saw a dillythumper and its color was prenuficent and then I jabberwalked it" not knowing what any of those things were, I would need a second to catch up and clarify before processing what had just happened.  I think men process what we say the same way.  You have to slow down, be concise, and shut up.  Let them process the information or you're just a chihuahua or like one of those parents on Charlie Brown. Whuuuum whuuuum whuuuum whuuuum.  You also hang yourself when you talk too much. 
10. Back rubs. This is totally unfair, by the way. A guy can give me a back rub and the square footage is smaller and his hands are bigger and stronger than mine, so I will never be as good at it. I am working with flimsy little appendages and like you know, 3 times as much square footage. They get tired faster and a man's back is harder.  I would probably be better at a back rub if I were to walk on you. 

I published this and realized I only listed 10 things.  Oops.  I should learn to count, that would probably be hotter.  TEN things that girls should master....